May Check-in

Me, in mixed white stripes on a sunny day.
It's important to have contrast, thus red shoes.
And for accessories, my black-and-white dog.

Today starts my 13th week on the weight loss meds. I started February 12. How am I doing? So far, so good! Things are going pretty well!

As of today, I've lost about 15 pounds. This is fuzzy, because I waffle on what my starting weight was. My weight is volatile on a daily basis. But since there is no official registry of my weight or weight loss, I have decided to measure from the single highest weight I have been this year, on January 24. That was right after my January vacation and about three weeks before I started the drug. But it's a choice that makes me feel good, because it shows today's numbers in the best light. And who am I accountable to for this? No-one, that is! So let's go with the feel-good choice!

Speaking of feelings, how do I feel overall? Pretty good, that's how! This is a big change from a couple of weeks ago. I got home from France having over-exerted myself and with a head cold, and felt crummy throughout the body a lot of the time. My internet buds tell me often the GLP-1 drugs lead to a decrease in arthritis swelling and pain, both for rheumatoid and osteo forms (I have osteo). But I felt crummy throughout my joints and muscles, all.

But that was two weeks ago! Now, I feel SO much better! What am I doing that might be helping this? 

- Prioritizing sleep. Rigorous go-to-bed times. On those occasions I'm awake in the middle of the night, tossing and turning, and I end up with less than six hours sleep, I take a nap. But that's happening less, the past couple of weeks. I've racked up some super slumber time.

- Prioritizing exercise. I've been doing a functional strength workout with a trainer twice a week for some time now, but I'm pushing myself harder and volunteering for heavier weights. And, significantly, I've added back a cardio component. I did this in February, then fell off the bandwagon in March and early April. On the trip, I was appalled at how out of shape I was for all the walking I did. So back onto a cardio machine four times a week now. It's for just 15 minutes right now, but I'm pushing my heart rate up high and keeping it there for most of the time. After three weeks of this, I'm able to keep up a much higher intensity for most of the ride. Nothing motivates me quite like actually seeing the improvement!

- Taking a supplement and a longer-term anti-inflammatory. For my frequent body pains, I take tylenol. I can't take ibuprofen because it ruined my stomach. Tylenol helps quickly with pain, but does nothing to change the underlying condition. But let's not discount dealing with the pain! I also had in my medicine cabinet from my knee doctor a vial of a prescription anti-inflammatory, Celebrex. It doesn't act quickly, but over time it is supposed to be very good at treating inflammation. I've got a couple of months supply on hand for daily consumption. In addition my doctor recommended, in an off-hand way, taking a supplement I'd never heard of, Co Q10. I still don't know what it does or how it does it, but I'm taking it daily. Of course I've googled it, but evidence on supplements is scarce and shaky. But it doesn't seem to be hurting me, at least.

Sleep, exercise, and tylenol make me feel better right away, and the first two also have longer-lasting positive impacts. But I'm not sure I'd stick with them without the immediate impact. I've always had a hard time believing in the impact of vitamins, supplements, and long-term remedies. You have to take them on faith, faith in the science and studies. But tracing how I feel right now to these longer term remedies is tenuous at best.

So I feel good right now! Yay! But I am suspicious, and I don't trust that this will continue. But I'm continuing with both the supplement and the drug, as an experiment. It's an experiment with a flawed design, since I changed a few things at once. But just in case it's making a difference, I'll continue for now. 

They say that 15 pounds is about a clothing size. The truth is, I was in denial about how heavy I was for the past year - I assumed I'd lose the weight in a week a or two. So I had bought very few clothes for my large size, and instead wore clothes that strained a bit. So now, those clothes are fitting much better! 

My wardrobe in retirement consists mostly of clothes in which I can hike, garden or sail. I have in my closet wedding/fancy clothes, but not much of nicer but not dressy clothes. When we went casual at work many years ago, I was wary of specific prescriptions of what constituted suitable clothes. I suggested a test: if, when you got home, you were going to mow the lawn, change the oil on your car, whip up a huge batch of floury bread from scratch, or hike a few miles on the Appalachian Trail, and you didn't feel a need to change from your office attire first, then your office attire was incorrect. Those very slightly nicer clothes are the ones I've been digging out of my closet and trying on. The picture at the top is an example. I'm still not sure I'm suited for white clothes, because my impulse to just drop to my knees outside and start pulling weeds is somewhat incompatible. I don't want to look like a fashion plate, but I'm trying to not look like I'm about to hike when all I'm doing is meeting someone for lunch.

Report Card

 The last time I published a report card was in January of last year, looking at 2022. I actually have kept up tracking myself primarily through apps and devices, and from time to time I sit down and go through the data trying to glean some meaning or insights. I haven't felt like I've learned that much recently, certainly not something worth sharing. I still haven't got any wisdom to share, and it's not that pretty a picture, but the data is what the data is, and there is a certain value in simply showing it. Keeps me honest with myself.

First, to get it out of the way, my weight is high and stable. No need to share a graph. I gained a bunch of weight in 2022 (Fuck You, Intuitive Eating!) and it's stayed on. I haven't been motivated to any kind of a big push to change it. And it's been remarkably stable - plus or minus four pounds. I do plan and track my food most days, but it's more part of planning how to spend my time than trying to morph it into fewer calories. And then, keeping me conscious of what I'm doing, to do away with mindless eating. I still weigh myself every day and it gets recorded on the internet, for whenever I feel like reviewing the history in detail. I chuckled one day recently when I got up and peed several times during the night and found the next morning I was two and a half pounds down from the day before! That's why I can't get excited about day-to-day fluctuations, the range I'm seeing is just water weight. 

First up: Activity. As always, darker is better. January was knee recovery time, and I give myself a pass for everything but workout days. My "workout days" focus on functional fitness, either in my home gym or with physical therapy (my PT experience the past couple of years has been a solid hour of working out followed by 15 minutes of massage and stretching). With PT from the knee replacement added to working out in the home gym, I was really doing a lot. It also paid off, as now my calories and steps are back to where they were last year (which was NOT a stellar year for activity, I admit). The walking mileage shown here is from taking a deliberate walk where I activate my GPS, not an accumulation of steps during the day. I'm currently pretty active in the house and garden, which keeps my steps up, but I haven't been feeling the walk as a way to spend time (and I only do short and slow training walks with the dog, not worth tracking.) I've added a new row since the last time I posted, "stand time". My apple watch tracks this - how much time do I spend on my feet all day. It seems worth looking at, since my goals involve being less sedentary. Here, I'm moving in the right direction!

Next, some health parameters. These are both controllable and uncontrollable things. The big worrying trend is migraines, which are up. I have fallen off the meditation bandwagon, and that might be a contributing factor. But my doctor thinks that perhaps allergies are acting up - and there is a connection between respiratory inflammation and migraines. So I'm trying to be more faithful on OTC allergy remedies. "Alone days" (still looking for a better descriptor) are days I don't talk to anyone. I might be texting or emailing, but it only counts if I talk to someone either in person or on the phone. I really enjoy days on my own, but I am aware it is not healthy to have too many. And besides, I enjoy my family, friends and neighbors! I continue to be a sleep champion, with a normal seasonal variation of less sleep with longer daylight hours. (These sleep hours are separate from time in bed, as the watch purports to distinguish between lying awake versus truly asleep. I am awake at least 45 minutes during the course of the night - but apparently, that is less than average for a woman my age.) Heart rate variability is meant to be an overall measure of stress, with a high number being better. I haven't been looking too much at it, but the apple watch keeps track, so I decided to add it to the list. Resting heart rate, as a reminder, measures resiliency, with a lower number better.

Lastly, how do I spend my leisure time? (Ok, it's all leisure time. I do a minor amount of volunteer work, but I'm not tracking that here.) This whole category is not necessarily "more is better", but it is what it is. I also struggle with whether the "year" column should show an average of the months, or a cumulative total for the year. It's currently a mixed bag. I've actually wanted to read fewer books this year, because I read a lot of fluffy entertainment and it gets in the way of doing more productive things. My TV watching is up recently, as I indulged myself with a season of my only reality TV show, "Below Decks". I haven't been watching movies, neither at home nor out. I have been traveling a modest amount this year, more shorter trips, which is suiting me right now. And I'm hoping for more sailing, as my partner has retired, which multiplies the number of possibilities of aligning our two schedules and the weather.

So that's the story in numbers. Looking at this does motivate me to move, so I'm off to do that now.

Excelsior!

Let's Put 2022 to Bed

 Let's wrap this puppy up. While I didn't do a lot of posting about the metrics of my life, I did keep up my spreadsheets and graphs. I find it is helpful to have a "just the facts" look at how my life is unfolding. Memory is unreliable, and these numbers tell a story.

Here is 2022 by month, and yearly totals for the last four years. In general, darker is better. 
I put migraines in red and reversed this (darker is worse).  And in the bottom (yellow) section, I'm not sure more is always better - more books, for example, is not always better.

 The whole overview of the year is above, complete with context from prior years. Looking first at the yearly trends, look at the first section - activity measures. It's been downhill since 2019 (when I retired partway through the year). But I managed to turn around the downhill trend on some of these things - 2022 was more active by some measures than 2021. This was and is a hard fought battle. I didn't bike at all, I ran one whole mile, but I did get out there and walk! But not every day, by no means. I had more low activity days (days with less than 5,000 steps) than ever before, by a fairly wide margin.

The next little section shows the sad story of my weight - after holding it steady for the previous three years, I put on fifteen pounds and tied with my previous all time high. Let's just leave that there for now.

The next section contains some measures of wellness. I fell off the formal meditation bandwagon big time, this year. I believe I incorporate moments of mindfulness throughout my life in ways I didn't before I started meditating, but I don't sit for a practice much any more. In fact, many of the times I show I meditated, I put on a recorded meditation in the middle of the night in order to try to get back to sleep. In good news, migraine hours continue to decline! Two months with NO MIGRAINES at all! Woohoo! Sleep is relatively steady, and resting heart rate bounced around during the year, but the overall average didn't change that much.

The last section tracks various enrichment things. Again, these are not necessarily the most important things, but are things that are relatively easy to track and do show some softer aspects of my life. I was a reading machine this year, I wish I'd seen more movies, I hardly blogged at all, and likewise I failed to enjoy the delights of the city and city friends. But I traveled a lot, and I got a decent amount of sailing in. 

I've found the story of the ups and downs of the year are best captured in a graph of my daily steps throughout the year.

The dots are the daily step totals. The dark blue line is a running monthly average, and so shows the longer term trend hidden within the noise of daily variation. The lighter blue line is a running weekly average, so shows a shorter term trend than the monthly one.

So follow along the graphlines to read the story of my year. We start with an optimistic and motivated January, with several very busy days, followed by a steady decline in late winter and early spring as the bad weather and my bad knees dragged me down. There were some high points, but the trip to the Utah desert in March was disappointing as the weather kept us in. The weather got better during spring in Maryland, and I went out to California in April and I walked my brains out. Back home, I tried to get off the couch to train for my trip to the Nordic Isles in June and July, but pretty much I just hoped for the best and as a result I failed to enjoy the trip as much as I could have. I overused my knees and was often in pain.

I vowed to do better for my planned trip to Greece. We see a steady increase in average steps, facilitated by cortisone shots in my knees at the end of August, and steady physical therapy during September and October. Greece went really well, until I got covid. 

So the rest of the year was in the cellar, with constant struggles to get off the couch and move. The month of December has the lowest average steps of any month in years. It also has the most number of very low activity days. So I went on some walks, but consistency is lacking.

Steps are clearly a proxy for overall activity, but I think it's a pretty good substitute. I know that studies have shown that there is a clear relationship between few steps and all-cause mortality. From 4,000 steps a day to 8,000 steps a day, there is a clear relationship where more steps and better health are very tightly correlated. This is a correlation, and there is NOT a clear demonstration that moving from fewer steps to more steps results in better outcomes. It could be that folks in an unstoppable decline walk less. Is there such a thing as an unstoppable decline?

I don't want to end on a sour note, so let me say that right now, in the beginning of January, I feel pretty good, and very motivated to keep moving. I know deeply that moving more makes me feel better - there can be a virtuous spiral upward. So let's leave last year behind us, with maybe a few lessons learned, and go forward to the new year.

Report Card

 I have continued to compile and look at statistics about me. It helps motivate me to look at the actual data of what I have done versus what I remember doing. I like to know if I am moving more or less, how I'm spending my time, what I'm doing to take care of myself. My memory is fallible, so actually entering the data into a spreadsheet is helpful. Turning it into a picture can be even more helpful. But then I need to look at the data and figure out what story is it telling me? What can I learn from what I've been doing in order to do better?

So herewith is part of my report card through July. On the individual months, more green is better. On the comparisons of years, the darker blue is better. I've had to play with the sizing, so the numbers may be hard to read. Luckily, the actual number matters less than the relative colors (darker is better, except red is bad). If you are on a phone, turn it sideways.

ACTIVITY

By any way you look at it, I'm less active this year than the two previous years. In fact, it's been a pretty steady decline each year. The one thing that is better this year than last year (so far) is the amount of working out (strength and flexibility) I'm doing. After the gyms closed last year, I lost focus. But now I'm working with my trainer twice a week, via video.

To focus on this year, I really worked to get in shape in May, to get ready for my big offshore voyage to Bermuda. (See Kedging It works!).  My mileage and steps were up significantly from the previous months. June has very few steps, at least partly because I had a whole week on a 100 foot long ship - not so much walking required! July steps reflect not only my daily efforts but also a couple of really long hikes in Maine. I'm aiming at averaging above 8,000 steps in August, at least until I get back aboard that big ship. The "miles walked" records deliberate walks, where I start up my GPS to track the distance. So I could have a fair number of steps if I get them just incidentally while going about my business during the day, but a very low number of miles. You can see by the high number of miles in May that I really went about deliberately getting those steps in. 

Mental Health

 I tend to meditate when I feel bad. In January, it was dealing with migraines. In May, it was dealing with the tsunami of anxiety I had about the upcoming voyage. I had been hopeful that my migraines were on the run, when I got socked in July after both vacations. In other news, I'm sleeping less, but that is actually a very normal pattern for the summer when it stays light so long. My resting heart rate increase probably reflects both the decrease in my aerobic conditioning as well as my high anxiety during vacations. (They make me anxious, but I want to do them. I've decided "thrilling" is my word - I'm scared, excited, and happy.)

Amusements

 I am a master of distraction. I am reading, listening, and watching rather than doing things pretty often. I had actually set myself a Goodreads target of fewer books this year than last, because I think I spent too much time curled up with a book rather than getting up and doing things. But I also set myself a target of more movies, and after the Oscars surge I let that slide. I'm now, when casting about for "what next" in my unstructured life going to my list of movies I want to watch. (I didn't keep track of movies in 2019.)

I added something new here: number of days away. I went back and reconstructed 2019 and 2020 travel - pretty easy, since there wasn't that much. I don't have a target, but I do want to be aware. It turns out that I slept at home in my own bed every single night from March 1, 2020 (after the Brooklyn Bash) until I boarded the ship in Baltimore in June 2021. Wow. But I'm making up for lost time now!

Did I mention I'm doing another Pride of Baltimore II voyage? At the end of August, from Boston to Baltimore. I'm hopeful my anxiety this time around will be much less, since I have such a good idea of what I'm getting into. And it's another kedge to keep me moving!

2020 Report Card and Final Wrap-Up

 Herewith is my final report card for the year. After this, 2020 begone! I'm only looking forward!

 

First up: Activity. This past year was not great for my moving. Kim's friend Chris would be sad for me. I expended fewer calories overall, had fewer high activity days, fewer steps, more days very sedentary, and what I'm saddest about, many fewer days working out with weights. I got the bike out once, and tried running once. Only in "intentional miles" walking am I up slightly - and I think that is because I was more assiduous in tracking those miles. (In order to be logged, a "walk" needs to be at least 1 1/2 miles - no counting the incidental miles in the course of living my life.)

I have reasons and excuses, of course. The main one is I felt bad much of the time. Joint and muscle pain, headaches, upset stomach, all the things that are elusive and not subject to definitive diagnosis or fixing. But I'm extremely optimistic that I've now got a firm grasp on the mind-body approach to this, and this next year will be much better. 

 Next, my weight. I didn't achieve any big goals here, but I guess in the quarantine context I'm doing ok. I weigh slightly less than last year at this time, and (not shown) slightly more than I did in November, my lowest point of the year. Not coincidentally, I'm planning and tracking food much more often. I'm also really tuning into my hunger and satiation signals. I think I'm on the right track here, and again, I'm optimistic things will be even better next year.

 

On mind-body, it's a mixed picture. Not shown or tracked, I started serious therapy this year for the first time ever. First, in January, for twelve weeks I was in a structured (zoom) group, and following that, I started individual therapy over facetime. What I'm doing is geared towards somatic issues, specifically to address those with chronic pain of the types I have. On those things I do track, I'm meditating, less than last year (huh, if I didn't track it, I would have guessed different). My migraines are up for the year, but there were NONE in December and I think this is an effect of the emotional work I'm doing to re-train my brain. I am generally a champion sleeper, I certainly have plenty of time. My resting heart rate, which generally shows an overall fitness level, is slightly better than last year.

On the category I might term "self-actualization", if you are a regular reader, you know for sure I was a reading fool this year. I blogged more than last year, less than I would have liked. I started tracking "trips downtown" last year after I retired - generally trips last year were social, catching up with former work friends. Most of this year's trips were solitary dawn walks, reminding myself the city even exists. It feels like I sailed a lot this year, but seeing that it's less than last year, it must feel like more because it stands out so clearly in such a mass of otherwise undifferentiated days. Other accomplishments include a tap dancing class at the local community college (surprisingly effective over zoom) and several seminars and on-line short courses. I also got into sewing masks, and really engaged on the design and engineering creativity side while doing it.

I think I'm going to add movies watched to this list for next year - I would like to see a movie a week. This seems so very do-able, and I find setting a quantitative goal and reporting it here would be helpful. I want to do even more classes and short courses, tap class again, and sit down at my piano sometimes. I don't know I'll be tracking quantitatively here, though tracking can be part of the reward system that encourages me to keep going. I aspire to travel, but you know...

On the money front, I've spent some time working on the budget. My goals for this year were to get a handle on where the money goes, and specifically to reduce costs on food and clothes. Missions accomplished! This is the one area where the quarantine really helped. I cut food spending by 25%, mostly because I'm not eating out. Clothing was down by more than a third. (There was really no reason for me to buy any clothes at all this year, but I get bored and just want something new.) 

As another couple of money accomplishments, I did a final distribution to my family of the money from my mother's estate, and cut down on the number of different bank accounts I have. My mother's probate estate was something of a nightmare to deal with, and the IRS combined forces with the US Postal Service to screw some things up that created a great deal of angst for me. So when I close the estate's last bank account next week, I'm going to do a happy dance.

I tend to be analytic and want to be intentional about how I live my life. My current focus is trying to engineer my days to build good routines. When do I do what kind of exercise or other work? I've learned about habit formation so I'm thinking about this as another design challenge. What is my trigger to make me go work out? What might be the barriers? How can I make it easier to start? I know I hate going outside on days like today (grey and drizzling) so what can I do to get over the hurdle? Or is there something I can do indoors instead? Stay tuned!

Summer Report Card

Here is the July and August updates to the report card. I feel better about this than I did in June. Remember, more green is better, and we want more red in the 2019 column than the 2020 - the red indicates the worse average.

First, Activity:

	Jan	Feb	Mar	Apr	May	Jun	Jul	Aug		2020	2019
Avg Calories Exp	1,847	1,959	1,839	1,799	1,894	1,837	1,872	1,849		1,862	1,930
Days >2,000 cal	8	10	6	7	12	5	4	4		7	10
Avg Daily Steps	8,050	8,950	6,706	6,934	7,808	8,217	9,132	8,023		7,978	8,811
Days <5 span="" steps="">	9	6	8	8	7	6	7	4		7	3
Miles Biked	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-		-	1
Miles Walked	25	22	14	21	13	29	54	31		26	23
Miles Run	-	-	-	3	-	-	-	-		0	4
Workout Days	13	10	5	1	9	2	3	4		6	11

I was a champion walker in July, enough to bring up the yearly average to beat last year. But, now I've reverted back to a more "normal" number of miles, but this is still a focus. If I can't do anything else, at least I can walk. And sometimes in July, that is all I did for the day. The number tracked here is "intentional" walking - go out the door for a walk and track it - as opposed to steps that just happen as I go about whatever is happening in my day. Steps overall are up, which is a good thing. I still need to consciously work out, body weight and with weights. I know I've lost strength.

Weight, and food tracking:

	Jan	Feb	Mar	Apr	May	Jun	Jul	Aug		2020	2019
End Weight (trend)	167	167	165	165	165	164	163	163		164	167
Days Food  Tracked	27	16	19	11	25	25	23	18		21	4

This is one area where I am doing better than last year, because it is something I'm focused on. I am not just tracking after the fact, but planning out what to eat in advance for the day. (This also helps to reduce waste, as I pay attention to what I have already in the fridge.) Mostly, I'm just paying attention to whether I am truly hungry or not. Because I have the privilege of nearly totally setting my own schedule, I can eat whenever and whatever I want. I do not eat anything I don't like, and mostly try to only eat things I really really like, not just "ok". I try to be careful on portion sizes I dish out, because stopping before the plate is clean is very very difficult for me. Truly, I am shocked at how little it takes to fill me up if I slow down and eat mindfully. I am eating sweets I like every day, sometimes more than I planned. If I were able to cut back on the indulgence to more reasonable amounts, the weight would come off faster.

How's my head been?

	Jan	Feb	Mar	Apr	May	Jun	Jul	Aug		2020	2019
# Min Meditate	215	155	144	135	120	117	213	138		155	222
# Times Meditate	14	18	15	9	12	14	26	31		17	21
Migraine Hours	22	38	28	35	29	3	44	15		27	14
Sleep Hours	7.8	7.5	7.7	7.7	7.6	7.4	7.3	7.3		7.5	7.2
Resting Heart Rate	61	61	61	61	60	60	60	59		60	62

This is mixed. I'm meditating more now than at the beginning of the year, partly because both my therapy and my mindful eating lend themselves to that. I'm also doing a lot more informal checking into my body. Migraines aren't great, and probably somewhat related, my sleep isn't great either. I'm still sleeping more than last year, and I've come to realize how sleep deprived I was when I was working. My resting heart rate is down, which is good. Fitbit reports most people who stay at home for covid have had their resting heart rate go down, which is not expected as exercise and fitness is supposed to be the driver of lower heart rates.

How about things I do for fun?

	Jan	Feb	Mar	Apr	May	Jun	Jul	Aug		2020	2019
# Books Read	8	9	14	19	14	14	20	13		14	6
# Blog Posts	4	5	12	9	13	10	8	3		8	6
# Trips downtown	0	1	1	0	0	0	2	1		1	2
# Days Boat	1	0	1	0	2	2	3	2		1	2

I am a reading fool this year! I slowed down on the blogging (trying to get back to it). Obviously, I didn't go downtown for a few months - those trips I show recently were either ferrying one of the kids between here and middle boy's apartment, or else a dawn solo walk. Sailing is a bright spot - while we are not doing any overnight trips this year, we are regularly getting out, at least ever other weekend.

Lastly, money.

	Jan	Feb	Mar	Apr	May	Jun	Jul	Aug		2020	2019
Total Food Spend	$   487	$   513	$   806	$   721	$   667	$   474	$   571	$   669		$   614	$   872
Groceries Spend	$   380	$   358	$   646	$   476	$   610	$   386	$   509	$   424		$   474	$   611
Clothes Spend	$      -	$   364	$   181	$      -	$   301	$   214	$   132	$     42		$   154	$   178

I still spend a ridiculous amount of money on food and groceries for a person alone (hello, Whole Paycheck!). I'd blame some of it on stockpiling. I still have reserves - after six months, it's time to look at expiration dates and eat the stuff that won't keep forever. At least I'm spending less than last year. And, as my weight has gone down slightly, I haven't felt quite as much need to buy new clothes that fit my fatter size. How many pairs of yoga pants can a person have? You might be surprised. I haven't focused on other budget line items too much, but if I want to feel really good, I might have to look at how little I'm spending on gasoline!

In the words of my girl, I'm pretty sure no one really cares about these numbers like I do, but it gives me a sense of accountability to not only track this, but also post it. I think the formatting will not look great on other computers, but I spent more than I planned fiddling with this, and I'm done for now.