Time for a look at what I'm
actually eating (as opposed to what I think I'm eating or what I want to eat).
First, to set the parameters, I'm not actually cooking. More on that later.
Second, I am still geared towards trying to eat more green vegetables, ideally some at every meal, but I don't always get there.
Third, my vegan girl has influenced me to the extent I'm reducing my carbon footprint by cutting out beef. I'm not religious about it because my motivation is relative carbon load, not ethics or morals (see: consuming just the cabbage from corned-beef-and-cabbage). But I looked at the data, and so I am somewhat sadly making choices other than beef when I can. (I would eat beef without remorse or comment if served to me at someone's house, for example.)
Fourth, I am much more open to carby plants, like sweet potatoes and beans, than I used to be. They figure nicely in dinners and some lunches.
Fifth, I eat some chocolate almost every day. Often, more than I wish I was eating.
And last, I rarely (though sometimes) make a choice that involves white flour or indeed, most bread or pasta.
What does "not cooking" mean? Well, the big thing is I have
a dinner delivery service sending me four entrees a week. It's convenient, it's good, it's relatively healthy, and it's not insanely expensive. (The promo was $7.50 per entree, now its $12 per entree. And zero waste.) I know that for most of my working life I have not cooked during the week. (Big exception when I suddenly had children to cook for. Regular dinner ended a couple of years ago.) I have often cooked big on weekends and heated leftovers, but right now I've decided to spend my weekends other ways.
I do try to make a vegetable-laden breakfast, suitable for reheating during the week, on Sundays because it's really hard to find ways of getting green veggies in any quantity when buying breakfast out. So if my stove gets turned on once a week, it's for breakfast. My backup is veggie omelet and fruit from work.
I started in January buying all my lunches out (to support the small businesses suffering during the government shutdown) and I'm continuing now. Pre-nostalgia: I won't have such easy access to lovely food trucks in a couple of months, I should take advantage while I can. But recent ventures to arepas or ramen has reminded me I really can't eat a carby lunch and expect to be awake and productive in the afternoon. Food trucks are not big on salads, though a couple of the permanent lunch places within a couple of blocks have some good options. There is a pay-by-the-weight place I frequent, where my usual is one or two grilled chicken thighs, greek salad, and a dollop of an artichoke-and-avocado salad that is really tasty and keeps me coming back. There is also a bimibap place, where I can get a base of lettuce instead of rice or noodles. I usually spend from $8-$12 dollars on lunch.
The past few weeks, the breakfasts I make on Sundays are barely cooking: I saute an onion, toss in conveniently pre-riced broccoli, then stir in eggs and maybe some cheese, let it set and call it a frittatta. It heats nicely for the week.
My go-to afternoon snack is banana chips, salty and oily and just a tad sweet. I don't know this is so healthy, and I may try to get back to nuts, which I'm off these days for some reason. There is less junk food around the office these days, but when it's there, I am vulnerable in the late afternoons.
It's the evenings that are always a problem. I eat chocolate, and still mostly much more than I wanted to. Sometimes, chocolate isn't going to do it, and instead I make something quick and carby, like toast some naan from the freezer.
Why do I have in the house food that I will overeat? Because I want it. I don't want to deprive myself of it entirely. Still experiencing significant body pains, in the evenings I crave what my friend Alice calls TCOY (take care of yourself), and chocolate does it. I've eaten down almost all the chocolate I had stashed, and just bought another package of Dove Dark squares, which are my favorite thing. I am piling up the individual wrappers each night, to recount in the morning and give myself some accountability.
I'm also trying lessons from my mindful eating forays: trying to decide if I really want it. This first part doesn't work well when my resistance is low, late afternoons and late evenings. I am defiantly mindless - I'm going to eat this no matter how I feel because it will taste good in my mouth. Then, really trying to feel deeply how I feel afterwards. My mindfulness (and associated work with pain in my body) has me much more tuned to how my body really is feeling. All of my reading on how mindful eating leads to magic and effortless weight loss depends on experiencing a feeling of disenchantment with the sweets afterwards. Really feeling it, and then being able to use that experience to turn away when a craving pops up. What I have discovered is, rarely has my stuffing myself with chocolate gone so far that I feel bad in my body (versus conscience) for having consumed it. Sometimes it does, and I am trying to truly feel it. But, my body tolerates and enjoys quite a bit of chocolate, feeling ok or even good in my stomach, digestive system, immediate body sensations. But the amount my body enjoys is certainly a lot of calories and enough to drive my weight up. My body is not wise enough to be able to maintain a magic perfect weight just on feelings. Frankly, some times I go to bed early just to stop the eating.
So, not losing weight, struggling not to gain any more. Focused on exercise and getting stronger and not hurting. Not likely to focus on calorie restrictions until after retirement WHICH IS 62 DAYS AWAY!!!!!!!!!
So many thoughts and feels. All good, with a tinge of sadness at an ending. But already busy! I think Monday will be where I really feel it.
