Slow Progress, Flagging Commitment

So how well did I do in February?

Using my averages, I lost less than two pounds for the month.  Considerably under my hopes.  I have excuses, of course. Even some good ones. But looking over the statistics, there are some real clues about what is going on.  There are some things I may be able to fix relatively easily, others will be harder.

First the excuses.  February was a weird month.  The snowiest on record for our area.  The snow created disruptions and displacements. It kept me house bound. It prevented most forms of outside exercise - everything except shoveling. Because it was so VERY deep, it made it impossible to struggle through to play much.  I could have used the opportunity to get on the NerdicTrak every day, and have a vigorous workout with the weights and floor exercises, but I passed most days. NOT a good month for the exercise stats.

Being housebound made eating more of an issue, all day every day.  I'm good on regular work days, because I don't have the choices or access to tempting food. There is often food around the office, but mostly it is (currently) easy for me to resist.  My early success made me arrogant about my ability to eat moderately of sweets; the weather made me rush to stores when possible and hoard up goodies for the snowbound days to come. I had only a couple of days where the eating was MUCH more than I planned, but those days took a toll. My evening snack has crept up, and stayed up, to be more than the 100 calories it should be.

Of course, emotional issues crop up and creep in, affecting my mood and then my tendency to eat or be a slug.  There were specific things this month, each novel and unique, that sometimes felt like punches in the stomach.  But that is always going to happen. Nothing this month rises in retrospect to the level of epic tragedy - more like normal life as a guardian of adolescents recovering from tragedy. I need to be resiliant in the face of these issues which will continue to appear with no warning. There is nothing in eating, or lying on the couch, that will make those situations better.

According to my detailed statistics, on average for the whole month, I expended 471 more calories than I consumed each day.  I only had three days where I ate more than I expended. I guess that kind of balance leads to the slow progress I'm seeing.

What have I learned that I can put to good use?  Several useful things that can be turned into new rules.

I do not have yet, and may never have, the self control to eat moderately of certain kinds of sweets in the house.  Rule:  Don't buy that stuff unless I intend to eat it all.

Moving frequently during the day - walking, housework, stairs, chores - has a greater cumulative impact on calories burned than twenty minutes on the NT followed by a day on the sofa.  Rule:  Get off my duff and move!

Aerobic exercising - NT, elliptical, walking, leads to clarity of mind and renewed sense of peace. Being outside especially nourishes my soul.  Rule:  walk outside as much as possible.

Knowing that I am reporting here, and that some people are reading it, is keeping me honest.  This post, for example, is motivating me to get up and start the day. I've got lots more thoughts on how to do better, but now its time to get going.  Rule:  keep posting - do not let more than a couple of days go by without reporting.

Diet and Exercise in the News

This morning, as I was sadly realizing I had dozed through my morning exercise opportunity, two different diet and weight related stories popped up on NPR.  Both indicate that weight loss and weight maintenance are going to be hard for me. Very hard. My body is working against me.

aging and muscles


This story tells us that as we age, our muscle cells wear out, don't replace themselves, and thus burn fewer calories. Therefore, eating the same number of calories results in weight gain. The good news is exercise makes the remaining muscle cells bigger and so we are able to counteract this effect some - and have an impact fairly quickly.

The next story explains that as you lose weight, your brain emotionally responds to food differently.

food response

After you have been dieting, visual cues of food give a much more emotional response than if you have not been dieting.  The deck is stacked against you - your emotions are telling you to eat up so you don't starve to death!  We are programmed to regain.

So I'm getting older, I've got fewer muscle cells to burn calories, and my brain is programmed to act like a three year old around cake.  Life is tough.  Susan Estrich would say, "so what?  It doesn't mean you get a free pass to be a fat blob just because it's getting tougher!"  And she's right. Life isn't fair. It is tougher for some people, but that's just the way it is.

And, in the serendipidous way the web works, I stumbled upon another story, this one about how truly beneficial it is for women to walk as they get older:

women and walking

This says, the more and faster you walk in middle age, the better your body and brain will be in your old age.  I think my mother is partly an example of how true this is.

So, good news and bad news.  And the impact on me from each story is I just have to keep working at it.

Outside Again

I love Spring! The Big Snow is still on the ground, but it has stayed above freezing and been sunny for the past couple of days. I took advantage of the good weather and got out there.

I love walking. The moment to moment level of exhertion is much less than the NerdicTrak or elliptical trainer, but I keep at it longer and find it very calming. The problem really is that it's so time consuming.

Today's walk was in Rock Creek Park, just a mile from my house. I got out there around 9:30 and the serious exercisers were out in force. Bike riders and runners in form fitting bright or black clothing zoomed by me. Most other walkers had dogs. (I'm sad my dog cannot handle the confusion of that scene). I walked for nearly two hours, not so very fast, but quite steadily.

I've never really gone running but I thought about it as I watched them go past. Am I too old to start the punishment of pounding on the pavement? A year or so ago, when I was in better shape, I did some interval run/walks on the treadmill while rocking out on the iPod and I liked it fine.

I really wish I could bike. A couple of years ago I bought a new one to start training for a big ride. The first time I went more than 10 miles my knees hurt for a week. Three repeats of that and I stopped trying. It could be the bike not fitting me. But my knees hurt fairly often these days anyway.

This was meant to be a happy post. I walked in the sunshine today and now I am tired and happy. I ate decently, and now it's bedtime.


- iPhone uPdate

I Have Been Here Before

Overall, I've had some success so far this year. Despite living in a disaster area (for so the President has decreed) I have managed to maintain some discipline. Despite this weeks stall, I can get back to more discipline and lose more weight.

Here is a slice of the graph showing my actual weight from New Year's Day to the present:

 

 Hard to follow out of context, I know, but the dots are my daily weights, and the line connects my average for the week.  The horizontal lines are 5 pound marks.  

But I've been here before. I looked back at the past year and was astounded to see where I was a year ago, and when last I was where I am now:

Again, the horizontal lines mark five-pound increments. So the weight I've lost since New Years - since I've been blogging about it - is the same weight I lost in October last year.  Basically, I'm ten pounds over where I was a year ago.

What happened last November to reverse my hard work and send the weight soaring again?  Halloween kicks of the "eating season", of course, that stretches all the way to New Years.  I think I had a real mental switch in November, where I decided that I was not going to watch what I ate. I sank into a real funk, and found it hard to hold on.  I decided I was only going to think about other things, and simply not pay attention to food or my body. I gave myself permission to indulge. I cooked and ate some things I hadn't eaten this millenium, since before The Big Loss. I held the family together through the holidays, but at a price.

I find it useful to have the reality check - to see where I've been to give me some perspective on where I'm going. It's certainly discouraging to see how I've gained all this weight in the past year. But the facts are the facts. It's frightening to see how fast the weight can pile on. I know I can take it off, but it requires constant focus and discipline. Just deciding that it doesn't matter will lead to total blobdom, and that is not good for anyone - including the family, not just me.

So looking at the graphs overall is motivating, at least since things are generally moving in the right direction right now.

The Potluck

Last night was the sailing club potluck. I did ok, with my current relaxed strategy of what constitutes "ok".  Beck is very severe on the concept of special occasions - because there are likely to be too many of them. Not just for the holidays, but for ordinary life as well. Therefore, its not ok to just say to yourself, "This is a special occasion and therefore it doesn't matter what I eat."  Of course it matters. The laws of physics are not suspended for special occasions.

Beck suggests several quite severe strategies: 1. Keep to your normal schedule and routines. Only put on your plate what fits within your calorie budget. Maybe even bring your own food and eat only that (easier to do at a potluck than other kinds of events).  2. Stay within your normal calorie budget, but eat a little bit less earlier in the day in order to save some calories (not many 200-300 only) for the event.  3. Decide you are going to allow yourself up to 300 extra calories for the event.  Know that means you are likely breaking even for the day instead of losing. 

She further goes on to caution its important to keep to the other disciplines - eat only while sitting down. Eat slowly and pay attention. Keep the inner dialogue going - remind yourself what your priorities are - I have decided to lose weight, it is important, and it is more important than the home baked bread sitting on the table.  And of course, survey the field and make your plans before putting any food on your plate.

I sort of went with strategy #3.  I ate a bit of my own food, standing up, but I had decided to do that. I ate a straight meal, with a big salad, one meat, a vegetable side, and one piece of the terrific bread. I also had one piece of cake. (I could have cut it quite a bit smaller and not felt deprived - something to think about.)  No alcohol. I had decided it was either dessert or alcohol and I went for the chocolate.

I did have a small piece of my special chocolate when I got home. So the total calories for the day were up more than 300... but I'm not dissatisfied with how I did.

This is all great training for the cruise. I need to think through again and again how I intend to handle that venture.

Plus and Minus

Up and down, plus and minus.

I crossed a 10 pound frontier a week ago. Definite progress. Feeling the success. Noticable in how my clothes fit. This despite my little treat each night. If I'm sucessful with a little treat, how about a bigger one? Why just one chocolate when they are so small, why not five? Go ahead, have the sixth.

Then I had a rough couple of days, emotionally. Hit with a problem with the kids, my first reaction was that I wanted to have Cinnabons for dinner. (but we didn't) Hit with more and conflicting emotions and too much time alone, I baked a cake.

I exercise. I meticulously log everything that passes my lips. Remorsely my device records how much I move-or don't move. Every morning the scale shows the actual impact. Creeping back up to the other side of the line.

Calories in minus calories out. I believe in the physics and math of it. On a daily basis, the results on the scale are more about salt and water and sleep. But over the average of a week, it's the physics that counts.j This week, for the first time since January, the average will be up week-over-week.

It's still down from where I started. And the plus can be turned back into a minus next week. My actions can be scored back into my credit category. Don't stop now!

- iPhone uPdate

Outdoors

I took the day off from work to be alone, but the absolute last thing I could stand was more time in my house, after being snowbound for days. I needed to exhaust myself physically. I needed to get outside! So despite a forecast of windy and cold, I got out of the house with no particular destination in mind. Washington, DC is actually a great place for those who love the outdoors. There are many destinations close at hand with beautiful man or nature made views.  I wasn't up for something too rugged - I wanted to walk, not scramble or climb.  But I wanted to be alone, so  a tour of the monuments was out of order.

With sudden inspiration, I headed to Great Falls National Park, the Maryland side, at the C&O Canal. The canal is a national park that is 185 miles long by half a mile wide, incorporating the old canal and towpath that parallels the Potomac River all the way from Georgetown in DC to the heights of the Appalachians just over the ridge from Pittsburgh. The particular place I was going is less than 20 minutes from home. I have been there many times, but not recently and never with snow. I had been looking at old photos, and there was one memorable golden day in August 1998 that was beautifully captured on film, and I wanted to be there now.

As often happens after a storm, it was sunny, crisp, and not quite as windy as forecast. Before leaving I hesitated over my footware: Big snowboots? Wellingtons for wet? but I finally decided on my light but sturdy trail runners.  A couple of years ago, I did serious walking - training for and then participating in a two-day, 40-mile, Avon Walk for Breast Cancer.  I learned then that any walking above a mile or two really requires very good footwear, and these shoes had my custom orthotics. In deference to the wind, I wore a jacket instead of my preferred vest so my arms could stay warm. I stopped first at a WholeFoods and got a light hot breakfast and future provisions. I had my watchcap and a couple of choices of gloves.

There was no ranger at the gate and there were only a couple of other cars in the parking lot, but the rangers had been blowing the nearby paths mostly clear. Perfect!  There was a layer of slick snow on everything, but no deep snow to wade through.  I had no desire to get my feet wet, and would have turned around if that had been the case.

The first thing I did was take the boardwalk over to look at the Falls themselves. I stood my myself in the sun and contemplated the raw power for a while. Then I set off down the towpath, with no goal in mind. There was a nice foot trail beaten down, with a cross country ski track next to it. I discovered that stepping off the beaten path resulted in the foot plunging a foot or more through soft wet snow, so I stuck with the trail. It was so bright, my glasses were nearly black, so they went in my pocket. I had to keep my eyes down, rather than looking around, because it was slick and uneven. I wasn't walking fast, but I was walking steadily.

I warmed up enough to shed first the gloves, then the hat, and finally even to unzip the jacket. It was so lovely to feel the sun on my face and hands, and to feel it warming my black jeans. My mind was occupied by the simple task of staying upright.  In several places, the heavy snow had knocked trees down across the path and I had to clamber over or through their branches. I saw raccoon tracks in the snow, and was pleased not only at their existence, but at my ability to recognize them surely, and not mistake them for dog tracks. I saw a bald eagle, and saw and heard the carolina chickadees.  As I kept going, I realized I had in fact been there just last fall, but had come up from the other direction by kayak. I had reached a place known as "Wide Water", a natural basin the canal route took advantage of. I yearned for kayak season and more time on the water, remembering looking eye to eye with a great blue heron, right below where I was standing.

The reason I exercise is so I can do these things. I was there to exercise, but I exercise to be able to be there.

Finally I had to turn around.  Often, the limits of my outdoor exploits are determined by the location of the nearest bathroom, which was back by my car.  I found myself facing into a rising wind on the way back, and discovered I was slipping and sliding a good deal more. Was I tired, had the sun made the snow more slick with water, was I looking up and out more than down at my feet?  Yes, yes, and yes. I passed a few people heading in the other direction as I got back, most with dogs.  I had been out for more than two hours.  I stayed warm enough, and gladly ate my portable cold lunch as I cranked up the car stereo before heading back.