June TidBits

 Here's a few musings going on in this overthinker's brain...

GLP-1

As noted previously, my weight loss has slowed, if not completely stalled. I requested, and got, an increase in my dosage to the next tier, 5.0 mg. The way my (self-pay) prescription works, I get four vials for injection at a time, delivered to my house in an insulated cold box by UPS. I can request from my WW provider a refill 2 weeks before I run out. My provider sends the approval to Lilly, they send me a note to pay, and then it gets shipped out. Experience has shown it arrives in 3-8 days from when I initiate with WW, so I can't wait until the very end. They don't ship for it to be in transit over the weekend (because coldpack), so if it's all approved and paid for on a Thursday or Friday, it'll be shipped out on Monday to arrive shortly (last time, arrived on Tuesday). 

So my increased dosage arrived when I still had one vial of the lower (2.5 mg) dosage left, but I went ahead and started the higher dosage. I'm counting the weeks and the timing of when I can re-order, and layering into my calculations that I'll be traveling for two of my scheduled injection days (requiring keeping vials cool and transporting and disposing of my syringe and needles), but also I need to skip a dose the second week I'm traveling because I've got a colonoscopy scheduled the week I'm back and they require 8 days since the last injection to be clear from my system. So, my thinking is, I'll bring the single, lower, dose with me, and a single syringe. I've already checked (via Reddit) on how to dispose of sharps in Sweden. I'll inject in the hotel and dispose of my sharps on land the morning before I board the ship, so no pesky needles around in a place where all garbage is sorted before disposal. 

Further, I should request my refill from Europe, to be processed and sent the Monday after I get home, so I'll be there to unpack and refrigerate when it arrives. 

Overthinking! Sometimes it's useful! More often it's not! But it happens!

TV and Movies

My TV watching comes in bursts, and my tastes change depending on my mood. For a long time, my "total veg" show has been Antiques Roadshow. I used to watch it with my mother, and I find it comforting but it doesn't require a lot of attention. I can walk away and miss a bit without it mattering. But, I'm pretty much caught up with current episodes. So now, the comfort watch is the Great British Baking Show, steered by my friend Kim. It's a competition, but far from cutthroat. It has a 10 (or so) episode season, with an arc as people are eliminated. Some of the hosts are just annoying. And, it makes my mouth water! But it doesn't take a lot of brain power and I enjoy it. Many seasons in the can! I started with the earliest season on on Netflix, and digressed to check out "season 1" on Roku. It started with a different format, where they traveled around Britain each week, and the challenges were simpler. The hosts and judges were mostly different, though Paul Hollywood was there at the start. I decided to stick with the Netflix seasons for now.

I continue to chip away at Vikings, and it is really growing on me. But for some reason, I don't pull it up very often at home. Maybe because there, if I turn on the TV I'm more into just zoning out. Vikings takes more brain power from me. But I'll have at least a season downloaded to the ipad for my flights to and from Europe, and I'm likely to want to catch up as I'm in the area!

I only ever watched the first two seasons of the alternate space-oriented history, For All Mankind. I checked, and there are five seasons total so far, and one 6-episode season of a spin off, Star City. So I'm back into it now. It takes more brainpower than a reality show, but it's less... fraught? violent? than Vikings, so easier to watch.

 On movies, I watched SuperGirl. Fun! Not five stars, but I enjoyed it. The dog is a big part of it.

Books

I've drifted into too much social media time, and I'm consciously re-prioritizing reading and listening to books in an effort to keep the surfing time down. I'm keeping a queue of current and popular books on my library website, fed by reading reviews and recommendations. Randomly, they come through in bunches, and I feel the pressure to get to them all in the three weeks I'm given. But I've become brutal about not finishing anything that doesn't really pull me in. I don't have a rule about how far in I have to go before giving up. But I have started keeping track of my DNF's in GoodReads, with usually a sentence or two about why I quit. I also get a daily email from "BookBub", with lists of e-books currently discounted to $1.99 or thereabouts. Many of those are back-catalogue, and I'm filling out my collection of a few authors I really enjoy and will likely enjoy re-reading, when I see them pop up. I still only do e-books, but I have an e-ink reader that lets me have apps from all the popular vendors, not just Amazon. My preference is Bookshop.org, made by a support organization for independent bookstores. I've nominated a local store, and they get a few pennies from every book I buy.

None of the recent books I've read really stand out. I continue to mostly read mysteries, thrillers, science fiction and fantasy that include elements of mysteries and thrillers. Once I find an author I like, I'll work my way through their whole oeuvre. One series I'm listening to is "Mrs Pollifax", who as a woman of a certain age is an unlikely part-time agent for the CIA. They were written starting in the 1980s, go all over the world, and the world has changed a great deal from when they were written. It's interesting to read about maneuvering before the Wall came down, for example. They are a little bit more hard-boiled and less comedic than I was expecting when I picked up the first one, but they are all the better for that.

I did read "Yesteryear", a buzzy current book supposedly about a tradwife. It was unexpected, and I didn't love it, but it definitely has a big reveal worth staying for. But I really don't think it has important things to say about our culture today, it's just an oddity. I listened to "Heartwood", a novel about a woman lost off the Appalachian Trail and the search for her. It's told in different voices from different POVs. I found it un-satisfying as a survivalist story, but maybe a bit more interesting as a police procedural. It tries to straddle both, while striving hardest to be character-driven. 

Biking

I got me an e-bike! It's pretty exciting and a lot of fun. I rode it home from the store three miles away, and have had a couple of additional rides - the longest one just ten miles. I really like exploring on the bike. It's legal to ride on trails in the area, but some of our paved trails are quite narrow and I need to get more confident about slow-speed maneuvering in close quarters. Passing pedestrians is quite fraught. I'm pretty sure I'm going to sell my Vespa, because I'm not likely to use both. The Vespa has some utility for errands, whereas the bike is really only "go for a ride" - because the theft incidence of ebikes and of parts - especially batteries - is really high. I will eventually try to figure out if I can fit it in the back of my car -- if I can even lift it into the car - it weighs 48 pounds. A rack on the back of the car would require a trailer hitch (surprisingly cheap) and a sturdy rack - which is likely to be nearly as expensive as the bike itself. Still, there are spots within a reasonable drive that would be fun to ride on.

I keep the power-assist function on the bike quite low. The way I have it set up, the harder I push a pedal, the more power-assist I get. It has eight conventional forward gears, so I'm shifting all the time riding on hills. On the steepest hills (which includes the last two blocks to get to my house), I push the power-assist higher and pump hard on the pedals and fly up the hills. My bike does have a throttle which will provide power without pedalling, but except for a cautious trial on level ground, I haven't used it.  I want to experiment more, however, because I read people use it to get started from a stop while pointed up hill - something which is otherwise a little bit tough.

World Cup

I've been following it, and watched a couple of games. Very exciting - on Saturday night, Congo came from behind to beat Uzbekistan, and thus advance to the next round of the brackets - the round of 32. Our family watches these games and have a text going during it. I'm also paying attention to Norway and Sweden and Germany, especially, since I'll be in Sweden during the semi-finals and finals. I'm pretty sure the folks on the ship will figure out a way to watch those games, they will be a topic of conversation, and I don't want to be a complete ignoramus. So it's fun, besides!

2020 Report Card and Final Wrap-Up

 Herewith is my final report card for the year. After this, 2020 begone! I'm only looking forward!

 

First up: Activity. This past year was not great for my moving. Kim's friend Chris would be sad for me. I expended fewer calories overall, had fewer high activity days, fewer steps, more days very sedentary, and what I'm saddest about, many fewer days working out with weights. I got the bike out once, and tried running once. Only in "intentional miles" walking am I up slightly - and I think that is because I was more assiduous in tracking those miles. (In order to be logged, a "walk" needs to be at least 1 1/2 miles - no counting the incidental miles in the course of living my life.)

I have reasons and excuses, of course. The main one is I felt bad much of the time. Joint and muscle pain, headaches, upset stomach, all the things that are elusive and not subject to definitive diagnosis or fixing. But I'm extremely optimistic that I've now got a firm grasp on the mind-body approach to this, and this next year will be much better. 

 Next, my weight. I didn't achieve any big goals here, but I guess in the quarantine context I'm doing ok. I weigh slightly less than last year at this time, and (not shown) slightly more than I did in November, my lowest point of the year. Not coincidentally, I'm planning and tracking food much more often. I'm also really tuning into my hunger and satiation signals. I think I'm on the right track here, and again, I'm optimistic things will be even better next year.

 

On mind-body, it's a mixed picture. Not shown or tracked, I started serious therapy this year for the first time ever. First, in January, for twelve weeks I was in a structured (zoom) group, and following that, I started individual therapy over facetime. What I'm doing is geared towards somatic issues, specifically to address those with chronic pain of the types I have. On those things I do track, I'm meditating, less than last year (huh, if I didn't track it, I would have guessed different). My migraines are up for the year, but there were NONE in December and I think this is an effect of the emotional work I'm doing to re-train my brain. I am generally a champion sleeper, I certainly have plenty of time. My resting heart rate, which generally shows an overall fitness level, is slightly better than last year.

On the category I might term "self-actualization", if you are a regular reader, you know for sure I was a reading fool this year. I blogged more than last year, less than I would have liked. I started tracking "trips downtown" last year after I retired - generally trips last year were social, catching up with former work friends. Most of this year's trips were solitary dawn walks, reminding myself the city even exists. It feels like I sailed a lot this year, but seeing that it's less than last year, it must feel like more because it stands out so clearly in such a mass of otherwise undifferentiated days. Other accomplishments include a tap dancing class at the local community college (surprisingly effective over zoom) and several seminars and on-line short courses. I also got into sewing masks, and really engaged on the design and engineering creativity side while doing it.

I think I'm going to add movies watched to this list for next year - I would like to see a movie a week. This seems so very do-able, and I find setting a quantitative goal and reporting it here would be helpful. I want to do even more classes and short courses, tap class again, and sit down at my piano sometimes. I don't know I'll be tracking quantitatively here, though tracking can be part of the reward system that encourages me to keep going. I aspire to travel, but you know...

On the money front, I've spent some time working on the budget. My goals for this year were to get a handle on where the money goes, and specifically to reduce costs on food and clothes. Missions accomplished! This is the one area where the quarantine really helped. I cut food spending by 25%, mostly because I'm not eating out. Clothing was down by more than a third. (There was really no reason for me to buy any clothes at all this year, but I get bored and just want something new.) 

As another couple of money accomplishments, I did a final distribution to my family of the money from my mother's estate, and cut down on the number of different bank accounts I have. My mother's probate estate was something of a nightmare to deal with, and the IRS combined forces with the US Postal Service to screw some things up that created a great deal of angst for me. So when I close the estate's last bank account next week, I'm going to do a happy dance.

I tend to be analytic and want to be intentional about how I live my life. My current focus is trying to engineer my days to build good routines. When do I do what kind of exercise or other work? I've learned about habit formation so I'm thinking about this as another design challenge. What is my trigger to make me go work out? What might be the barriers? How can I make it easier to start? I know I hate going outside on days like today (grey and drizzling) so what can I do to get over the hurdle? Or is there something I can do indoors instead? Stay tuned!

Enough About the World. What About ME?

One way I've been coping with our crazy world is by turning ever more inward. Here is an update on some of the things I track, adding September and October since the last time I reported.

These measure how active I am. (More green is better.) Generally I'm trending upward, though I managed to do an insane amount of walking in July and am not likely to match that. I do have some very low days, and days when I feel like moving but manage to sit down until the urge passes. Everything except intentional miles walked is lower than last year, and I want to try to reverse that. I foolishly do not use my home gym very often, and I'm feeling the effects of not doing strength exercises. Also, I'm not biking or running but I'm leaving the rows in because I might.

Weight is one area where I'm doing better than last year, though not stellar. Not only have I avoided the Covid 15, but I'm slightly down, and tracking pretty often.

My mind and body are doing ok. A highlight is that migraine hours are down. Meditation is up, driven by the anxiety I felt over the state of the world. My sleep typically is least during the light months of the summer, and is slowly increasing as it is getting dark.

 

 My distraction and entertainment continue. I'm reading a lot of books, and listening to them too. I'm not much downtown, but have kept a steady set of sailing dates.

 

 Money is generally going ok. I still think I spend a ridiculous amount on food, but it's getting a bit better. At least I've stopped buying clothes that I have no place to wear. (Not shown: the money I spent on lap blankets and throws so I can huddle up and stay warm while wearing my jammies all day.)

 

Mid-Year Report Card

With my ambitions centered firmly on me for the next few months, it's time to check in on how I've been doing so far this year. The news is not great. First, the visual:

How to read this: Each green row is darker in the spots where it is "better".
For the red columns, I compare this year's average to last year's, red is "bad".

It may be a pretty picture, but it's a sad story.

I have been less active this year than last year by every single measure I use. I walk less, I'm not running or biking at all, and my gym workouts plummeted when the gym closed, even though I've got a terrific home gym and I continue to pay my trainer to send me workouts to do. I'm not even walking much. Our friend Chris would be severely disappointed in me.

My explanations and rationales are plentiful. "It's too [insert: cold, hot, wet, windy]. My dog can barely stumble around the block. I don't feel good. I don't want to get dressed. I don't feel like wearing a mask." 

This is entirely under my control, and I resolve to do better. The walking has already picked up. I'm doing a couple of things to motivate myself, including getting up early, indulging myself on fun things to listen to, and doing a virtual trip of the Camino de Santiago.

My weight is very slightly better than the end of the year, but the sad truth is I put on ten pounds after my mother died and I wallowed in self-pity. I am focused on my eating, and I'm not just tracking my food, but planning each day's food each morning. It definitely helps to not walk into the kitchen and ask myself "what am I in the mood for?". Instead, since I don't need to accommodate anyone else's schedule, instead I ask myself, "am I actually hungry? Is it time to eat?". The question of what I might eat is not on the table. This works for me almost every day. But evenings remain a vulnerable point for me, though I'm making some slow progress at self talk to convince myself otherwise.

The next group of measures in the report I think of as my mental group: meditation, migraine, sleep and heart-rate. These are tied together. Sleep hours are up, and resting heart-rate is down, but migraines have been a big issue and I haven't made meditation a priority.

The next group is entertainment: books, blogging, trips downtown, and days at the boat. I'm certainly reading an enormous amount, and I've taken the time to blog both here and on the garden blog. But I've cut back local travel, for obvious reasons. I don't go into town to meet folks for lunch, for example. I am, however, starting to get more sailing in. The previous restrictions have loosened, and my boat partner and I both see this as our preferred quarantine escape. So three Saturdays in a row! (We won't do any overnights where we share a cabin, just day sails for now.)

The last group, spending on certain things, is actually the area I considered hiding my numbers because I'm embarrassed they are as high as they are. The good news is I'm spending much less on food (not unexpectedly, since last year included work lunches out and hosting family for several days). Planning my daily meals in advance means I'm much better at using up my food - I'm wasting much less. I minimize trips to the supermarket - about every two weeks - and get restaurant takeout once or twice a week, usually enough for two or more meals when I place the order. Restaurants are expensive, and normally I would only go out with other people. Now, I rationalize how I have to support local restaurants, but the truth is I just get tired of my own cooking. I wonder how I'll feel about solo takeout once socializing resumes?

I was surprised to see my monthly average spending on clothes is about even with last year. My thinking behind why is tied to my weight gain - I decided I needed some clothes that make me comfortable now rather than counting on losing enough weight to fit. And my trips - the Utah trip in February and the cancelled Iceland one - tipped me into buying some cool weather active outdoor clothes that I wanted but really didn't need. They were expensive but I love them! I am ruthless these days about returning anything I don't like, but I should stick to what I have now and force myself to shop my closet for play clothes. I also have a lot of very nice work clothes and no place to wear them. I told myself to wait a year before purging. Since this year is so unusual, and I have hopes of getting my weight back down to where those clothes fit, I'm going to wait a while longer before figuring out which few nice things truly spark joy.

So there is my sad story. I an optimistic take on it: with such low scores in the beginning of the year, I should have a good shot at the "most improved" award at the end of the year! Parents: how would you react to such a spin on the dismal tally?

Report Card

I made myself a report card. To some extent, the report card simply reflects what I can measure, not what is most important to me. But, because I can't control every outcome in my life, the report card also reflects what I am focusing on in the process. I can control what I do, and how that turns into important stuff is related, but outside my control.

The way to read this table is to not actually look at the specific numbers. I deliberately shrank the column size to obscure some numbers, and to make sure all twelve months will fit on a row. But I'm using the darkness of the color to reflect relative goodness. In some cases, a bigger number is better (eg, number of calories expended each day). In other cases, a smaller number is better (eg, expenditures). But I set the tones so darker is better in all things. The darker the column, the better the month was.

So first, fitness activities.  Calories and steps are from the fitbit. Averages can obscure extremes, so I also pull out active days (calories for the day were more than 2,000) and sedentary days (steps were less than 5,000 for the day). I use the Garmin for biking, walking, and running (only deliberate walks, not incidental steps during the day are counted). So as expected, August was pretty good in all measures. The surprise to me was May - as I recall, I started cutting back at work pretty heavily towards the end, and tried to get a jump start on fitness (and gardening projects). July suffered from the heat, but also possible from trying to do too much too soon in June, because I had some migraines and other bad days there.

	Jan	Feb	Mar	Apr	May	Jun	Jul	Aug
Avg Calories Exp	####	####	####	####	####	####	####	####
Days >2,000 cal	6	7	7	10	16	14	12	13
Avg Daily Steps	####	####	####	####	####	####	####	####
Days <5 steps="" td="">	5	4	5	3	1	2	4	3
Miles Biked	-	-	-	-	-	-	5	9
Miles Walked	26	16	8	17	15	38	28	48
Miles Run	-	-	6	3	5	11	6	1

 The next group is about my weight. I can't control my weight, only what I eat. One of the proven techniques for weight loss is to track, so I'm reporting how many days I tracked. Lack of tracking in many ways reflects lack of effort or focus on weight loss. It's clear my weight has gone up since the first of the year. Not my main focus, but big sigh anyway. Besides tracking, I vowed to enjoy more, and waste less. I don't have a report on that, but I'm feeling like I'm getting there on both fronts.
  

	Jan	Feb	Mar	Apr	May	Jun	Jul	Aug
End Weight (week)	####	####	####	####	####	####	####	####
Days Food Tracked	0	10	0	0	0	0	0	16

 The next set of measures is meditation. This is measured because I use a meditation app, for guided meditations and as a timer. More meditation is an aspiration, and the coloring reflects that. The truth is, however, that January was so heavy on meditation because I was still in a great deal of pain from my knee surgery, and because I was upset a lot during the government shutdown. Meditation is a coping mechanism, so more might mean other things are off track. Also, recently, I'm feeling that I'm more mindful in transient ways throughout the day. Pausing to breathe a few times, feel my feet grounded, check in with my body. A good thing, and not captured anywhere but in my head.

	Jan	Feb	Mar	Apr	May	Jun	Jul	Aug
# Min Meditate	439	235	178	81	143	295	215	333
# Times Meditate	42	22	20	11	15	23	21	29

I'm tracking my money, in total, and by categories. I'm showing food expenditures (as a proxy for reduced waste and more cooking at home) and money spent on gas, as a proxy for miles driven. Less is more! Fewer dollars are a darker, good, color.  June food reflects house guests, including liquor purchases. How nice to see the reduced driving reflected in the lower fuel bills. I only bought gas once during each of July and August. Total spending is fluctuating, as I figure out the periodic bills like taxes and insurance, formerly paid either through a mortgage payment or deducted from my paycheck.

	Jan	Feb	Mar	Apr	May	Jun	Jul	Aug
Total Spend	####	####	####	####	####	####	####	####
Food Spend	####	####	####	####	####	####	####	####
Gas Spend	$72	$59	####	$87	$83	$84	$29	$26

Lastly are some miscellaneous things I can count, that maybe reflect some larger picture about my state of mind and energy. I track my books through Goodreader. Blog posts are obvious. "Trips downtown" show engagement with my peeps from work, and engagement on the culture front (museums, performances, etc.). And, being at the boat, as was explained recently, is my happy place.

	Jan	Feb	Mar	Apr	May	Jun	Jul	Aug
# Books Read	8	7	4	1	0	12	11	9
# Blog Posts	6	8	7	6	3	6	8	7
# Trips downtown	--	--	--	--	--	1	5	2
# Days Boat	--	--	--	1	2	3	2	7

 So there you have my overview. If you step back and squint, more and darker green is a good thing, and in general, things are looking up!

Walk Bike Run

Walking is my first love, when it comes to exercise. I still love it, though it's not enough. I like getting my heart rate up and the total trance that comes from running. Walking is ruminating, thinking. I can listen to a book while walking, but running requires music and rhythm - talking books are too distracting. But I still love walking. 

Potomac River south of Alexandria

Growing up in Ann Arbor, from second grade on, I walked to and from school by myself, just 5-6 blocks. Sometimes with a friend, more often by myself. I would sometimes take detours, a parallel path, a block or two out of my, discovering the joy of discovery. It doesn't take much of a detour - just another street over - to give that little jolt of exploration that I love.

When I was eleven, long distance bike rides became my thing. I don't know how much my mother knew about what I did, but I would head off with a map and be gone for a few hours. I think, now, looking back, I did go at least five miles away, across town and across the river. Always by myself. (This was during my loner period when my joined-at-the-hip sole best friend had moved away, and new friends had not yet replaced even a fraction of our time together.) I know my mother knew I was looking at a map, but I don't remember any resistance or quizzing about the nature of my adventures. As we were in the middle of packing to move to England for a year, readying our house for renters, perhaps she was focused on other things and just glad I was out of her hair. Or, perhaps, she actually knew pretty much what I did and was glad I was out of her hair. Supervision of kids was different then.

But I discovered the joy of long, slow, walks by myself during that year in England. After many arguments about the infrequency of buses after school, the (lack of) need for my older brother to wait and go with me, finally, I was allowed to walk the couple of miles home by myself. I still have images from these walks. Again, I consulted a map, but only at home, not while out walking around. I don't remember from the bike rides or walks ever any fear of being lost.

My bike riding times have mostly coincided with times I was dog-less, or had an elderly dog that wasn't a good walking companion. Sadly, my big oaf of a dog is reaching that point now, again. It's time to take the bike to the shop and get it fixed up to be rideable again.

After my first health crisis - disabling sciatica - I signed up for a LONG walk - the 2-day Avon breast cancer walk. Friends at work were doing it for the cause, tbh I was doing it for the adventure. The event was walking a marathon the first day, sleeping in a tent, and walking a half marathon the following day. I trained, a lot, and did some 20+ mile walks in advance of the event. But if I did that, that was all I did for the weekend. It was too time consuming.

I discovered running only a few years ago - within the time of this blog, in fact. Here is the first post - December of 2011. I bought a treadmill, and started to run inside before venturing outside. But I discovered running outside, and it's so much more efficient that walking. Cover more territory, see more things, get that heart rate up high. So far, my farthest run has been just over six miles. I'm not sure I have ambition to go beyond that, but I sure would like to get back to that.

But I'm recovering from the knee surgery, and walking is by itself difficult. So I'm back to my slow rambles, but I'm finding cool new places to go. Today, dropped my kid off pretty early at the airport, and continued south to Old Town Alexandria. Maybe five years since I've been there? There is an improved path along the waterfront, and new city parks, reaching all the way down to the bridge.  I got about four miles in, very slow, and towards the end, painfully slow. But it reminds me how much I enjoy just walking and looking. No need to shop, no need to eat, but just look and keep moving. I'm looking forward to running more, but walking will be part of things too.