Not-so-Silent Retreat: The Hikes

We went on one or two "hikes" every day. Real hikers would perhaps scoff - we didn't rack up much mileage. But the trails were rocky, dusty, vertical, and sometimes directly through streams. I thought it was a great balance of activity and chilling. I need both.

The first afternoon, we took a stroll through a canyon where the highlight was a chance to climb on a rock wall above a waterfall. It was also my first exposure to how life is experienced when social media is not just for fun, but how one earns a living. Our professional photographer - and all of us - had to capture all kinds of moments to be used in posts that included tags for various sponsors. This was not annoying, just different. I'm getting more used to the fact that without pics it didn't happen, but in this case, it was not solely for fun - but it was always fun.  When we got to the rock climbing part, not everyone went up the wall, but I did. The difficulty was minimal, though as always the challenge is some transition in balance from using my arms to relying on my legs to hold me up.

The stream was mostly dry

I did that too

Social media life

The next day was a much more challenging slot canyon with a much taller waterfall.  It was truly scary, but we all did the climb at the end. First, however, we ascended a canyon with a very cold stream running through it, often forced to walk through the water directly. We had loaner hiking boots from one of the sponsors, Merrell. We also had hiking sticks (like ski poles) which I used for the first time. I have been reluctant to use poles because I think they look nerdy. But, balancing on rocks in a swiftly moving stream, I welcomed the extra help in balancing. I also found them useful for taking pressure off my knee when going up or down big steps.

The path is only through the water

Trying to improve my selfie technique - remember to smile!

Bits of sunlight changed the temperature

Gaining confidence

Slow shutter speed

Steep sides

Claiming it as my own

Yes, we did a bra shot

After chilling back at the house for some hours, we headed out to a place with big rocks for yoga at sunset. No pictures of the actual yoga, as I was doing it. Just the big rocks and big sky.

The next morning was literally up well before dawn to go into Zion National Park, climbing in the dark to a scenic overlook to watch the sun rise. This was absolutely the most amazing time. We had the spot mostly to ourselves, because of being early birds. There was a huge backup to get into the park we saw on our way out.

Not quite light

I could actually see the line of the sun move on the hills

Feeling on top of the world

This was pretty high up

The light is about to come

Everything is fabulous

More light

More yoga was done

Great spot for a pose - always paying attention

After dawn, we made one other stop in Zion to see some petroglyphs.

That evening, post chilling and before dinner, we did a trail run just a couple of miles from the house. My knee didn't actually let me run for more than five minutes. (I've got to get that fixed.)  Mirna the ultra-runner gave us tips and coaching. Since I didn't run much, I also spent time admiring the plants.

Trail

There was a very steep hill at the end

Datura

The last full day was extraordinary in a different way. We were going up a very steep canyon. It involved giant steps up rocks, requiring hands for me, and my knee simply couldn't do it. I said I was going to turn around, but due to a slight fear of thunderstorms causing a flash flood, everyone came with me. After the shorter-than-planned hike, we drove through the home of the FLDS (the splinter group of polygamists and pedophiles who think the LDS, Mormons, are not conservative enough. Since a series of arrests and trials, the world has come to this place, and it is slowly opening to the world. We did not actually see many people, perhaps because it was Sunday, perhaps because it was hot.

Enjoying the moment

A random arch

Apparently one is required to strike this pose when wearing this shirt

Perhaps the most brilliant day

 We headed in the cars towards a scenic overlook that required less climbing and that would be above any floods. But we stopped before reaching the spot, because the road was rough and it appeared there was a serious rescue of a mountain biker underway, involving many high speed vehicles. This random desert moment proved surprisingly emotional.

This patch of desert is the back door to Zion

We felt the end of our time coming soon

Community

Better selfie?

The final morning, the clouds and the rain were coming. We took a walk through cinders up the side of an ancient volcano. More yoga was done. Then were were done.

Early

Cholla cactus

Bye

Anticipation and Trepidation

I've been taking a class, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction.  Pretty much, it's a class in meditation, specifically mindfulness-based meditation, which is one thread of many. I've been meaning to write about it but one side effect of doing the meditation is going quiet. Also taking time to do the meditation, which eats at other time.

The past year has been very stressful for me. I'm in a much happier place at work and with the kids, so now I'm more down to "normal" stress, I guess. But I signed up for the class in the midst of desperation, and decided it was important to develop and practice specific skills that will help as life continues to appear in its full catastrophe.

At first, I loved the formal practice, because it allowed me to go quiet. It gives me techniques to chase the constant rumination, the constant planning, the constant busy-ness of my mind. In fact, I had problems with falling asleep during it!  But as I practiced more, now the underlying emotions come through. I had one experience while meditating where a whole set of feelings I didn't know were there came crashing through like a freight train. The aftermath left me shaken and frankly scared off from the practice. At the very least, I realized I'm playing with powerful forces and shouldn't allow myself to go deep at, for example, lunchtime in my office. So I'm back to it, but cautiously.  We also use movement-based mindfulness, which is easier to sneak in at the office - more of just a stillness that fills me, less of allowing other things to come through as the focus on the movement itself fills every corner.

Today, however, is a big day for the class. I'm off in a few minutes for a seven-hour silent retreat with the class. Yikes! What might happen? I want to totally be there, but there is a lot of trepidation about what might come up.

I am the skeptic, the analyst, the person with always one eye open, checking for the man behind the curtain, how the trick is done. This stuff doesn't seem to have tricks, but it seems to be really effective. We'll see if this is seven hours of boring calm (with perhaps an inadvertent nap) or a life-changing experience.

The Science of Yoga

I just finished The Science of Yoga by William J. Broad.  I want to do more yoga!  According to the author, yoga is probably the secret to happiness, better health, incredible sex, and world peace. But what yoga is not, says Mr. Broad, is:  safe; aerobic exercise; or well understood.

This book is probably the definitive voice on the topic. The author carries great credentials, with two Pulitzers and an Emmy in his background. Currently he is a science journalist for the New York Times. He has also practiced yoga for decades. So with my tremendous respect for thorough documentation and reliance on primary sources, I've decided to believe what he writes.

On safety: there is no central database or reporting on yoga injuries as such. But there are many instances of various kinds of injuries from taking things too far. Most disturbingly, the inverted poses and positions that put pressure on the neck can and do lead to strokes, sometimes fatal. Training of yoga instructors is very uneven, and there are no feedback or communications mechanisms to let even conscientious instructors know what is happening elsewhere so they can modify their practices to make them safer. He strongly faults the yoga industry for not facing these issues.

On exercise:  there have been several definitive and rigorous studies measuring what is happening in the body during and after a yoga class, focusing on measuring how much exercise is going on and what kinds of impacts on heart rate, breathing, and oxygen levels in the blood are created. It is totally clear: yoga, even sun salutations and other flowing combined movements, are not exercise. Yoga slows metabolism, and the effects linger. All other things being equal, a slower metabolism is likely to result in fewer calories burned in the course of a day.

But all other things are never equal. The stress reduction effects from yoga are likely to be producing so many other health benefits that its clearly worth it.  The strength and flexibility gains are very real as well. It's just not the only exercise you will ever need, despite common claims to the contrary.

If you are interested in yoga, read this book. Most of it explores the positive sides of yoga, and what we know about its mental and physical benefits. The promise of yoga is enormous. Mr. Broad would like to see it expand and blossom in conjunction with science so that it becomes part of mainstream life. And that just might lead to universal happiness and world peace.

The Practice

I've been to several yoga classes now and I'm really liking it.  Still not so much of an aerobic workout, though I get a good chance to use my strength as well as trying to improve balance and flexibility.

It feels so good!  I am getting micro-corrections into my stance, and I'm trying to incorporate what I'm learning more into how I stand and sit all the time.  I don't know if that is what others do, but I find myself standing still waiting for the elevator, and I plant my feet with the second toes pointed straight ahead, I dig the balls of my feet into the earth, I rotate my inner thighs back, I grow my tailbone straight down, scoop my pelvis, curve the mid part of my chest forward while pulling my shoulder blades back and together, suddenly I'm rooted to the center of the earth and feeling both powerful and thankful.  I suspect the untrained eye detects absolutely no change in me at all, it feels so subtle and yet profound what I am doing.

I think this is really good for my back problems, the specific posture I'm practicing. It's taking pressure off the vertebrae that squeeze my sciatic nerve, and I feel better for it. I don't know if this is what I'm supposed to be doing - incorporating portions of the positions into my everyday movements - but I'm enjoying it. The teacher has not really talked about doing that, only about maybe practicing certain positions and transitions in a set-aside time and place. But this is what I'm doing with what I learned.

The other part of what we are doing involves positions requiring strength and balance. I'm also stretching a whole lot, trying to get my incredibly tight hamstrings so I can straighten my legs when bent in the middle. I love the way the stretches feel, especially afterwards.

I'm going to sign up for another set of sessions for after my vacation.

First Yoga Class EVER

Yesterday was a monsoon, starting in the mid morning and not letting up till very early this morning. The heavy rain and darkness sucked the energy out of me, and much of the day was spent on one couch or another, where I read one murder mystery and an YA fantasy novel.  But right now, early Sunday morning, the sunshine is almost painfully brilliant and it will stay that way all day. The energy is up and I'm ready to DO some things. But first, I need to check in here. It's been too long. I have to be reflective and accountable if I'm going to make any progress.

My philosophy is changing on how I want to handle my diet and exercise for a while. I want to go down in weight - duh - any woman with a butt like mine would!  But strong, flexible, balanced, and connected to my family are things I need to put my energy into right now. That means compromises on how I will eat, and how I will spend my time, from the things I would do and eat if I were on my own.

The gym is paid for the next several months, so I'll be doing that. But I've added an activity I'm incredibly excited about:  Yoga.  Many of my friends do it regularly. I've read books - mostly memoirs -  where it figures largely in people's lives. It's seemed mysterious and magic to me. But except for not very effective Wii or a DVD, I've never done it at all.  I signed up for a class, but I'll miss the first scheduled one next Tuesday. Knowing that, when I saw the studio has a free open-house style weekend of classes before starting their new semester next week, I showed up yesterday to a beginner's session.

I'm not sure what I was expecting - maybe a single session would lead to enlightenment, peace, and a whole new outlook on the world? It didn't do that. I'm not disappointed, certainly, but I'm re-calibrating my expectations, now that I've got something from real life to build on.  If it does completely change my life, it will come from the repeated practice, not like a bolt of lightening.

The class teacher was not what I expected. She is short, fat, and 62 years old (she isn't the regular teacher for my class. My teacher, per web bio, is currently a major number cruncher with the government. It is a company town.)  She was.... more like me than not. A senior financial analyst with the government until she retired and became full time yoga instructor. Shaped like an apple, but extremely strong and flexible. Used words I hear at the gym, "quadriceps"and "sacroiliac", along with Sanskrit words and more spiritual phrases.

We began with conversation, then sitting and briefly chanting. Then she demonstrated and talked us through several moves. All but one were well within my competence for reach and strength (the one I couldn't do required balance), but they were subtly different from the gym. The moving from one place to another, the words used to describe what we were doing ("melt your heart") gave it a context that was nice. We ended with "corpse pose" and chanting again. It wasn't too eastern-mysterious, and I do believe physical actions will affect you mentally, so I did the chants out loud while reserving in my mind my rational skepticism. The yoga class followed immediately my regular Saturday gym class and that is not something I'll do regularly. I have some minor soreness now, and I can't tell if its the yoga or the gym. The schedule I'm going to try is Tuesday nights, from 8 pm to 9:30 pm, a time I would normally be vegging out with the kids or at home.  "Found time".

Coming up today? Yard work, added to the inside chores I could have done but didn't do yesterday. The kids are on spring break, and I've got a vacation mentality too. The boys are going to visit the college boy tonight (its a surprise so I hope they find him!!) and Monday night the girls are taking the dog to the beach on the Eastern shore. Got to organize some road food for us, but no family dinners or work lunches before Thursday. Good to get out of the routine and do something different.

PS: for the third week in a row, my average weight has been exactly (within 0.1 pound) the same.  The good news is, the bouncing around is less than it had been, the body has really settled here. I'll be ok with staying here for a while as long as it doesn't go up. As the weather gets nicer, I'll be more active. I can always blitz to break the set point later, when I can spend a couple of weeks or so really focusing on it.

I borrowed and adapted a technique from a couple of other friends and bloggers (Kim and Alice) , and started (on the fly, its so easy) a personal daily log of things to give myself credit for. I'm only giving myself positive reinforcement there. It's not comprehensive, only the plusses. I've linked it on the right, and it is here.
Very boring, but feel free to look and comment.  Because I'm that way, I sum up each day with an arbitrary point total (again, only pluses no minuses). So far, it's just for the additional positive reinforcement of looking at a number that will grow over time.