I am very happy with how much better I look and feel this year versus last. The twenty-five pounds I've lost is really the difference between obesity and merely plump. My BMI says I'm still overweight, but with the growth of our people, I'm now in a much more average range. The re-shaping my body has been through, to grow muscles in my shoulders and arms (fifteen full pushups!) while tightening the abs and butt (bridges are my friends) means I also have a much better shape. I can go clothes shopping now without grossing myself out with how I look. (I once said to my mother in a changing room, "Of course it's not flattering! I'm fat and none of these clothes are going to totally disguise that fact!") I am stronger, and move with better balance and confidence. I still have knee issues and back issues, but all the muscles are so much stronger that I'm in a better place to deal with them as they come up.
I am now fifteen pounds from my goal weight. When I started out, I didn't have a goal, I just needed to go down. But now I have a conscious goal in mind. But I'm totally stalled, and not making any progress. I'm bouncing back and forth over the same four pounds - since February. There is no real mystery why. I am eating too much of the wrong stuff and not moving enough. Every night I vow to get moving in the morning. Every morning I start out eating right but not doing any optional exercise (sticking with my gym appointments only). Every evening, after it's too late to exercise, I vow to get moving in the morning, while I have just a bit of a snack treat before bed. Or more than just a bit. My self control in the evenings is terrible. I been over and over this same ground for two months now. I've got to get off this cycle, and I don't think just trying harder in the same way to make myself disciplined is the answer.
I could just settle for being where I am. It's so much nicer than where I was a year or more ago. But, I really don't want to do that. I'm also not really sure I could do that. Trying to coast over the holiday season meant losing a great deal of progress (or, stated more directly, gaining a great deal of weight). I don't know how to do maintenance. I would still need to track, and plan, and exercise. If I have to do these things, I ought to figure out how to do them well enough to get down to where I want to be in size and weight. Eventually, I'll need to learn maintenance, but that's a different issue for a different day.
So what can I do differently? I'm going back to basics mentally. I'm looking at the books I used when I first started this blog, in January of 2010 especially this one: The Beck Diet Solution. (See my sidebar for a link). This is all about self talk, cognitive behavior therapy. I need a mental refresh on what I am doing and why.
I'm also going to try a completely new "fitness adventure". I thought about signing up for a zumba class at the local rec center, but instead I'm going for yoga. My town is a very brown rice and granola kind of place, so I had no trouble finding a class, just some work sorting through the many options. I've signed up for a twelve week class starting in a couple of weeks - once a week for twelve weeks. We'll see how it goes, and if it is truly beginners or not. That's my big worry. Also, I am both a skeptic and a believer when it comes to eastern philosophy and mental and physical training. I believe that yoga and meditation have real physical and mental benefits. I don't need to get metaphysical and mystic about it because the science is there to show me it is so. At the first sign of mysticism or hocus pocus, I'll be too busy scoffing inside to keep my balance on the mat. The place I signed up with is a whole business built around yoga, not the Y or local rec center, but hopefully not too weird.
Also, I hate being a total newbie at things. What do I wear? Do I have go buy a mat before the first class? Do you go barefoot? So I should wear slip-on shoes, not tied sneakers? One class, not the one I signed up for, said to wear shorts or tights "so the instructor can see your knees". Not sure what that's about. The class starts at 8 pm. Can I stay awake till the end? How many people will there be? And, mostly, will any of the others be truly beginners? Or will everybody know everybody and what the routine is so I'll be feeling stupid and far behind? Stay tuned, updates to come in a few weeks.
Time now to read a bit of Beck's Diet Solution, and to plan the first part of the week's meals.
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