2020 Wrapup: Books

 I've been challenged to name my best book of 2020. I had already been working on this post, recapping what I read, and so I'm going to work it in here. But you have to read to the bottom.

It was a very wordy year! I read in the neighborhood of 171 books - that is an awful lot. Or a wonderful lot, I guess. The library was an incredible lifeline to me. A rough count shows about 80% of these I got from the library. It is so easy, when I see something I want, to just click over and check if the library has it. Then a couple more clicks, and it's either borrowed or on hold. As I have a tendency to really like to read a whole series by an author, this works well. In my experience, the library is likely to have either everything or nothing from a given series. And the kindle is my preferred format for books that are primarily text. I only prefer hard copies when they are gorgeous big books, like gardening or cooking books.

Also, about a third of my books this year were listened to. I have had an Audible subscription for years, and had settled on mostly non-fiction, or literary or challenging fiction, as my preferred listening books. I read about three times faster than a typical read-out-loud pace, and I found certain types of books actually benefit from my having to slow down and take in every single word. Until this year, I never sat still to listen - I'd put on the headset for a walk or to do chores, inside or out. And a problem with listening to more exciting easy fiction is that typically, you stop listening when time for the chore or walk has run out. That's not always convenient of our hero is left hanging on a cliff. But this year, I learned sometimes the recorded form of popular books was much more available from the library than the ebook version. So I started listening to mystery and science fiction books and sometimes, in the evening with all but bedtime chores done, I would even sit down in the living room to listen, in preference to TV or visually reading. I couldn't just sit there, however, so I do some idle easy games on the ipad, or color in ipad coloring books (using the apple pencil), or, I just started this week, do jigsaw puzzles on the ipad, while listening through a speaker in the living room. Something occupying a corner of my brain while I also follow the story.

Because I log my books in Goodreads, I was able to export them into a spreadsheet, which allowed me to summarize and categorize them. The list isn't perfect, but me being me, I had to make a chart! So here is a visual summary, by genre:

The blue books are non-fiction - I only read 13 of those. They were gardening and natural history, and civics (my term for items of topical or political or social import) and history. Self-improvement and sailing each popped up with just a couple.

The brown ones are fiction, and you can see the big enchiladas labeled clearly. I went big time for escapism, and many of these were series. The smaller slices represent (in descending order) plain novels (no other category), romance ( a new escapist genre for me), young adult novels, historical novels, and spy novels. 

So, what were the best books?  So hard to pick, and January seems so very long ago! I found as I became voracious, I also became a harsher critic. It takes something special to earn four stars from me, and only the very very best get five (unless it's written by a friend of mine, in which case it automatically gets the five to boost it).

One individual novel stuck with me, read back in January: When We Were Vikings, by Andrew MacDonald. I think it was a debut. It's narrator is a damaged young woman, born with fetal alcohol syndrome, and further abused, and living a precarious and dangerous life. But it's uplifting! She chooses to live her life like a Viking, and it's wonderful.

The best non-fiction book I read was How to be an Anti-Racist, by Ibram X. Kendi. I listened to it, because it falls into the type that needs slowing down. Kendi reads it himself, and it changed my thinking almost from the first page. Well worth it.

Far and away the best series is Louise Penny's Inspector Gamache series, beginning with Still Life. He is head of homicide for the Surete de Quebec and the characters, the plots, and the settings are all terrific. I listened to them all, the whole sixteen of them. Some I liked better than others, but the worst was still good. After a while, the characters seem like friends, the same way you can feel when binge-watching a TV series. It would be good to read in order, as people evolve and change. (I went with what I could get quickly from the library, and sometimes found myself saying "oh that's why he is like that".)

And, for those who stuck with me this far, a bit of fluff and sugar for you: One to Watch, by Kate Stayman-London. A feminist plus-sized contestant on a Bachelor-type show. Goes down easy!

2020 Wrap-up: Movies

 My primary form of entertainment has always been books, but of course I like movies. I've associated with film buffs over the years, and so my viewing history is broader than it would be if left on my own. I have, however, formed opinions on which genres I like and don't like, and it takes some urging to get me to see one out of my wonderbread comfort zone. Horror movies, not so much, though actually reading a spoiler-laden synopsis before seeing is helpful.

In January and February I saw some movies in theaters with friends. According to my credit cards, I paid for movies out four times in those months, but I'm fuzzy on what I saw (and what I may have seen in December of last year). As always, I made an effort to watch Oscar-nominated movies early on. When the lockdown started, I decided to focus on movies I always wanted to see, not necessarily the most current. And since I pay for many streaming services, I watched a lot that didn't require extra payment - skewing towards movies at least a couple of years old. Partway through the year, I googled "goodreads for movies" and came up with the app Letterboxd, which allows the keeping of a watchlist and also recording and rating movies you have seen. There is a social component to it, but no-one I know IRL is using the app that I'm aware of, so right now it's just a private record.

So here is at least a partial record of movies I saw this year, with a couple notes along the way.

• Parasite - good to have seen it once to understand
  
• Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker - I'm a fan
  
• Jojo Rabbit - I liked it, folks I know hated it
  
• 1917 - a nice war story, with the predictable only female person a madonna figure in the rubble
  
• Red Tails - good story, if predictable by following a classic war movie line,  about the famed (to me) black fighter pilots in Italy during WWII. If you don't know the story, it may be less predictable, and it's an important story to get out there.
  
• Little Women - wonderful
  
• Ford v Ferrari - liked it better than I expected
  
• Marriage Story - really sweet
  
• Emma - I had noted this as one to watch in the theater. It was one of the first scheduled theatrical releases sent to the the small screen after the lockdown. I even re-read the actual book (which I owned) before renting it. It was very well done.
  
• His Girl Friday - a club I belong to was watching this before a zoom discussion. It is a classic screwball comedy with snappy dialogue. It does not hold up - the casual sexism, racism, and mean spirits overshadowed any remaining screwball charm and romance.
• C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America - An alternate history, done as a BBC documentary of the repressive and reclusive CSA in modern times. Scary and impactful, also funny at points.
• Hamilton - "how does a ...."  Gives me goosebumps. Maybe I'll watch it again soon.
  
• A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood - Restorative to the spirits.
• Battle of the Sexes - It provided more social and historical context than I expected. I liked it a lot.
• Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga - Part of my Iceland phase. It's amusing.
• Star Wars - I rewatched the original six, since I had Disney. I'll probably watch the last three again. There are more minor threads that re-occur and even pop up on the Mandalorian. 
• Radioactive - Marie Curie. Really interesting, worth it.
• The Princess Diaries - Sometimes you just need an easy to chew fantasy, kind of like oatmeal with cream and sugar
  
• How to Train Your Dragon - See "Princess Diaries".
• Maleficient and Mistress of Evil - catching up on my little nieces' crush.
• Coco - perfect for Halloween
• Little - a re-take on Big, pleasant fluff
  
• Enola Holmes - I was insulted at its poor quality. Apparently there are a series of children's books that are very amusing, but not having read them I found the movie boring, predictable, and not even slightly plausible. Think taking a bite expecting cream and sugar, and getting skim milk with splenda.
  
• Contagion - told by friends it was worth it, I finally watched in September. So we knew everything we needed to know, if only we had paid attention.
• Under the Tuscan Sun - comfort food.
• The Trial of the Chicago 7 - with Aaron Sorkin of West Wing fame on board, very enjoyable and very understandable. 
• Ocean's Eleven - I do like a good caper movie. I will watch more (I saw the "female" one (Ocean's Eight) first).
• The Glorias - Gloria Steinem is having a moment. This is a bit weird but good.
• The Russians are Coming! The Russians are Coming! - possibly the best movie of all time, I watched it while hiding in my bunker on election night. It holds up nicely.
• On the Basis of Sex - had to see it - so good!
  
• Captain America - thinking I might want to see this set of superheroes, I haven't seen any of them before
• The Hustle - a disappointing caper movie. It's a remake of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, which starred Steve Martin and Michael Caine, and was infinitely better.
• Bombshell - I liked it, but was struck by how the "I'm not a feminist" thing was such a thing. Also, just to keep us from getting too sympathetic with the erstwhile victims, we heard them in the studio discussing emphatically how Santa had to be white because Jesus was white. Huh.
• Happiest Season - this year's LGBTQ breakthrough holiday movie. Fun.
• 7500 - a German-made hijacking movie starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Not earth-shattering, but 80 minutes of non-stop adrenaline in a 90 minute movie.
• Wonder Woman - we re-watched on Christmas with a plan to see the new one on New Years.
  

What's up next for me? I've found I like having the lights and noise coming into my house on gloomy days or early evenings, and I've marked 65 more movies on my watchlist, so there is a lot to see!

Right Sized Christmas

I know many many people are feeling sad and cut off this Christmas. The situation of our country and even the world sucks. But for me, this Christmas is feeling cozy and comforting. I have a small immediate family, almost no extended family, and not a big social circle. We all got tested Monday, and have been mostly quarantining before and since (except for necessary errands). So actually, while I'm missing some friends and feel keenly for those more isolated than me, this Christmas will be similar to the last couple of years and feels just right. Or very nearly so. It'll be fine.

Christmases of my childhood, youth, and younger adulthood were always with my small family. We moved quite a bit when I was a child, so socially we saw a bit of friends at the holidays, but mostly were turned to each other. From high school until 2006, my parents lived in the same house in the same tiny town, so rituals of Christmas Eve cookies at our friends' house, with always the same other families, followed by late night carol service at the church where my parents were pillars, were welcome additions to our family rituals. While we decorated and celebrated at our own places, my brother and sister and I almost always managed to be there in Bellport for at least Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. When my sister had kids, she and the whole family, sometimes including parts of her husbands large extended family, would come up as well (I think we peaked at 12 people one year). Even as the kids grew anxious about Santa being able to find them away from home, we went there until my mother sold the house and moved down near us. We had a couple of years to establish new rituals, Christmas Eve at my house and Christmas morning (finally!) at her house, with stockings hung by the chimney with care and a big pile of presents.

 

At age 58, I was suddenly and traumatically thrust into parenthood for my sister's three children, in close partnership with their father. For the first time in my life, I was responsible for feeding not just me, but a whole traumatized family every single day. That first Christmas we were all totally shell-shocked, and my recently married brother and sister-in-law came up with the brilliant idea to go to Topsail Beach in North Carolina for the holidays, along with her three adult children. The place was one of happy summer memories, and we were physically removed from where we had Christmas memories from the past. Still, I remember that time with the kids and their father following through what my sister-in-law and I put together by rote, willing to try but basically robots. 

My sister was the social party animal in the family, and I was bound and determined to live up to her standards with the kids. So for subsequent Chistmases, my brother-in-law bought a tree and got it to stand upright in the living room, and I was responsible for absolutely everything else. One year, every single present under the tree was bought and wrapped by me - I even wrapped something for myself. (It's true, my mother didn't get anything at all for the kids or me, though I used some of her money and put "from Grandma" on some tags). With intense jealousy between the kids, I did a spreadsheet of what I'd gotten each one, striving for balance. One year, on Christmas Eve the kids' father bought the youngest an expensive toy, destroying the balance and sparking complaints and subsequent fights when all the presents were opened. Oh well. He was so happy to do it, and it was meant with love. As the kids grew older, the two younger had dark depressive periods where they didn't lift a finger to help decorate, while the oldest physically and mentally separated himself from the others. Christmas was a chore, not a joy. But I kept it going.

I had had an epiphany one night, cursing under my breath as I sorted silverware in the drawer, putting salad forks into a separate slot from the larger dinner forks. Suddenly, I thought, "if they don't care, why should I bother? Does this even mattter?" With that realization, I let go of it, upended the silverware bin from the just finished dishwasher into the drawer all higgledy-piggedly,  and I walked away from it. This wasn't anger, but acceptance.  I didn't allow things to devolve into complete chaos, and nobody went hungry or got sick from the relaxed hygiene standards, (though one year what my girl wanted for Christmas was forks because they had all disappeared) but things were more relaxed. Instead of living up to some unachievable past ideal, we started to make our own way, together.

Still, for Christmas, I tried to keep things moving. It was such a challenge when I was working! I had to juggle holiday leave with my co-workers and subordinates. When the kids were in school, like all parents I prioritized the week between Christmas and New Year's as the time to be together, but I always took some time before hand to get things ready. I focused on food over decorating, but shopping required many separate trips. We have a tradition now of fancy dinner Christmas Eve at my house, present opening Christmas morning at the kids' (really their dad's) house, and after-nap second fancy dinner back at my house. Each of those meals has some elements that have to be present, others that can change. I recall one year, not that long ago, I had a large chart hand drawn on the whiteboard, with an elaborate project plan and countdown to the big day. For example, if I buy the Christmas roast early, I have to freeze it, and remember to take it out of the freezer and put in the fridge a couple of days ahead.

I had a huge internal celebration several years ago when my big boy took over making the traditional Norwegian Christmas bread my mother used to make. (I had the Julekage mantle for only one year.) This year, the kids have taken over Christmas day dinner, which will be at their dad's house, and we've added to our mix a live-in girlfriend. I'm quite relaxed about my continuing responsibilities for Christmas Eve and morning. It'll be fine. For the first time in some years, my girl and I made cookies. She helped me decorate my house, and is in charge and bossing her father at her house. It'll be fine. I got a new little tree, and so can use more of my ornaments than in recent years. It'll all be fine. Presents are bought. I made festive cloth bags a few years ago, so wrapping is way quicker and wastes way less paper than in previous years. And, it turns out, they all want gifts, but they really don't want much. They want to be together and enact some rituals. It'll be fine. It'll be more than fine.  I really like Christmas, and this song captures the feelings just right.

Family Archives

My mother in high school

I am the family archivist. This comes to me naturally. I was the family photographer, starting in the 1980s. I physically inherited boxes of documents and photos from my father and my mother. I had a brief engagement with family genealogy in the 1990s, and have some partial family trees from that era. I missed an opportunity to review old family photos with my mother, and so a lot of that knowledge is lost forever. Who are these old people in these stiff and faded photos? I just remember old Hester Anne, with her clay pipe, born in 1830. But where on the family tree is she?

I'm paying for a storage unit, where I put some furniture and many boxes after my mother died. I finally decided I needed to make a start on the boxes. I stopped by, and brought a few home and tossed them in the spare room. But before I tackled them, I though I spend a few minutes on the stuff already at my house.

My father in 1952,
when he got his PhD

I was quickly overwhelmed. There is simply too much, it's too diverse, I couldn't decide how to handle it. My initial thought had been to sort and scan as I went, tossing some things outright, others after a scan, and saving few physical items. Though my desktop scanner is of decent quality, it is very slow, and I realized Plan A was simply not going to work. So I stepped back, and spent some time thinking and researching how to organize the project. I didn't want to get too far into it before having to re-do everything I'd already done.

I'm a natural librarian, and I have professional librarian friends. I also have friends in similar situations wanting to tackle similar projects. So I got some sage advice, from physically how to handle the materials to digitally how to set up a filing system. One of the main points is to do a physical sort first, without engaging with any of the materials in depth. Sorting by family branch / family member, and/or by year, seem to be the leading alternatives. And, toss stuff in this first sort. Be realistic. My parents traveled a lot, but does anyone need pictures they took of European buildings, with no recognizable people? Of course not. Keep a trash bag nearby.

It's hard to stick to the guideline of "don't engage" when dealing with documents (as opposed to photos). I have to review them enough to know what I'm looking at. And then it can be hard not to get sucked in. For example, I found a stack of sympathy cards I had received after my sister died. My memories of that time are extremely hazy. I sat down and looked at all the cards, and put them into an archival envelope to keep. They won't be scanned, but maybe I'll look at them again in a few years.

At that point, I realized why the advice is not to engage with the material as you move through it. I was a little bit comforted and also a little bit blue after going through those little bits of thoughtfulness that had come at my most bleak time ever. I needed another break before getting back to it.

So today, with two inches of rain forecast, I dove back in. There was necessarily some spool-up time, as I needed to remind myself how I was doing the physical sort. I know I've decided many photos need to be scanned by a service as doing it myself isn't physically possible. But each service has its rules for how to sort and label batches, so for the time being I'm just grouping by rough family group and date. So all of those will need to be handled again, when I review detailed instructions from a scanning service. Documents can also follow the same rough sort, with another distinction between records (diplomas, birth certificates) and more personal stuff. Probably, documents that get scanned will be scanned by me.

Hester Anne. Note clay pipe.
One of the girls is probably my grandmother

I pulled out a bag - roughly a plastic grocery bag sized bag, and dove in. As it turned out, this bag held stuff from my father's mother, Haila Yvonne Miller Shellabarger. It appears she saved every letter or photograph my father ever sent her. The big surprise - and a treasure trove - is that he wrote to her a lot.  In 1957, the year my family first lived in London, he typed out a tissue-thin blue air letter nearly every week to her. Mundane doings of our young naive American family having an adventure abroad. But there are letters before and after that time as well - somewhere between 50 and 100 in total, I guess. So I sorted out the letters by year, and put them in envelopes for dealing with later. I'm really looking forward to working my way through them. But for now, they are all in a box labelled "Shellabarger - to be scanned."

Most of the photographs are copies my parents sent them. Everything peters out in the mid-1960s. Did long distance become affordable then? Or maybe, more recent things are in another box!

So I packed everything up again, and I'll do more sorting and organizing when next it rains or snows - that will be Wednesday, most likely!

New Buddy!

Meet Bixby, newest family member!

I had been going back and forth on whether to add a dog to my household. Rocky is old and failing. He is my guy, and I love him. But I wanted a more portable and vigorous dog, to come with me on my adventures. A dog that could hike and sail and maybe even kayak. But one that would fit with Rocky, not replace him.

All three of my dogs in my adult life have been from shelters and rescues. Rosie, sweet and sad, from Chicago Humane Society. Abbey, fierce and funny, from Washington Animal Rescue League. And Rocky, The Very Hungry Labrador, from Lab Rescue. I seriously considered going to a breeder this time, because each of these dogs had issues and I wanted an easy dog. One who could come with me places, that didn't require reorganizing my house and worrying about visitors. But late night browsing on Pet Finder (perhaps inspired a bit by friends and family members who have recently acquired cats) made me want to go ahead now.

I heard about a local small rescue that brings up a half-dozen or so dogs a month from Puerto Rico. I browsed their website, and they seemed to have mostly smaller dogs that would fit my criteria. While they had interesting dogs on their website, I went ahead and filled out a general application and paid the $15 fee. The very next morning I got a reply, and had a conversation with Moira, the one-woman show. She got what I was looking for. Just a few days later, she suggested this tiny but beautiful dog, two years old, an owner surrender instead of a street dog. She brought him by the next afternoon (we met in my fenced yard, masked up) and I decided to go for it. She had a spare crate in the car (I didn't buy anything in advance, wanted the right sizes) and just left him with me! Suddenly, I had a new member of the family, just like that!

So three days in, we're settling down. He is not fully house-trained yet, so I have to be hyper-vigilant about taking him outside. And it's been cold, and he is really not used to it (and smaller dogs have a worse time in the cold anyway). He's great on the leash, but even with a coat he starts shivering after a block. It'll warm up some this week, and I hope to venture further. 

Rocky ignores him, but is asking for extra pets, and of course he is hyper-aware of treats going in another direction. Later today we're going to introduce Bixby to Sadie, my girl's fierce little dog. They are roughly the same size, and Sadie and Rocky ignore each other. I'm hoping Sadie and Bixby will be friends, because they both could use a place to work off some energy. 

So the adventure continues!