Full Scandi

I've decided to go Full Scandi(navian) this winter. I've decided to embrace the dark and the cold. And to do that, I'm all in on the warm and cozy clothes and blankets. I want to get out there every day, but dressed so that I can enjoy being out there. This is only partially motivated by my planned trip in January to the far north of Norway, into the polar night. It's also just a way of coping with the inevitable slog through this season. 

For the trip, I've got a new waterproof as well as warm coat, and a new pair of waterproof boots with a great luggy sole, for tromping through uncleared snow drifts. I already had a lot of wool clothes - I ol pants. I've got a couple of polar fleece sweaters, one pair of fleece-lined nylon pants, two pairs of long johns (excuse me, "base layers") and many wool and fleece hats and neck gaiter-scarves. I'm happy for the cold weather and today's snow as a chance to get out there and see what works. 

I went out for a walk at about 7:30 this morning, just as a full-on blizzard was starting. It was enchanting! The boots worked well, easy enough to get on and off, easy to walk in. I'd taken the hood off my coat, and wore just a hat instead. I was wearing a neck gaiter, and it got damp from snow coming down around the edges of my collar. The lined pants stayed dry on the inside. It only took a couple of blocks to realize I would be too warm if I kept going up hills. I circled around the hood, and after about a mile I ran into the neighborhood parents and kids at the elementary school bus stop. I stayed and chatted - the bus was runnng very late, so I was there for 20 minutes, giving the layers a chance to show how well they kept me warm when just standing around. I suspect my trip will have a lot of standing around, looking up at the sky.

Yesterday in contrast was sunny and cold, and Bixby and I took a very brisk walk around the 'hood. I was a fountain of energy around the house, spurred on by the sunshine. It was invigorating! There was a huge full moon last night, and Bixby and I took a few minutes to enjoy it outside. But I was pleased at the prospect of a darker day today, and planned nesting-type chores, slow cooking, and a fire in the late afternoon to keep things cozy. I have no appointments, no-one needing me today.  I filled up my on-hold queue for ebooks and audiobooks at the library this fall, with long-term wait periods - six weeks, 12 weeks, even 20+ weeks. But a whole slew of them have come through at once in the past week or so. I have to hunker down and read for real, not just fritter time on tiktok or bluesky. The audiobook that came through this afternoon turns out to be 32 hours long! I'm not sure I'll be able to pay attention that long! But with a fire in the fireplace to tend, and lego flowers and some coloring books, I can sit and listen a lot.

Every morning starts with stepping outside with my cup of coffee to admire the sky dressed only in PJs while Bixby uses his nose to catch up on overnight vistors to the yard. (I'm channeling my inner Cecilia, an Instagrammer who lives in Svalbard and does the same, in colder weather and with much more spectacular views.) I'm eating my ryecrisp toasts, and smoked salmon, and brown goat cheese. My homemade dishes tend towards cabbage and potatoes and savory lentils with coconut and curry. Hot tea appears in the evenings, sometimes with a slug of whiskey. I would really like to bake, but it doesn't fit with my current eating goals. Still, my girl is coming over tomorrow and there may be cookies in her plans, along with the Christmas decorating.

I'm definitely going for my maximum hygge. 

How Active Am I Really?

Or, Keeping Myself Honest

One of the reasons I started this blog is because I know how fallible my memory is. I cannot rely on my memory of how active I've been, what I've eaten, or how much I weighed in the past. I've been thinking that I'm pretty content with my fitness level. For a while this spring, I felt strong! This feeling is absolutely real, but it has faded over time. Now, I feel mostly ok, but I know I'm doing so much less than I used to do.

When I retired, I developed a report card for myself.  It tracks a variety of things about my life, from how many steps I take to how many books I read. I don't keep it up rigorously every month, but I actually do keep track of all of the components to be able to bring it up to date whenever I decide to update it. The last time I posted about the report card was about a year ago, where I only posted the comparison to the year before. Because I was still within six months of knee surgery, I gave myself a pass on the activity statistics, which at that point were looking not too bad.

Well, yesterday's comprehensive review of the data revealed a different picture. I looked over a longer period time - basing everything on 2019, when I retired halfway through the year. Pretty much every single way I look at activity has gotten significantly worse, trending further down each year. Sigh. I slice and dice my data, looking at different measurements, averages and peaks and valleys, but it pretty much tells the same story. 

What do I track? Here are my activity measures:

• Average daily calories
• Days with more than 2,200 calories (very active days)
• Average daily steps
• Days with less than 5,000 steps (very inactive days) 
• Stand time in minutes (new in 2023 with Apple)
• Minutes rowing (new in 2023)
• Minutes stationary bike (newly tracked last year after knee surgery)
• Minutes Nordic Track  (new this year)
• Miles walked (while "taking a walk", not incidental distance) 
• Gym workout days (tracked manually)

All but the last of these are from my Apple Watch. When I switched from the Fitbit in 2023, I noticed the calorie counts were substantially different (higher on Apple). I don't really care what exactly the number is or how accurate it is - but I do care that it correctly captures trends up and down. I redefined "active days" to not overstate them with the more generous estimates.

But all of that detail just above can obscure the main fact: I am substantially less active now than I was in recent memory.  I want to tell that story clearly and unambiguously, to convince myself that I need to get off my butt and move! 

So, after bringing the data up to date, digesting the big impact, I took a long walk. Then, I picked up the computer again and made an infographic to show the sad, sad, facts. Remember, I worked in data analysis all of my working life, and using data to tell a story is something I enjoy. So I amused myself quite well, learning how to make a totally new type of graph, and how to present it so it tells my story. So below, here it is:

So what is this?

I simplified my measures to the five comparable measures since 2019 (clockwise from top): Calories, Steps, Active Days, Miles Walked, and Workout Days. I scaled them all relative to 2019, as if that year were perfect. (It wasn't bad.) I display them on a "radar" chart. 2019 forms a perfect pentagon. Each year since then is another pentagon, with this year's data so far in red. We see that calories don't vary much, and neither do gym workout days - in fact, both are slightly better than in 2019. But daily steps and active days are only slightly more than half of what they were back then, and miles walked is less than 25% of what they were. 

Steps, miles, and active days are all increased by getting off my butt more. The more I get up and move, the closer those red corners of the pentagon move towards the 2019 pentagon. 

So it all boils down to this: make the red pentagon as much like the big blue one as possible. 

 

 

Report Card

 The last time I published a report card was in January of last year, looking at 2022. I actually have kept up tracking myself primarily through apps and devices, and from time to time I sit down and go through the data trying to glean some meaning or insights. I haven't felt like I've learned that much recently, certainly not something worth sharing. I still haven't got any wisdom to share, and it's not that pretty a picture, but the data is what the data is, and there is a certain value in simply showing it. Keeps me honest with myself.

First, to get it out of the way, my weight is high and stable. No need to share a graph. I gained a bunch of weight in 2022 (Fuck You, Intuitive Eating!) and it's stayed on. I haven't been motivated to any kind of a big push to change it. And it's been remarkably stable - plus or minus four pounds. I do plan and track my food most days, but it's more part of planning how to spend my time than trying to morph it into fewer calories. And then, keeping me conscious of what I'm doing, to do away with mindless eating. I still weigh myself every day and it gets recorded on the internet, for whenever I feel like reviewing the history in detail. I chuckled one day recently when I got up and peed several times during the night and found the next morning I was two and a half pounds down from the day before! That's why I can't get excited about day-to-day fluctuations, the range I'm seeing is just water weight. 

First up: Activity. As always, darker is better. January was knee recovery time, and I give myself a pass for everything but workout days. My "workout days" focus on functional fitness, either in my home gym or with physical therapy (my PT experience the past couple of years has been a solid hour of working out followed by 15 minutes of massage and stretching). With PT from the knee replacement added to working out in the home gym, I was really doing a lot. It also paid off, as now my calories and steps are back to where they were last year (which was NOT a stellar year for activity, I admit). The walking mileage shown here is from taking a deliberate walk where I activate my GPS, not an accumulation of steps during the day. I'm currently pretty active in the house and garden, which keeps my steps up, but I haven't been feeling the walk as a way to spend time (and I only do short and slow training walks with the dog, not worth tracking.) I've added a new row since the last time I posted, "stand time". My apple watch tracks this - how much time do I spend on my feet all day. It seems worth looking at, since my goals involve being less sedentary. Here, I'm moving in the right direction!

Next, some health parameters. These are both controllable and uncontrollable things. The big worrying trend is migraines, which are up. I have fallen off the meditation bandwagon, and that might be a contributing factor. But my doctor thinks that perhaps allergies are acting up - and there is a connection between respiratory inflammation and migraines. So I'm trying to be more faithful on OTC allergy remedies. "Alone days" (still looking for a better descriptor) are days I don't talk to anyone. I might be texting or emailing, but it only counts if I talk to someone either in person or on the phone. I really enjoy days on my own, but I am aware it is not healthy to have too many. And besides, I enjoy my family, friends and neighbors! I continue to be a sleep champion, with a normal seasonal variation of less sleep with longer daylight hours. (These sleep hours are separate from time in bed, as the watch purports to distinguish between lying awake versus truly asleep. I am awake at least 45 minutes during the course of the night - but apparently, that is less than average for a woman my age.) Heart rate variability is meant to be an overall measure of stress, with a high number being better. I haven't been looking too much at it, but the apple watch keeps track, so I decided to add it to the list. Resting heart rate, as a reminder, measures resiliency, with a lower number better.

Lastly, how do I spend my leisure time? (Ok, it's all leisure time. I do a minor amount of volunteer work, but I'm not tracking that here.) This whole category is not necessarily "more is better", but it is what it is. I also struggle with whether the "year" column should show an average of the months, or a cumulative total for the year. It's currently a mixed bag. I've actually wanted to read fewer books this year, because I read a lot of fluffy entertainment and it gets in the way of doing more productive things. My TV watching is up recently, as I indulged myself with a season of my only reality TV show, "Below Decks". I haven't been watching movies, neither at home nor out. I have been traveling a modest amount this year, more shorter trips, which is suiting me right now. And I'm hoping for more sailing, as my partner has retired, which multiplies the number of possibilities of aligning our two schedules and the weather.

So that's the story in numbers. Looking at this does motivate me to move, so I'm off to do that now.

Excelsior!

On the Road Again…

Sunset from the wharf;
Arrow points to my motel room

 I went to California to see my girl, but to be honest, this trip is at least as much for me. Adventure, going out and seeing and doing new things, is a big part of my self-conception. In the past couple of years, I’ve felt my life shrinking down. I love being at home. I love days where I am totally on my own, just doing things around the house and sinking down on the couch with a good book or three. But I don’t want to succumb to lowered expectations. I want a bigger life. And so here I am, in beautiful Santa Cruz California, ostensibly to see my girl but also to push and test myself. 

There’s something about California light on a sunny day that is special. No sooner did I pull out of the rental car garage than I had to pull over and put on my polarized dark sun glasses. At once, the scene so full of brightness as to be dazzling, became manageable but beautiful. A zillion shattering shades of green clarified into recognizable plants. Deep inpenetrable shadows popped into focus. Flowers were blooming, skies were a deep bright blue. I took the single winding road that led from San Jose, at the south end of Silicon Valley, up over the mountain ridge and down to the coastal community of Santa Cruz. 

Art on the wharf

While I love exploring, there is also comfort in going back to a place where I’ve spent at least a little time. Far from feeling at home, but not truly foreign, either. I am so happy I sprang for the extra cost of a beach-front motel, instead of the perfectly adequate but not special place I stayed last summer. The place is a low-slung two-story building built close to the cliff road along the water, with its back firmly towards the road and its face enjoying the water. Once through the gate and onto the property, there are unrestrained views to the town beach, wharf, boardwalk, and out across the large Monterrey bay, all set off by nice landscaping and spots to sit and watch the beach and water. From my room I can not only see the surf, but hear it. Yesterday morning, sitting on a terrace overlooking the beach, I realized the other noise I heard was seals barking from the wharf. The wooden structure under the flat top of the wharf is beloved by them, having many support beams that are comfy places for them to flop around. On my first visit here, I spent a long time watching them, enjoying the dynamics as they constantly shifted around and challenged each other for the nicest spots.

Watching beach life from the motel terrace

This location is also convenient for places to eat and shop. The first night I had a bowl of clam chowder sitting at a bar on the wharf, watching the sun set and chatting about the local brews with a couple of software bros in for the day from Texas. “Downtown” is a mile away, and I’ve walked there a couple of times for meals, with and without my girl. Any random glance in this place would make it clear we’re not in Maryland anymore. Palm trees and succulents, mission and arts and craft architecture, signs proclaiming “anarchist garden spaces” (ok, I might find that last in Takoma Park!). 

My first morning, I woke shortly before 5 am local time and decided I might as well get up and drink coffee. I’m not really going to be here long enough for it to be worth adjusting to the time zone. First light was at 6. First, there was an orange glow above the hills on the horizon. It expanded, shaded to bright yellow, and kept on growing both horizontally and vertically. Finally, with an intense brilliant yellow shimmer, the sun peeked and then rose into a circle about the horizon, centered in my window. Wait, what??!! I’m in California, this is the goshdarn Pacific bloody Ocean, why am I seeing a sunrise, not a sunset? I had to get out my tablet and Google Earth, and set it up so that I could get oriented. Santa Cruz is at the north end of Monterrey Bay, a big scallop in the north-south coastline of California. I’m positioned to look across the Bay, facing southeast, hence the sunrise. The sky took a couple of hours to deepen into the brilliant blue from the day before. I don’t think I’ve seen such a spectacular sunrise since I was at sea on my way to Bermuda in 2021.

Much of Santa Cruz town is flat, sitting on a plateau above the ocean, with steep cliffs down to the water. The walking is great, around town and on a path along the cliffs. The campus is up a mountain above the town, heavily wooded. There is a lovely arboretum, where my girl and I spent a nice time in the brilliant sun wandering and talking and looking at exotic flora. Tbh, ordinary California flora is pretty exotic to me, but I guess this stuff, from similar climates in Australia, New Zealand, and South Africa, are special. My knee is still recovering, but it’s holding up well. I’ve had more steps yesterday and today than any day since my operation, and except for needing to stretch it, I’ve been fine.

Otter and kelp; art on a traffic island

The first day and yesterday were brilliant blue; today is grey with occasional drizzles. Sitting on a terrace overlooking the beach yesterday (while my girl took care of some school business in the motel room), I watched beach volleyball, surfers (all in wetsuits), and a bevy of women swimming in the very cold water. The air temperature was in the 60s, but the unrelenting California sun made it very warm (and I slathered my exposed skin with sunscreen). Santa Cruz is said to be where Hawaiians introduced Californians to surfing - it has a surfing museum and several Hawaiian restaurants and bars. (I plan to get some poke tonight). 

Things are well with my girl, and increasingly, I’m sure they will be well with me. Such a nice trip!

Let's Put 2022 to Bed

 Let's wrap this puppy up. While I didn't do a lot of posting about the metrics of my life, I did keep up my spreadsheets and graphs. I find it is helpful to have a "just the facts" look at how my life is unfolding. Memory is unreliable, and these numbers tell a story.

Here is 2022 by month, and yearly totals for the last four years. In general, darker is better. 
I put migraines in red and reversed this (darker is worse).  And in the bottom (yellow) section, I'm not sure more is always better - more books, for example, is not always better.

 The whole overview of the year is above, complete with context from prior years. Looking first at the yearly trends, look at the first section - activity measures. It's been downhill since 2019 (when I retired partway through the year). But I managed to turn around the downhill trend on some of these things - 2022 was more active by some measures than 2021. This was and is a hard fought battle. I didn't bike at all, I ran one whole mile, but I did get out there and walk! But not every day, by no means. I had more low activity days (days with less than 5,000 steps) than ever before, by a fairly wide margin.

The next little section shows the sad story of my weight - after holding it steady for the previous three years, I put on fifteen pounds and tied with my previous all time high. Let's just leave that there for now.

The next section contains some measures of wellness. I fell off the formal meditation bandwagon big time, this year. I believe I incorporate moments of mindfulness throughout my life in ways I didn't before I started meditating, but I don't sit for a practice much any more. In fact, many of the times I show I meditated, I put on a recorded meditation in the middle of the night in order to try to get back to sleep. In good news, migraine hours continue to decline! Two months with NO MIGRAINES at all! Woohoo! Sleep is relatively steady, and resting heart rate bounced around during the year, but the overall average didn't change that much.

The last section tracks various enrichment things. Again, these are not necessarily the most important things, but are things that are relatively easy to track and do show some softer aspects of my life. I was a reading machine this year, I wish I'd seen more movies, I hardly blogged at all, and likewise I failed to enjoy the delights of the city and city friends. But I traveled a lot, and I got a decent amount of sailing in. 

I've found the story of the ups and downs of the year are best captured in a graph of my daily steps throughout the year.

The dots are the daily step totals. The dark blue line is a running monthly average, and so shows the longer term trend hidden within the noise of daily variation. The lighter blue line is a running weekly average, so shows a shorter term trend than the monthly one.

So follow along the graphlines to read the story of my year. We start with an optimistic and motivated January, with several very busy days, followed by a steady decline in late winter and early spring as the bad weather and my bad knees dragged me down. There were some high points, but the trip to the Utah desert in March was disappointing as the weather kept us in. The weather got better during spring in Maryland, and I went out to California in April and I walked my brains out. Back home, I tried to get off the couch to train for my trip to the Nordic Isles in June and July, but pretty much I just hoped for the best and as a result I failed to enjoy the trip as much as I could have. I overused my knees and was often in pain.

I vowed to do better for my planned trip to Greece. We see a steady increase in average steps, facilitated by cortisone shots in my knees at the end of August, and steady physical therapy during September and October. Greece went really well, until I got covid. 

So the rest of the year was in the cellar, with constant struggles to get off the couch and move. The month of December has the lowest average steps of any month in years. It also has the most number of very low activity days. So I went on some walks, but consistency is lacking.

Steps are clearly a proxy for overall activity, but I think it's a pretty good substitute. I know that studies have shown that there is a clear relationship between few steps and all-cause mortality. From 4,000 steps a day to 8,000 steps a day, there is a clear relationship where more steps and better health are very tightly correlated. This is a correlation, and there is NOT a clear demonstration that moving from fewer steps to more steps results in better outcomes. It could be that folks in an unstoppable decline walk less. Is there such a thing as an unstoppable decline?

I don't want to end on a sour note, so let me say that right now, in the beginning of January, I feel pretty good, and very motivated to keep moving. I know deeply that moving more makes me feel better - there can be a virtuous spiral upward. So let's leave last year behind us, with maybe a few lessons learned, and go forward to the new year.

Go As You Mean To Follow

We've had delightful weather so far this year (creepily warm). I'm taking advantage of it to get out there and walk. I plan (hope) to do a post recapping 2022, and share my current thinking about goals for this next year. I've got a little data collection to do for each of those, so I thought I'd start off by bragging about my streak (THREE WHOLE FREAKING TIMES IN A ROW!!!!) days of walking. None of these are marathons, but it's good to get out there at all.

The first, on a crisp and sunny New Year's morning, is my "normal" walk - the mile and and half that goes down to the creek and back up through the neighborhood. I'd like to make this my minimum.

 

The following day, Monday, I went up to check on the boat and took a walk in the county park near-by.

And today, I dropped my big boy off at the airport this morning, and went exploring to a new-ish development, National Harbor. I had never been there, though I think it may have been open for a decade. It's got a Gaylord Resort, a convention center, and a mixed retail/restaurant/residential development built as a brand-new playground along the Potomac River across from Alexandria, Virginia. It was drizzling, I moseyed along looking at things, I didn't stay long, but I'm glad I scratched my exploring itch at least mildly.

I think I'll post these on my Quick Log, and I'll pick up posting these kinds of things there.

Doing my Best to Move

Tuesday's hike was filled with wildlife!

My knees still feel better, but it's not perfect. There is some pain, especially up hill, and my muscles definitely are weak and also I'm stiff and inflexible. The more I read about Greece (coming up in November) the more steps I hear about... so I'm trying. In addition to my twice-a-week hour with my trainer, I'm doing 45 minutes once a week in physical therapy, and I have a 75 minute tap dance class once a week. But I'm still trying to walk every day, and run through the basic knee exercises on days without either form of PT (personal training or physical therapy). I'm not quite making that goal, but I'm doing much much better than I was a month ago.

I've found joy in the walking again! And that helps me to get out there!

Taking a page from both K's blogging and also from my earlier years, I'm posting a quick update every day in a special blog for that purpose. The link is on the right side of this blog, but here it is as well:

Nan's Quick Log

I'm using the automatic posting from different devices and apps I have that keep track. So far, I've only posted when I do a deliberate exercise walk, run, (or in one case) kayak, not my incidental movement. I'm still experimenting with what works. I was looking for something I can do from my phone, because the apps that make the record are on my phone, and I don't boot up the computer every day. Because it's not a complete habit yet, sometimes I'm posting a day late.

I don't expect anyone to comment there, but knowing that maybe someone will see it is part of the motivation to do it.

I used that blog years ago - the last previous post before I started using it again was 2014!

Knees Are SO MUCH Better!

Today I took what I want to be my "normal" morning walk - out the door, down into the park, back up through the neighborhood, about a mile and half, with some significantly steep but short hills down and up to the park. I've been doing this off and on for years, but recently I've fallen way off. The fact that it hurts before I even start, and will hurt more once I get going, has been one of many barriers. (Other barriers include my reactive barky dog, any weather less than optimal, having to get dressed, and sheer inertia.)

But this week, I've had to head out first thing, just as the sun comes up, to do a daily vacation backfill on a citizen science project, hyper-local network of national precipitation reporting, CoCoRahs.  It's on the "normal" route, so some days this week I've kept on going to complete the loop. Today was the first pain-free day in months! 

My knees have steadily deteriorated over the past several years. I tore my meniscus and had it repaired back in 2018. But now, it's a loop. The more the knees hurt, the less I move. I went to physical therapy a year ago, after they were really bad. Symptoms included not only pain, but also restricted mobility - I simply couldn't bend them all the way. The PT really helped with both pain and mobility. I was then motivated to keep moving by active vacations, in March and April. But perhaps from overuse, the knee pain grew enough worse that it grew increasingly easy to blow off the daily walk, despite my fantastic Iceland vacation coming up. After all, I had satisfied myself with what I could do in March and April, Iceland in July would be just as good, no?

Well, no. A couple of months off from active training eroded both the quality of my knees and also my aerobic fitness. I did a whole lot on the Iceland trip, but it was hard. I didn't do as much as I wanted. There were often options for different activities and I backed off the most active ones, hiking up volcanoes for example. I spent a fair amount of time in my nice little cabin, with my feet up and knees bent, popping tylenol and rubbing stinky and persistent but effective voltaren gel into both knees. They never once didn't hurt on the trip, and haven't really stopped hurting since.

When I got back from Iceland, I signed up for a trip to Greece. More about that another time, but everything I've read suggest all the places I'll want to go will involve stairs with no handrails. Time to fix these knees!

(As an aside, I am fully bought in to the mind-body approach to pain management. I can minimize suffering I have from pain, and even reduce and even eliminate some pain, through mindful meditation and somatic practices. It has really helped me avoid catastrophizing about issues, and my back pains and even migraines are less of an issue. These practises also help avert physical symptoms manifesting in response to external or internally generated stress, something I clearly used to do a lot. These practices include breathing, visualization, and self talk approaches that really help keep things on a more even keel. 

The way I think about these practices and my knees is this: my knees have mechanical issues that send messages to the brain. I can interpret these signals as pain, or call them sensations, and I can observe them from a distance with kind curiosity. All this helps, but there is value in also trying physical and mechanical things (exercise, strengthening, pain medications) to reduce the volume and urgency of the messages being sent to my brain.)

My previous sports-medicine doctor retired, and so I found an orthopedic surgeon to consult. My basic questions were, what could be done to help the knees short of replacing them, and was I damaging them them further as I used them? I wanted another prescription for PT because while I know many exercises for the knees, I find the skilled supervision helpful. 

The doctor said no, I couldn't damage the knees with movement, was happy to give a referral for PT, and also suggested cortisone shots in each knee, which he did right then and there. The actual shots were quite painful, but it only lasted for a few minutes until a local anesthetic kicked in. Then, over the past few days, the local anesthetic wore off and the steroid gradually kicked in. 

And hooray, they seem to be having an effect! 

The doctor said, and my independent reading confirms, that the only proven interventions to actually improve the knees (as opposed to alleviate pain) are exercise and weight loss. No supplements have been shown to have more than a placebo effect. So I can do whatever I want in exercise, if done correctly it will help, but the pain will likely be there. If I can bear it, I can do it, and if I keep doing it, I can keep doing it!  As to weight loss, that is a topic for another day.

I celebrated this improvement by putting in for a place on a short overnight sail on my schooner, about a month from now. I had held off, thinking about all the ladders on the ship. But now I'm ready to go for it!

Report Card: Wrap Up of 2021

I put together my report card for all of 2021. It really is a good exercise, because it keeps me honest. How I feel about how active I am, how much I do of something, is often very different from what the actual truth in the data is. For example, I feel like I'm being pretty active. Yet, by almost every measure, I've been less active almost every month of 2021 compared to my averages from 2020 and 2019. Huh. I've got to buckle down!

I've deliberately put a single, relatively small image of the report card here, because I'm looking at trends, not the specific numbers. This won't make a lot of sense on the phone - if you turn the phone to "landscape" you should probably at least be able to scroll through the whole image. In looking at the monthly changes, darker green is better. Migraines are in red, darker is worse. The three blue columns on the right show changes for 2021, 2020, and 2019, and it's the trends here that matter. Basically, darker blue is better for the measure.

The top group is activity, and as mentioned, everything is down from previous years. In 2021, May shows as the dark green month. That was both high gardening season, and getting ready for the first big sea voyage that went in early June. The good news is that December was up by most measures compared to the previous few months (which no doubt is why my subjective guess is that activity is up overall, the well known subjective "recentcy bias"). One thing that was much better this year than last year is strength. I started doing video training in February, and am doing it twice a week now very consistently. I love my trainer, and we have a nice social chat while I work harder for her than I would for myself. That is going to continue for the forseeable future. I also did a couple of months of physical therapy for my knees, and that is basically additional strength training for my legs not captured here. But I would definitely say that I feel stronger all over now than I did last year.

"Miles walked" is when I set out the door for a walk, and record it on my Garmin. The so-much-higher numbers last year made me go look at the specific data for last year, to see what I was doing. It appears that last year, I made a point of doing the "park loop" almost every day - a mile and a half out the door and through the park and back through the neighborhood. Most were first thing in the morning, after the first cup of coffee but before the second. It was just what I did. And then last winter in the bad weather and the dark, with bad knees and migraines, and an ailing dog that couldn't come with me, I just stopped doing that. I've been out walking more, but it's not a habit or a routine, at a standard time, but something I work in around other things. Hmm.... THIS is why looking at this stuff is valuable to me. What worked before? Why did it stop working? What can I do to get back to something that will work well for me now?

Moving on...

My weight is relatively stable across the year, and for the past three years. I am tracking my food more often than in previous years, and I'll have more to say about that in another post.

The really good news is that my migraines remain at a relatively low level, down from earlier this year and last year. (2019 migraine data is not reliable.) I'm meditating less than prior years - in formal meditations, at least. I think that reflects two things: I tend to go to formal meditations when I'm highly stressed or in pain, and those things are better. The other aspect is I do informal mindful check-ins, a few breaths, a body scan, a gut check, much more often. I don't capture those, of course. They are just part of how I go about my day, like scratching my nose or getting a drink of water. But I may try to work some longer formal sits into my days - I think it has benefits in several ways.

My entertainment aspects continue to cruise along nicely. I read about the same number of books this year as last, and blogged about as often. Sadly, I saw fewer movies, and I'd like to do better with that. None were in theaters, so almost all were alone. (I watched a lot of TV in 2021, but I haven't found an easy way to log that.)  As things loosened up last summer, I got into town a few times, I actually went on four trips away from home, and I got more sailing in, pretty consistently every couple of weeks starting in March right through November.

Going into this new year, I really want to be more active. I'm scheduled to go on another hiking retreat in Utah in March, and so that will be my kedge for the winter. I know it's gotten me out in the cold and the grey a few times I would have passed on otherwise. Freezing rain is supposed to come in the afternoon tomorrow, maybe I'll try the "after the first cup" timing tomorrow!

Dog Walks

After I retired, and continuing through the pandemic, I got in the habit of driving downtown on Sundays for a sunrise walk. I don't do it often, and until this last week I hadn't done it since acquiring Bixby. In fact, my last time was the morning of the day I acquired Bixby, in December of last year.

Having a dog to walk with was one of my main goals in getting another dog, but Bixby has been challenging to get to the point where I was comfortable walking with him far from home, or far at all. The problem is he is a scaredy-dog, afraid of all people and dogs he doesn't know. This turns into barking and lunging at potential dangers. I've worked hard with him, under the guidance of a trainer, to counter-condition him. Instead of "stranger-danger" I'm trying to condition him to "strangers=treats!".  Now, most days, around the neighborhood, we can walk around people, and with a sufficient physical distance, can even pass other dogs. It seems like after some time, or after a surprise close encounter, his anxiety tank is full to overflowing, and he's like a two year old having a temper tantrum, unable to control himself at all. The trick is to prevent his tank from filling up. When I see him approaching the limit, the only solution to prevent a melt-down is to pick him up and hold him, oriented so he can't see the approaching danger, and move away from it. I've acquired a shoulder bag that can act like a baby sling, holding him close while still having at least one hand free. I use that also for rest breaks - he is, after all, a very small dog.

So last Sunday we did a sunrise tour of the monuments. It was perfect weather, and I (at least) had a great time. We parked literally at sunrise by the Smithsonian, and spent about an hour and a half total walking and sniffing, accumulating 3.5 miles. At first, there were very few people and no dogs. By the time we were done, after nine o'clock, the mall was getting crowded. But in the whole time, he never had a meltdown. I'm not sure Bixby had a great time, because he was on high alert so much. But he has serious FOMO so I'm sure it was better than leaving him behind.

In the sling - my arms aren't long enough for a good view

National Shame

 I took a dawn walk down on the National Mall, and saw the current art work honoring the (as of yesterday) 700,234 deaths due to Covid-19. While not all of this was avoidable, things could have gone very differently.

I took the time from my walk to take some photos. It was really breathtaking how big it is, and how it really sneaks up on you. Each flag has a hand-written name and other info on it. Like the Vietnam Memorial, there is an index to find someone specific. 

The display is in between the Washington Monument and Constitution Avenue, and takes a large amount of space.

Report Card

 I have continued to compile and look at statistics about me. It helps motivate me to look at the actual data of what I have done versus what I remember doing. I like to know if I am moving more or less, how I'm spending my time, what I'm doing to take care of myself. My memory is fallible, so actually entering the data into a spreadsheet is helpful. Turning it into a picture can be even more helpful. But then I need to look at the data and figure out what story is it telling me? What can I learn from what I've been doing in order to do better?

So herewith is part of my report card through July. On the individual months, more green is better. On the comparisons of years, the darker blue is better. I've had to play with the sizing, so the numbers may be hard to read. Luckily, the actual number matters less than the relative colors (darker is better, except red is bad). If you are on a phone, turn it sideways.

ACTIVITY

By any way you look at it, I'm less active this year than the two previous years. In fact, it's been a pretty steady decline each year. The one thing that is better this year than last year (so far) is the amount of working out (strength and flexibility) I'm doing. After the gyms closed last year, I lost focus. But now I'm working with my trainer twice a week, via video.

To focus on this year, I really worked to get in shape in May, to get ready for my big offshore voyage to Bermuda. (See Kedging It works!).  My mileage and steps were up significantly from the previous months. June has very few steps, at least partly because I had a whole week on a 100 foot long ship - not so much walking required! July steps reflect not only my daily efforts but also a couple of really long hikes in Maine. I'm aiming at averaging above 8,000 steps in August, at least until I get back aboard that big ship. The "miles walked" records deliberate walks, where I start up my GPS to track the distance. So I could have a fair number of steps if I get them just incidentally while going about my business during the day, but a very low number of miles. You can see by the high number of miles in May that I really went about deliberately getting those steps in. 

Mental Health

 I tend to meditate when I feel bad. In January, it was dealing with migraines. In May, it was dealing with the tsunami of anxiety I had about the upcoming voyage. I had been hopeful that my migraines were on the run, when I got socked in July after both vacations. In other news, I'm sleeping less, but that is actually a very normal pattern for the summer when it stays light so long. My resting heart rate increase probably reflects both the decrease in my aerobic conditioning as well as my high anxiety during vacations. (They make me anxious, but I want to do them. I've decided "thrilling" is my word - I'm scared, excited, and happy.)

Amusements

 I am a master of distraction. I am reading, listening, and watching rather than doing things pretty often. I had actually set myself a Goodreads target of fewer books this year than last, because I think I spent too much time curled up with a book rather than getting up and doing things. But I also set myself a target of more movies, and after the Oscars surge I let that slide. I'm now, when casting about for "what next" in my unstructured life going to my list of movies I want to watch. (I didn't keep track of movies in 2019.)

I added something new here: number of days away. I went back and reconstructed 2019 and 2020 travel - pretty easy, since there wasn't that much. I don't have a target, but I do want to be aware. It turns out that I slept at home in my own bed every single night from March 1, 2020 (after the Brooklyn Bash) until I boarded the ship in Baltimore in June 2021. Wow. But I'm making up for lost time now!

Did I mention I'm doing another Pride of Baltimore II voyage? At the end of August, from Boston to Baltimore. I'm hopeful my anxiety this time around will be much less, since I have such a good idea of what I'm getting into. And it's another kedge to keep me moving!

Acadia

Mount Desert Island, Bar Harbor, Acadia National Park. So very lovely!

There was an article today in The NY Times about how crowded the National Parks are. Apparently we were not the only people who decided to vacation domestically when foreign travel is still so uncertain. We are staying in a recently renovated classic motel on Main Street of Bar Harbor, the center of the crowds. I’ve been here twice before - once on the last family driving vacation we took the year my brother graduated from high school, and once for a few hours off a cruise ship going from Montreal to Boston. 

When I say the motel is a classic, I mean it is a long, two-story building set at a right angle to Main St., with room doors opening to the outside on both sides of the building and both levels. Office at the street end. Little outdoor splash pool.  I love the location, but had low expectations of the rooms, based on the 1950’s aspect of the outside. But it’s been recently renovated, and the interior, far from being mildewy, is stylish and functional. Nice big vanity in the bathroom to hold all my stuff, comfy sitting chair with footrest, enormous good bed, places to open suitcases that isn’t the bed. My travel friends booked it and did very well. I’m not thinking about the money!

We got reservations to drive up to the summit of Cadillac Mountain early in the morning, but not at sunrise. There were people there, but I wouldn’t describe it as crowded. We admired the view for a while, and returned to town for breakfast. We got used to a real breakfast in the Camden BnB, and there are cafes here to feed our habit.

Later, we rode the bus to the visitor center, and did a hike from right there. Again, there were plenty of people there, but not in a way that made it unpleasant. The hike we did, on a “carriage road” (gravel road closed to cars but open to bicycles) included a section labeled family friendly for biking, and sure enough, there were kids who are never quiet. But they were out there! Yay!

The route took us up to a series of ponds, most likely formed by beaver dams along a stream. I am drawn to intimate landscapes, and there were wild flowers, blooming water lilies, ripe low bush blueberries, creepy dead trees that had been flooded out. Very nice!

The way we did the hike also included sections with considerable elevation gains and losses. All told, it was over six miles, and I was done in by the end. My knees did not like the steep downhill at the end, and I took tiny little slow penguin steps, but I got there. And, recovery was quick, I feel fine now the next morning. 

Today is forecast very rainy as the remnants of TS Elsa pass by. We plan to do more park bus riding, and if its just drizzling, maybe try some short hikes. There is more I want to do and see - especially hiking - but I will be ready to come home soon.

Kedging

October 2019, in the Chesapeake Bay

“Kedging” is the term used by my friend Kim’s friend Chris (Crowley, author of the “Younger Next Year” series of books) for a way to motivate yourself to get out there and do things. Big things. Scary things. Boats - especially old sailing boats - use kedging as a technique to move themselves out of a dangerous place - shallows where the ship is aground, for example. An anchor is tossed (or, preferably brought in a smaller boat) out in the direction you need to move the ship, and then everyone pulls on the anchor rope to move that way. Repeat as often as necessary. Crowley writes it is “climbing out of the ordinary, setting a desperate goal and working like crazy to get there. To save yourself.”

I figured this out years ago. Back in the 1980s I took a number of Sierra Club backpacking trips out west, and for each of them I trained. Especially after the first time. It was clear to me, the better shape I was in, the more fun I would have. Or, alternatively, the less miserable I’d be. I have continued to use this technique, from signing up to run a 10K to backpacking in the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge. My next “kedge” adventure is coming up - in just sixteen days!

I’m going sailing! On the world’s most beautiful ship, the Pride of Baltimore II! Offshore! From Baltimore to Bermuda!

I’ve sailed on her before, but never offshore. So I have some idea of what to expect. But it will be physically challenging - even if I don’t get seasick. The only absolute requirement is to be able to climb up and down the ladder from the deck to the main cabin. But the better shape I’m in, the more I’ll be able to do, and the more fun I’ll have. Or, the less miserable I’ll be. 

I signed up for the trip less than six weeks before departure - the day it became available. So not a huge time to prepare for it. But not nothing, either. Knowing my propensity to go all in on something, often followed by burnout, I instead set myself a couple of reasonable goals. I had already been exercising more than during the winter, walking more, and working out with my trainer via video once a week. I upped the sessions with the trainer to twice a week. As she is heavily pregnant, this made her very happy, thinking of building reserves for the time off she will have when the baby is born.

I looked at how much I had been walking, and I decided to aim for a twenty percent increase in my steps. That is a fairly dramatic increase from the baseline, but my baseline steps this year have been very low. So the absolute number of steps is not that many. Of course, the first day after I signed up, all jazzed and excited, I walked my feet off and doubled my baseline steps. But a couple of days later, it rained on and off all day, and I barely left the house, with only a tiny number of steps. So, twenty percent more steps is actually a very reasonable goal, but one that I have to keep in mind. With long evenings and nice weather, I’ve been out there pretty late, up and down the steep hills that make up my immediate neighborhood. Still, I’ve also had some very low energy days, and it will take work to meet the goal, measured as the average for the month of May.

So two things I’m afraid of: seasickness and migraines. I have never been actually sick from motion, but I have felt nauseous. So, I have my wrist bands, and ginger candy, and over-the-counter medicine, and the super duper anti-nausea stuff I got last year when I had vertigo. The medicines make me sleepy, so I hope I don’t need them. If I get a migraine, I’ll take my medicine for that and just hunker down as much as I need to. 

The cruise is a one-way trip to Bermuda. I’ve got an Air BnB for a couple of nights when we get there, and then a flight home. I like traveling alone, but it takes what I think of as “gumption”. I imagine I have a “gumption reservoir” and doing things like finding a restaurant and dining there alone uses up gumption out of my reservoir. I figure I’ve got about two days worth. There is also a good chance other guest crew members will be lingering in Bermuda, so perhaps we’ll do things together and the total gumption need will be less. But I’ll certainly be ready to come home!

Back to My Roots

 I decided it was time to go back to where I started on this blog - how am I doing on weight and fitness?

I've not been happy with either, lately, and I decided it was time to get into gear. As is my wont, I like to study the situation before taking action. Or if not before doing anything, at least as a motivating device while I'm doing it. We know it takes some sustained attention and effort to actually move the needle on either fitness or weight. It feels like the older I get, the more it takes.

I really got motivated when I looked at the graph of my steps. My daily steps have been going down. As with all numbers, it's important to look at them in context. After trying a couple of different ways of looking at it, I decided the time period of 2018 to the present makes sense. I retired partway through 2019, and shortly afterwards my mother died. So 2018 was a full year of office work, 2019 was full of disruptions, and last year was, well, it was 2020 and we all know what that means (amirite)! I think it's useful to anchor this look in the working world, and look at how things have changed as I figure out this retirement thing.

This is the picture that grabbed my attention. I seem to have been in decline more or less steadily since a rally last summer. This, of everything I track, is the most controllable thing. I can fix this. I need to fix this!

Total calories burned is a similar outlook to steps. I show both, because if I'm doing a lot of work that doesn't involve steps - like gardening - it shows up in the calories.

This calorie graph also shows that last summer's rally for steps didn't translate into total calories - so I guess I was walking more than I was working. Huh. Need to think about that.

Of course, I care a lot about my weight. It is something of a fitness indicator, just on its own. But I also care about how I look, and weight is bound up into that.

The two red dots show my retirement date and the day my mother died, respectively

Covering the same timeframe as the other graphs, this is not a great picture. But it could be worse. It's not all just going up. I made a little progress last year, and then lost some of it, and I've been holding my own this year. Can I actually reverse it?

For the ultimate in context, and to reassure myself that weight loss is, in fact, possible, despite current common wisdom to the contrary, I show you my weight since the beginning of time (that would be 1988, the first time I went to Weight Watchers).

I find this picture very reassuring. It tells me that my weight loss efforts have not be in vain. I was at my peak weight in the few years around my fortieth birthday, and all the years since then have benefited from being fitter and slimmer. Around age 55 is the second big loss (also the start of this blog). It shows that even now, as I feel fat and feeble, I weigh less than I did when I made the second effort.

This picture also clues me in on how unrealistic my "target weight" (represented by the blue line) has been. I hit that weight briefly twice, showing it was physically possible. But the orange horizontal line is where I settled for a while. I wasn't satisfied with being there - especially at the upper end of the range through which I was oscillating. Somewhere between those two lines would be ideal, I think. I would feel and look the way I want to feel and look.

I've also got my broader range of measures, the Report Card, cooking. I'll post when I'm ready for that.

2020 Report Card and Final Wrap-Up

 Herewith is my final report card for the year. After this, 2020 begone! I'm only looking forward!

 

First up: Activity. This past year was not great for my moving. Kim's friend Chris would be sad for me. I expended fewer calories overall, had fewer high activity days, fewer steps, more days very sedentary, and what I'm saddest about, many fewer days working out with weights. I got the bike out once, and tried running once. Only in "intentional miles" walking am I up slightly - and I think that is because I was more assiduous in tracking those miles. (In order to be logged, a "walk" needs to be at least 1 1/2 miles - no counting the incidental miles in the course of living my life.)

I have reasons and excuses, of course. The main one is I felt bad much of the time. Joint and muscle pain, headaches, upset stomach, all the things that are elusive and not subject to definitive diagnosis or fixing. But I'm extremely optimistic that I've now got a firm grasp on the mind-body approach to this, and this next year will be much better. 

 Next, my weight. I didn't achieve any big goals here, but I guess in the quarantine context I'm doing ok. I weigh slightly less than last year at this time, and (not shown) slightly more than I did in November, my lowest point of the year. Not coincidentally, I'm planning and tracking food much more often. I'm also really tuning into my hunger and satiation signals. I think I'm on the right track here, and again, I'm optimistic things will be even better next year.

 

On mind-body, it's a mixed picture. Not shown or tracked, I started serious therapy this year for the first time ever. First, in January, for twelve weeks I was in a structured (zoom) group, and following that, I started individual therapy over facetime. What I'm doing is geared towards somatic issues, specifically to address those with chronic pain of the types I have. On those things I do track, I'm meditating, less than last year (huh, if I didn't track it, I would have guessed different). My migraines are up for the year, but there were NONE in December and I think this is an effect of the emotional work I'm doing to re-train my brain. I am generally a champion sleeper, I certainly have plenty of time. My resting heart rate, which generally shows an overall fitness level, is slightly better than last year.

On the category I might term "self-actualization", if you are a regular reader, you know for sure I was a reading fool this year. I blogged more than last year, less than I would have liked. I started tracking "trips downtown" last year after I retired - generally trips last year were social, catching up with former work friends. Most of this year's trips were solitary dawn walks, reminding myself the city even exists. It feels like I sailed a lot this year, but seeing that it's less than last year, it must feel like more because it stands out so clearly in such a mass of otherwise undifferentiated days. Other accomplishments include a tap dancing class at the local community college (surprisingly effective over zoom) and several seminars and on-line short courses. I also got into sewing masks, and really engaged on the design and engineering creativity side while doing it.

I think I'm going to add movies watched to this list for next year - I would like to see a movie a week. This seems so very do-able, and I find setting a quantitative goal and reporting it here would be helpful. I want to do even more classes and short courses, tap class again, and sit down at my piano sometimes. I don't know I'll be tracking quantitatively here, though tracking can be part of the reward system that encourages me to keep going. I aspire to travel, but you know...

On the money front, I've spent some time working on the budget. My goals for this year were to get a handle on where the money goes, and specifically to reduce costs on food and clothes. Missions accomplished! This is the one area where the quarantine really helped. I cut food spending by 25%, mostly because I'm not eating out. Clothing was down by more than a third. (There was really no reason for me to buy any clothes at all this year, but I get bored and just want something new.) 

As another couple of money accomplishments, I did a final distribution to my family of the money from my mother's estate, and cut down on the number of different bank accounts I have. My mother's probate estate was something of a nightmare to deal with, and the IRS combined forces with the US Postal Service to screw some things up that created a great deal of angst for me. So when I close the estate's last bank account next week, I'm going to do a happy dance.

I tend to be analytic and want to be intentional about how I live my life. My current focus is trying to engineer my days to build good routines. When do I do what kind of exercise or other work? I've learned about habit formation so I'm thinking about this as another design challenge. What is my trigger to make me go work out? What might be the barriers? How can I make it easier to start? I know I hate going outside on days like today (grey and drizzling) so what can I do to get over the hurdle? Or is there something I can do indoors instead? Stay tuned!

Enough About the World. What About ME?

One way I've been coping with our crazy world is by turning ever more inward. Here is an update on some of the things I track, adding September and October since the last time I reported.

These measure how active I am. (More green is better.) Generally I'm trending upward, though I managed to do an insane amount of walking in July and am not likely to match that. I do have some very low days, and days when I feel like moving but manage to sit down until the urge passes. Everything except intentional miles walked is lower than last year, and I want to try to reverse that. I foolishly do not use my home gym very often, and I'm feeling the effects of not doing strength exercises. Also, I'm not biking or running but I'm leaving the rows in because I might.

Weight is one area where I'm doing better than last year, though not stellar. Not only have I avoided the Covid 15, but I'm slightly down, and tracking pretty often.

My mind and body are doing ok. A highlight is that migraine hours are down. Meditation is up, driven by the anxiety I felt over the state of the world. My sleep typically is least during the light months of the summer, and is slowly increasing as it is getting dark.

 

 My distraction and entertainment continue. I'm reading a lot of books, and listening to them too. I'm not much downtown, but have kept a steady set of sailing dates.

 

 Money is generally going ok. I still think I spend a ridiculous amount on food, but it's getting a bit better. At least I've stopped buying clothes that I have no place to wear. (Not shown: the money I spent on lap blankets and throws so I can huddle up and stay warm while wearing my jammies all day.)