Checking In on Intuitive Eating

I'm committed to not focusing on my weight, and instead focusing on being strong, and eating what feels like the right thing in the right amounts. To that end, I've covered up my scale, though I step on it daily. To keep from obsessing about it ("Think about anything except a white bear") I can look at my weight records if I want to. I've made a loose rule that I will look at my weight on weekends if I like, and I've checked in a few times, though often I'm like "never mind". I look at my whole body in the mirror, and I continue to wear clothes that reflect my body size and shape. So I'm not divorced from my weight, though I think about the numbers less and how I feel more. I'm really focused on being strong for my March hiking trip, but there is a nagging worry about making sure my clothes continue to fit for it, because I am for sure gaining weight.

Integral to the IE principles are to consider all food as equal - do not demonize any of it! Also, honoring hunger means to not restrict anything. It's considered critical - because the "snap back" effect is so powerful. These first steps in IE are called the "refeeding" stage. It's assumed, when the rules go away, there is some period of going wild, before your body wisdom kicks in and the emotional components wane, and you settle down into a more sedate pattern of eating. And, if you don't settle down, it's because you have not truly internalized the principles yet. Just eat more, for longer, trust the process. I'm still a skeptic.

Because I never followed other's food plans, I learned to reject conventional diet wisdom back in the last century, and more recently I embraced the concept of only eating things I really like, I assumed I didn't have to deal with jettisoning much in the way of emotions or rules attached to food. It turns out that is not strictly true. While I long ago eschewed lousy diet substitutes and ate no food I didn't like, I have not actually regularly eaten everything I do like. I made spaghetti for myself the other day, and I realized the number of times I've cooked pasta is maybe once a year for several years. It felt...  deliciously naughty is the best phrase I can come up with. I lost much of my original weight on low carb dining, and I blamed previous nightly pasta dishes and excellent bread for my weight gain in my thirties to my top weight ever. I ate a reasonable portion of pasta this time, and I felt good. But I was startled by the frisson of naughtiness that came with it. I wonder if I can work this into my meal lineup, and stay reasonable?

It does seem that I have my hunger cues pretty well covered. I'm eating breakfast a little earlier than before, lunch time is varied depending on many factors, and dinner is early. (Yes, I'm an old person that would appreciate a good Early Bird Special.)  I still over eat at a good evening meal, sometimes nearly to Thanksgiving levels. Something in my body equates "stuffed" with comfort. And I am often driven to grab something and stuff it down heedlessly late at night, again for comfort. These are not sweets, but usually carbs. The other day, the way I stuffed in some crackers while standing at the kitchen counter reminded me of The Very Hungry Labrador who had apparently sworn never to go hungry again. I also will eat from bland boredom, seeking pleasure in my mouth. This is usually sweets, in the evening or night.

Since I know these things, I'm trying to work with them rather than fight them. What are other comforts and entertainments? This is highly personal, and a work in progress, so I don't have any answers to offer here. But I do think awareness is key. Progress, not perfection.