Moving Along

I'm feeling kind of at loose ends at the moment - waiting for things to happen. They start happening next week! But right now, I'm filling time with chores.

The good news is, I've really been feeling a lot more energetic recently. I've motivated myself by scheduling things to happen, and I'm out there doing things to clear the decks so when they do (happen), I'll be able to take advantage. So chores and more chores it is - gardening and house, mostly. But I'm getting things done that have literally sat on a list for years. Trivial things, not major improvements, but things that I notice or that make a little difference in each day. So some feeling of satisfaction from that.

And more satisfaction from the fact I am clearly stronger than a year ago. It's obvious in my weight workouts. It's also showing up in the activity stats my watch collects. So far this year, my average steps are higher than the previous three years. That makes them the highest since my counted steps fell off a cliff at the end of 2022. (Why did they fall off a cliff? I went back and looked - I think I decided to let my knees determine how much I moved overall. The knee operation was in November 2023 - and I spent much of the year waiting for it.)

The less good news includes my knees - both of them - are hurting more than a little. Not so that I can't walk, just enough for me to feel them every time I climb stairs. But I've decided not to allow them to limit me so much. I'm squatting and lunging and stair climbing away. And walking and standing. My doctor has assured me that I will not damage the knees by using them, and I choose to believe him. And really, they usually feel at their worst when I start an activity, and feel no worse, or even better, as I move along.

More less good news is that my weight loss has slowed or stalled. I weigh every day I'm home, and the weight jumps around a lot each day: down .4 pounds, then up .8, then down .3, then down another .1, then up .2 .... Pop quiz: did I lose weight or not? Picking a trend out is not so easy - I have to use averages, step back and squint. Are any of the numbers the lowest I've seen this year? That's a positive sign! But then up 2.4 pounds the very next day! I won't stop the daily stepping on the scale, but I'm only rarely spending any time figuring out what that means for the trend.

I am spending that time right now, because I'm coming up on the time to order my next four weeks of meds. Is it time to increase the dosage? I'm definitely having more food thoughts, a change from a few weeks ago when I was more gliding along. So continuing to look at the weight data is important, but so is assessing how much effort I'm putting into managing my food. I liked when it seemed more easy and natural to make the right choices.

So I'll continue to monitor for the next few days. Unless I have a big whoosh of a loss in the next week (usually heralded by peeing my brains out), I'm going to request the next higher dosage. The good news is, that will give me two weeks to get used to that higher dosage (5.0) before I go away on vacation. The internet has many horror stories of side effects - I don't take them all seriously. But someone pointed out that this first step increase is the only time the dosage is literally doubled. Each additional increase is another 2.5 mg, but  it's a smaller percentage increase. 

To make me feel better, here is the big picture - my weight as an adult:

Each horizontal line is 10 pounds. The red line is where I stabilized before. 
The blue line is my goal weight in previous weight loss efforts.

 

I'm back down to the pre-intuitive-eating weight, before I decided "Fuck It, I'm just eating". Yay! And on this scale, you can't really tell that the slope has tapered off in the last month. So I really like this picture.

 

 

Pre-Trip Musings and Tidbits

I'm in a whirlwind of chores to get ready to leave for France. But in the midst of all of this activity, I'm also in my first little stall in weight loss, eight weeks in. It's not really a stall until it's lasted for way way longer than this. At this point, it's only been a week. But I'm concerned, wondering what is up. Is it that the meds aren't working, and I should up my dose? Or is it that I'm not eating and behaving appropriately? How is this going to affect my trip? 

I went on weight loss meds because I want to create an environment where I can be successful at losing weight and maintaining a lower weight without a huge amount of mental or physical effort to always be focused on eating the right things. (By physical effort, I mean the logistics of buying and preparing food. I know I will always need physical effort to be strong. Exercise till the day I die, baby.) The Weight Watchers app is a great tool to guide and track my food choices, but I don't want it to be my most used phone app every single day!

In the last three weeks I've had a birthday and an unusual-for-me number of social engagements involving food. I've relaxed and eaten what I want, in the quantities that feel right to me in the moment. I'm not meticulously pre-planning every day in advance to make sure I'm going to hit my targets. Instead, I'm more going with the flow, mostly going to my go-to foods I know help get me where I want, but swapping things out as the mood takes me. I thought, "I've got this nailed! Easy-peasy!" Based on recent scale evidence, maybe I shouldn't (yet) trust myself this way. 

I've found that in restaurants, my choices and my portions are different than they would have been before the meds. Those things that would have appealed to me in the past, carb and fat laden, (Alfredo pastas, I'm looking at you!) don't appeal quite as much. Fat especially is off-putting to me. But that is when I really stop and reflect before ordering, and when eating. If I charge ahead without much thought, old habits are right there. I go to the old staples on the menu, and then regret it.  Portions are easier. I fill up more quickly, and unless I'm really wolfing something down with no pause, I will stop well before I'm done. 

I read an article recently (I'm not taking the time to go back and search where, but probably in a newspaper, and probably now I think about it, the Wall Street Journal). The article was speculating on how the new weight loss drugs would impact the food industry. There is actually a lot of speculation about how supermarkets might need to change, but this article wasn't buying it. The author notes how use of the GLP-1 drugs is very much NOT evenly spread through the population. So, looking at the supermarket shopping carts of those on the drug, healthier foods will be spotted than in the average American shopping cart. But, the author asserts, that is likely because those currently on the drugs are those who already eat healthier than normal, are more affluent, more likely to shop at farmer's markets and less likely to buy fast food. But as the drugs become cheaper and more wide spread in their use, the demographics of those taking them will change. If the major effect of the drugs is to re-calibrate hunger and fullness (the author speculates), perhaps the type of foods in folks' shopping carts will not change much. After all, his final well-put thought is, "half a Big Mac is still a Big Mac, it's not an apple". It is too soon, he says, to change over our food system to different types of food. I don't know if he's right, but he has a major point on the demographics. And, on still going for a Big Mac, even if you can't finish it.

So I'm going to be in France, well known for taking food seriously. And excellently. And using butter and cream in everything. On the other hand, I'll be on a river boat where three meals a day are provided. Perhaps the boat cuisine will not that great. I'm not wishing for that, oh no, not at all, just speculating. (The internet reviews tell me it'll be great.) I certainly will not be seeking out the best restaurants in every port of call, though if on-board croissants aren't up to snuff, I will absolutely seek those out elsewhere! I intend to deny myself nothing during the trip, because food is definitely part of the experience. But maybe I'll be able to have a few elegant and savored bites, and be done.  I'm also taking along some dried edamame and garbanzo bean snacks for travel days, and if I feel like I'm not getting enough protein or fiber.

Already, weeks ago, I resigned myself to having a bit of a vacation bump-up in weight. My experience in the past is this always has happened, and generally I've gone back to my previous set point within a week of returning. But now, going into the vacation with a mini-stall, I'm worried. And, because I always borrow trouble plan ahead, I'm thinking about when I renew my Zepbound prescription for the next four weeks. That renewal is scheduled for the day I come back from the trip, and I had assumed I'd stay on my same low dose for another month. That was based on continuing to lose at that dose. I think I can delay requesting the renewal for a few days after I come back, but no matter what the scale says, I (currently) think I should just stay at this dosage through May. By then, I'll have significantly more evidence about how the drugs are affecting me and what it will take for consistent, continuing, weight loss. Time enough to bump up later, if needed.

In the meantime...

 

Most of these linen and cotton shirts were "hang to dry" anyway
But they definitely need ironing now!
The weird pink thing is a strawberry tower - 
check out the garden blog

I still haven't bothered to get my dryer repaired or replaced. Luckily, we've had some sunny weather, and the clothesline in the back yard works great. I don't hang my underwear out there, though! It's fairly private, but not completely. Everything takes longer to line dry, though, so I've had to plan way ahead on what I'm taking on the trip, and make sure it's clean, dry, and ready to go.

 

 

 

 

 

And in other news, my girl leaves for Oregon a couple of days after I go to France. I've offloaded a lot of my old camping equipment - and even outer-layer clothes - on her. She'll be living in an minimally furnished house with co-workers, and camping some of the time. I had a tent to give her, and emergency supplies I took from my own bug-out bag for her day pack: a multi-tool knife, a headlamp, a mylar blanket, a solar lantern, a water filter, a Bic lighter, and also rain gear I outgrew (sideways) and a beanie hat. We went together to REI where I had fun fitting her up with a compass, whistle, tiny first-aid kit, and new socks to go with her new hiking boots. I relate to this experience of hers through my memories of my undergraduate years, where I majored in field trips (though the degree says different). I had a summer in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan in an old logging camp, learning the same field skills that she will use. (She learned much of what she needs to know in Australia, and will be trained in specifics. But she will be alone in the woods before dawn most days.) I'm sorry I won't be there to wave good-bye to her as she sets off into the world to seek her fortune. I know she'll do fine, and I also hope she will enjoy it. I'm so grateful she has wanted to share her prep and planning with me! It's been fun!

Excellent Day!

I like the shirt-over-tee look.
Note the gold sneaks. First time wearing,
but I want to make sure they will be comfy 
for France.

Yesterday was my birthday, and many lucky things came together. It was sunny, and the warmest day so far this year. I spent the morning out in the garden, doing long-neglected chores. The only member of my globe-trotting family actually in town had locked in dinner and a movie with me for the evening. It stayed lovely and warm and we were able to sit outside for dinner. As it turns out, the movie Project Hail Mary was absolutely fabulous, a rare 5 stars from me. As my girl said, "competence porn and the cutest alien ever" made for a rousing end to the night. 

Prepping for my French trip is on my mind, especially how to manage eating while traveling. I used the day to experiment with some food.

 I've been really very good at eating to hit my goals. But, I live alone and mostly eat alone. That makes things way easier to control things. For my birthday, I decided to choose food first and track only after eating. I am curious - what choices will I make when I listen to my body and figure out what I really want? And, alcohol. I've been on the drug for 5 1/2 weeks, but I haven't had a drink. How would that go over?

I've noticed that I get hungrier much earlier in the day than before. With an ambitious protein target, I've started eating very early. I'm up between 6-7, and by 7:30 (or earlier) I have been eating either a cup of cottage cheese or half or a whole bottled protein shake. Then, after exercise and getting dressed, I have a second breakfast. So, on my birthday, I dutifully wolfed down a portion of cottage cheese before going off to the supermarket to replenish my fruit supply. I decided I could treat myself to a pastry, and browsed the selection. While an apple turnover has been my absolute favorite, I went with a standby - a blueberry scone. I found, when I did a gut check to see what feels good (as opposed to sounds good), the less sweet and fat but more filling alternative hit the mark. When I checked later, it turns out they are fairly even in terms of points-heavy and protein/fiber poor. 

The breakfasts kept me satisfied as I busied myself in the garden. I had lunch after noon, driven as much by the clock as hunger. I wanted to pace myself so that I would be hungry for an early dinner out. I had a simple meal of lean meat and fruit, no urge for carbs. In the late afternoon, I wanted a pick-me-up, and I had some delicious halvah. 

I picked the Irish bar based on wanting a good beer and the ability to sit outside. My poor vegan girl was stuck with side dishes, fries and spinach and mushrooms. As I went through the menu, I was sure I was hungry but equally sure I wouldn't be able to finish anything I ordered. Again, trying a gut check, imagining how I'd feel after eating anything. Fish and chips had been on my mind, but I didn't think that would work. I love their red meat entrees, beef stew and lamb stew, shepherds pie and corned beef and cabbage, but they seemed heavy for what was feeling like a summer day. So I ended up with a club sandwich, with a side salad. And a couple of my girl's fries. I didn't finish the beer (though it was wonderful) and took half the sandwich home, where it's today's lunch. 

After dinner, we stashed my leftovers in the car, and stopped at Ben and Jerry's before the movie. I got their smallest cup, chocolate fudge cake, and loved it but was satisfied before I was done. Very rare for me to toss unfinished ice cream in the trash! 

So when I tracked today, it ended up being 62 points! For reference, my daily allotment is 23 points, with roughly 20-30 points to spread over the week. So my birthday put me in the hole, I'm showing negative weekly points! But, a joy of Weight Watchers is a daily reset on the daily points (I've got another 23 today) and a weekly reset on the weekly extras. So I can't start a day or a week already behind. But, despite all the points, I made neither the protein nor fiber targets. 

What did I learn? That thinking "no rules" doesn't mean I'll go absolutely bonkers. It was just under 1600 calories. I regret nothing, except maybe the late-afternoon halvah (5 points). A tangerine or an apple would also have worked on my desire for a little sugar boost. I also noticed a real difference between what sounded good in the abstract, the kind of thing I used to really want, and how I imagined it would make me feel after I ate it. I have some data to base those imaginings on. I am pretty sure one of the reasons I didn't go bonkers is because of the sense of fullness that comes easily to me. There is a lag between eating and feeling my stomach, but my projecting forward of how I'll feel in the future is based on what's been happening recently. Also, eating slowly allows the feelings to catch up before I've gone too far.

In other news, my furnace broke the same time as my clothes dryer. The furnace is fixable, but four figures worth. The first couple of dryer repairmen I called told me mine is a piece of crap that they won't work on. (Word in the 'hood is most appliance repairmen are quirky curmudgeonly types. Give me a break, I respect experts in all fields, but I don't feel like catering or coddling.) I also owe taxes and have a big boatyard bill coming up. So I've decided to forego a dryer for the time being. I strung a clothesline in the back yard, and I've got a drying rack in the basement. Just a couple of blocks away is a nice lavanderia with a convenient and not terribly expense wash-and-fold service - I used that after my knee operation when I couldn't handle the basement stairs. So I'll limp along, perhaps until I get back from France.

Learning Things

At this point, I feel like making sure I'm successful on the GLP meds is my job. I'm thinking about it most of the time. I'm experimenting with foods, I'm checking in on my body, I'm getting up and moving around after I eat and the stomach is full. I'm reading everything I can find. Of course, making sure what I'm reading is from a reputable source is always an issue, especially since much of the information comes via social media or AI.

Weightless by Rocio Salas-Whalen

This book was recommended by a chat group on the WW app. It came out in December of last year, so it's quite up-to-date. I consider myself well informed about GLP meds, but I learned a lot from this book. I listened to it - 9 hours over the course of a week - as if it were a novel. I found it so useful that I've now ordered it to get a hard copy delivered. I love to listen to books, both fiction and non-fiction, but the listening format makes it very hard to go back and reference something. Even ebooks sometimes make it harder to look things up. I am a huge ebook and audio book fan, but if I'm going to be flipping back and forth through a book I prefer to have a hard copy in my hands.

The author has been a long term specialist in obesity medicine. This book is soup to nuts, from the history of obesity treatments and the development of GLP meds, to current options, what to expect, how to handle issues, and what to expect and options for handling maintenance. And like every self-improvement book you've ever read, individual stories:  "Carol was frustrated. She came to me because....".

She frames how to think about being on the meds as "creating a helpful environment for you to make the changes that will sustain you for the long term". In other words, the drugs don't do it, you do. And that takes work.

Here are some things that stuck out for me as I listened, that I want to go back and read more and study more. She is a fanatic on preserving muscle by eating protein and working out. She wants people to think of what we are doing is less about weight loss and more about "body recomposition". By this she means shifting the ratio of fat to muscle in our bodies. In her view, body composition analysis is how to determine if the process has been successful for you, not the scale readings. 

She writes about resistance and weight training, which I'm on top of. But she sets really high targets for the daily protein intake - for everybody, all ages and sexes, an absolute bare minimum of 100 grams of protein a day. This is significantly higher than the 83 gram minimum WW sets for me. I am close to that WW minimum almost every day, but raising it to 100 grams will be really hard. She is a big fan of whey protein powder, which I'm not ready to embrace. She suggests the best way to make the protein target is to add whey powder to everything, from your morning coffee (not gonna happen) to sprinkling on other meals, and also a shake/smoothie. (I'm not sure why I'm so reluctant to try the whey powder - I think besides my aversion to frankenfoods I'm afraid of aftertastes. But maybe I should experiment. At Whole Foods, I found an entire section full of different kinds of whey powder. So maybe? But not in my sacred morning black coffee!)

She also asserts that our bodies generally don't absorb more than 30 grams of protein at a single meal, and so making the 100 gram target would require three hefty meals and a hefty snack, or some pattern of spreading it out through the day. I have a long history of not feeling hungry in the morning, and working out first thing on an empty stomach. But if I'm going to get all the right eating in, I need to start early. I have to eat smaller meals, and I want to finish big eating a few hours before bedtime. So I've tried grabbing a lowfat cottage cheese (19 grams protein) directly I get up. I've tried to restrict myself to only a couple of (plant-based) protein shakes a week, so far after working out, because they are definitely a frankenfood (ultra-processed). But they are very convenient, from 20-30 grams of protein, and fairly palatable. I have been adding some ground flaxseed to meals where it is easily disguised - tasteless to me, not gummy like chia seeds, but some impact on texture and looks. I cook my rice and pasta in bone broth. My latest try - using my girl's vegan hack for parmesan - nutritional yeast, found next to whey protein in the supplements aisle. (I read the label for plant-based "parmesan" in the vegan case at the store - 0 grams protein and 0 grams fiber. Must be made from petroleum?) Results are not yet assessed on the nutritional yeast.

The one disturbing (to me) thread throughout the book is how the author assumes losing weight is everyone's goal. (Though only with preserving muscle, not skinny only.)  If she talks about body positivity, inclusiveness, and health at every size (HAES), I missed it or it didn't stick with me (another reason to have a hard copy to look at). Intuitive eating didn't work for me, but I've spent years coming to terms with how I look and feel. I don't hate my body now. I am quite healthy, and don't have co-morbidities from my obesity. But still, HAES is about being as healthy as you can in the body you have now. There are health impacts from obesity, and losing weight fixes many of them. But there are even more social impacts, and I hate that that is true and I think it's wrong. But still, I would like to look better in nice clothes. 

I've thought about this, and the fact that no everyone who wants it actually has access to the drugs is not a reason for me to not take them. My not doing this, as an individual action, helps no-one. The fact not everyone wants to, or can, take them is also not a reason for me to stay away. I support those who are happy with the way things are, or choose a different path for whatever reason. But I'm still doing it.

Check-In - How are things?

TL;DR: I'm fine

I've finished three complete weeks on my GLP meds. So far, my side effects are only gas and some often present minor queasiness. I treat that with ginger hard candies. I also am often cold and when I'm not moving, huddling under blankets. I'm tracking my food meticulously through the WW app (interestingly, it gets easier the more you track, because it offers up choices you have used before). I am now doing a pre-plan in the morning, to make sure it's going to reach my protein and fiber targets. It's a bit like a jigsaw puzzle - do I need to fit a different piece into lunch because it's not adding up? It's surprisingly difficult!

I lost some weight very quickly, so quickly it started to make me nervous. WW discourages looking at calories but I was shocked to see a couple of days were less than 1,000 calories! No bueno! I was eating to hunger, but I don't want my body to shut down into starvation mode. Now, I'm eating more by the clock. But still, I plan out my day with plenty of food, and then find I can't finish everything on my plate. Mostly, I put it aside and try to come back in an hour or two. Overall, I'm back to eating much more normal totals for the day. Generally I'm having two hefty snacks, one in the afternoon and one later in evening. The snacks may be leftovers, or they may be dried and salted beans (edamame or garbanzos, this week) or Wasa rye crisp with flavored nut butter, and fruit - mandarins and apples.

I need to rely on convenience foods or foods I will prepare in bulk for leftovers - I'm not cooking three meals a day for myself. My girl recommended a brand of bottled protein shake loaded with protein and fiber both - Koia - and I'll have one of those for breakfast after working out. I do have to have something afterwards, because while it's good, it does still have a bit of an aftertaste. My favorite brand of canned tuna, Wild Planet, makes a couple of tinned ready-to-eat salads, tuna and beans, loaded with protein and fiber. I have a good selection of lentil and bean canned soups, ready to heat up. I often add some shredded rotisserie chicken to them, to make sure I'm getting to the protein numbers. The craving for sweets has seriously diminished. I have usually just a single square of chocolate in the evening, and feel satisfied with that.

I did my first prescription renewal; it was pro-forma. I'm staying on the same dose for another 4 weeks at least.  I requested the refill via app, updated some vitals stats, later that day my clinician approved it, and sent it to the pharmacy. They acknowledged receipt still on that first day. Three working days later, (the outside of how long  they said it should take), I got a text telling me to pay. I did that immediately, and got a status update it had shipped and should be delivered the next day. But UPS didn't come through, the package took a detour, and it showed up a day later. With the weekend, it took exactly one week - I requested on Wednesday and it showed up on  the next Wednesday. I can't count on the one-week delivery, I think - I'll continue requesting the renewal around the time of my third dose, so I'll have two weeks for approval and delivery.

 I'm already thinking ahead on how to handle my next trip. I'm going to France! Did I tell you guys that? In five weeks! As it turns out, my trip departs on a Thursday, injection day, so that's easily dealt with at home. I return 8 days later, Friday afternoon. I'm really thinking I don't want to travel with my syringe and vial, worrying about refrigeration, sharps disposal, etc., and I should just postpone my shot until I get home. Then, I can either do the following dose back on my Thursday schedule or else switch to Fridays. I read that adjusting by a day is generally ok - it's 3-4 days that get complicated. 

 

So to address the big question, how's my weight? It's fine. Using start day to today, I've lost 3.5 pounds in three weeks. The past few days, the loss has stalled, but it's way too soon to worry about that. It makes sense my body will adjust after the big woosh at the beginning. I would like to lose around a pound a week max, so I'm on track for that. I'm working with my trainer to lift heavier than before (I just got new 25 lb dumbbells, woohoo, moving up from the 20s!) and I'm hoping my focus on protein and that will keep me strong.

My smart scale purports to track fat vs. muscle besides weight, but these readings are notoriously inaccurate. Still, looking at the trend, it thinks I'm losing a mix of fat and muscle, but losing the fat at twice the rate of muscle. I was heartened to read an article in the NYTimes this week that says while every weight loss will lead to some reduced muscle, there is no evidence that using the GLP meds leads to more muscle loss than any other form of weight reduction. 

I kept up my cardio on my inside machines throughout February on days I don't lift. I intend to keep to that. But I rarely left the house in February for walks due to weather, and I've got to get back into that before my next trip. 

But so far, so good! 

How's it going?

 

Picture yesterday.
I have a "start day" photo, but it's so
unflattering - not so much in the body,
but in my expression. I forget to smile!

This is week two of the weight loss meds. Today is Friday, and injection day is Thursday. I have found that this blog is very useful to me as a journal and a reference, keeping me honest in my memories. It's so easy for a memory to become a story, and as it does so, it morphs and changes. That's not all bad, but it's good to also have a reality check on the past. And so I think it's worth capturing what's going on with me even when I feel like the answer is "not much".

The first week on the meds was fine. I had a great deal of trepidation, but all I have felt is minor versions of classic side effects. My stomach feels full quickly, and remains that way for a while. I'm gassy (and I was gassy before, too!) and sometimes those burps seem to carry some acid with them. I am often cold - no more am I embracing the weather in full Scandi style. Instead, I'm huddling in layers, under electric blankets, and not going out as much as I was before. (My tiktok girlies tell me this is a common symptom.) My sleep varies, with several periods of being wakeful in the middle of the night, other mornings the wakefulness starts at 5, and I just get up. (One night I peed FIVE times, leading me to adjust my hydration schedule!) Don't know if this sleep disruption is a symptom, as this sometimes happened anyway. I'm consistently getting to bed earlier, which helps.

Wednesday, the day before injection day, I was truly hungry for the first time. And for the first time that week I went over my daily points. (My WW reset points week is injection day.) Weekly points had been accumulating, from leftovers and activity, so there was plenty of buffer in the budget. I am focused on the protein and fiber numbers, and it is truly an effort to get there. I just added "calories" to the summary stats WW posts for each day, and I find most days have been below their suggested minimum of 1200. I don't want my body to go into starvation mode, start digesting my own muscles, and become hyper-efficient, requiring heroic efforts to lose any weight. I've been at least close to the targets every day, but I'm now planning to add an evening snack every day I seem to be falling short. My work is to have an inventory of snacks that move me in the right direction, not ice cream or Trader Joe's treats.

The injection paraphernalia I have to assemble for
the actual injection. I had the instructions out for this,
the second injection, not trusting to memory. 

I'm trying to undo years of a habitual after-eating flop to the couch and instead get up and move around after eating, which is really helpful in reducing any discomfort. I'm also trying to slow down my eating, and I'm breaking meals into smaller pieces - stopping partway through a meal, but coming back to the leftovers after an hour or two. I'm eating, but I'm on a major campaign to preserve or even build muscle through this, and so eating enough is really important to me. For the first time, I'm really using the WW app to plan in advance in detail. I try in the morning to build a day that will reach the four-way optimization of enough protein, fiber, and calories, while staying below the total points.

I've talked to my trainer about the WL meds, and she's on board with upping the weights and really going for improvement, not just maintenance, to fight muscle loss. I've had great workouts, and right after the workout I'm drinking a protein shake. They are excellent sources of protein and fiber, and I've found a brand that is fine. It tastes good, and I'm able to eat a tangerine or something afterwards to do away with a not-terrific aftertaste. I'm also sticking to my 15 minutes of cardio on the days I don't lift weights (so 2x weight training, 4x cardio, one day off). I was exhilarated yesterday on the Nordic Trak, and again today on the stationary bike, to find it had gotten much much easier.  The purpose of the cardio is to improve my cardio-vascular fitness, and the last two days were the highest I've gotten my heart rate up in a long time. I'm trying to hit the cardio commitment for the entire month of February and I've tied the purchase of some fun new tech to achieving that. When I talked about a newer, higher commitment for March, my trainer wisely suggested seeing if I'm still improving with the 15 minutes - and I am. So we'll see how it goes.

What has happened to my weight, by day 9 of the meds? I believe I have ranted before about how I think about my weight:  it is not really the number that appears at any one moment on the scale, but an average based on the trend. Variation around that trend is caused by water, and other transitory factors. And certainly the weight has been as volatile as ever this week. Here is the picture:

My weight in 2026- turn phone to landscape
The small green dots are daily scale readings. The dark blue line is the weekly average of those.
The big red dot is the first day of injection. 
The orange fuzzy lines are the 5-pound range I've been in since midway through 2022. 

 My weight was at the top end of my range since the beginning of the year (including my mid-January vacation). My daily scale readings have certainly gone down since the first injection. This is not uncommon, in my first week of trying to lose weight. But I won't really consider I'm well on my way to actually losing weight until I consistently see numbers below the bottom orange line - out of the past few years' range. 

But it certainly is nice to see the trend line going down!

 

 

February Tidbits

Brand recommended by my girl.
Tasty, and very little aftertaste

I don't think I'm in the mood today to write a long and meaningful or at least witty essay on anything - too scattered. So some notes.

• I did my first injection yesterday. TL;DR: mostly a non-event. I planned to exercise first, then eat, then inject. Somehow, while getting ready to inject, I suddenly realized how very important it was to clean my coffee pot - I've had it a while and never cleaned it. So I had to find the on-line users manual, make up a citric acid solution, and run through the iterative process to get the mineral scale out of it, and then to rinse it clean. (Pro-tip on coffee pot cleaning - citric acid is just as effective as white vinegar and much easier to rinse out afterwards.) Finally I assembled everything for the injection at the dining room table: glass vial from the fridge, syringe and sharps box from high up in my bedroom closet. Then, I remembered a tiktok that said to leave the vial out of the fridge for a while to let it warm up before injecting it. So another chore got done instead. Finally finally, I opened the syringe package, filled the syringe from the vial, and injected into my belly. Couldn't really feel it, as everyone says. Totally a non-event.
• How did I feel? Yesterday, I felt a bit queasy from time to time, and had some ginger. I have even more gas than usual. Nothing big. Yes, stomach seemed a bit full, and getting up and moving around was helpful.
• Speaking of exercise, I'm trying very hard to do 15 minutes of cardio every single day. Cardio hard enough to raise my heart rate significantly. Today marks two weeks of doing it, every day I don't do weight training with my trainer. This was a recommendation from my primary care doctor last year, and my neurologist confirmed that 15 minutes a day seems to be sweet spot for migraines - less exercise leads to more attacks, more exercise is good for your body but seems to have no impact on migraines. If I get through February with doing this every day, I'll treat myself to something.

• 

  Clockwise from top right: 
  Mussels, Steak, Chicken, Butter, Andouille 
  Sausage, Hot Dogs, Ravioli

  
  I joined a butcher's club! There is a butcher shop in Takoma Park, Soko Butchers, with fabulous local food. They have a monthly box - I got the smallest available. And you get what you get. I thought of an Athena Scalzi-style long post all about it, but never mind, here's a quick recap
• Mussels! Kind of ironic after my rant about fish in the house, but I cooked and ate them last night, and cleaned up and got the garbage out. High protein!
• Tenderloin steak - aka filet mignon. Tonight or tomorrow, going with the sear-and-then-roast approach. (My boys did that (in my kitchen) before Christmas, and started a fire and filled the place with smoke for over an hour. But it tasted good!) 
• Airline chicken. Who knew that was a thing?  I've got a plan for the air fryer.
• Hotdogs and sausages, I love them.
  Local VERY tasty butter, may last a while given how I'm trying to eat
• Heart-shaped ravioli 
• So I'll be cooking for bit.  

•  Today, I definitely feel bloated, full in the abdomen. If I was wearing a belt instead of elastic waist pants, I'd be loosening it. After early morning exercise, I had a protein shake instead of oatmeal for breakfast, followed a while later by tangerines to get the taste out of my mouth. It's sunny and not too cold, so I need to convince myself that 15 minutes of exercise before breakfast is not a reason to sit around the rest of the day.

Weight-loss Meds Eve

That's a little bit optimistic. My meds are going to be delivered, probably Wednesday or Thursday. I'm tracking via UPS. Hopefully no more snowstorms to upset the schedule!

 I'm all ready for this. I've been preparing since late last year. I waited until after I got back from my big vacation to set this in motion, and it's taken a little bit longer than I had hoped. But they're on their way.

I've done a ton of research on this. I'm doing this via Weight Watchers, based on the experience of my pathfinder and an on-line look at reviews for other places. I've read pretty much everything on the WW site, met on-line with their doctor, and got approved. I spent time on social media and with ChatGPT (surprisingly useful for very specific questions). So I have a plan, which will of course be modified as soon as I get some practical experience. In the meantime, I'm staying away from anymore online input. I've got what I need to get started. 

A couple of notes about what's happening and my plans:

I'm getting Zepbound (tirzepatide) vials direct from the supplier, Lilly. Bit of a story, but the cost for vials from which I fill a syringe is half or less than getting pens. I've watched a ton of videos, from Lilly and others, about how to do it. I bought a sharps container for disposal, and read the regulations for my state. I'll have the Lilly video in front of me the first time I do it. I'll refill the scrip on-line, based on my experience at delivery timeframes.

I'm not too worried about what sites on my body to use, I'll rotate. I've thought a lot more about time of day and day of week for the weekly injection. While you can adjust the day after you start, it's better to stick with the same day, and it seems even the same time of day. That means I don't start as soon as they are in hand, but where and when I think I'll end up for a schedule. And apparently, a reason to focus on the schedule from the start is the med's effect on body and mind is greatest shortly after the injection, and it wears off during the week. There are also greatest chances for side effects early on in the weekly cycle.

One of the major concerns about these meds for old people such as myself is muscle loss. I already do the recommended weight training level of twice a week. But there are recommendations about timing of injection and exercise. For example, don't exercise directly after an injection (duh). More interestingly, the recommendation seems to be to do weight training on days 2-4 of the weekly cycle (injection day is day 0). Since my standing convenient weight training appointments are Monday and Wednesday mornings, I think I'll be injecting Fridays or Saturdays. (In contrast to some folks, since I'm retired and have retired friends, weekends are not often very different than weekdays as far as eating and social events go, so that's less of a consideration.) My initial shipment should be here by this Friday.

The intensity of the weight session recommended is interesting: sets of 8-10 reps (calibrate the weight so that is appropriately challenging), if exhausted, reduce sets not weight. Keep the intensity up to keep those muscle fibers feeling like they are needed! This fits with my trainer's philosophy, and we agreed a few weeks back to try to up the overall intensity and progression.

Recommendations for cardio for seniors on weight loss meds are weaker. There is the standard "150 minutes a week" recommendations, but most sources say if you need to choose between cardio and weight training, choose weight training every time. And cardio should be lighter in intensity. No marathon training or blowing through VO2 max. I've just upped my intentional cardio to try to use each of my machines every day I'm not weight training. I'm trying to do 15 minutes every single day, and once I've got that as a baseline, I'll up the minutes. But I'm trying to build the consistency habit first. And it's only 15 minutes! I should always have time for that. In contrast, when I rely on a walk as my main cardio, I have to set aside much more time. I have available to me from the Apple watch "time in heart rate zones" and I'm trying to build up time in a higher zone. 

There are also recommendations, sometimes conflicting from different sources, about timing of eating with weight training sessions. Apparently it affects how efficiently a body metabolizes the protein eaten. After discussion with my long time trainer (who just finished a certification course for fitness for seniors and who has a slew of other training and certifications) I'm going to plan to eat something high protein right after we finish a session. I never eat beforehand now, and my early training timeslot wouldn't lend itself to finishing a meal a couple of hours before our session. They also say don't do a cardio session after a "long fast" (eg overnight). I think my little fifteen minute session isn't a huge concern, even with some intensity, but I will definitely plan to eat shortly afterwards. This will have to intentional. My current habits sometimes have me eating more like a brunch, sometimes exercising, then spending time grooming and dressing, then looking at my ipad, then finally getting around to preparing something to eat. One thing I think I'll try to keep on hand is low fat cottage cheese - a little container has 18 grams of protein and just enough carb to provide some short term fuel.

I haven't settled on a time of day for injections yet. One school of thought is that evenings allow sleeping through any nausea. Others say the injection at night prevents them from getting a full night's sleep. I'm curious about how this will make me feel, so I'm inclined towards a day time injection, at least to start, so I can actually pay attention to what is happening to me.

 I'm laying in supplies of easy-peasy high protein and high fiber foods. I've been using the Weight Watchers' app for a few months and I fully intend to continue using it.  I already had a big supply of ginger candies and teas for nausea - used for preventing or dealing with sea sickness, so that's in place. I've been experimenting with bottled protein shakes. I go down the supermarket aisle with my phone out, snapping barcodes with my Weight Watchers' app. It's easier to use the WW points as a shorthand for how useful the bottle is, rather than analyzing the nutrition label myself. One bottle I bought I sampled was a chocolaty flavor, and the first sip surprised me with how good it was. But then, the very bad aftertaste remained in my mouth for a long time - until I ate something else. I poured the rest of the bottle down the drain. Yuck! That's why I need to experiment.

My experience with the WW app has definitely geared me already towards protein and fiber, and my habits have adapted. There is a "GLP" switch in the app which I'll flip soon, I'm not sure what it does, but I'm guessing it emphasizes the protein and fibre more than it does point totals.  Dehydration is apparently a concern, but not so much for me. I don't track it, because I am the water queen, always with a glass or bottle next to me. I will maybe use a refillable measured bottle for a while to make sure I don't slump in this. I connected my watch to the WW app for the purpose of getting more points for activity, but I didn't connect any of the other areas like sleep. I don't see that changing.

 Food shopping tomorrow and Wednesday, different stores. Then, the adventure begins! 

Musings on Food, With Reference to Weight Watchers

My girl got me this gift pack for Christmas. 
Cinnamon almond butter is to die for, vibrant on apples
Habanero honey is pleasantly warm and sweet on crackers
Wild expresso is unusual, and growing on me
I'm saving the chocolate for a treat.

I've been doing the Weight Watchers food tracking app since November, with time off during the holidays and my vacation. I felt extremely disordered and at sea about what to eat, thinking about it constantly. At first, tracking felt really good - it gamified planning out the food, it was unique and fun. And not terribly burdensome. Now, it's still not really burdensome, but I wouldn't describe it as fun. And, I'm not using it as a hard constraint. I often go over my daily and even weekly points. At the beginning, I never did. Now, I am trying to be brutally honest in the tracking, even when it's blowing the budget out of the water. Knowledge is power.

With more experience, I've got a better handle on what drives their calculation of points. And, of course, I've got some bones to pick with the way they do it. And questions about using the app to capture the right amounts.

WW wants me to eat a lot of protein and fiber. The way they want me to do it is with lean meats, fruits and vegetables, and fibrous proteins like beans. They penalize all fat enormously. They likewise penalize carbs without fiber. They are ambivalent about whole grains, it seems. Sometimes, they seem to strike an ideological stance which seems to be to be totally arbitrary - and I hate arbitrary. Exhibit one is potatoes versus brown rice:

	Brown Rice	Potatoes
Calories	216	135
Fat	2 g	0
Fiber	4 g	2 g
Protein	5 g	2 g
Points	5	0

 Potatoes are a vegetable and thus by definition is given a free ride, zero points. Rice is a grain, and thus its points are calculated based on its calories and macro-nutrients. It's got fat, to go with its higher fiber and protein, and so its points are nearly 20% of the daily allowance of points! The differential in points seems overblown and arbitrary.

Meat is another area I find a little difficult to understand. Basically, lean meat is supposed to be zero points. Very clearly, chicken with no skin is zero points. But venturing into other meats quickly is a quagmire. When looking up beef or lamb, there are entries in the app for "fat trimmed" cuts with zero points, but other entries looking nearly identical that give a lot of points to the same size portion. I like to choose the zero points version, but I wonder how realistic that is? A lot of meat has a lot of fat throughout, not just in obvious pockets that can be cut out. Going forward, I can't live on chicken alone, so I'd like to sort that out. When I was successful in weight loss in the past, I ate a lot of grilled or broiled meat to go with my vegetables and no carbs. (BTW, I recently had occasion to look up my blood work lab history. During the height of my Atkins-like eating my cholesterol, glucose, etc., was excellent! Take that, you low fat high carb conventional wisdom-spouting nutrition "experts" of the past! (Ooops, sorry, apparently I have some unresolved issues over my history as a dieter.))

Most fish is also zero points. I love to eat fish, but I hate to cook it. I hate handling raw fish, and I hate cleaning up the mess and getting the garbage outside quickly before it starts to stink, which is almost immediately. Maybe I can overcome my aversion? Canned tuna is one thing I can handle, frozen peeled shrimp as well, freezer to pan with no time to stink. I've cooked salmon fillets as well, so easy, but I have to get the garbage out and the dishes done very quickly afterwards.

Meanwhile, my eating is slowly evolving. I've never been a big fruit person, but raw fruit is a zero point bargain. Oranges and mandarins and apples are part of my routine. I'm still enjoying nut butters with my apples, or spread on my rye crisp crackers. Dried bean snack foods can be satisfying when I'm jonesing for salty crunch. Buying rotisserie chickens has made getting proteins easier. I used to feel guilty about the short cut, thinking it was stupid to pay for something I could so easily make. But I'm definitely opting for convenience over frugality right now, in an effort to steer my food in the right direction. I often don't want to spend time cooking, and so I continue to search out convenience foods. Canned lentil or bean soups, sometimes supplemented with either more veggies or chicken. Frozen veggies - broccoli or green beans, can be tossed into a pot by the handful, to bulk it up.  Frozen dinners - most of the entrees I have relied on in the past come with a shit ton of points. But I go down the freezer aisle in the store with my phone open to the WW app, clicking on labels. It turns out, some brands have smaller portions, which means fewer points. I've been buying them and trying them - ok for taste, jury still out on if they are satisfying. When I cook, I try to package up leftovers into portions quickly, freezing some. I can eat the same dinner for 2-3 days in a row, and then I'm bored and want to move on. 

I still have days and foods I want that overwhelm my good intentions. I have to just plain not buy ice cream for the time being. I have been known, however, to get in my car and go to the store just for that. I'm saving chocolate nut butters for my next big craving session, to see if they will work on an apple or rye crisp to satisfy. 

 No surprise, my weight bounced back up to the top of my current range after the holidays and my vacation. It's been almost two weeks home, and no significant loss seen. I am the ultimate pear-shaped woman and I'm tired of having jackets falling off my shoulders but barely closing around my hips. I don't want to have to buy new pants in a yet larger size. So I'm pursuing weight loss meds. But like my pathfinder friend, I think learning to manage my food using the (somewhat arbitrary) WW points system is a viable way forward, meds or not. We'll see.

Recalibration

So the other day I stepped on the scale as I do each morning, and I saw a number that was an ALL TIME HIGH!!  

Of course, alarm bells went off and I had to stop and think. There is no mystery about why I've been gaining weight. I've been eating too much. I've been eating too much for many reasons, including feeling bad physically and being bored mentally, in addition to the existential angst of seeing the world I thought I lived in being savagely revised. Food has recently been way too big a place in my life. Taking up lots and lots of mental space, and turning into a crutch to salvage an otherwise not-so-hot day. I can't fix the whole world, but I can try to address the more personal issues.

To address the food, I decided to at least temporarily join Weight Watchers, to gain access to the their app to track all the food I eat. My thought is to recalibrate both food choices and portion sizes, which I think have gotten entirely out of whack. I ate a certain way at  home for decades: much meat, quite a bit of vegetables, using fats freely, and having the occasional treat without guilt. Very few carbs. I never bought bread, and rarely made rice or pasta. Never ever french fries. My choices modified to incorporate foods from my vegan girl, so I had more brown rice, beans, and sweet potatoes in my repertoire, without disastrous effect. But then, a couple of years ago, I threw away all of the old practices and started back into eating more mainstream foods. And then, my obsession with food grew and grew and I've been feeling very disordered in my food choices. I really was in a quandary, every morning waking up and deciding to "eat right" and every day along the way not sure what choices were "right". I was buying and eating a lot of packaged and prepared foods, many of them "healthy" enough in their ingredients but somehow helping with substantial weight gain.

I know a lot about food and nutrition, and the main thing I know is that almost all nutrition "science" is bullshit. The way I started eating in the nineties, low carb and higher protein and fat, was at the time demonized as the least healthy way to eat. Broad sweeping public health recommendations on what to eat have been made with very little rigorous science to back them up. Even to this day, by necessity most of the research is observational and short term, because it's not possible to accurately control what people actually eat over the long term. 

However, there is a growing consensus about a moderate way of eating, heavy on fruits and vegetables, sufficient protein, and moderate on carbs and fats. The Weight Watchers point system nudges choices towards that diet, without firm rules about having to eat, or excluding, specific foods.

I was last in WW about a decade ago, and the app has gotten so much better and easy to use. I think the weighting of the points has also changed, though that is less obvious to me. You are given a daily and a weekly budget of points, and each day and each week resets. You can track ahead or catch up later. The app not only shows points information, but also fiber and protein (for which there are minimum numbers suggested) and carbohydrate and fat grams (for which there are caps). 

Foods can be tracked on the phone or computer several ways. There is an extensive database, so you can type and search for the food you are eating ("fresh mandarin orange"). You can build a recipe using foods in their database, and it calculates points based on how many portions it makes. You can scan a package barcode on your phone. You can even scan the nutrition label on a package, and it will add the food and calculate points. Lastly, you can type in all the nutrition information for an entirely new food and it will calculate the points.  

Because the app is so easy to use, it feels right now a bit like a game, to build and execute a plan that stays withing the points budget. The first few days, I was shocked at how some of my staples would quickly use up a whole day's point budget. I immediately started buying more fresh fruit and also rotisserie chickens, both bargains in the currency of WW points. I was less shocked, but glad of the discipline of a budget, by seeing what my habitual evening treats were adding to the tally. I've searched for treats that satisfy my need to feel I'm getting a treat, but that have reasonable points tallies. Bonus if they bring protein or fiber along for the ride. Dried and spiced garbanzo and fava beans have hit the spot, a crunchy salty snack food that feels indulgent. And I want to be indulged! Dark chocolate covered almonds are about one point each, something to maybe reach for when craving a sweet. Just knowing the point count slows me down.

So, ironically, food is taking at least as much space in my mind and physical day as before. But this feels different, more like I'm in driving the bus and figuring it out rather than subject to random emotional whims and constant internal discussions and bargains. (A friend of mine noted the same effect.)  My hope is by getting used to different choices and smaller portions, it will eventually require a bit less constant focus. But I'm still getting used to scanning bar codes on prepared foods in my freezer and finding that the one package will take nearly every point I have! I haven't decided whether that means I exclude them from my diet for the time being, or is there some modification that makes them alright? 

Digressive anecdote:  I was sharing the joy of the fava beans with my girl, and later she sent me a picture of the Wasa rye crackers, above. "Do you know about these, fellow fiber enthusiast? They've got a lot!" It made me laugh, "Sweetie, these are a Norwegian heritage food! I was raised on these - I think I was teething on them. Grandma used to eat them with pickled herring. Yum! But I haven't had them lately" And they got added to my shopping cart the next time I was in the store. This morning I had a couple with smoked salmon and a very thin schmear of cream cheese. Yum! 

Now in my third week, I didn't sweat Thanksgiving but did track after the fact. Nearly twice my daily points budget. Hooray for a reset this morning, and another one tomorrow.

The reason I want to calibrate my eating is because I want to stop and then reverse the weight gain. Just three days after restricting my food to within budget, the scale had dropped four pounds from that shocking high! I knew the drop was no more reflective of my actual weight than was the one-day peak that sent me in this new direction, just a fluctuation of water and other temporary things. I weigh daily, and I focus on an average of several days, not any one day. Still, it was nice to see such lower numbers. Now, three weeks in, my weight has settled in around that lower number. I plan to continue to track via WW until I don't want to any more. I don't know if I'll lose weight this way, but the reset and re-calibration is worthwhile anyway.

Flavor

I decided years ago I wouldn't eat food just to get by. I would only eat awesome foods. If I want ice cream, I'm going to eat ice cream, with a genuine creamy mouth feel and some strong, good taste (and preferable big chunks of good dark chocolate). If I'm having a salad, it's going to be good fresh ingredients and a tasty dressing with real extra-virgin olive oil, not some cornstarch low calorie version. I want my food to be tasty, and I want it to feel special. 

But in that context, I still would like to weigh less than I do now. So I'm on a perpetual quest to find flavorful things to eat that satisfy my senses, beyond filling me up. And, I'm fundamentally lazy so I want easy things, not things that require many ingredients and a lot of work. 

I've got two winners now!

My friends turned me on to nut butters and apples. It's very much apple season now, and I can go to farmer's market and buy a dozen different varieties of apple, to have a different one every day. But I don't keep track of them by name, all apples go in the same bag, so I can't figure out my favorites. So far, they are all good, but I am figuring out what I like in terms of sweetness (medium, not tart) and texture (crisp, not grainy or soft). I don't like biting into an apple - maybe a residual effect from the long ago days of wearing braces? So I have an apple slicer - a plastic and metal thing you put on top of the apple and force it down over the whole fruit. Mine yields 16 2-bite slices and separates out the core. 

But it's the nut butters that elevate apples to fancy special snacks. Based on tips from friends, I got a sampler pack of a half dozen 3 ounce jars from Big Spoon Roasters. Each jar works for three apples. All I have to do is stir it up and dip right in. Here are my ratings:

1. Pistachio crunch
2. Cashew butter
3. Bourbon pecan
4. Fiji ginger
5. Chai spice
6. Lum lum Thai curry

I was surprised that these have fairly big lumps in them - big pieces of pecans, or pistachios, or crystalized ginger. I would definitely buy any of the first four in bigger jars. The Chai spice is interesting and may grow on me, but the Thai curry has too much bite for me, and I won't be getting it again. There are several other flavors I want to try - I'm especially intrigued by the toasted coconut. There are additional flavors they only have in big jars. 

Another special treat I've found is La Fermiere yogurt. It's a whole milk very creamy French-style yogurt, and they are more dessert than breakfast to me. Each not-quite 5 ounce serving is 190 calories, and comes in a terra cotta pot. Sadly, the foil top is hard to remove, but once it's off I sit down with a tiny spoon and eat it slowly, savoring it melting on my tongue. Not probably any healthier than ice cream, but automatic portion control and active live cultures, at least. They have exotic flavors, florals and tropicals. My favorites are the prosaic vanilla bean and pressed lemon. I'm not generally a fan of tropicals. I've had some of the florals, jasmine and rose, and they are just faintly flavored, but sadly the floral taste ends up reminding me of soap. 

 

One consequence of these new indulgences is a plethora of small containers around. The little nut butter jars turn out to be a nice size for shaking up a small portion of a vinaigrette, enough for 2-3 salad servings. They would also be good sizes for pesto and other fresh herbs - I often mush up my herbs in a food processor with a little oil and then freeze in smaller portions. These glass jars would work well, I think, freeze with top off and then seal it when frozen. The little terra cotta yogurt jars are very cute, and come in a number of different muted colors, blue and green and brown. (They also come in glass, but I haven't bought any of those yet because the flavors don't tempt me.)  They are really small, too small for most plants, though I think they would make really cute little table vases with tiny daisies in them. It also turns out you can buy third party tops to them, on Etsy or Amazon, silicon or bamboo, if I want to use them for storage. 

Input

My morning mass endoggenment
I have the ipad and coffee right there,
but it takes two hands to pet two dogs

As our world is burning down around us, I've been thinking a lot about modifying my consumer behavior - both where I spend money and where I get news and entertainment. I've had a ritual for a number of years now, in retirement, where I rise relatively early, let the dogs out while making coffee, and then settle down with my ipad to check in with the world. (First the dogs pile on me for a morning pet fest, topping up my oxytocin levels that decline overnight.) I have my routine: texts (they don't wake me up if they come in while I'm asleep), emails, blogs of people I know in real life. Then, a deep breath and the news. 

The news is bound to upset me, and I've learned to meter my input, checking my arousal level, and sometimes just walking away for a while. But this morning checkin is where I decide on my civic actions for the day. I write or call my federal representatives, or my state and local ones, almost every day first thing. (Not many calls, while I know they are supposed to be more important than emails, but I am very thoughtful in my phrasing in emails.) I might enter comments on some federal or local issue that has a public comment form available. I have a weakness for having to actually research a topic before commenting on it, clicking through to read source documents and think about it, so this is time consuming.

This is my main ipad screen with my news sources,
recently enhanced and rearranged so I can get at my most used
Links to email reps at the bottom

I have subscribed to the New York Times and the Washington Post for years, and since I got the ipad, I actually read or at least skim them every day. I am disappointed in their performance right now, but I still believe they have legitimate investigative journalists doing good work. (Their headline writers, on the other hand, suck.) Not only am I reluctant to deprive myself of these papers' content, but I am willing to pay to support them. I am working with many additional news sources as well, and increasingly I'm paying for them as well.

 I subscribe / pay for Vox, Pro Publica, the Baltimore Banner, the New Yorker, the Atlantic, New York mag, Heatmap, Wired and Rolling Stone. These last two have a surprising amount of relevant investigative journalism right now. I'm considering contributing to the AP - I only just realized it's not-for-profit. Heatmap is a climate newsletter someone I know writes for, I only read it sometimes. I subscribe to a large number of newsletters, most through SubStack, and I pay for a few of them.

I never watched TV news, ever. But I used to live on public radio. I've been contributing since right after college (the tote bag and coffee mug collections have finally been whittled down.)  I owned a radio for every room in my house. On weekends, I would turn them all on to the local station (WAMU, Shout Out!) while I did chores and projects. Now, I have Amaz** Alexas in many rooms, and I can with a voice comment turn them all to the station and hear it as I move throughout the house. But I want to meter my input of upsetting news, not allow random voices to appear and hit me in the gut with something with little warning. And so more often I tee up a podcast from my list, or a book, using the devices as bluetooth speakers for my phone. 

I will also play music throughout the house, either directly with a voice command, or again bluetoothed to  my phone. I also still have my big, dumb, ipod, loaded with many LPs and CDs I loaded into my computer as MP3s. Its battery has no staying power, but I have it plugged into a charger, and wired to a high quality speaker. Often I will put it on random shuffle from my entire collection of songs (about 100 hours worth!) and play it loudly while going about my business. It's pretty much guaranteed that every song on the ipod is something I liked enough to own at one time, and sometimes there is an unexpected pleasure from hearing something I remember only from long ago. Sweet!

Book options

Books are my big thing. I have a kindle and a kobo which are "epaper" readers. I much prefer them to long reading on the ipad - the screen is easier on my eyes and the device is much lighter to hold, and it's a great battery life for travelling. I find the epaper devices seamless to read on, a better experience than the printed page because I can adjust the font size and backlighting to the conditions. I'm trying to unwind myself from Amaz**, and it's hard. The public library offers a kindle option for most of their ebooks, and I usually go that route. In addition, a Prime membership gets me a couple extra free books (limited selection) every month. And many independent authors, self-published, are only available there. The kobo has fallen into dis-use. Recently, Bookshop.org has offered another alternative for buying ebooks. Their website allows you to choose an independent bookstore to profit from sales to you on their site. I've designated "Loyalty Bookstores", located in DC and Silver Spring. But their catalog is not extensive - especially in a back catalog if I find an author I like and want to catch up on all their books. And books bought through them have to be read on my ipad currently, though apparently they are in discusssions with Kobo. I have discovered there are some untethered chrome-operating system generic ereaders made. I was excited, until I researched on Reddit and found they are mostly made in China, system messages are in Chinese, and they require some savvy shenanigans to use. I'll stay tuned, but not ready to purchase yet.

I also listen to books a lot. Audible is the obvious choice there, and I've been on a subscription there since I bought my first ipod. Now the app is on my phone, but I can also download to my kindle, which can save phone battery while traveling. The Audible subscription level I'm on gives me access to a lot of no-extra-cost books, mostly back catalogues or indy authors. The library audiobooks are Libby, which works very well on the phone. I also use Libro.fm, which is affiliated with Bookshop.org and has the same deal of designating a local bookstore to share profits. I am currently also subscribed to Libro, but it has the same issues as Bookshop's ebooks in terms of fewer choices and no back catalog.

I use Goodreads to keep track of my reading, and to get updates from other people. It is owned by Amaz**, and when I finish and rate a book on the kindle, it automatically is registered in Goodreads. Books read elsewhere, or audiobooks, require entering manually. There are other social reading sites, Fable and StoryGraph, which are frankly better. Except, they don't have the automatic updating. I am a voluminous reader, and I like the convenience of the automatic updates. So I'm still on Goodreads for now. If my kindle reading declines, perhaps the convenience factor will too. (Both StoryGraph and Fable allow importing a Goodreads export, which captures all your history up to that point. But, that's a one-time thing and all future books have to input manually.)

John Scalzi has an excellent post that covers the nuances and pains of trying to disentangle from various Evil Empires run by oligarchs.  Two notable quotes: "Boycotts are a fuckin' slog, y'all" and "No ethical living under capitalism is a real thing". I'm sorting my way through the mess. I'm on Facebook and Instagram regularly, where I see posts from people I know in real life and want to keep up with (I post very rarely). But I'm not on Twitter nor Threads, though I have IDs there. I've been a Prime member, and I'm not turning that off right now. But I'm trying to go to other sources for things, with mixed success. Covid tests available for same-day delivery via Amaz** took eight days to arrive when ordered direct from the manufacturer. A maintenance item I needed was only available via Amazon - the manufacturer's website pointed only there. Whole Foods has been my major grocery store (visited more than once a week last year). I've joined the local food coop and checked out Mom's Organic Market (local chain, twice the distance). Both are less convenient - I often would drive to the WF parking lot, where I could also go to the farmer's market, hardware store (employee owned!), CVS, and library all in one trip. Shall I spend more gas driving around for errands? Nuance and trade offs, guys.

BlueSky has definitely hurt my sleep. I've turned on controls on my ipad - BlueSky is limited to 25 minutes a day, and the whole ipad turns off at 10 pm. Controls are easily over-ridden, but at least it's a conscious decision.