Thursday, March 14, 2019

Thoughts

Me, at 2 am:  "Oh, hello, rumination! Nice to see you in the middle of the night again!  Let's just turn back over to this side, and we'll get back to the racing thoughts."

It's been a bit of a week. I filed my papers for the big R. Last day as an employee: May 31. Told my immediate boss. Succession planning is the thing now.

Things in my life retirement will make better, to some degree: 

  • Time
  • Ability to engage in partisan politics
Things in my life retirement will not by itself make better, and likely make worse:
  • Everything else, including
    • Money
    • Social isolation
    • Energy level

Got a call at 9 pm Monday, the big boss, while I was walking the dog and planning a blog post. Asking me to do, immediately, what I do - working with one or more of my team, pull some data, do some analysis, write it up in English, give him insight and the tools to share it. Kept us up for hours, and reminded me why I like work, and how good both my team and also me are. Succession planning. Make sure that team is taken care of and valued.

The call on Monday interrupted what was about to be this blog post. I had Gym Magic happen Monday night. I felt pooky, not up to snuff, not wanting to go to the gym. My knee hurt. My head hurt. My lower back hurt. Had an appointment with the trainer, or I wouldn't have gone. At the gym, I worked really hard. And I felt GREAT. I felt strong. My head and my back hurt less or not at all. I felt badass, which is my goal. During the workout, I kept up a mantra, "There is nothing wrong with you. Pain is just a thought. You can do this."  I constantly monitored, not my pain, but my level of effort. Get above medium, go for "hard".  Check in, what is the emotion I feel now?

The reason I did this, was more than a little bit inspired by a radio show, Invisibilia. There is quite a bit making the news these days about chronic pain. I belong to some Facebook groups where there are people using various versions of these mostly mental approaches, combined with physical activity, to reverse cascading chronic pain. This is what I have. Yes, I have arthritis. Yes, I am inclined to migraines. But the way through is around this, not by treating pain itself. The pain is a symptom, but there is not much of an underlying condition. What is there is dealt with mostly by exercise and diet. If you are equipped and inclined to listen to podcasts, I highly recommend this episode.

Ah, eating right. I seem to lose all moral fiber and judgement in the evenings. I'm adding a good 200-500 calories every night with out of control eating.  I'm like a zombie, or a lemming talking to another lemming as we go over the edge, "You know, this is a really bad idea. There is absolutely no reason to do this and it won't end well."  I also flop on the couch, and except for Monday, do not walk the dog. It's still dark and cold when it's time to go. I know there is dog walk outdoor magic to be had out there, but my evening low energy and lost judgement zombie decline keeps me glued to the couch. I'm almost defiantly proud of my torpid sloth. Until the morning, when I bemoan the lost opportunities.

2 comments:

Liz said...

It has been a week in your neck of the woods. What cosmic humor that you filed the papers before everything went kerblooey. But heard your voice in the NPR interview with the administrator talking about the data driven industry, and policy following science
So ease up on yourself this week. It has been a LOT. Probably expect seesawing until thdeed is done, you human.
Liz

Alice Garbarini Hurley said...

Torpid sloth! You crack me up. Filling papers for the big R! wow. wow. wow. xoxoxo. in the words of Liz, congrats.