Confession

I read very recently a rant about hating how Mommy bloggers use their blog to confess "oh no! I got caught out and had to feed my kid regular milk, I couldn't find organic!" or some such way of boasting how great they normally are.  Of course people put their best feet forward on their blog. I do too, though I strive to be honest. (I can't find where I read the rant, or I would link to it.)

And honestly, I've not been doing so well on the eating front. I'm sick and tired of tracking, it just seems like too much work. I got through the holidays without tracking and without great damage, but that may have been due to a stomach bug. Certainly since the holidays I've been mostly eating as if it didn't matter.  That means not only multiple sweets a day, but gratuitous carb sides as well, rice and pasta and bread.

A big problem for people who eat low carb as I strive to do is that when we fall off the bandwagon, we combine styles of eating that converge to the worst of all possible worlds. During our truly low carb stints, we lose our fear of fats. We are able to lose weight and keep it off eating as much as half our calories from fat. We can eat not only the good fats, olive oil and nut oils, but also the animal fats labelled bad by most nutritionists, and still our cholesterol and insulin are just fine.  But when we add sugar and grains to the mix, without cutting down on the fat, insulin gets bad, cholesterol gets bad, and we get hungry and cranky.  And we gain weight.

I'm not sure how many days I've been eating like this- edging into it since New Years, truly - three weeks!  Eating I have done recently:  a Big Mac and fries, and the same afternoon, a brownie and a huge snickerdoodle (at a conference with constant snacks and short time for lunch). Yesterday: chicken and pasta main course, several home baked chocolate cookies afterwards, and ice cream sandwiches later. I have eaten too many sweets knowing I'm going to feel bad in a few minutes, not just regret it intellectually but actually feel physically bad.  What drives this? Where does this come from?

Of course, we can only focus on and take care of a few things at a time. There is only so much will power to go around. As Scott Adams points out, one needs to make things easy on oneself to make sure we can make the right choices.  Apples instead of ice cream sandwiches in the house. But I have apples in the house, and still I buy the ice cream sandwiches and eat them up.  He makes it sound too easy. There is no doubt that I, and many other people (who appear to be mostly women), eat to be consciously destructive, not just for short term gratification. Plus, I know that "binge dieting" - that is, a very focused and disciplined campaign to lose weight - works for me. The "easy path" of many good small choices works for maintenance (maybe) but not for actually seeing the scale go down.  Perhaps that's because I have the disadvantages of thrifty genes and a lowered metabolism from having been very fat before - there is plenty of evidence that both those things mean one needs fewer calories than if you don't have those things, to maintain the same body weight.  (There are other, even worse, disadvantages I'm so lucky not to have, e.g. so far my thyroid seems fine.)

Am I going to turn this around, before the scale fully reflects the disaster that is about to appear? (There is a good chance that my weight will skyrocket over the next several days even if I clamp down now.)  Probably not. I want to, but I'm not ready to commit to do so. I am committing to doing some running, on the treadmill till the dog is back in commission.  I like the feeling I get from vigorous exercise. I am wedging in the running, 30 minutes three times a week. You can peek at the Quick Log, where I will probably post the workouts, since none of my apps really catch the treadmill activity in the way I want it without having to do extra entry.

Well, enough self indulgent navel gazing. Off to do something or other.  Excelsior!

It is Progress, after all

I think of my weight as essentially stable for three years. But, right now the variations are on my side. Exactly a year ago I weighed 12 pounds more than I do today. Excelsior.


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The Graphs

I spent some time yesterday looking at my data. I love the graphs, and I stare at them trying to extract meaning from them. Is the secret hidden within?

My weight for the past 35 (or so) years

Starting with the big picture: I weigh less now than I did for half of my thirties and way less than the first part of my forties - my fattest time. Yay me!  I look at this graph and I remember all the pessimist comments about how diets don't work, even if you do lose weight, you will just gain it back again. Well phooey on that. I did gain back a lot of the weight from my Big Loss, but not all of it, and not for ten years.Every day below my peak is a victory. Not because of some abstract number, but because I felt more comfortable, as was articulated by Alice's cousin Linda.

And now, and now, it appears I've established a measure of control. I've spent three years bouncing around the same ten pound range.

My weight since I've been keeping this blog

I've been able to arrest the creep back up - three times now, and I'm in my fourth bout. (I suspect if I hadn't just gotten so sick, we would be looking a more clear recent upward trend.) And I'm happy this last year was mostly spent in the lower half of the ten-pound range.

What is the meaning from this?

I've learned I can lose up to five pounds quickly, by going on a strict Atkins induction-level diet. The Atkins folks say those five pounds are water weight, because your body regulates water storage differently when you have a very low carb intake.  The only way I know for sure I'm doing it strictly is to track carefully.

I've also learned it's very very difficult for me to maintain the motivation and strictness for longer than three or so weeks. The two keys to success are to do lots of cooking myself, of vegetables and meat, and to limit treats. But I want to have my oral gratification, from chocolate or ice cream. I start with small, reasonable portions, and "get away" with it. I stop cooking because life catches up with me, and try to make relatively low carb choices from prepared foods. I've read how our metabolism has a time lag, so apparent continued weight loss in the face of increased intake will catch up and arrest progress, fairly substantially, even causing the bounce up, eventually.  Would I keep losing weight on Atkins if I kept going strictly? I don't know, because I haven't done it. I tracked and stayed strict this fall for longer than previous rounds, and I lost more weight in total. So there is sparse evidence for continued efficacy, but it looks good.

So how hard and long do I want to fight to keep going down?  I don't know. Right now, with the residual stomach bug, is not a good time for me to focus on food and cooking.

So what about exercise? I've become fairly fond of it. How am I doing about burning the calories?

Calories burned each day since I've had my device. The orange line is the average for the calendar month.

I noted here at the end of August that this was the lowest year for calorie burn since I'd been keeping track. I vowed to up it, and I managed to keep it up over 2000 calories a day every month since then. It definitely takes consciously moving to do that. The December average includes the day after Christmas, when I was flattened by the bug, which was the least number of calories burned since I'd been keeping track - only 1,466 for twenty-four hours!  (The axes don't even go down that low!)

I have two ways of getting my daily calorie count up - adding in some conscious, vigorous exercise such as running or biking, or alternatively, just keep moving all day. One of the reasons I like my BMF calorie counting device is because it credits me for all the movements I do, not just "exercise". So the day before Christmas was an incredibly active day, where I don't think I sat still for 10 minutes in a row. That day I burned 2,519 calories that day (more than 1,000 more than when sick!) but I never really "exercised" - I just kept moving. To the store for last minute gifts, to and fro while wrapping, to and fro while cooking, to and fro while marshalling the kids from one place to another.

I don't think the level of exercise I mostly do has much impact on my ability to lose weight, but as I mentioned, I'm fond of it. I like exercising, and I like having the energy to spend a day like Christmas eve to-and-froing as much as is necessary. I would like to do more vigorous exercise, but I'm going to have to go out of my way to figure out how and when. I'm more motivated to do that than to focus on food and cooking right now.

Irresolute

No great plans or vows or resolutions coming from me. I've been sick since Christmas, and have spent entirely too much time gazing off into space. There is a difference between mindfulness and mindlessness, and I think I've been in more of the latter for the past few days.

But you can only do what you can do. My body betrayed me, but the silver lining is there:  no New Year's Day bounce up in the weight, since nothing stayed with me and even now most things don't sound good to me, and my stomach capacity is very low. I don't imagine that will last long, but it shielded me from my traditionally weak time, after the holiday work is done but before real life resumes.

And that real life comes back tomorrow. Sigh. I like my job, and I enjoy what I do when I am there most days. Still, if I won the lottery I'd be gone without a second glance. (My odds of winning the lottery are worse than most since I have never bought a ticket.)

I did spend some hours today updating and make new graphs. I'm happy with how I did, diet and exercise-wise, last year. It wasn't great, but I also dealt with some world class life challenges, and I maintained my physical condition overall and maintained-slightly bettered-- my weight. I can't post the graphs now because my computer decided to celebrate the new year by backing itself up and no other business can be conducted right now-this is typed out on the iPad and so is likely to have spelling and punctuation errors.

During a long dog walk today I thought of one resolution. It's only partly thought through, but I want to have a monthly "fitness adventure" to chronicle here. What is a fitness adventure? My hero, Sheryl Yvette, participates in lots of bike and running events. That is the sort of thing I'm thinking of, but I'm more likely to have less ambitious and less structured challenges, mostly things I think up for myself. But something, at least once a month, that is planned and trained for, that is off my beaten path and a bit of a challenge for me.

The Takoma Park 5K is an obvious one, in May I think. My dog will be under activity restrictions for a medical problem through February, so I need to start thinking through what to do before then, sans dog. Bike ride? But it's January, what will the weather be? A hike? An urban hike? An urban outdoor jog? Hmm... If I get on the treadmill now, I could do that before the end of the month. Plot my own 5k round the monuments. Got to get excited and have a near-term objective.

So Happy New Year everyone! What's your resolution?


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I Believe in Dog: Exercise Edition

I acquired the Totes-McGoats of exercise equipment about a month ago. There is no doubt I'm walking much more often and regularly since Rocky moved in. It gets me outside and moving, even when I don't want to. And I always feel better.

Rocky, the Totes-McGoats of exercise equipment.

I've discovered these walks can also act as an appetite suppressant. Aside from the obvious cleaning up after his elimination, there is also the gross stuff he finds by the road and enthusiastically tries to swallow in one gulp. For a fuller account, you can check out the dog tumblr.

Walking is nearly a religion for me, and it is such a delight to have the dog to go with. I've just read that speed matters, and by any measure I just amble along. I do aspire to running again, however, starting in the new year. Sadly, Rocky has some medical issues that will take until at least mid-February to clear up. He will be confined to quarters for at least a month after undergoing some grueling heartworm treatment. I'll have to figure out how I can keep moving. At least it will be the dead of winter, and staying indoors isn't the worst possible thing in February.

Snow! Yet there we are, outside on a walk.

Feeding my habit

It appears I have a Brussels sprout habit. Two or three times a week I have to roast them in olive oil, dose them with coarse salt, and eat them like popcorn. I will find myself running out to the kitchen 2-3 time tonight for "just a few more". There may be a problem with this. But I haven't quite figured it out yet. Except I have to do it furtively, when I'm alone, because my girl refuses to co-habitate with the smell.



- iPhone uPdate

Thanksgiving Bounce

Yikes! I've bounced WAY up from just a few days of unmindful eating. Thanksgiving dinner was magnificent, with many vegetables enhancing the glorious main courses, enhanced by the amusing and loving company. But look at this:


So what caused this? I think I gave myself permission to eat any foods, even those I normally would pass up. All weekend. And I was eating them at any time of the day-normally all starches and sweets are confined to just the end of the day. It's so much easier to follow an absolute rule than to try to be moderately indulgent. And once those sugars get into my system, they want company. The blood sugar rages in my veins and won't let me rest.

So the only way to bounce back down is to strictly adhere to the food plan. I know I can do it, but will I?

I made a run to Trader Joes yesterday, and stocked up on the seasonal goodies, including eight boxes of the worlds best store bought cookie, chocolate covered peppermint joe-joes. (They are what Girl Scout Thin Mints want to be when they grow up.) Following the plan means not opening any of these packages until Christmas week. Do I really want to do that? And then give most of them away. I am ambivalent. And the only way to lose weight is to commit to it. Shall I?


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(From Trader Joes web site)
Dark Chocolate Covered Peppermint Joe Joe's
When we first introduced Joe Joe's Sandwich Creme Cookies, cookie lovers quickly came to the same conclusion we'd reached on first tasting -- Joe Joe's were so much better than other, similar cookies, that there was very little basis for real comparison. And so when we've introduced "special" versions of our Joe Joe's (Halloween, Candy Cane), maintaining this standard of quality has always been our top priority. Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Covered Peppermint Joe Joe's live up to this standard, and, if you're a fan of the chocolate-peppermint combo, will easily surpass your expectations.

The best way to describe these cookies is to deconstruct them. We start with a creamy, peppermint center, studded with candy cane pieces, sandwiched between two chocolate peppermint wafer cookies. The cookies are bathed in deep, rich dark chocolate. The icing on the cake, so to speak, is the generous sprinkling of even more candy cane pieces atop the dark chocolate. These Joe Joe's masterpieces are only available during the holiday season, bringing tidings of comfort and joy to peppermint and chocolate lovers across the land. But don't delay -- when we run out, it will be 2014 until they're once again available at your neighborhood Trader Joe's. Missing these would definitely add a bit of humbug to your holidays.