Decomposing Habits

Trigger, response, reward.  That is what a habit is composed of.  You can make a new habit by setting up a new sequence of trigger, response, reward. Breaking a habit is harder. One way to do it is to overlay a new response onto the same trigger-but that new response has to have an equal or better reward.

My bedtime snacking for example.  As I get ready for bed, I plan to sit there and eat something chocolaty, while spending a last few minutes checking in with my book or online. (And the dog gets his own bedtime snack-and his habit is so strong it's now absolutely essential or neither of us gets any sleep!). This sometimes leads to huge sugar binges, sometimes actually doubling my total calorie intake for the day. What is the actual trigger, and what is the actual reward?  Is the reward the physical sugar rush? Is my body craving higher blood sugar levels after a day with fairly low carb levels all day? Or is it the psychological sense of a special treat, taking care of myself, some sort of extra nurturing? Or some third possibility, associated with the physical act of eating, but not the blood sugar? I could ruminate on this for a long time, as is my wont. Or, I could set up an experiment and decompose the habit into separate responses, and see which reward seems to satisfy me. (This is straight from the book I'm reading, and right up my line of self-tracking and experimentation).

If the physical sugar rush is what matters, then almost any form of sweet eaten almost anywhere should do it. A teaspoon of sugar while standing up in the kitchen, for example. If it's the physical act of eating, perhaps a cup of warm herb tea would meet the need. If its nurturing, hmmm, checking in with the family instead?  A little doggy petting session? (He is very affectionate and wiggles and snuggles all over, very positive feedback.)  Not sure.  What I do know is I am usually so exhausted at the end of the night whatever my action is it has to be very very easy and not time consuming, so some sort of lotion on the face, or a bath, doesn't appeal.

The idea is I can do anything by paying attention and using my willpower- for a short period of time. So I should try these different approaches, for a couple of times each, and think about what is most satisfying. Then make it a habit, do it essentially the same way every night, so I no longer think about it and don't need to use any of my precious willpower on it any more.

My hypothesis is that the cup of tea will work, made in the microwave but in my fancy china cup.  In fact, right now, I have a little thrill of anticipation at the thought of trying it tonight.

Seduced by good looks

I saw these at the farmers market and had to get them: yellow and purple cauliflower. I assume the taste the same. I'm going to combine them with my rainbow of heirloom carrots. I could roast them, but I'm thinking marinating for a day in a cilantro vinaigrette is more summery. 

The Foodist says to focus on eating good stuff and don't focus on eliminating and denying yourself other stuff. If you learn to love the good stuff- and make it easy on yourself to eat it- then eventually junk food just drops away to low enough levels you don't need to worry about it. The skeptic in me says very sarcastically "sure it does"- because the good stuff is always more work. But I'm willing to focus on seductively beautiful produce for now. 

Foodist

In the previous post I noted a blog, Summer Tomato, that really resonated. I got the associated book, Foodist, and have started reading it. According to the kindle, I'm 15% of the way through, and I'm loving it. But I'm trying to read it slowly, to really think about it.

I'm loving this because it exactly conforms to what I think. Her influences are my influences: Michael Pollan, Mark Bittman, but also Willpower and the Power of Habit. Her experiences are my experiences, to a limited extent: Atkins, South Beach Diet. Her writing style works for me - she is a neuroscientist and is not afraid of the vocabulary needed to explain things, though she also puts them into more colloquial terms.  And I really like that so far at least, she has not sprinkled the text with little personal stories in boxes ("Janet was typical. She had struggled for years with her weight before coming to me...")  Instead, she runs to lists: "The Top Ten Most Overrated "Health" Foods".  I'm ready and ripe for a change from the mindset I've been in, and this book is helping me crystallize my thinking about what to actually do.

Spoiler alert: her prescription, so far, appears to be eat real food, mostly cooked at home, mindfully. I know this is the thing to do already, and so when not reading, I'm already engaged in an interior dialogue. "I can't cook at home, no time to shop and cook and clean."  At least my last two meals were made at home and featured vegetables and fruit, respectively.  But unlikely I would have done this if I had been going to work this week. Dinner took over an hour to prepare, using foods bought earlier that day that wouldn't have kept. She has promised to help with some of these obstacles, with practical suggestions. We'll see.

Here is how I would characterize my mindset: I've cycled through the same 4-8 pounds for three and a half years, essentially maintaining. This is not a bad thing, since it's more than twenty pounds below where I started. I don't hate the way I look in pictures.  But I'm not really ready to resign myself to thinking this is it for the rest of my life. Instead, I am constantly fixed on how I'm get to get those last fifteen pounds off. And I have found that not trying to lose weight seems to result in gaining weight.  The only way I have actually lost weight in the last three years is strict Atkins. I'm not wild for that now, because it generally works for 3-5 weeks, then fatigue from all the work and planning ahead sets in and I go off it.  I bounce off my rubber floor ten pounds from my goal number. The weight doesn't come roaring back but it does creep back, so back through those same 4-8 pounds I've been recycling.

I'm also tired of the rut I've been in, of what I eat and how I live. That's why I tried the extreme detox. After the detox, I tightened up for a couple of weeks on eating and exercise (following my usual very low carb eating, controlling the night time sweets), so that when I got blood work done for my annual physical, my doctor agreed it was ok for me to stay off the statins I quit some months ago. After the physical, I loosened my focus and had a few binge incidents. But I did away with my "no carbs during the day" rule and really liked how much easier it was to find food to eat. Part of the weariness of Atkins is simply trying to find takeout/convenience food that is composed of meat and vegetables, without bread, rice or potatoes.  Most food trucks, for instance, do not serve salads.  For the last month, I had several social engagements, and then traveled, and I just ate what presented itself. On this last vacation over-eating was not an issue. Finding something I wanted to eat at all was more of a problem, though there was always beer.  Partly because of "la petite maladie de voyageurs" I didn't gain or lose any weight overall.

I'm taking a few days of relative calm to read this book, do chores, and make a plan for the rest of the summer. I am looking forward to summer's bounty, but am uncertain how to cope once I get back to the hectic office.  We'll see.

More blogs to read

 A specific article from this was recommended to me, but I'm working my way through as much of the history as I can access with 3G and iPad.  This one is resonating:

Away court habits

Check it out!

Re-Toxifying

The detox is lost now in the mists of time. Have I changed anything as a result?

I started coffee right away, but with just one cup each day. Now I'm up to two - but I wait and see if I really want it, rather than just assuming I will.  So slightly decaffeinated, and perhaps this is the most decaffeinated I'll ever be willingly from now on.

I also started dairy right away.  I don't drink milk, but eat cheese and yogurt in various forms and as ingredients. I don't think I've ever really had a problem with dairy, aside from its calorie content, so I'm content with my ability to add it back in. I seem to be able to keep up portion control, which I'm very conscious of now. I don't do low-fat cheese or even yogurt usually, as the carbohydrate content is usually a lot higher than the full-fat versions. I'd rather have a small portion of the real stuff.

I'm happier to eat fruit. I'm eating more, and more often. Less afraid of the sugar content of fruit.  Good timing on the seasons, as strawberries are coming closer.

Flour and gluten - if I had written this a couple of hours ago, I would have reported I remain gluten-free. But my takeout salad was packed with a slice of beautiful rustic bread even though I said no.  Of course, they didn't make me eat it. I really think flour is a downfall for me, and want to mostly stay away from it. I've read a lot about gluten-sensitivity that falls short of actual disease. I don't know if I am gluten-sensitive, but maybe I need to focus on my reaction to this first bit of bread.

But sugar.... This is the reason I went cold turkey on the extreme detox, to break the sugar habit.  I started back small and slow on the sugar, but now I'm just as out of control as I ever was.  I'm totally unable to hold back on overeating sugary chocolate treats in the house. I think I need to not buy them. I continually think I should be able to manage portion control, and what's wrong with a tiny little snack? But I don't buy just one square of chocolate, and once broken into, it's all gone.  I made two trips to the supermarket this weekend bypassing the ice cream aisle, but 9 pm found me on a trip for the sole purpose of getting ice cream. A quart of ice cream. Gone in one sitting.

This is irrational behavior, that needs to be addressed.  I have some ideas, but I'm anxious for strategy suggestions.

Detoxification: 4

Things I liked about the 10-day Detox Diet:

1. Blueberry-nut-seed-dairy-free smoothies - such a change from my normal hand-held meat or cheese - and they didn't make me craving food before lunch unlike sweeter smoothies have in the past.
2. Eating dinner with my girl - often we don't sit down together.
3. Baths - I think it has been over a decade since I had a bath.
4. Pushing myself to try something new.
5. Weight loss - from the scale reading at the start to the lowest scale reading was 4.8 pounds - but I consider my "true" weight to be the trend, which is about 2 pounds down after the 10 days - this is classic very low carb water loss - the heavier you are and more sugar / other carbs you have been eating, the greater the initial loss will be.

Things I didn't like about the 10-day Detox Diet:

1. Feeling bad all the time - it was a little bit better towards the end, but not much - raging headaches, muscle aches all over, panting after small exertions - Atkins flu added to caffeine withdrawal for more days than I expected. (I hope to post separately on Atkins flu).
2. Being stupid all the time - I've got plenty of outside evidence that I performed stupidly at a number of tasks - couldn't remember how to start the boat engine, couldn't complete some concentrated tasks at work, wrong turns on routes I take every day, many more - each of these could be explained but the cumulative impact supports my subjective conclusion that I was stupid - the last thing I need to do is create an Alzheimer's simulation in my brain!
3. Being de-caffeinated - not sure how much that contributed to #1 and #2, but it clearly did, even though I tapered. I had to prolong the taper into the start of the diet because it wasn't right for me to perform so badly at work when a small cup of coffee would help. I had 7-8 days of no coffee at all.
4. Preparing smoothies and salads in the morning - food prep started at 45 minutes long and by the end I got it down to 30 minutes by doing what I could the night before (despite exhaustion in the evenings) - I was late to work several times.
5. Cooking from scratch on a weekday evening - I liked eating the food ok, but we normally eat leftovers from the weekend or takeout or frozen food during the week. You are supposed to stop eating three hours before bedtime - but I get home at 6:30 and bedtime is 9:30 or else that 5 am alarm will be even ruder than usual.  But I can't start cooking the instant I walk in the door - need a little down time - and even easy recipes require 30-45 minutes, especially if including fresh vegetables that need to be cleaned and prepped - didn't leave time for baths most evenings - and couldn't prep the night before (exhausted) or the morning of (see #4).  I finally resorted to roast chickens from Whole Foods which I reheated with fresh vegetables which seemed to be main point.
6. Cleaning the kitchen each night - since I often don't cook or else eat over at the kid's house I usually go a week between dishwasher runs - but I needed a clean cuisinart each morning for the smoothies.
7. Cooking fish - I love to eat fish but its been over a decade since I cooked fish (other than salmon or shrimp) in my house - now I remember why - the house smelled for three days even though it was fresh flounder bought at Whole Foods that afternoon. I did also cook frozen salmon and shrimp and those are fine as long as the garbage goes out each evening.

Bottom line:

For me, much more negative than positive. If you look at the reasons I started this (previous post) it was because I felt bad and because I needed to break the sugar. I felt worse overall during the detox than before (though I had been feeling pretty bad before).  I did break the sugar, because I am generally very obedient and it is so much easier to follow a strict set of rules than to make choices. I haven't decided where and when to add back sugar, though its a good thing there isn't any chocolate in the house because I would have eaten it last night. But I've already added back caffeine (one small cup a day) and dairy, with no second thoughts. The weight loss is a nice bonus, but my long-term weight goal is only about six pounds away and I've spent three years trying to get there and am of two minds whether it matters and whether I could maintain it if I got there. (The dream weight goal is another five pounds below that.)

I think this would be good if:

• You intend to jump-start a diet with a long way to go, and you will follow for the long term a low-carb, high fresh vegetable, moderate protein way of eating such as the same doctor's "Blood Sugar Solution".
• You suspect you have problems with food sensitivities: gluten, dairy, caffeine and want to find out.
• You have the cluster of health problems called variously "syndrome X", pre-diabetes and high risk for heart troubles, and want a quick turn around.
• You have time set aside from normal responsibilities to feel bad and stupid and enough time to prepare everything. (This might make a decent retreat, especially if that means others do the cooking!)

Where do I go from here, having made it this far? Not sure. 

Detoxification: 3

So what do you actually do when following the 10-Day Detox Diet?

(This list is from memory. If you want to do it for real, buy the book.)

Each day, one is supposed to:

1. Measure yourself: weight, waist and thigh diameters.
2. Write in your journal
3. Eat a breakfast smoothie: non-dairy, fruit based, with vegetables also included in some recipes, heavy on nuts, seeds (hemp, flax, chia, pumpkin) and almond butter and extra-virgin coconut butter, and avocados (!), all fresh and organic of course.
4. Eat a salad of mixed greens and 4-6 ounces of lean protein (chicken, fish or hard-boiled eggs, no lunch meats) and homemade vinaigrette.
5. Exercise - at least take a walk.
6. Snack on nuts or veggies and (non-dairy, gluten-free, made from scratch) dip.
7. Breathe for at least five minutes (meditation encouraged).
8. Eat one of the fabulous dinners requiring many fresh and organic-only ingredients and more than three steps. Pretty much grilled or broiled chicken and fish, with herbs, soy sauce, ginger, garlic, oils or vinegars as sauces, with a big side of 1-2 vegetables with the same spectrum of seasonings.
9. Take a long list of supplements, which are sold on the website in a convenient package.
10. Take a fiber supplement to keep things moving down below (gotta get the toxins out of your body somehow!) - a specific one, also sold on the website.
11. Take a bath with epsom salts, baking soda and essential oil of lavender.
12. Fill out some tracking sheets.
13. Media diet: turn off the entertainment electronics.
14. Get at least seven (preferably eight) hours of sleep.

What I actually did:  Numbers 1 (weight only), 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 11 (twice in ten days). Not sure everything was organic. Didn't hit seven hours of sleep once in the ten days.

I note how very close to Atkins induction the food is. The main difference is no-dairy (Atkins allows some) and the berries for smoothies, and Atkins allows nuts only after the first two weeks. Also Atkins doesn't emphasize organic or cooking from fresh yourself - they are fine with processed foods as long as you read the ingredients to make sure there are no hidden carbs like corn starch which is prevalent in low fat foods. I guess I'm still a little defensive about Atkins, though the world is slowly coming to realize he was (nearly) right all along.