Buddy

Eighteen Years

My body has been a battleground since high school. Here is a map of the last eighteen years of this war.

Every stage was hard fought - except for the giant drop off the cliff ten years ago. It was easy, at least in retrospect. I did not write at that time, and I have no details about how or why it worked, only a few fragmentary clues, misty in time, but captured in the numbers.

I was on the NordicTrak every single morning at 5:30 am. I was late to work rather than miss my time there. I had the heart rate monitor as well as the numbers on the NT. I recorded the exercise every day.

I did not write down what I ate. It was "carbohydrates addict's diet", sort of. They have several versions. But I remember making food, carefully shopping and planning and bringing the lunch to work.

More than a year without a significant plateau. How did it happen?

Credit - such an alien concept!

A fundamental part of the approach is to give oneself credit for every little positive step that is made. It's hard to think such trivial things deserve recognition, but I'm not asked to give them rewards, just recognition. I may be able to do it - without giving myself so many "good job!"s that they lose all meaning.

So a couple of credit-worthy things I did today:

- played Wii balance games in the morning
- played DDR with C. in the afternoon
- drinking hot tea now, when there is good chocolate in the cabinet.

And of course, started this blog.

Distractions box

Another specific technique is when hit with a craving, a food obsession, when the pie is calling and the pillow over the head is not enough to drown it out, have a list of distractions ready to go in a card box at your side. Here is the first such list - which because this blog is searchable, I don't need to put into a box.

Wii balance games
Check facebook
Check entertainment blogs
Read response cards
Take a walk
Make hot tea

Rewards

One of the specific techniques in the Beck approach is to make up a list of (non-food) rewards to use when you have hit a specific milestone - a five-pound mark, for example. Since mostly I deny myself nothing, it was hard to think of rewards that I wouldn't just go get on my own anyway. But here is the beginning of my list:

Books
Clothes

If I get to a significant milestone, I'll get myself a leather jacket for the Vespa.

The blog is my diet buddy

I got motivated today - in the hair salon - to start this blog because of the book I'm reading. I have a whole bookcase full of books about diet and exercise, and generally when I want to start a new diet I start with a trip to the bookstore. The book I'm reading now I actually bought a year ago, but I lost a whole year while gaining 20 pounds last year. Maybe at some point I'll blog about that, but for now let's just say I had a lot going on in my life. My relationship with food hit new lows in the past year.

But now, I'm reading The Complete Beck Diet for Life, by Judith S. Beck. It's based on Cognitive Behavior Therapy techniques, which I generally believe can be effective. I've read another book by the same author, The Beck Diet Solution, and it was helpful in general. Key to the approach is to talk yourself happy. She has specific steps and lists and approaches to use to do this, involving 3x5 cards. I need to go higher tech.

One of the specific instructions is to get a diet buddy. I've never been able to do that. My previous weight loss success was largely a solitary venture. But I get the notion, so I've decided to use the blog as my buddy. Maybe someday I'll open the blog to others - try to call attention to it - solicit comments. But right now, I'm just using the technology to help me organize my thoughts. And I'm writing as if for an audience. I have some specific people in mind that I might want to have read this some day.

Reasons why I want to lose weight

My reasons fall into three main areas:

Better
Everything will be better if I do.

Proud
It will repair my self esteem.

Kids
I want to be a role model, and more.

Here is more of the explanation of why I want to lose weight:

I will feel better in every way.
Clothes will fit better.
I'll look better to others and myself.
I won't be queasy in bed at night.
People who meet me will be nicer to me.
I might be able to avoid knee surgery.

I'll be proud of myself for doing it.
I will renew my self respect.
I won't go to bed cursing myself for my weakness.

Kids - I can be a better role model.
They won't be ashamed of me.
I'll be able to do things with them.
They are more likely to have a healthy relationship with food if I do.