Diving Deeper: Nuance, But It's Still Lovely

I was grabbed by a headline in the NY Times today, "How to Be Old". Hey, I'm old, and I'd like to know how to be! So I read the piece. Very forgettable. Except for the very last line: "I’m fond of quoting the poet Philip Larkin: “What will survive of us is love.” That should do it." What a lovely thought! I was charmed, and intrigued.

As the NYTimes does, there was a link to the whole poem at the Poetry Foundation website, "An Arundel Tomb" by Philip Larkin. (The link is preserved in my cut-and-pasted quote above.) I have as an attribute the ability to fall deep down rabbit holes, to keep digging deeper on something that interests me. In fact, one set of feedback from a corporate assessment process described me this way: "When you read an interesting book, you will go look up additional references. More, you will collect many books on different aspects of the same subject, and you will actually read most of those."

Guilty as charged. When I am into something, I'm all the way in. I clicked through to the provided link, and read the whole poem. Then I read the commentary from the Poetry Foundation. Then I read more, and this short quote is not all there is to the poem, or the story.

Philip Larkin is no Mary Oliver; he was a cynic, an atheist, and "notoriously grumpy". My man! Dude! Where have you been all my life? I guess this is what I get for majoring in field trips rather than English. I mean, I'd heard the name, but had no idea what he was about.

Here, the poet is musing on how much we want to believe in love, even when it is not true or pure or simple. Here is the whole thing:

 

An Arundel Tomb

By Philip Larkin

 

Side by side, their faces blurred,   

The earl and countess lie in stone,   

Their proper habits vaguely shown   

As jointed armour, stiffened pleat,   

And that faint hint of the absurd—   

The little dogs under their feet.

Such plainness of the pre-baroque    

Hardly involves the eye, until

It meets his left-hand gauntlet, still   

Clasped empty in the other; and   

One sees, with a sharp tender shock,   

His hand withdrawn, holding her hand.

They would not think to lie so long.   

Such faithfulness in effigy

Was just a detail friends would see:

A sculptor’s sweet commissioned grace   

Thrown off in helping to prolong   

The Latin names around the base.

They would not guess how early in

Their supine stationary voyage

The air would change to soundless damage,   

Turn the old tenantry away;

How soon succeeding eyes begin

To look, not read. Rigidly they

Persisted, linked, through lengths and breadths   

Of time. Snow fell, undated. Light

Each summer thronged the glass. A bright   

Litter of birdcalls strewed the same

Bone-riddled ground. And up the paths   

The endless altered people came,

Washing at their identity.   

Now, helpless in the hollow of   

An unarmorial age, a trough

Of smoke in slow suspended skeins   

Above their scrap of history,   

Only an attitude remains:

Time has transfigured them into   

Untruth. The stone fidelity

They hardly meant has come to be   

Their final blazon, and to prove   

Our almost-instinct almost true:   

What will survive of us is love.

I think it is a better and truer choice to quote the last TWO lines:

Our almost-instinct almost true:
What will survive of us is love.

It's the "almost" that makes it real and profound to me, not a saccharine myth, but the human reality. In their day, marriage among the aristocracy was not a matter of romance, but rather business. But we want this romantic image to be true. And by wanting it, it will become more true.

(And, I'm as touched by the little dogs as by their clasped hands.) 

I was able to get an ebook of a novel Larkin wrote, so I'm ready to continue to dive even deeper. Apparently I have to go analogue to get any of his poetry books. Maybe.

May Check-in

Me, in mixed white stripes on a sunny day.
It's important to have contrast, thus red shoes.
And for accessories, my black-and-white dog.

Today starts my 13th week on the weight loss meds. I started February 12. How am I doing? So far, so good! Things are going pretty well!

As of today, I've lost about 15 pounds. This is fuzzy, because I waffle on what my starting weight was. My weight is volatile on a daily basis. But since there is no official registry of my weight or weight loss, I have decided to measure from the single highest weight I have been this year, on January 24. That was right after my January vacation and about three weeks before I started the drug. But it's a choice that makes me feel good, because it shows today's numbers in the best light. And who am I accountable to for this? No-one, that is! So let's go with the feel-good choice!

Speaking of feelings, how do I feel overall? Pretty good, that's how! This is a big change from a couple of weeks ago. I got home from France having over-exerted myself and with a head cold, and felt crummy throughout the body a lot of the time. My internet buds tell me often the GLP-1 drugs lead to a decrease in arthritis swelling and pain, both for rheumatoid and osteo forms (I have osteo). But I felt crummy throughout my joints and muscles, all.

But that was two weeks ago! Now, I feel SO much better! What am I doing that might be helping this? 

- Prioritizing sleep. Rigorous go-to-bed times. On those occasions I'm awake in the middle of the night, tossing and turning, and I end up with less than six hours sleep, I take a nap. But that's happening less, the past couple of weeks. I've racked up some super slumber time.

- Prioritizing exercise. I've been doing a functional strength workout with a trainer twice a week for some time now, but I'm pushing myself harder and volunteering for heavier weights. And, significantly, I've added back a cardio component. I did this in February, then fell off the bandwagon in March and early April. On the trip, I was appalled at how out of shape I was for all the walking I did. So back onto a cardio machine four times a week now. It's for just 15 minutes right now, but I'm pushing my heart rate up high and keeping it there for most of the time. After three weeks of this, I'm able to keep up a much higher intensity for most of the ride. Nothing motivates me quite like actually seeing the improvement!

- Taking a supplement and a longer-term anti-inflammatory. For my frequent body pains, I take tylenol. I can't take ibuprofen because it ruined my stomach. Tylenol helps quickly with pain, but does nothing to change the underlying condition. But let's not discount dealing with the pain! I also had in my medicine cabinet from my knee doctor a vial of a prescription anti-inflammatory, Celebrex. It doesn't act quickly, but over time it is supposed to be very good at treating inflammation. I've got a couple of months supply on hand for daily consumption. In addition my doctor recommended, in an off-hand way, taking a supplement I'd never heard of, Co Q10. I still don't know what it does or how it does it, but I'm taking it daily. Of course I've googled it, but evidence on supplements is scarce and shaky. But it doesn't seem to be hurting me, at least.

Sleep, exercise, and tylenol make me feel better right away, and the first two also have longer-lasting positive impacts. But I'm not sure I'd stick with them without the immediate impact. I've always had a hard time believing in the impact of vitamins, supplements, and long-term remedies. You have to take them on faith, faith in the science and studies. But tracing how I feel right now to these longer term remedies is tenuous at best.

So I feel good right now! Yay! But I am suspicious, and I don't trust that this will continue. But I'm continuing with both the supplement and the drug, as an experiment. It's an experiment with a flawed design, since I changed a few things at once. But just in case it's making a difference, I'll continue for now. 

They say that 15 pounds is about a clothing size. The truth is, I was in denial about how heavy I was for the past year - I assumed I'd lose the weight in a week a or two. So I had bought very few clothes for my large size, and instead wore clothes that strained a bit. So now, those clothes are fitting much better! 

My wardrobe in retirement consists mostly of clothes in which I can hike, garden or sail. I have in my closet wedding/fancy clothes, but not much of nicer but not dressy clothes. When we went casual at work many years ago, I was wary of specific prescriptions of what constituted suitable clothes. I suggested a test: if, when you got home, you were going to mow the lawn, change the oil on your car, whip up a huge batch of floury bread from scratch, or hike a few miles on the Appalachian Trail, and you didn't feel a need to change from your office attire first, then your office attire was incorrect. Those very slightly nicer clothes are the ones I've been digging out of my closet and trying on. The picture at the top is an example. I'm still not sure I'm suited for white clothes, because my impulse to just drop to my knees outside and start pulling weeds is somewhat incompatible. I don't want to look like a fashion plate, but I'm trying to not look like I'm about to hike when all I'm doing is meeting someone for lunch.

Normandy

Woke up to this!

The joys of a riverboat became clear when we sailed away from Paris in the night. When I woke up Saturday morning, we were moored on the bank of the Seine in the little town of Conflans. When I opened my drapes, I saw a swan swimming past in the early sunlight. After breakfast, we climbed on some buses and drove about a half hour to the town of Auvers-sur-Oise, where Vincent van Gogh spent some time at the end of his life, and where he died and is buried. 

All the towns we visited were built of ancient stone in their central areas. Even where there were relatively new buildings, they re-used a lot of the old stones. Auvers was particularly scenic, hence van Gogh's time there, and many of the impressionists as well. The narrow streets and painted doors and vining flowers reminded me of my cousin Jane's art. She would go to Europe for the summer, and take a gazillion photographs. Then returning home, she worked in an art gallery and painted intimate scenes of streets like I saw in the town.

Very Vincent, no?

Auvers is making money on Vincent these day, but to the benefit of tourists like me. They have chosen to preserve many of the landscapes and scenes he painted, so that they look much as they did when he was there. I enjoyed moving through the fields and streets and seeing in my mind's eye the paintings. 

While in Auvers, I visited a little bakery our guide had pointed out. I happened to go in before any other folks from the ship, was the only customer there, and managed to discuss (entirely in French) which pastry was the next best since they were sold out of plain croissants. I got an almond croissant (heavenly!) tapped my watch to pay. Very pleased with myself!

From the cliff; not far from Paris!

Wandering back through town

After lunch back on the boat I set off on a walk along the river bank. Many large barges were moored along the banks, usually three deep (as in, one tied to the river bank, another tied to it further out, and a third still further out- they would walk across each other's boats to get aboard or ashore). They were permanent homes, with mailboxes, electrical cables, and laundry hanging on lines on deck. After a mile or so, I turned inland. The shape of the land was typical of what we would see: one or two roads along the river bank, and then a steep chalk and limestone cliff, with much of the town built up on the cliff to avoid flood (and invaders, I suppose). I walked back along the cliff edge, and wandered into a section with just foot traffic and stairs, too steep for cars and with the old houses crowded close together. It was charming!

Richard the Lion-Heart's castle above the town

The castle ruins

I love looking at these towns!

There are two ships in the picture, side by side.
Ours is the one closest to shore.

We sailed during the night again (and there were locks we went down as we headed towards the sea, but almost all of them were at night and I missed them. We woke up to see another lovely little town, this one with a ruined castle looming over it. After breakfast, we learned about how the castle was built by Richard the Lion-Hearted (that mass murderer personally designed and supervised it) as a state of the art fortress, and lost to the French after his death, in a particularly gruesome, long, and brutal siege where the biggest losers were of course the peasants and townfolk caught up in a conflict that had nothing to do with them. We walked up the steep hill to see the ruins and the view, and we enjoyed some of the best weather of the entire trip.

As it was Sunday, only a couple of tourist shops were open, but again just wandering was fun. That afternoon and night, we pushed on to our northern-most stop. (We were never more than a couple of hours from Paris - the Seine River is extremely twisty and curvy.)  I saw nothing of that town, because Monday was a full day bus tour to the Normandy D-Day beaches and sites. 

Omaha beach today

Normandy was surprisingly moving to me. To be clear, I have no personal, close, family connection to it - my father served during the war, but he was young enough that he was just finishing training when the war was over, so he never went overseas. Other male relatives, and those of childhood friends (when the war was sometimes a topic of conversation), were all in the Pacific. But ever the diligent student, I studied up by downloading and watching the movie The Longest Day. It tells the story of D-Day from multiple points of view, American (John Wayne), British, German, French. I had downloaded the movie to bring along, and I stopped it a few times to look up things on Wikipedia.

The sheer scale of D-Day was astounding. I don't believe anything like it has happened in my lifetime anywhere in the world. In 24 hours, more than 150,000 men were landed in a 50 mile stretch of Normandy. The vast bulk were sent ashore on the beaches, but there were also parachutists and glider landings. On Omaha Beach, the first wave of landings suffered ninety-percent casualties! (Think Saving Private Ryan.) It was uncertain whether the landing would succeed - the German general Rommel knew that his best hope was to never let them get off of the exposed beach and establish points where more troops could come ashore safely. But there are a couple of scenes in the movie where the Germans are trying to get Hitler's permission (required) to move up troops and tanks. First, he's taking a nap and no-one will wake him. Then, he had an unrelated temper tantrum and no-one was willing the broach the topic. (This made me put my hand over my face and weep for us, too familiar to be funny.)

The first village inland to be liberated
Paratroopers came in the night before the beach landings 
and landed in the village itself by mistake
On the church steeple, we see a parachute and a dummy - 
someone was caught there all day and played dead until it was safe

My words are inadequate for the cemetery

 

It was a long day with a lot of different stops and much walking. I was drained when we got back to the ship.

The next day dawned foggy and mysterious. While the boat headed back upstream towards Paris, we took a bus to the well-preserved beautiful little town of Honfleur, almost at the mouth of the Seine. It was filled with galleries and restaurants and gift shops, very geared to holidays and tourists, but still completely charming. And you know I was so pleased to see actual working boats!

Lots of well preserved half-timbered buildings.

A sheltered boat basin - there was a larger but more exposed harbor

Our guide for the morning.
I admired how committed she was to red,
head to toes to fingertips, most in velvet!

 

After the morning in lovely Honfleur, I was almost too tired for the afternoon highlight, the much larger city of Rouen. But I'm glad I roused myself to walk around - it is also charming with a lot to see. The cathedral itself was worth a lot of time - even just the outside. I was struck how they were able to make the stone carvings look so delicate! And, plenty of half timbered buildings, and stone buildings, and sites made famous by burning Joan of Arc there. Rouen would be worth a stay of at least a couple of days. I hear there are trains from Paris.

Facade of the cathedral in Rouen

Delicate stonework filigree

I never learned the story, but big teddy bears 
were a frequent motif throughout Normandy

Yet another quaint street!

 The next day, Wednesday, was to be a highlight - Monet's garden and house at Giverny! I had not actually been so thrilled, yeah yeah, I've seen gardens. But I was awestruck! I took literally 100 photos! You get just a handful here. The colors! The patterns! The repetitions with variations! The rhythms! I could have spent the day sitting on a bench and gazing.

 

And then, we were back in Paris. I stopped at a couple of well known highlights, and I went shopping. In the left bank neighborhood of the ship, I had spotted Galleries Lafayette - not THE Galleries, but a new one, attached to a modern mall. With my friend, we went looking for accessories. I got a couple of scarves, lovely! But not from the designer level (but no less lovely for that). Then we went to a supermarket, and I got some spices and blends. Everyone complained at Christmas that our Norwegian bread didn't have enough cardamom flavor, even though the baker tripled the amount from the recipe. I was very excited to buy some whole cardamom seeds, and I look forward to grinding them for our Julekage at Christmas. I picked up a couple of things for gifts, if I can bear to give them away.

I packed up, rode a Tesla taxi to the airport (my first time in a Tesla!) and had a completely uneventful flight home. When I walked in the door, I was completely endoggened, and knew I was home. 

France - Overview

This was a great trip! It is always a bit of an risk, taking a trip without knowing anyone else, but it worked out great. I am totally fine doing the traveling-to-destination on my own; I had years of experience during my heavy travel days at United. And now, on vacation, I love wandering around new places during the day on my own, but I do enjoy being with others at the end of the day to compare notes while relaxing with drinks and dinner. My tall ship experiences by their nature require constant interaction with crew and fellow passengers, and Road Scholar trips (my Norway and Greece trips) tend towards interactive experiences. I know river cruises are geared towards couples (all the boats are made with only double cabins) and so I wasn't sure how it would go. 

The flight over was uneventful, what we all hope for. I went back and forth on whether to check my bag, which was about the maximum carry-on size allowed. My checked bag did not arrive with me in Norway last summer, and since this cruise departed the same day I arrived I was afraid a late bag would never catch up with me. On the other hand, it was a single non-stop, and so I took the risk and checked it. (Spoiler, no problem.) In spite of talk about long TSA lines, things moved quickly at Dulles. Certain airlines and airport combinations allow you to upload a photo of your passport in advance to the airline app, and then go through the pre-check "touchless" lane - I didn't even have to show the passport as it took a new photo and compared it to my passport on file. I had gotten a "miles + money" upgrade to business class on the way over, and with the lie-flat bed I got a solid, deep, almost three hours sleep on the way over - so much better than sitting up in coach! If I hadn't done the upgrade, I probably would have flown over a day early and gotten a hotel room to catch up on sleep.  

There had been a lot of internet buzz about the new European/Schengen region "EES" (Entry and Exit System) which will use biometrics to record every person from outside the region. There is a regulation requiring it to be in full effect as of the day I arrived. There are kiosks at all ports of entry to the Schengen region (The EC plus Scandinavia, Switzerland, a few others but not UK anymore), where initial biometric readings of fingerprints as well as face photos would be taken and stored. Eventually, the idea is not to need passport documents at all, but setting up the database would obviously take time initially. So there were warnings about huge delays upon arrival. I was arriving in the morning, and the ship wasn't scheduled to depart until evening, so I wasn't worried. As it turns out, my flight got in early, at 7:15 am, and they didn't have the kiosks up and running. So processing was relatively smooth, passport scan, photo to compare, stamp by human being. BTW, this EES system is separate from the ETIAS system scheduled for the EC in the fall, essentially a visa system good for multiple visits for a few years at a time. 

After getting my bag, I called the boat to verify its location, to ask what exactly to tell the taxi driver about how to find the boat. The person I spoke to was SO NICE and pleasant - and he set the tone for absolutely all the staff on the ship. An official taxi is much more expensive than the train, but anywhere in the city of Paris from the airport is a fixed rate, no meter or negotiation. I had decided in advance to go with that, rather than schlepp my bag or deal with uncertainty. To my surprise, the taxi driver spoke no English, but my fatigued brain was able to limp along enough in French to convey what he needed.

Arrival on Paris riverbank, fatigued!
Eiffel Tower way in background.

Cabins would be ready by 2 pm, but it was still morning when I arrived at the boat on the Seine. I dropped my bags, had a glass of water and used the restroom, was invited to have a pastry and hang out in the lounge, but I instead set out on a walk. The boat was just inside the city limits all the way downstream on the left bank, and the Eiffel Tower was a couple of kilometers away along the bank. The weather was lovely, and I had scouted the neighborhood on-line before leaving. I walked along the river bank, decided I wouldn't make it all the way to the tower, and headed inland. I visited a supermarket, stopped for a sandwich at a sidewalk cafe, and just looked at things. I also stopped in a pharmacy, where I bought a fancy facecream/moisturizer with SPF 30 in it, and also three different brands of sunscreen. (Internet research had indicated EU sunscreens have some formulations not approved in the US. My current favorite US sunscreen makes my eyes water and my nose run, though it feels fine on the rest of my body. I used the face cream on the ship, the sunscreens await trial as the weather gets warm here.) I hung out for a while on a reclining bench by the Seine, soaking up sunshine while listening to my Paris-set mystery novel. Finally, back to the ship, where my cabin was ready a bit early. I started unpacking, but the bed called, and I took a deep but relatively short nap.

The first night, we all met in the lounge and did quick introductions (about 130 guests on the boat). It became obvious that not only was it almost entirely couples, but mostly groups of couples traveling together. In age, I may have been about the median. But as we broke up from intros and headed to dinner, I ended up next to what turned out to be the only other solo woman on board! We agreed to find a place to sit together, which was a relief because the dining room set up was tables for 4, 6 or 8. It would be awkward, especially with all those big groups, to occupy only one seat at one of those tables, closing off another couple from using it. We picked a table set for 6, with two couples already there. It was fortunate! They were friends traveling together, but they were really open, friendly, and funny. Laughter at the table ensued, we sat with them every night, and have exchanged photos and emails. We sat with others, also friendly, at lunch, and breakfast usually I was on my own because no talking before coffee.

My new friend Susan and I

My new friend Susan and I agreed to join the same smaller group for tours each day, and we exchanged texts so we could double check neither was being left behind. Mostly, however, I did my own thing and she did hers, our preferred modes of operating. It was a nice arrangement. She had been a bank examiner, a professor of finance, and lastly a diplomat as her third career! She had been on three foreign tours, Mongolia, Poland, and I forget the third. So she was an accomplished and confident traveler. Also extremely amusing.

My cabin aboard was roughly three times the size of my cabin in Norway in January, very nice with a lot of storage and a mini fridge. The bathroom with shower was about as small as it could get, the same size as the Norwegian one. I had a floor-to-ceiling window that opened. Sometimes the view from my cabin was great, and sometimes it was blocked by another riverboat tied up to next to us. Some times we had to walk across the other ship to get to ours. 

Robes were provided, and I was surprised to see shipboard laundry service was available, I thought it wouldn't be. But I had brought the right clothes and didn't need it.

The weather was forecast the whole time to be between 45-65, with chance of showers every day. Pretty much that's what we got, though only really rained on once. 

For the nine days, seven nights aboard, I had brought the following clothes, and wore them all (including airplane clothes):

- Three pair of pants (one water-resistant hiking, two nicer but comfy stretch with good pockets)
- Five tees (two merino, three cotton, merino worn multiple times)
- One big overshirt (slight mistake, works best as top layer, not good under a sweater, should have brought a smaller one for layering)
- Three sweaters (one fleece, two wool, could have got by with one less bulky wool sweater)
- Enough underwear and socks for clean every day (luxury since I had room in bag, no sink laundry required!)
- Sweatpants and tee for pajamas (nice enough to wear for workout or very early coffee run)
- Two silk scarves, two buffs (small infinity scarf) One chunky necklace (Wore buffs during day, scarves or necklace for dinner at night)
- Three pair of soft shoes (should have brought more sturdy sneakers for cobblestones)
- Light rain jacket
- Light down puffy jacket (what the Scandis call "summer weight down")

My next post will be about the specific destinations we visited. Pretty much, each day we had a two shore-based opportunities, walking or bus tours, with lunch back on the ship. They would divide us up into groups for tours. They used a technology for the tours that I really like and appreciate, and has been used on most guided tours I've done in the past several years. Basically, it's a short distance radio, where the tour leader has a microphone and every person has a receiver and an ear bud. It allows you to listen to the tour guide while wandering around a bit and not jockeying for position to listen. The tours involved a lot of walking (I averaged over 10,000 steps a day for the trip), and the guides were very informative, universally excellent. But still, sometimes I skipped the organized tour and wandered on my own. I hadn't done the kind of detailed research and planning I would do if I was all on my own, but I did enough to keep interesting things to see. 

The food was a nice part of the trip. Breakfast and lunch were buffets, and dinner was usually four courses plated. There was an appetizer, choice of a clear or cream soup, a choice of meat, fish or vegetarian for main, and dessert, sometimes a choice. They had their own ice cream machine, and ice cream (my kryptonite) was available at every lunch and dinner. 

Typical dinner main, nice presentation. 
The plated food was not big food, 
very European.

As you know, I was a little worried about how eating would work out. Sadly, but maybe fortunately, the croissants on board were not up to snuff. (I did buy one at a bakery ashore and it was fabulous, but I didn't finish it. I got my croissant fix, at least.) They had European and American breakfast choices. I got into a routine of a heaping portion of fresh fruit, maybe topped with a small amount of yogurt, big scoop of scrambled eggs, one bit of breakfast meat (bacon or sausage) and a small pastry, which I didn't always finish. For lunch, they had soup, salad bar, hot bar meat, veggie and starch, hamburgers and fries available to order, and a baked dessert and ice cream. Again, as a routine, I usually did hot meat and cooked veggies, supplemented with something from the salad bar to get more fiber (like garbanzo beans if there was gravy). Susan started and I followed having *two* lunch desserts! But again, I often tasted but didn't finish them. I did have a problem on the buffets with my eyes being bigger than my stomach (as my mother used to say) and I resigned from the clean plate club. But I was happy with how it all worked out. I skipped nothing because I thought I "should" skip it. And I ate nothing that didn't bring pleasure. Because lunch was usually around noon, and dinner at 7:30, I wanted an afternoon snack, and I got in the habit of munching some of my dried edamame beans in my cabin before heading up to the lounge.

There was a daily cocktail hour in the lounge, which included a group discussion of the day, and what to expect the following day. I had a couple of pre-dinner drinks, but not every day. And with dinner, beer and wine were included. It turns out I didn't love the wines (I'm not such a wine person) except for one night where a Cote du Rhone was fabulous and went down way too fast. The house German draft beer was good, and it came in a small size that often I didn't finish - but I really enjoyed what I had.

I was in coach on the flight back. There were more internet horror stories about the time required to make it through CDG to the gate, so I arranged a taxi to get me there four hours before the flight (internet said three hours minimum - I had to be out of my room early so it made sense to me to get to the airport early rather than sit in the boat lounge and fret). There was speculation about needing to register for the EES system on the way out, but instead they were just using the buggy old passport / face matching system. It took 90 minutes from bag check to gate. I had time to visit the duty free - sadly for me, it was mostly high end fashion and not liquor. I was interested in cider or brandy from Normandy, but in the terminal I was in, the selection was sparse. There was lots of designer shops, though, many with velvet ropes across the doors barring entry unless you were up to their standards.

Uneventful flight home, used the CBP app to speed immigration (I don't have Global Entry, but the app takes your uploaded passport and your checkin upon arrival to match with a face scan), bag was ready quickly, and my BIL picked me up and delivered me home. After sitting for so long, and walking so much all week, my OG bad knee collapsed on the way up the steps to my house and my BIL had to carry my suitcase in. I was so happy to get home where I was instantly smothered with dogs and dog hair. 

The next morning, I was up by 5 am, and got on the scale with trepidation, prepared for a big jump up. But yay! The exact same number I saw the day I left! That is a victory, when ice cream was a thing every day, and sometimes twice! Moderation is my new middle name. 

I don't have anything booked for between now and Antarctica. I might need to change that, but we'll see how my finances and legs feel after a week or so (boat coming out of boat yard, dryer needing fixed or replaced).  

Pre-Trip Musings and Tidbits

I'm in a whirlwind of chores to get ready to leave for France. But in the midst of all of this activity, I'm also in my first little stall in weight loss, eight weeks in. It's not really a stall until it's lasted for way way longer than this. At this point, it's only been a week. But I'm concerned, wondering what is up. Is it that the meds aren't working, and I should up my dose? Or is it that I'm not eating and behaving appropriately? How is this going to affect my trip? 

I went on weight loss meds because I want to create an environment where I can be successful at losing weight and maintaining a lower weight without a huge amount of mental or physical effort to always be focused on eating the right things. (By physical effort, I mean the logistics of buying and preparing food. I know I will always need physical effort to be strong. Exercise till the day I die, baby.) The Weight Watchers app is a great tool to guide and track my food choices, but I don't want it to be my most used phone app every single day!

In the last three weeks I've had a birthday and an unusual-for-me number of social engagements involving food. I've relaxed and eaten what I want, in the quantities that feel right to me in the moment. I'm not meticulously pre-planning every day in advance to make sure I'm going to hit my targets. Instead, I'm more going with the flow, mostly going to my go-to foods I know help get me where I want, but swapping things out as the mood takes me. I thought, "I've got this nailed! Easy-peasy!" Based on recent scale evidence, maybe I shouldn't (yet) trust myself this way. 

I've found that in restaurants, my choices and my portions are different than they would have been before the meds. Those things that would have appealed to me in the past, carb and fat laden, (Alfredo pastas, I'm looking at you!) don't appeal quite as much. Fat especially is off-putting to me. But that is when I really stop and reflect before ordering, and when eating. If I charge ahead without much thought, old habits are right there. I go to the old staples on the menu, and then regret it.  Portions are easier. I fill up more quickly, and unless I'm really wolfing something down with no pause, I will stop well before I'm done. 

I read an article recently (I'm not taking the time to go back and search where, but probably in a newspaper, and probably now I think about it, the Wall Street Journal). The article was speculating on how the new weight loss drugs would impact the food industry. There is actually a lot of speculation about how supermarkets might need to change, but this article wasn't buying it. The author notes how use of the GLP-1 drugs is very much NOT evenly spread through the population. So, looking at the supermarket shopping carts of those on the drug, healthier foods will be spotted than in the average American shopping cart. But, the author asserts, that is likely because those currently on the drugs are those who already eat healthier than normal, are more affluent, more likely to shop at farmer's markets and less likely to buy fast food. But as the drugs become cheaper and more wide spread in their use, the demographics of those taking them will change. If the major effect of the drugs is to re-calibrate hunger and fullness (the author speculates), perhaps the type of foods in folks' shopping carts will not change much. After all, his final well-put thought is, "half a Big Mac is still a Big Mac, it's not an apple". It is too soon, he says, to change over our food system to different types of food. I don't know if he's right, but he has a major point on the demographics. And, on still going for a Big Mac, even if you can't finish it.

So I'm going to be in France, well known for taking food seriously. And excellently. And using butter and cream in everything. On the other hand, I'll be on a river boat where three meals a day are provided. Perhaps the boat cuisine will not that great. I'm not wishing for that, oh no, not at all, just speculating. (The internet reviews tell me it'll be great.) I certainly will not be seeking out the best restaurants in every port of call, though if on-board croissants aren't up to snuff, I will absolutely seek those out elsewhere! I intend to deny myself nothing during the trip, because food is definitely part of the experience. But maybe I'll be able to have a few elegant and savored bites, and be done.  I'm also taking along some dried edamame and garbanzo bean snacks for travel days, and if I feel like I'm not getting enough protein or fiber.

Already, weeks ago, I resigned myself to having a bit of a vacation bump-up in weight. My experience in the past is this always has happened, and generally I've gone back to my previous set point within a week of returning. But now, going into the vacation with a mini-stall, I'm worried. And, because I always borrow trouble plan ahead, I'm thinking about when I renew my Zepbound prescription for the next four weeks. That renewal is scheduled for the day I come back from the trip, and I had assumed I'd stay on my same low dose for another month. That was based on continuing to lose at that dose. I think I can delay requesting the renewal for a few days after I come back, but no matter what the scale says, I (currently) think I should just stay at this dosage through May. By then, I'll have significantly more evidence about how the drugs are affecting me and what it will take for consistent, continuing, weight loss. Time enough to bump up later, if needed.

In the meantime...

 

Most of these linen and cotton shirts were "hang to dry" anyway
But they definitely need ironing now!
The weird pink thing is a strawberry tower - 
check out the garden blog

I still haven't bothered to get my dryer repaired or replaced. Luckily, we've had some sunny weather, and the clothesline in the back yard works great. I don't hang my underwear out there, though! It's fairly private, but not completely. Everything takes longer to line dry, though, so I've had to plan way ahead on what I'm taking on the trip, and make sure it's clean, dry, and ready to go.

 

 

 

 

 

And in other news, my girl leaves for Oregon a couple of days after I go to France. I've offloaded a lot of my old camping equipment - and even outer-layer clothes - on her. She'll be living in an minimally furnished house with co-workers, and camping some of the time. I had a tent to give her, and emergency supplies I took from my own bug-out bag for her day pack: a multi-tool knife, a headlamp, a mylar blanket, a solar lantern, a water filter, a Bic lighter, and also rain gear I outgrew (sideways) and a beanie hat. We went together to REI where I had fun fitting her up with a compass, whistle, tiny first-aid kit, and new socks to go with her new hiking boots. I relate to this experience of hers through my memories of my undergraduate years, where I majored in field trips (though the degree says different). I had a summer in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan in an old logging camp, learning the same field skills that she will use. (She learned much of what she needs to know in Australia, and will be trained in specifics. But she will be alone in the woods before dawn most days.) I'm sorry I won't be there to wave good-bye to her as she sets off into the world to seek her fortune. I know she'll do fine, and I also hope she will enjoy it. I'm so grateful she has wanted to share her prep and planning with me! It's been fun!

Excellent Day!

I like the shirt-over-tee look.
Note the gold sneaks. First time wearing,
but I want to make sure they will be comfy 
for France.

Yesterday was my birthday, and many lucky things came together. It was sunny, and the warmest day so far this year. I spent the morning out in the garden, doing long-neglected chores. The only member of my globe-trotting family actually in town had locked in dinner and a movie with me for the evening. It stayed lovely and warm and we were able to sit outside for dinner. As it turns out, the movie Project Hail Mary was absolutely fabulous, a rare 5 stars from me. As my girl said, "competence porn and the cutest alien ever" made for a rousing end to the night. 

Prepping for my French trip is on my mind, especially how to manage eating while traveling. I used the day to experiment with some food.

 I've been really very good at eating to hit my goals. But, I live alone and mostly eat alone. That makes things way easier to control things. For my birthday, I decided to choose food first and track only after eating. I am curious - what choices will I make when I listen to my body and figure out what I really want? And, alcohol. I've been on the drug for 5 1/2 weeks, but I haven't had a drink. How would that go over?

I've noticed that I get hungrier much earlier in the day than before. With an ambitious protein target, I've started eating very early. I'm up between 6-7, and by 7:30 (or earlier) I have been eating either a cup of cottage cheese or half or a whole bottled protein shake. Then, after exercise and getting dressed, I have a second breakfast. So, on my birthday, I dutifully wolfed down a portion of cottage cheese before going off to the supermarket to replenish my fruit supply. I decided I could treat myself to a pastry, and browsed the selection. While an apple turnover has been my absolute favorite, I went with a standby - a blueberry scone. I found, when I did a gut check to see what feels good (as opposed to sounds good), the less sweet and fat but more filling alternative hit the mark. When I checked later, it turns out they are fairly even in terms of points-heavy and protein/fiber poor. 

The breakfasts kept me satisfied as I busied myself in the garden. I had lunch after noon, driven as much by the clock as hunger. I wanted to pace myself so that I would be hungry for an early dinner out. I had a simple meal of lean meat and fruit, no urge for carbs. In the late afternoon, I wanted a pick-me-up, and I had some delicious halvah. 

I picked the Irish bar based on wanting a good beer and the ability to sit outside. My poor vegan girl was stuck with side dishes, fries and spinach and mushrooms. As I went through the menu, I was sure I was hungry but equally sure I wouldn't be able to finish anything I ordered. Again, trying a gut check, imagining how I'd feel after eating anything. Fish and chips had been on my mind, but I didn't think that would work. I love their red meat entrees, beef stew and lamb stew, shepherds pie and corned beef and cabbage, but they seemed heavy for what was feeling like a summer day. So I ended up with a club sandwich, with a side salad. And a couple of my girl's fries. I didn't finish the beer (though it was wonderful) and took half the sandwich home, where it's today's lunch. 

After dinner, we stashed my leftovers in the car, and stopped at Ben and Jerry's before the movie. I got their smallest cup, chocolate fudge cake, and loved it but was satisfied before I was done. Very rare for me to toss unfinished ice cream in the trash! 

So when I tracked today, it ended up being 62 points! For reference, my daily allotment is 23 points, with roughly 20-30 points to spread over the week. So my birthday put me in the hole, I'm showing negative weekly points! But, a joy of Weight Watchers is a daily reset on the daily points (I've got another 23 today) and a weekly reset on the weekly extras. So I can't start a day or a week already behind. But, despite all the points, I made neither the protein nor fiber targets. 

What did I learn? That thinking "no rules" doesn't mean I'll go absolutely bonkers. It was just under 1600 calories. I regret nothing, except maybe the late-afternoon halvah (5 points). A tangerine or an apple would also have worked on my desire for a little sugar boost. I also noticed a real difference between what sounded good in the abstract, the kind of thing I used to really want, and how I imagined it would make me feel after I ate it. I have some data to base those imaginings on. I am pretty sure one of the reasons I didn't go bonkers is because of the sense of fullness that comes easily to me. There is a lag between eating and feeling my stomach, but my projecting forward of how I'll feel in the future is based on what's been happening recently. Also, eating slowly allows the feelings to catch up before I've gone too far.

In other news, my furnace broke the same time as my clothes dryer. The furnace is fixable, but four figures worth. The first couple of dryer repairmen I called told me mine is a piece of crap that they won't work on. (Word in the 'hood is most appliance repairmen are quirky curmudgeonly types. Give me a break, I respect experts in all fields, but I don't feel like catering or coddling.) I also owe taxes and have a big boatyard bill coming up. So I've decided to forego a dryer for the time being. I strung a clothesline in the back yard, and I've got a drying rack in the basement. Just a couple of blocks away is a nice lavanderia with a convenient and not terribly expense wash-and-fold service - I used that after my knee operation when I couldn't handle the basement stairs. So I'll limp along, perhaps until I get back from France.

Weirdest Day Ever!

Crazy day, but I got to wear this!

At 5 am today, my dog suggested we go out. I've learned the hard way that means either indigestion or a burglar (I've had both) and so out we went, in the dark more than two hours before sunrise. (It wasn't a burglar this time.) It was 70 degrees out! I made coffee, and the two of us stayed out enjoying the morning. The sky was surprisingly light from all the clouds. The bare tree branches were swaying and jumping in the very strong wind gusts, and there was a roaring overhead that came and went. The birds were at first silent, but were just stirring when we went in, half an hour later. It had dropped to 60 degrees.

At 7, shortly before sunrise and after first breakfast, I hustled down the block to the neighborhood rain gauge (it's a citizen-science project, I'm subbing for the vacationing principal). After posting the minimal last 24 hours rainfall, I continued on through the neighborhood and back through the park to get in a couple of miles of walking. I was rushing, because it was starting to spit rain and was forecast to pour. 

After second breakfast, it was indeed raining hard. I went back to bed (I have started to allow myself naps when I get less than 6 hours sleep)  and when I woke at noon it was blizzarding! I mean, it was sticking to grass and cars, big huge fluffy flakes, I could barely see the houses across the street! As it turns out, I was delighted for the cold and snow, because I could finally wear my new sweater. It's been too warm out and in - this is a thick wooly Norwegian one, made from happy sheep joyfully wandering the mountainsides (so the company literature asserts). I contemplated hot chocolate, to get fully in the mood, but passed.

Other highlights of the day: weekly injection, paperwork, taxes nearly ready to file, watched season finale of Pluribus (want to discuss if you've seen it!), picked up my laundry from the wash-and-fold (my dryer is broken) and my new monthly meat box. The box includes a couple of thick cod fillets, luckily frozen, so I have time to decide when and how to cook them. I like to eat fish, but I hate to cook it. I might make a chowder, since I have time to get ingredients. Also in the box, corned beef (of course), lamb chops, pork loin, and "Irish bangers". I love Irish / Scottish breakfast bangers. I have been looking for some to buy - any time I go to our local Irish bar, I get a takeout order of theirs, but no local grocery source. Until this week - there was a display at the supermarket, next to their corn beef briskets. I was excited to try the supermarket bangers, and sorely disappointed. They are nice enough pork sausages, but more brat than banger. I'm hoping these butchershop ones are more on the mark, catching that distinctive taste I associate with the bangers.

So that's my day. It'll be in the twenties out when I make tomorrow's 7 am rain gauge run, another chance to wear my sweater. And also some precip to report, for sure!