June TidBits

 Here's a few musings going on in this overthinker's brain...

GLP-1

As noted previously, my weight loss has slowed, if not completely stalled. I requested, and got, an increase in my dosage to the next tier, 5.0 mg. The way my (self-pay) prescription works, I get four vials for injection at a time, delivered to my house in an insulated cold box by UPS. I can request from my WW provider a refill 2 weeks before I run out. My provider sends the approval to Lilly, they send me a note to pay, and then it gets shipped out. Experience has shown it arrives in 3-8 days from when I initiate with WW, so I can't wait until the very end. They don't ship for it to be in transit over the weekend (because coldpack), so if it's all approved and paid for on a Thursday or Friday, it'll be shipped out on Monday to arrive shortly (last time, arrived on Tuesday). 

So my increased dosage arrived when I still had one vial of the lower (2.5 mg) dosage left, but I went ahead and started the higher dosage. I'm counting the weeks and the timing of when I can re-order, and layering into my calculations that I'll be traveling for two of my scheduled injection days (requiring keeping vials cool and transporting and disposing of my syringe and needles), but also I need to skip a dose the second week I'm traveling because I've got a colonoscopy scheduled the week I'm back and they require 8 days since the last injection to be clear from my system. So, my thinking is, I'll bring the single, lower, dose with me, and a single syringe. I've already checked (via Reddit) on how to dispose of sharps in Sweden. I'll inject in the hotel and dispose of my sharps on land the morning before I board the ship, so no pesky needles around in a place where all garbage is sorted before disposal. 

Further, I should request my refill from Europe, to be processed and sent the Monday after I get home, so I'll be there to unpack and refrigerate when it arrives. 

Overthinking! Sometimes it's useful! More often it's not! But it happens!

TV and Movies

My TV watching comes in bursts, and my tastes change depending on my mood. For a long time, my "total veg" show has been Antiques Roadshow. I used to watch it with my mother, and I find it comforting but it doesn't require a lot of attention. I can walk away and miss a bit without it mattering. But, I'm pretty much caught up with current episodes. So now, the comfort watch is the Great British Baking Show, steered by my friend Kim. It's a competition, but far from cutthroat. It has a 10 (or so) episode season, with an arc as people are eliminated. Some of the hosts are just annoying. And, it makes my mouth water! But it doesn't take a lot of brain power and I enjoy it. Many seasons in the can! I started with the earliest season on on Netflix, and digressed to check out "season 1" on Roku. It started with a different format, where they traveled around Britain each week, and the challenges were simpler. The hosts and judges were mostly different, though Paul Hollywood was there at the start. I decided to stick with the Netflix seasons for now.

I continue to chip away at Vikings, and it is really growing on me. But for some reason, I don't pull it up very often at home. Maybe because there, if I turn on the TV I'm more into just zoning out. Vikings takes more brain power from me. But I'll have at least a season downloaded to the ipad for my flights to and from Europe, and I'm likely to want to catch up as I'm in the area!

I only ever watched the first two seasons of the alternate space-oriented history, For All Mankind. I checked, and there are five seasons total so far, and one 6-episode season of a spin off, Star City. So I'm back into it now. It takes more brainpower than a reality show, but it's less... fraught? violent? than Vikings, so easier to watch.

 On movies, I watched SuperGirl. Fun! Not five stars, but I enjoyed it. The dog is a big part of it.

Books

I've drifted into too much social media time, and I'm consciously re-prioritizing reading and listening to books in an effort to keep the surfing time down. I'm keeping a queue of current and popular books on my library website, fed by reading reviews and recommendations. Randomly, they come through in bunches, and I feel the pressure to get to them all in the three weeks I'm given. But I've become brutal about not finishing anything that doesn't really pull me in. I don't have a rule about how far in I have to go before giving up. But I have started keeping track of my DNF's in GoodReads, with usually a sentence or two about why I quit. I also get a daily email from "BookBub", with lists of e-books currently discounted to $1.99 or thereabouts. Many of those are back-catalogue, and I'm filling out my collection of a few authors I really enjoy and will likely enjoy re-reading, when I see them pop up. I still only do e-books, but I have an e-ink reader that lets me have apps from all the popular vendors, not just Amazon. My preference is Bookshop.org, made by a support organization for independent bookstores. I've nominated a local store, and they get a few pennies from every book I buy.

None of the recent books I've read really stand out. I continue to mostly read mysteries, thrillers, science fiction and fantasy that include elements of mysteries and thrillers. Once I find an author I like, I'll work my way through their whole oeuvre. One series I'm listening to is "Mrs Pollifax", who as a woman of a certain age is an unlikely part-time agent for the CIA. They were written starting in the 1980s, go all over the world, and the world has changed a great deal from when they were written. It's interesting to read about maneuvering before the Wall came down, for example. They are a little bit more hard-boiled and less comedic than I was expecting when I picked up the first one, but they are all the better for that.

I did read "Yesteryear", a buzzy current book supposedly about a tradwife. It was unexpected, and I didn't love it, but it definitely has a big reveal worth staying for. But I really don't think it has important things to say about our culture today, it's just an oddity. I listened to "Heartwood", a novel about a woman lost off the Appalachian Trail and the search for her. It's told in different voices from different POVs. I found it un-satisfying as a survivalist story, but maybe a bit more interesting as a police procedural. It tries to straddle both, while striving hardest to be character-driven. 

Biking

I got me an e-bike! It's pretty exciting and a lot of fun. I rode it home from the store three miles away, and have had a couple of additional rides - the longest one just ten miles. I really like exploring on the bike. It's legal to ride on trails in the area, but some of our paved trails are quite narrow and I need to get more confident about slow-speed maneuvering in close quarters. Passing pedestrians is quite fraught. I'm pretty sure I'm going to sell my Vespa, because I'm not likely to use both. The Vespa has some utility for errands, whereas the bike is really only "go for a ride" - because the theft incidence of ebikes and of parts - especially batteries - is really high. I will eventually try to figure out if I can fit it in the back of my car -- if I can even lift it into the car - it weighs 48 pounds. A rack on the back of the car would require a trailer hitch (surprisingly cheap) and a sturdy rack - which is likely to be nearly as expensive as the bike itself. Still, there are spots within a reasonable drive that would be fun to ride on.

I keep the power-assist function on the bike quite low. The way I have it set up, the harder I push a pedal, the more power-assist I get. It has eight conventional forward gears, so I'm shifting all the time riding on hills. On the steepest hills (which includes the last two blocks to get to my house), I push the power-assist higher and pump hard on the pedals and fly up the hills. My bike does have a throttle which will provide power without pedalling, but except for a cautious trial on level ground, I haven't used it.  I want to experiment more, however, because I read people use it to get started from a stop while pointed up hill - something which is otherwise a little bit tough.

World Cup

I've been following it, and watched a couple of games. Very exciting - on Saturday night, Congo came from behind to beat Uzbekistan, and thus advance to the next round of the brackets - the round of 32. Our family watches these games and have a text going during it. I'm also paying attention to Norway and Sweden and Germany, especially, since I'll be in Sweden during the semi-finals and finals. I'm pretty sure the folks on the ship will figure out a way to watch those games, they will be a topic of conversation, and I don't want to be a complete ignoramus. So it's fun, besides!

Moving Along

I'm feeling kind of at loose ends at the moment - waiting for things to happen. They start happening next week! But right now, I'm filling time with chores.

The good news is, I've really been feeling a lot more energetic recently. I've motivated myself by scheduling things to happen, and I'm out there doing things to clear the decks so when they do (happen), I'll be able to take advantage. So chores and more chores it is - gardening and house, mostly. But I'm getting things done that have literally sat on a list for years. Trivial things, not major improvements, but things that I notice or that make a little difference in each day. So some feeling of satisfaction from that.

And more satisfaction from the fact I am clearly stronger than a year ago. It's obvious in my weight workouts. It's also showing up in the activity stats my watch collects. So far this year, my average steps are higher than the previous three years. That makes them the highest since my counted steps fell off a cliff at the end of 2022. (Why did they fall off a cliff? I went back and looked - I think I decided to let my knees determine how much I moved overall. The knee operation was in November 2023 - and I spent much of the year waiting for it.)

The less good news includes my knees - both of them - are hurting more than a little. Not so that I can't walk, just enough for me to feel them every time I climb stairs. But I've decided not to allow them to limit me so much. I'm squatting and lunging and stair climbing away. And walking and standing. My doctor has assured me that I will not damage the knees by using them, and I choose to believe him. And really, they usually feel at their worst when I start an activity, and feel no worse, or even better, as I move along.

More less good news is that my weight loss has slowed or stalled. I weigh every day I'm home, and the weight jumps around a lot each day: down .4 pounds, then up .8, then down .3, then down another .1, then up .2 .... Pop quiz: did I lose weight or not? Picking a trend out is not so easy - I have to use averages, step back and squint. Are any of the numbers the lowest I've seen this year? That's a positive sign! But then up 2.4 pounds the very next day! I won't stop the daily stepping on the scale, but I'm only rarely spending any time figuring out what that means for the trend.

I am spending that time right now, because I'm coming up on the time to order my next four weeks of meds. Is it time to increase the dosage? I'm definitely having more food thoughts, a change from a few weeks ago when I was more gliding along. So continuing to look at the weight data is important, but so is assessing how much effort I'm putting into managing my food. I liked when it seemed more easy and natural to make the right choices.

So I'll continue to monitor for the next few days. Unless I have a big whoosh of a loss in the next week (usually heralded by peeing my brains out), I'm going to request the next higher dosage. The good news is, that will give me two weeks to get used to that higher dosage (5.0) before I go away on vacation. The internet has many horror stories of side effects - I don't take them all seriously. But someone pointed out that this first step increase is the only time the dosage is literally doubled. Each additional increase is another 2.5 mg, but  it's a smaller percentage increase. 

To make me feel better, here is the big picture - my weight as an adult:

Each horizontal line is 10 pounds. The red line is where I stabilized before. 
The blue line is my goal weight in previous weight loss efforts.

 

I'm back down to the pre-intuitive-eating weight, before I decided "Fuck It, I'm just eating". Yay! And on this scale, you can't really tell that the slope has tapered off in the last month. So I really like this picture.

 

 

May Check-in

Me, in mixed white stripes on a sunny day.
It's important to have contrast, thus red shoes.
And for accessories, my black-and-white dog.

Today starts my 13th week on the weight loss meds. I started February 12. How am I doing? So far, so good! Things are going pretty well!

As of today, I've lost about 15 pounds. This is fuzzy, because I waffle on what my starting weight was. My weight is volatile on a daily basis. But since there is no official registry of my weight or weight loss, I have decided to measure from the single highest weight I have been this year, on January 24. That was right after my January vacation and about three weeks before I started the drug. But it's a choice that makes me feel good, because it shows today's numbers in the best light. And who am I accountable to for this? No-one, that is! So let's go with the feel-good choice!

Speaking of feelings, how do I feel overall? Pretty good, that's how! This is a big change from a couple of weeks ago. I got home from France having over-exerted myself and with a head cold, and felt crummy throughout the body a lot of the time. My internet buds tell me often the GLP-1 drugs lead to a decrease in arthritis swelling and pain, both for rheumatoid and osteo forms (I have osteo). But I felt crummy throughout my joints and muscles, all.

But that was two weeks ago! Now, I feel SO much better! What am I doing that might be helping this? 

- Prioritizing sleep. Rigorous go-to-bed times. On those occasions I'm awake in the middle of the night, tossing and turning, and I end up with less than six hours sleep, I take a nap. But that's happening less, the past couple of weeks. I've racked up some super slumber time.

- Prioritizing exercise. I've been doing a functional strength workout with a trainer twice a week for some time now, but I'm pushing myself harder and volunteering for heavier weights. And, significantly, I've added back a cardio component. I did this in February, then fell off the bandwagon in March and early April. On the trip, I was appalled at how out of shape I was for all the walking I did. So back onto a cardio machine four times a week now. It's for just 15 minutes right now, but I'm pushing my heart rate up high and keeping it there for most of the time. After three weeks of this, I'm able to keep up a much higher intensity for most of the ride. Nothing motivates me quite like actually seeing the improvement!

- Taking a supplement and a longer-term anti-inflammatory. For my frequent body pains, I take tylenol. I can't take ibuprofen because it ruined my stomach. Tylenol helps quickly with pain, but does nothing to change the underlying condition. But let's not discount dealing with the pain! I also had in my medicine cabinet from my knee doctor a vial of a prescription anti-inflammatory, Celebrex. It doesn't act quickly, but over time it is supposed to be very good at treating inflammation. I've got a couple of months supply on hand for daily consumption. In addition my doctor recommended, in an off-hand way, taking a supplement I'd never heard of, Co Q10. I still don't know what it does or how it does it, but I'm taking it daily. Of course I've googled it, but evidence on supplements is scarce and shaky. But it doesn't seem to be hurting me, at least.

Sleep, exercise, and tylenol make me feel better right away, and the first two also have longer-lasting positive impacts. But I'm not sure I'd stick with them without the immediate impact. I've always had a hard time believing in the impact of vitamins, supplements, and long-term remedies. You have to take them on faith, faith in the science and studies. But tracing how I feel right now to these longer term remedies is tenuous at best.

So I feel good right now! Yay! But I am suspicious, and I don't trust that this will continue. But I'm continuing with both the supplement and the drug, as an experiment. It's an experiment with a flawed design, since I changed a few things at once. But just in case it's making a difference, I'll continue for now. 

They say that 15 pounds is about a clothing size. The truth is, I was in denial about how heavy I was for the past year - I assumed I'd lose the weight in a week a or two. So I had bought very few clothes for my large size, and instead wore clothes that strained a bit. So now, those clothes are fitting much better! 

My wardrobe in retirement consists mostly of clothes in which I can hike, garden or sail. I have in my closet wedding/fancy clothes, but not much of nicer but not dressy clothes. When we went casual at work many years ago, I was wary of specific prescriptions of what constituted suitable clothes. I suggested a test: if, when you got home, you were going to mow the lawn, change the oil on your car, whip up a huge batch of floury bread from scratch, or hike a few miles on the Appalachian Trail, and you didn't feel a need to change from your office attire first, then your office attire was incorrect. Those very slightly nicer clothes are the ones I've been digging out of my closet and trying on. The picture at the top is an example. I'm still not sure I'm suited for white clothes, because my impulse to just drop to my knees outside and start pulling weeds is somewhat incompatible. I don't want to look like a fashion plate, but I'm trying to not look like I'm about to hike when all I'm doing is meeting someone for lunch.

Pre-Trip Musings and Tidbits

I'm in a whirlwind of chores to get ready to leave for France. But in the midst of all of this activity, I'm also in my first little stall in weight loss, eight weeks in. It's not really a stall until it's lasted for way way longer than this. At this point, it's only been a week. But I'm concerned, wondering what is up. Is it that the meds aren't working, and I should up my dose? Or is it that I'm not eating and behaving appropriately? How is this going to affect my trip? 

I went on weight loss meds because I want to create an environment where I can be successful at losing weight and maintaining a lower weight without a huge amount of mental or physical effort to always be focused on eating the right things. (By physical effort, I mean the logistics of buying and preparing food. I know I will always need physical effort to be strong. Exercise till the day I die, baby.) The Weight Watchers app is a great tool to guide and track my food choices, but I don't want it to be my most used phone app every single day!

In the last three weeks I've had a birthday and an unusual-for-me number of social engagements involving food. I've relaxed and eaten what I want, in the quantities that feel right to me in the moment. I'm not meticulously pre-planning every day in advance to make sure I'm going to hit my targets. Instead, I'm more going with the flow, mostly going to my go-to foods I know help get me where I want, but swapping things out as the mood takes me. I thought, "I've got this nailed! Easy-peasy!" Based on recent scale evidence, maybe I shouldn't (yet) trust myself this way. 

I've found that in restaurants, my choices and my portions are different than they would have been before the meds. Those things that would have appealed to me in the past, carb and fat laden, (Alfredo pastas, I'm looking at you!) don't appeal quite as much. Fat especially is off-putting to me. But that is when I really stop and reflect before ordering, and when eating. If I charge ahead without much thought, old habits are right there. I go to the old staples on the menu, and then regret it.  Portions are easier. I fill up more quickly, and unless I'm really wolfing something down with no pause, I will stop well before I'm done. 

I read an article recently (I'm not taking the time to go back and search where, but probably in a newspaper, and probably now I think about it, the Wall Street Journal). The article was speculating on how the new weight loss drugs would impact the food industry. There is actually a lot of speculation about how supermarkets might need to change, but this article wasn't buying it. The author notes how use of the GLP-1 drugs is very much NOT evenly spread through the population. So, looking at the supermarket shopping carts of those on the drug, healthier foods will be spotted than in the average American shopping cart. But, the author asserts, that is likely because those currently on the drugs are those who already eat healthier than normal, are more affluent, more likely to shop at farmer's markets and less likely to buy fast food. But as the drugs become cheaper and more wide spread in their use, the demographics of those taking them will change. If the major effect of the drugs is to re-calibrate hunger and fullness (the author speculates), perhaps the type of foods in folks' shopping carts will not change much. After all, his final well-put thought is, "half a Big Mac is still a Big Mac, it's not an apple". It is too soon, he says, to change over our food system to different types of food. I don't know if he's right, but he has a major point on the demographics. And, on still going for a Big Mac, even if you can't finish it.

So I'm going to be in France, well known for taking food seriously. And excellently. And using butter and cream in everything. On the other hand, I'll be on a river boat where three meals a day are provided. Perhaps the boat cuisine will not that great. I'm not wishing for that, oh no, not at all, just speculating. (The internet reviews tell me it'll be great.) I certainly will not be seeking out the best restaurants in every port of call, though if on-board croissants aren't up to snuff, I will absolutely seek those out elsewhere! I intend to deny myself nothing during the trip, because food is definitely part of the experience. But maybe I'll be able to have a few elegant and savored bites, and be done.  I'm also taking along some dried edamame and garbanzo bean snacks for travel days, and if I feel like I'm not getting enough protein or fiber.

Already, weeks ago, I resigned myself to having a bit of a vacation bump-up in weight. My experience in the past is this always has happened, and generally I've gone back to my previous set point within a week of returning. But now, going into the vacation with a mini-stall, I'm worried. And, because I always borrow trouble plan ahead, I'm thinking about when I renew my Zepbound prescription for the next four weeks. That renewal is scheduled for the day I come back from the trip, and I had assumed I'd stay on my same low dose for another month. That was based on continuing to lose at that dose. I think I can delay requesting the renewal for a few days after I come back, but no matter what the scale says, I (currently) think I should just stay at this dosage through May. By then, I'll have significantly more evidence about how the drugs are affecting me and what it will take for consistent, continuing, weight loss. Time enough to bump up later, if needed.

In the meantime...

 

Most of these linen and cotton shirts were "hang to dry" anyway
But they definitely need ironing now!
The weird pink thing is a strawberry tower - 
check out the garden blog

I still haven't bothered to get my dryer repaired or replaced. Luckily, we've had some sunny weather, and the clothesline in the back yard works great. I don't hang my underwear out there, though! It's fairly private, but not completely. Everything takes longer to line dry, though, so I've had to plan way ahead on what I'm taking on the trip, and make sure it's clean, dry, and ready to go.

 

 

 

 

 

And in other news, my girl leaves for Oregon a couple of days after I go to France. I've offloaded a lot of my old camping equipment - and even outer-layer clothes - on her. She'll be living in an minimally furnished house with co-workers, and camping some of the time. I had a tent to give her, and emergency supplies I took from my own bug-out bag for her day pack: a multi-tool knife, a headlamp, a mylar blanket, a solar lantern, a water filter, a Bic lighter, and also rain gear I outgrew (sideways) and a beanie hat. We went together to REI where I had fun fitting her up with a compass, whistle, tiny first-aid kit, and new socks to go with her new hiking boots. I relate to this experience of hers through my memories of my undergraduate years, where I majored in field trips (though the degree says different). I had a summer in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan in an old logging camp, learning the same field skills that she will use. (She learned much of what she needs to know in Australia, and will be trained in specifics. But she will be alone in the woods before dawn most days.) I'm sorry I won't be there to wave good-bye to her as she sets off into the world to seek her fortune. I know she'll do fine, and I also hope she will enjoy it. I'm so grateful she has wanted to share her prep and planning with me! It's been fun!

Check-In - How are things?

TL;DR: I'm fine

I've finished three complete weeks on my GLP meds. So far, my side effects are only gas and some often present minor queasiness. I treat that with ginger hard candies. I also am often cold and when I'm not moving, huddling under blankets. I'm tracking my food meticulously through the WW app (interestingly, it gets easier the more you track, because it offers up choices you have used before). I am now doing a pre-plan in the morning, to make sure it's going to reach my protein and fiber targets. It's a bit like a jigsaw puzzle - do I need to fit a different piece into lunch because it's not adding up? It's surprisingly difficult!

I lost some weight very quickly, so quickly it started to make me nervous. WW discourages looking at calories but I was shocked to see a couple of days were less than 1,000 calories! No bueno! I was eating to hunger, but I don't want my body to shut down into starvation mode. Now, I'm eating more by the clock. But still, I plan out my day with plenty of food, and then find I can't finish everything on my plate. Mostly, I put it aside and try to come back in an hour or two. Overall, I'm back to eating much more normal totals for the day. Generally I'm having two hefty snacks, one in the afternoon and one later in evening. The snacks may be leftovers, or they may be dried and salted beans (edamame or garbanzos, this week) or Wasa rye crisp with flavored nut butter, and fruit - mandarins and apples.

I need to rely on convenience foods or foods I will prepare in bulk for leftovers - I'm not cooking three meals a day for myself. My girl recommended a brand of bottled protein shake loaded with protein and fiber both - Koia - and I'll have one of those for breakfast after working out. I do have to have something afterwards, because while it's good, it does still have a bit of an aftertaste. My favorite brand of canned tuna, Wild Planet, makes a couple of tinned ready-to-eat salads, tuna and beans, loaded with protein and fiber. I have a good selection of lentil and bean canned soups, ready to heat up. I often add some shredded rotisserie chicken to them, to make sure I'm getting to the protein numbers. The craving for sweets has seriously diminished. I have usually just a single square of chocolate in the evening, and feel satisfied with that.

I did my first prescription renewal; it was pro-forma. I'm staying on the same dose for another 4 weeks at least.  I requested the refill via app, updated some vitals stats, later that day my clinician approved it, and sent it to the pharmacy. They acknowledged receipt still on that first day. Three working days later, (the outside of how long  they said it should take), I got a text telling me to pay. I did that immediately, and got a status update it had shipped and should be delivered the next day. But UPS didn't come through, the package took a detour, and it showed up a day later. With the weekend, it took exactly one week - I requested on Wednesday and it showed up on  the next Wednesday. I can't count on the one-week delivery, I think - I'll continue requesting the renewal around the time of my third dose, so I'll have two weeks for approval and delivery.

 I'm already thinking ahead on how to handle my next trip. I'm going to France! Did I tell you guys that? In five weeks! As it turns out, my trip departs on a Thursday, injection day, so that's easily dealt with at home. I return 8 days later, Friday afternoon. I'm really thinking I don't want to travel with my syringe and vial, worrying about refrigeration, sharps disposal, etc., and I should just postpone my shot until I get home. Then, I can either do the following dose back on my Thursday schedule or else switch to Fridays. I read that adjusting by a day is generally ok - it's 3-4 days that get complicated. 

 

So to address the big question, how's my weight? It's fine. Using start day to today, I've lost 3.5 pounds in three weeks. The past few days, the loss has stalled, but it's way too soon to worry about that. It makes sense my body will adjust after the big woosh at the beginning. I would like to lose around a pound a week max, so I'm on track for that. I'm working with my trainer to lift heavier than before (I just got new 25 lb dumbbells, woohoo, moving up from the 20s!) and I'm hoping my focus on protein and that will keep me strong.

My smart scale purports to track fat vs. muscle besides weight, but these readings are notoriously inaccurate. Still, looking at the trend, it thinks I'm losing a mix of fat and muscle, but losing the fat at twice the rate of muscle. I was heartened to read an article in the NYTimes this week that says while every weight loss will lead to some reduced muscle, there is no evidence that using the GLP meds leads to more muscle loss than any other form of weight reduction. 

I kept up my cardio on my inside machines throughout February on days I don't lift. I intend to keep to that. But I rarely left the house in February for walks due to weather, and I've got to get back into that before my next trip. 

But so far, so good! 

How's it going?

 

Picture yesterday.
I have a "start day" photo, but it's so
unflattering - not so much in the body,
but in my expression. I forget to smile!

This is week two of the weight loss meds. Today is Friday, and injection day is Thursday. I have found that this blog is very useful to me as a journal and a reference, keeping me honest in my memories. It's so easy for a memory to become a story, and as it does so, it morphs and changes. That's not all bad, but it's good to also have a reality check on the past. And so I think it's worth capturing what's going on with me even when I feel like the answer is "not much".

The first week on the meds was fine. I had a great deal of trepidation, but all I have felt is minor versions of classic side effects. My stomach feels full quickly, and remains that way for a while. I'm gassy (and I was gassy before, too!) and sometimes those burps seem to carry some acid with them. I am often cold - no more am I embracing the weather in full Scandi style. Instead, I'm huddling in layers, under electric blankets, and not going out as much as I was before. (My tiktok girlies tell me this is a common symptom.) My sleep varies, with several periods of being wakeful in the middle of the night, other mornings the wakefulness starts at 5, and I just get up. (One night I peed FIVE times, leading me to adjust my hydration schedule!) Don't know if this sleep disruption is a symptom, as this sometimes happened anyway. I'm consistently getting to bed earlier, which helps.

Wednesday, the day before injection day, I was truly hungry for the first time. And for the first time that week I went over my daily points. (My WW reset points week is injection day.) Weekly points had been accumulating, from leftovers and activity, so there was plenty of buffer in the budget. I am focused on the protein and fiber numbers, and it is truly an effort to get there. I just added "calories" to the summary stats WW posts for each day, and I find most days have been below their suggested minimum of 1200. I don't want my body to go into starvation mode, start digesting my own muscles, and become hyper-efficient, requiring heroic efforts to lose any weight. I've been at least close to the targets every day, but I'm now planning to add an evening snack every day I seem to be falling short. My work is to have an inventory of snacks that move me in the right direction, not ice cream or Trader Joe's treats.

The injection paraphernalia I have to assemble for
the actual injection. I had the instructions out for this,
the second injection, not trusting to memory. 

I'm trying to undo years of a habitual after-eating flop to the couch and instead get up and move around after eating, which is really helpful in reducing any discomfort. I'm also trying to slow down my eating, and I'm breaking meals into smaller pieces - stopping partway through a meal, but coming back to the leftovers after an hour or two. I'm eating, but I'm on a major campaign to preserve or even build muscle through this, and so eating enough is really important to me. For the first time, I'm really using the WW app to plan in advance in detail. I try in the morning to build a day that will reach the four-way optimization of enough protein, fiber, and calories, while staying below the total points.

I've talked to my trainer about the WL meds, and she's on board with upping the weights and really going for improvement, not just maintenance, to fight muscle loss. I've had great workouts, and right after the workout I'm drinking a protein shake. They are excellent sources of protein and fiber, and I've found a brand that is fine. It tastes good, and I'm able to eat a tangerine or something afterwards to do away with a not-terrific aftertaste. I'm also sticking to my 15 minutes of cardio on the days I don't lift weights (so 2x weight training, 4x cardio, one day off). I was exhilarated yesterday on the Nordic Trak, and again today on the stationary bike, to find it had gotten much much easier.  The purpose of the cardio is to improve my cardio-vascular fitness, and the last two days were the highest I've gotten my heart rate up in a long time. I'm trying to hit the cardio commitment for the entire month of February and I've tied the purchase of some fun new tech to achieving that. When I talked about a newer, higher commitment for March, my trainer wisely suggested seeing if I'm still improving with the 15 minutes - and I am. So we'll see how it goes.

What has happened to my weight, by day 9 of the meds? I believe I have ranted before about how I think about my weight:  it is not really the number that appears at any one moment on the scale, but an average based on the trend. Variation around that trend is caused by water, and other transitory factors. And certainly the weight has been as volatile as ever this week. Here is the picture:

My weight in 2026- turn phone to landscape
The small green dots are daily scale readings. The dark blue line is the weekly average of those.
The big red dot is the first day of injection. 
The orange fuzzy lines are the 5-pound range I've been in since midway through 2022. 

 My weight was at the top end of my range since the beginning of the year (including my mid-January vacation). My daily scale readings have certainly gone down since the first injection. This is not uncommon, in my first week of trying to lose weight. But I won't really consider I'm well on my way to actually losing weight until I consistently see numbers below the bottom orange line - out of the past few years' range. 

But it certainly is nice to see the trend line going down!

 

 

Baseline

 I'm excited about starting on the meds experiment! I think it's worthwhile to capture the baseline from which I hope to change. Of course, I've got the data!

 

Horizontal grid shows 10-pound differences. 
The blue line was my ideal weight, briefly achieved twice. 
The red line was my stable point after I started blogging, until I blew it.

Look at the picture of my weight loss history, starting back when I was a 35-year-old little girl going to Weight Watchers in a church basement for the first time. (You might need to go landscape on your phone.) The first Big Loss, more than 40 pounds at age 43, was done so easily. I followed, mostly, the Carbohydrate Addict's diet - very low carb most of the time, but not full Atkins. The second big loss, in perimenopause as I started this blog in 2010, was harder, but was pretty much the same eating pattern. Then, for several years, I white knuckled keeping the weight in bounds. I was in some of the best shape of my life, as I decided hitting "goal" was worth anything, I did - for a couple of days. Again, pretty much the same eating, more Atkins than not. Then, the classic rebound, and then I threw every habit and guideline out the window to go intuitive. I tuned in to myself, and myself wanted bread and pasta and ice cream. Since then, I've been trying to wrestle my weight back down, and things that used to work either don't work anymore or somehow have become too hard.

So here I am, relatively stable at a peak weight that I hate. It's about moving, and feeling, and spending so much time thinking about it. It's about needing bigger pants. 

Here is a zoom in to the last 3+ years.

Weight from 2022 to present.
Green line is short term goal.

My weight has bounced around in a 5-pound range, hitting the highest weight ever a couple of times. I've done some attempts at weight loss. Some were minor-ly successful, until they weren't. Each required phenomenal amounts of focus and concentration. I'm just tired.

As part of my "baseline" prep, I've also measured myself with a tape measure. Again, I've got some history on this, and yeah, I'm bigger than ever. 

My scale also purports to measure body composition in terms of muscle versus fat. These measurements are notoriously inaccurate, except when looking at trends. So I'll be keeping an eye on that, as well. Over the time I've had this scale, less time than shown on the graph above, it hasn't varied significantly. It will take a big change to show up, and that will be with a lot water-weight driven noise. 

I believe I've got about a decade to do some adventurous things I want to do, and this is the decade to give it a shot. Here's hoping the meds help me get there and do the things I want to do.

Weight-loss Meds Eve

That's a little bit optimistic. My meds are going to be delivered, probably Wednesday or Thursday. I'm tracking via UPS. Hopefully no more snowstorms to upset the schedule!

 I'm all ready for this. I've been preparing since late last year. I waited until after I got back from my big vacation to set this in motion, and it's taken a little bit longer than I had hoped. But they're on their way.

I've done a ton of research on this. I'm doing this via Weight Watchers, based on the experience of my pathfinder and an on-line look at reviews for other places. I've read pretty much everything on the WW site, met on-line with their doctor, and got approved. I spent time on social media and with ChatGPT (surprisingly useful for very specific questions). So I have a plan, which will of course be modified as soon as I get some practical experience. In the meantime, I'm staying away from anymore online input. I've got what I need to get started. 

A couple of notes about what's happening and my plans:

I'm getting Zepbound (tirzepatide) vials direct from the supplier, Lilly. Bit of a story, but the cost for vials from which I fill a syringe is half or less than getting pens. I've watched a ton of videos, from Lilly and others, about how to do it. I bought a sharps container for disposal, and read the regulations for my state. I'll have the Lilly video in front of me the first time I do it. I'll refill the scrip on-line, based on my experience at delivery timeframes.

I'm not too worried about what sites on my body to use, I'll rotate. I've thought a lot more about time of day and day of week for the weekly injection. While you can adjust the day after you start, it's better to stick with the same day, and it seems even the same time of day. That means I don't start as soon as they are in hand, but where and when I think I'll end up for a schedule. And apparently, a reason to focus on the schedule from the start is the med's effect on body and mind is greatest shortly after the injection, and it wears off during the week. There are also greatest chances for side effects early on in the weekly cycle.

One of the major concerns about these meds for old people such as myself is muscle loss. I already do the recommended weight training level of twice a week. But there are recommendations about timing of injection and exercise. For example, don't exercise directly after an injection (duh). More interestingly, the recommendation seems to be to do weight training on days 2-4 of the weekly cycle (injection day is day 0). Since my standing convenient weight training appointments are Monday and Wednesday mornings, I think I'll be injecting Fridays or Saturdays. (In contrast to some folks, since I'm retired and have retired friends, weekends are not often very different than weekdays as far as eating and social events go, so that's less of a consideration.) My initial shipment should be here by this Friday.

The intensity of the weight session recommended is interesting: sets of 8-10 reps (calibrate the weight so that is appropriately challenging), if exhausted, reduce sets not weight. Keep the intensity up to keep those muscle fibers feeling like they are needed! This fits with my trainer's philosophy, and we agreed a few weeks back to try to up the overall intensity and progression.

Recommendations for cardio for seniors on weight loss meds are weaker. There is the standard "150 minutes a week" recommendations, but most sources say if you need to choose between cardio and weight training, choose weight training every time. And cardio should be lighter in intensity. No marathon training or blowing through VO2 max. I've just upped my intentional cardio to try to use each of my machines every day I'm not weight training. I'm trying to do 15 minutes every single day, and once I've got that as a baseline, I'll up the minutes. But I'm trying to build the consistency habit first. And it's only 15 minutes! I should always have time for that. In contrast, when I rely on a walk as my main cardio, I have to set aside much more time. I have available to me from the Apple watch "time in heart rate zones" and I'm trying to build up time in a higher zone. 

There are also recommendations, sometimes conflicting from different sources, about timing of eating with weight training sessions. Apparently it affects how efficiently a body metabolizes the protein eaten. After discussion with my long time trainer (who just finished a certification course for fitness for seniors and who has a slew of other training and certifications) I'm going to plan to eat something high protein right after we finish a session. I never eat beforehand now, and my early training timeslot wouldn't lend itself to finishing a meal a couple of hours before our session. They also say don't do a cardio session after a "long fast" (eg overnight). I think my little fifteen minute session isn't a huge concern, even with some intensity, but I will definitely plan to eat shortly afterwards. This will have to intentional. My current habits sometimes have me eating more like a brunch, sometimes exercising, then spending time grooming and dressing, then looking at my ipad, then finally getting around to preparing something to eat. One thing I think I'll try to keep on hand is low fat cottage cheese - a little container has 18 grams of protein and just enough carb to provide some short term fuel.

I haven't settled on a time of day for injections yet. One school of thought is that evenings allow sleeping through any nausea. Others say the injection at night prevents them from getting a full night's sleep. I'm curious about how this will make me feel, so I'm inclined towards a day time injection, at least to start, so I can actually pay attention to what is happening to me.

 I'm laying in supplies of easy-peasy high protein and high fiber foods. I've been using the Weight Watchers' app for a few months and I fully intend to continue using it.  I already had a big supply of ginger candies and teas for nausea - used for preventing or dealing with sea sickness, so that's in place. I've been experimenting with bottled protein shakes. I go down the supermarket aisle with my phone out, snapping barcodes with my Weight Watchers' app. It's easier to use the WW points as a shorthand for how useful the bottle is, rather than analyzing the nutrition label myself. One bottle I bought I sampled was a chocolaty flavor, and the first sip surprised me with how good it was. But then, the very bad aftertaste remained in my mouth for a long time - until I ate something else. I poured the rest of the bottle down the drain. Yuck! That's why I need to experiment.

My experience with the WW app has definitely geared me already towards protein and fiber, and my habits have adapted. There is a "GLP" switch in the app which I'll flip soon, I'm not sure what it does, but I'm guessing it emphasizes the protein and fibre more than it does point totals.  Dehydration is apparently a concern, but not so much for me. I don't track it, because I am the water queen, always with a glass or bottle next to me. I will maybe use a refillable measured bottle for a while to make sure I don't slump in this. I connected my watch to the WW app for the purpose of getting more points for activity, but I didn't connect any of the other areas like sleep. I don't see that changing.

 Food shopping tomorrow and Wednesday, different stores. Then, the adventure begins! 

Musings on Food, With Reference to Weight Watchers

My girl got me this gift pack for Christmas. 
Cinnamon almond butter is to die for, vibrant on apples
Habanero honey is pleasantly warm and sweet on crackers
Wild expresso is unusual, and growing on me
I'm saving the chocolate for a treat.

I've been doing the Weight Watchers food tracking app since November, with time off during the holidays and my vacation. I felt extremely disordered and at sea about what to eat, thinking about it constantly. At first, tracking felt really good - it gamified planning out the food, it was unique and fun. And not terribly burdensome. Now, it's still not really burdensome, but I wouldn't describe it as fun. And, I'm not using it as a hard constraint. I often go over my daily and even weekly points. At the beginning, I never did. Now, I am trying to be brutally honest in the tracking, even when it's blowing the budget out of the water. Knowledge is power.

With more experience, I've got a better handle on what drives their calculation of points. And, of course, I've got some bones to pick with the way they do it. And questions about using the app to capture the right amounts.

WW wants me to eat a lot of protein and fiber. The way they want me to do it is with lean meats, fruits and vegetables, and fibrous proteins like beans. They penalize all fat enormously. They likewise penalize carbs without fiber. They are ambivalent about whole grains, it seems. Sometimes, they seem to strike an ideological stance which seems to be to be totally arbitrary - and I hate arbitrary. Exhibit one is potatoes versus brown rice:

	Brown Rice	Potatoes
Calories	216	135
Fat	2 g	0
Fiber	4 g	2 g
Protein	5 g	2 g
Points	5	0

 Potatoes are a vegetable and thus by definition is given a free ride, zero points. Rice is a grain, and thus its points are calculated based on its calories and macro-nutrients. It's got fat, to go with its higher fiber and protein, and so its points are nearly 20% of the daily allowance of points! The differential in points seems overblown and arbitrary.

Meat is another area I find a little difficult to understand. Basically, lean meat is supposed to be zero points. Very clearly, chicken with no skin is zero points. But venturing into other meats quickly is a quagmire. When looking up beef or lamb, there are entries in the app for "fat trimmed" cuts with zero points, but other entries looking nearly identical that give a lot of points to the same size portion. I like to choose the zero points version, but I wonder how realistic that is? A lot of meat has a lot of fat throughout, not just in obvious pockets that can be cut out. Going forward, I can't live on chicken alone, so I'd like to sort that out. When I was successful in weight loss in the past, I ate a lot of grilled or broiled meat to go with my vegetables and no carbs. (BTW, I recently had occasion to look up my blood work lab history. During the height of my Atkins-like eating my cholesterol, glucose, etc., was excellent! Take that, you low fat high carb conventional wisdom-spouting nutrition "experts" of the past! (Ooops, sorry, apparently I have some unresolved issues over my history as a dieter.))

Most fish is also zero points. I love to eat fish, but I hate to cook it. I hate handling raw fish, and I hate cleaning up the mess and getting the garbage outside quickly before it starts to stink, which is almost immediately. Maybe I can overcome my aversion? Canned tuna is one thing I can handle, frozen peeled shrimp as well, freezer to pan with no time to stink. I've cooked salmon fillets as well, so easy, but I have to get the garbage out and the dishes done very quickly afterwards.

Meanwhile, my eating is slowly evolving. I've never been a big fruit person, but raw fruit is a zero point bargain. Oranges and mandarins and apples are part of my routine. I'm still enjoying nut butters with my apples, or spread on my rye crisp crackers. Dried bean snack foods can be satisfying when I'm jonesing for salty crunch. Buying rotisserie chickens has made getting proteins easier. I used to feel guilty about the short cut, thinking it was stupid to pay for something I could so easily make. But I'm definitely opting for convenience over frugality right now, in an effort to steer my food in the right direction. I often don't want to spend time cooking, and so I continue to search out convenience foods. Canned lentil or bean soups, sometimes supplemented with either more veggies or chicken. Frozen veggies - broccoli or green beans, can be tossed into a pot by the handful, to bulk it up.  Frozen dinners - most of the entrees I have relied on in the past come with a shit ton of points. But I go down the freezer aisle in the store with my phone open to the WW app, clicking on labels. It turns out, some brands have smaller portions, which means fewer points. I've been buying them and trying them - ok for taste, jury still out on if they are satisfying. When I cook, I try to package up leftovers into portions quickly, freezing some. I can eat the same dinner for 2-3 days in a row, and then I'm bored and want to move on. 

I still have days and foods I want that overwhelm my good intentions. I have to just plain not buy ice cream for the time being. I have been known, however, to get in my car and go to the store just for that. I'm saving chocolate nut butters for my next big craving session, to see if they will work on an apple or rye crisp to satisfy. 

 No surprise, my weight bounced back up to the top of my current range after the holidays and my vacation. It's been almost two weeks home, and no significant loss seen. I am the ultimate pear-shaped woman and I'm tired of having jackets falling off my shoulders but barely closing around my hips. I don't want to have to buy new pants in a yet larger size. So I'm pursuing weight loss meds. But like my pathfinder friend, I think learning to manage my food using the (somewhat arbitrary) WW points system is a viable way forward, meds or not. We'll see.

Report Card

 The last time I published a report card was in January of last year, looking at 2022. I actually have kept up tracking myself primarily through apps and devices, and from time to time I sit down and go through the data trying to glean some meaning or insights. I haven't felt like I've learned that much recently, certainly not something worth sharing. I still haven't got any wisdom to share, and it's not that pretty a picture, but the data is what the data is, and there is a certain value in simply showing it. Keeps me honest with myself.

First, to get it out of the way, my weight is high and stable. No need to share a graph. I gained a bunch of weight in 2022 (Fuck You, Intuitive Eating!) and it's stayed on. I haven't been motivated to any kind of a big push to change it. And it's been remarkably stable - plus or minus four pounds. I do plan and track my food most days, but it's more part of planning how to spend my time than trying to morph it into fewer calories. And then, keeping me conscious of what I'm doing, to do away with mindless eating. I still weigh myself every day and it gets recorded on the internet, for whenever I feel like reviewing the history in detail. I chuckled one day recently when I got up and peed several times during the night and found the next morning I was two and a half pounds down from the day before! That's why I can't get excited about day-to-day fluctuations, the range I'm seeing is just water weight. 

First up: Activity. As always, darker is better. January was knee recovery time, and I give myself a pass for everything but workout days. My "workout days" focus on functional fitness, either in my home gym or with physical therapy (my PT experience the past couple of years has been a solid hour of working out followed by 15 minutes of massage and stretching). With PT from the knee replacement added to working out in the home gym, I was really doing a lot. It also paid off, as now my calories and steps are back to where they were last year (which was NOT a stellar year for activity, I admit). The walking mileage shown here is from taking a deliberate walk where I activate my GPS, not an accumulation of steps during the day. I'm currently pretty active in the house and garden, which keeps my steps up, but I haven't been feeling the walk as a way to spend time (and I only do short and slow training walks with the dog, not worth tracking.) I've added a new row since the last time I posted, "stand time". My apple watch tracks this - how much time do I spend on my feet all day. It seems worth looking at, since my goals involve being less sedentary. Here, I'm moving in the right direction!

Next, some health parameters. These are both controllable and uncontrollable things. The big worrying trend is migraines, which are up. I have fallen off the meditation bandwagon, and that might be a contributing factor. But my doctor thinks that perhaps allergies are acting up - and there is a connection between respiratory inflammation and migraines. So I'm trying to be more faithful on OTC allergy remedies. "Alone days" (still looking for a better descriptor) are days I don't talk to anyone. I might be texting or emailing, but it only counts if I talk to someone either in person or on the phone. I really enjoy days on my own, but I am aware it is not healthy to have too many. And besides, I enjoy my family, friends and neighbors! I continue to be a sleep champion, with a normal seasonal variation of less sleep with longer daylight hours. (These sleep hours are separate from time in bed, as the watch purports to distinguish between lying awake versus truly asleep. I am awake at least 45 minutes during the course of the night - but apparently, that is less than average for a woman my age.) Heart rate variability is meant to be an overall measure of stress, with a high number being better. I haven't been looking too much at it, but the apple watch keeps track, so I decided to add it to the list. Resting heart rate, as a reminder, measures resiliency, with a lower number better.

Lastly, how do I spend my leisure time? (Ok, it's all leisure time. I do a minor amount of volunteer work, but I'm not tracking that here.) This whole category is not necessarily "more is better", but it is what it is. I also struggle with whether the "year" column should show an average of the months, or a cumulative total for the year. It's currently a mixed bag. I've actually wanted to read fewer books this year, because I read a lot of fluffy entertainment and it gets in the way of doing more productive things. My TV watching is up recently, as I indulged myself with a season of my only reality TV show, "Below Decks". I haven't been watching movies, neither at home nor out. I have been traveling a modest amount this year, more shorter trips, which is suiting me right now. And I'm hoping for more sailing, as my partner has retired, which multiplies the number of possibilities of aligning our two schedules and the weather.

So that's the story in numbers. Looking at this does motivate me to move, so I'm off to do that now.

Excelsior!

What Have I Learned From 35 Years of Tracking My Weight

Would I like to lose weight? Yes.

Will I lose weight? Maybe.

Look at this picture (if you are on a phone turn it sideways):

The horizontal grid lines are ten pounds apart.
The blue line was my goal weight for most of this time period.
The red line is a place I'd be happy to be now.

This is the last 35 years of my life, as told by my weight. Key on the numbers:

1. 1988: I join weight watchers for the first time, at age 33. The weight I was then is a weight I would love to be now!
   
2. 1997: I move from Chicago to DC for a major career change, the same week my father dies. After about a year settling in, I buckle down and lose weight.
   
3. 2008: My sister dies unexpectedly, resulting in a major lifestyle change as I become a parent in the midst of grief.
   
4. 2010: I start this blog, determined to gain control over at least the physical parts of my life as life with grief-stricken adolescents remains chaotic. I de-emphasize work.
   
5. 2019: I retire, which blows up every habit I ever had. And then the pandemic strikes.
   
6. 2022: I embrace "intuitive eating", buying and eating whatever I want whenever I want.
   

Why do I keep coming back to this picture? Am I just wallowing in fact that my current weight is right up at my all time peak from 25 years ago? What can I learn by looking at this history, enriched with other stories of my life? Memories are faulty, but here my actual weight is recorded accurately. Looking back over this blog has also been helpful, to color in what was going on in my life during the ups and downs recorded on the graph. Here are some tidbits I've gleaned from anchoring my other memories in the truth of my weight:

• Losing a lot of weight for me is likely to happen relatively quickly, if at all.
• Not paying attention to what I eat and what I weigh means I'll gain weight.
• Each significant weight loss involved eating low carb a lot of the time, not eliminating sweets entirely, and never choosing low-calorie formulations of real food but instead cooking and eating more vegetables and meat from scratch.
• Each significant weight loss required a great deal of attention and focus, taking up bandwidth in my life.
  
• Each weight loss period was also associated with increased exercise and conscious activity levels.
  

How might I turn the above information into actual weight loss? Do I have the motivation and interest to focus on this? Stay tuned, I guess, because I don't know the answer yet.

A Year (+) of Intuitive Eating

(Note: to see this graph on a phone, turn horizontally.) This is my weight graph from 1988 to the present. The actual pound numbers are deliberately left off, but the horizontal grid lines are ten pounds apart. The blue horizontal line is my aspirational "goal weight" (to which I no longer aspire) and the red horizontal line is where my body seemed to have settled during late middle age, and where I'd be thrilled to get back to. See how my weight shot up faster than ever in 2022, when I first read "Intuitive Eating".

I first wrote about Intuitive Eating (The Thing) back in January a year ago. I revisited it later that month, and then, in May, wrote a "Fuck You, Intuitive Eating" post.  I had gained more than 15 pounds, and was was extremely annoyed with having done so. Never-the-less, I didn't reject everything the book, and the approach, had to say. I had made some changes, learned some things, and it has stuck with me.

I pretty much spent last year telling myself I was going to ignore my weight and focus on activity, as a way of being more fit and stronger, not as a way to lose weight. I've had some physical challenges, from my knees and my back and getting covid, so my progress is not what I'd like it to be. But I don’t want to ignore my weight any longer.

The Intuitive Eating principles are good, and there is nothing in them I will disagree with. To refresh memories, here they are: 

1. Reject the Diet Mentality
2. Honor Your Hunger
3. Make Peace with Food
4. Challenge the Food Police
5. Feel Your Fullness
6. Discover the Satisfaction Factor
7. Cope with Your Feelings Without Food
8. Respect Your Body
9. Exercise: Feel the Difference
10. Honor Your Health: Gentle Nutrition

But the implementation seems to wander into territories I do disagree with. I joined a Facebook group specifically aimed at beginners to IE, with moderators and others answering questions. There, IE seems to be based on these ideas:

1. Few people actually lose weight on diets.
2. Of those who do, almost all gain it all back, or more.
3. And so, don’t bother trying to lose weight. It won’t work.
4. All food is morally equivalent and emotionally equivalent.
5. Any restrictions on what you eat will inevitably lead to boomerang overeating. 
6. Eventually, if you just eat what you want, you will naturally eat well. (But not be skinny).
7. Weight cycling can be worse for health than being fat.
   
8. It's possible to be healthy and fat.
9. The medical system will blame ills to being fat rather than treating the actual illness.
10. Any suggestion that being fat is bad for you is fat shaming.
    

There is truth in all of these, but they are not irreversible laws of the universe. My own personal experience challenges the first two points: I lost over forty pounds twenty-five years ago, and yes, I gained it all back - this year - twenty-five years later! There is no question in my mind that my life has been better in many dimensions because of twenty-five years of weighing less. I could move better, wear nicer clothes, achieve more social and professional acceptance, all because of weighing less. Much of this is societal, not health, oriented, but hey, I live in this world and that stuff matters. Were my health outcomes better? I don't know - I have had back and knee problems, and migraines, all along these 25 years and I don't think it's all tied to when I weighed more.

One more point to rag on IE folks: all foods being morally and emotionally equivalent. Not ever going to happen. I know things about food, nutrition facts, yes, but also facts about their origin and their impact on the planet and things living on it. Also, I do have some decades of having memories tied up in foods. So not all equal, no way. This is where I got into some arguments with the folks on the IE forum. Some are intransigent on the topic "All food is processed, even if it's to pluck from a tree and brush it off before biting it. So there is nothing wrong with processed food." This is where the cult comes in. Can't argue with cult members.

So what have I learned from IE?

I deliberately sought out and ate foods that I have been avoiding, more or less, for the last twenty-five years. Specifically, bread and pasta. Sweets too, of course, but more so bread and pasta. And guess what?  I still could have a love affair with the white flour products. They still taste good, sometimes wonderful. But making them an everyday part of most meals does not feel good to me. They taste good, and my body feels fine right afterwards, but I am very aware there is a longer term reaction to them. They make me crazy and I want more and more. This is over the long term, hours and days. If I eat them daily, the urge to eat more and more stays permanently. So, surprise surprise, the way I ate twenty-five years ago, steering away from the bread and pasta, is the way I feel better. 

So here’s what I’m thinking. When I get a carb-type craving, I might go ahead and make pasta or bread, but I might also steer towards beans, peas, eggplants, other roasted veggies with a sauce... I can get the immediate soothing fullness from those foods and I'm more likely to skip the craziness later. This is a useful learning, and helps me avoid the rebound/rebellion effect from simply saying "I can't have them". But if I really want them, I can have them. I keep bread in the freezer and pasta in the cupboard. (As an aside, the jury is still out on oatmeal. I started making steel cut oats in the instant pot, and eating no more than half a cup with toppings for breakfast. Unlike most starches, it didn’t result in early insistent hunger pangs in just a couple of hours most days, instead carrying me to a late lunch if necessary. So I may keep oatmeal in the breakfast rotation for a while.)

The IE folks really want you to throw away your scale. Not going to happen. Not when I've got 25 years worth of daily data to look at! But my scale is wifi connected - every time I step on the scale it stores the data on the web. I covered up the number display with a post-it note, and I would go a while -weeks - before looking at the numbers to see where I am. That's how I know that I gained 15 pounds. I didn't look at the numbers often, but I was aware I was gaining. I just didn't care. Much. I cared (and still care) much more about clothes, those that grew tight and then stopped fitting at all. Sigh. Some of that is comfort, and some of it is looks. And some of it is being cheap and not wanting to buy new things when I liked the old clothes. I took the cover off my weight display and watched it every morning for a while, and then I decided I prefer to cover it up and instead think about my weight when I want to think about it, not routinely first thing every morning.  But I like knowing the data is there when I want to look at it.

The folks in the IE forum constantly remind us that IE is not the "hunger / fullness" diet. Too bad. I think understanding and acting on hunger and fullness are critical for me to be the healthiest I can be. I've been pretty internal lately about why I'm eating what I'm eating, when I eat it. I still have to fight the urge to always clean my plate, and I’m avoiding that issue by dishing out smaller portions with full understanding I’ll go get more if I feel like it. Sometimes I do, often I don’t.

One thing the IE folks get right is that it is OK to eat to soothe yourself. Feeling your emotions fully is important, but it's also ok to soothe yourself with comfort foods. And to avoid feeling deprived, to avoid the boomerang effect, go ahead and eat those things you are obsessing over. The basic premise, that eating Cheetos for dinner one night isn’t going to kill you and you shouldn’t feel pangs of guilt over it, is absolutely true. But Cheetos are a food that is specifically engineered to overcome the body’s wisdom (ie intuition) and so if they are a regular part of the meal rotation, simply tuning into your body to see if you want them is not going to give a good answer. It was in this Cheetos discussion that I decided I had to part company with the IE folks who keep saying all foods are equally good. No foods are inherently bad, but that doesn’t make them equal.

A word about sweets, candy, cookies, cakes. After I eat dinner, I want something sweet. There are some things that most days I can (and do) eat just a bit of and be done- Dove dark chocolates, Gin-gin ginger candies. Other things, cookies and cakes and ice cream, I’m going to want to eat a lot of. So I’m not banning anything, but for the time being I’m less likely to buy those other things and bring them home. I’ve found it relatively easy to pass them up at the store, or even in an unopened box at home. If I want them, I’ll eat them and that’s that. But I don’t want to munch casually and mindlessly, so I’ll make it just a bit more difficult to get them. If I could buy just a quarter cup of Jeni’s splendid double dark chocolate ice cream, I would, but sadly it comes in pints and I’m not tuned in enough to stop at a single small scoop from the larger container. Most days, anyway.

So that’s where I am. I am going to try to lose weight, by modifying what and how much I eat, though not drastically and not obsessively. And the focus on physical activity and trying to get strong remains more important to me than the weight.

Let's Put 2022 to Bed

 Let's wrap this puppy up. While I didn't do a lot of posting about the metrics of my life, I did keep up my spreadsheets and graphs. I find it is helpful to have a "just the facts" look at how my life is unfolding. Memory is unreliable, and these numbers tell a story.

Here is 2022 by month, and yearly totals for the last four years. In general, darker is better. 
I put migraines in red and reversed this (darker is worse).  And in the bottom (yellow) section, I'm not sure more is always better - more books, for example, is not always better.

 The whole overview of the year is above, complete with context from prior years. Looking first at the yearly trends, look at the first section - activity measures. It's been downhill since 2019 (when I retired partway through the year). But I managed to turn around the downhill trend on some of these things - 2022 was more active by some measures than 2021. This was and is a hard fought battle. I didn't bike at all, I ran one whole mile, but I did get out there and walk! But not every day, by no means. I had more low activity days (days with less than 5,000 steps) than ever before, by a fairly wide margin.

The next little section shows the sad story of my weight - after holding it steady for the previous three years, I put on fifteen pounds and tied with my previous all time high. Let's just leave that there for now.

The next section contains some measures of wellness. I fell off the formal meditation bandwagon big time, this year. I believe I incorporate moments of mindfulness throughout my life in ways I didn't before I started meditating, but I don't sit for a practice much any more. In fact, many of the times I show I meditated, I put on a recorded meditation in the middle of the night in order to try to get back to sleep. In good news, migraine hours continue to decline! Two months with NO MIGRAINES at all! Woohoo! Sleep is relatively steady, and resting heart rate bounced around during the year, but the overall average didn't change that much.

The last section tracks various enrichment things. Again, these are not necessarily the most important things, but are things that are relatively easy to track and do show some softer aspects of my life. I was a reading machine this year, I wish I'd seen more movies, I hardly blogged at all, and likewise I failed to enjoy the delights of the city and city friends. But I traveled a lot, and I got a decent amount of sailing in. 

I've found the story of the ups and downs of the year are best captured in a graph of my daily steps throughout the year.

The dots are the daily step totals. The dark blue line is a running monthly average, and so shows the longer term trend hidden within the noise of daily variation. The lighter blue line is a running weekly average, so shows a shorter term trend than the monthly one.

So follow along the graphlines to read the story of my year. We start with an optimistic and motivated January, with several very busy days, followed by a steady decline in late winter and early spring as the bad weather and my bad knees dragged me down. There were some high points, but the trip to the Utah desert in March was disappointing as the weather kept us in. The weather got better during spring in Maryland, and I went out to California in April and I walked my brains out. Back home, I tried to get off the couch to train for my trip to the Nordic Isles in June and July, but pretty much I just hoped for the best and as a result I failed to enjoy the trip as much as I could have. I overused my knees and was often in pain.

I vowed to do better for my planned trip to Greece. We see a steady increase in average steps, facilitated by cortisone shots in my knees at the end of August, and steady physical therapy during September and October. Greece went really well, until I got covid. 

So the rest of the year was in the cellar, with constant struggles to get off the couch and move. The month of December has the lowest average steps of any month in years. It also has the most number of very low activity days. So I went on some walks, but consistency is lacking.

Steps are clearly a proxy for overall activity, but I think it's a pretty good substitute. I know that studies have shown that there is a clear relationship between few steps and all-cause mortality. From 4,000 steps a day to 8,000 steps a day, there is a clear relationship where more steps and better health are very tightly correlated. This is a correlation, and there is NOT a clear demonstration that moving from fewer steps to more steps results in better outcomes. It could be that folks in an unstoppable decline walk less. Is there such a thing as an unstoppable decline?

I don't want to end on a sour note, so let me say that right now, in the beginning of January, I feel pretty good, and very motivated to keep moving. I know deeply that moving more makes me feel better - there can be a virtuous spiral upward. So let's leave last year behind us, with maybe a few lessons learned, and go forward to the new year.