Whine

I am so well suited to social distancing! It plays towards my strengths. And yet, every crisis I've been through has trained me to turn into the problem. To take action. To keep calm and carry on, as a way of showing courage and defiance. After 9/11, I worked for three months without a calendar day away from the office. Remember anthrax? There were people in my office that stayed home for a month or more, out of fear. I remember an op ed in the Washington Post at that time. The gist of it was, when his children asked in the future, "What did you do during the war [on terrorism], Daddy?" his answer was going to be, "I showed up". At that time, changing our behavior was letting the bad guys win.

That's probably why it took me so long to have the light bulb go off. Staying home isn't about being a coward, afraid for and taking care of me. Staying home is about keeping others safe. It's hard to grapple with the thought that little old me, by taking the metro or going to the movies, could be making a difference on how fast the virus will spread. But of course, it's the multiplication of all the little actions that leads to the outcome. And there are no "bad guys" who will win, no matter what happens. It's only our society that will win or lose, depending on how fast the virus spreads.

I have to whine about it, though. I am incredibly privileged, to have the luxury of staying home without it disrupting work or child care or anything of consequence, really. And to have the internet at (generally) high speeds which enables movies and books to magically appear in my house, without me or a delivery person being at risk. To have plenty of interesting projects to keep me busy, from gardening to organizing family photos, and even doing "get out the vote" letters from home. I have family and friends near by to share with and keep tabs on each other. My neighborhood is strongly connected and full of mutual aid. I have a home gym, and a park trail to walk on daily. I can go to stores off-peak, when I need something. I can afford and have access to home delivery of almost everything I need, if I don't want to go out. Because I've been a bit of prepper since 1999 (remember Y2K?) I started last week with adequate supplies on hand to be able to dodge newly woke hoarder crowds at the supermarket. And, not only do I have a Kula cloth, I also have a toilet equipped with a bidet attachment so I don't even need toilet paper!

Despite all these blessings, I have to whine. I cancelled a longed-for vacation. I had booked, with my brother and sister-in-law, a week at the beach on a Georgia sea island. I had shaved my legs (a spring ritual) and bought a new blouse. I bought a new small travel bag, and travel-size sunscreen and lotions. I had been following the resort on instagram. At night, I dreamed of walking on the beach. But, I woke up Thursday morning realizing I simply shouldn't climb on an airplane and go. I considered driving, but traveling is the bad idea, not simply air travel. This is pretty much the definition of a discretionary trip. Still, I waited until yesterday to actually cancel. So this morning, here I am, whining on the couch, instead of winging my way south.

So I have to whine. This is my blog, and I can whine if I want to. But it's not just venting. I examined my conscience. Am I just virtue-signalling? If I make a sacrifice and nobody knows, does it count?

One of the things we know about changing human behavior is that social norms are a major driver. We are much more likely to change if those around us are also changing. We'll pick up our trash if everyone else does. We don't want to be known as the "messy ones" in a community of neatniks. So yeah, I'm whining. So yeah, I'm virtue signalling by whining publicly. But, it does serve a purpose, because if everyone knows I'm cancelling my trip, I'm resetting the community norm, and others might also be likely to cancel. So there is virtue in virtue-signalling. There's a conundrum for you to ponder!