Wednesday, October 30, 2019

TV Recommendation

Just a quick note to share what I'm binging on these days. LOVE this show. It's a cross between the West Wing and The Americans. It's got sincere civil servants trying to do good in the world, and also trying to get into each other's pants. Like the West Wing, but with more strong women. It's got spies, conspiracies, and arguments between parents and adolescents, like The Americans. Good character development. Since it's a mainstream network show, it has 5 seasons with 20+ episodes! And it ends this year (still showing new shows right now) with a 10 episode final season. Something to keep me going for a while!

I can't believe TLo never commented on Tia Leoni's style of power suiting for her role as Secretary of State. In the first season, I was struck how she was always in trouser suits, with so much more style than Hilary ever had. Now, in season 2, skirts are making an appearance. The chemistry between the Secretary and her spouse reflects the real life relationship between Leoni and Tim Daly.

It is necessarily very concerned with foreign relations, which have changed enormously since 2014. But like the West Wing, it was a simpler time. Sigh.

Monday, October 28, 2019

Stuff

I want to have less stuff. I spent a few years cleaning out my basement before the renovation, and finally had to have help in the final clearing.  I like a clean, uncluttered look. I don't rotate holiday decorations, as a general rule, and some years barely even dressed the house for Christmas. I rarely entertain, so my good dishes get used for the family at Christmas, and hardly ever any other time.

So now I'm emptying my mother's apartment. Everywhere I look are wonderful things, and I'm struggling with not wanting to let them go. I hired an appraiser, and she will provide some information on actual monetary value. But I can't imagine myself going the ebay route to maximize value. It's more wanting to get use out of things. And also, unexpectedly, finding myself sentimental over the kind of things that have no apparent use and need dusting.  

There is a lot of crap, and that is not a problem. My mother would save all the free address stickers from all of the many many charities that each received $10 annually from her.  One full size brown grocery bag full of labels, into recycling. Flashlights that stopped working years ago, with batteries oozing acid. Maybe a dozen of those?  Opened rolls of wrapping paper, crinkled and dusty from poor storage. VCR tapes of movies she taped off the TV, with handwritten labels. Audio cassette tapes of books bought from library sales. Gone, gone, and gone.

There are sturdy, useful things, and that is a minor problem - what if I need one of these some day? A useful rule of thumb on that is, if it could be replaced for less than $25, and you don't need it now, get rid of it. Three corkscrews, two manual can openers and one electric one fall into this category. But there are other things: Four old boom boxes. Four Tivoli model one radios - I turned both my mother and her friend Ruthanne onto those. My mother kept Ruthanne's radios when she cleared out her apartment after Ruthanne died, and I suspect a lot of other stuff such as flashlights. I have four Tivoli radios myself already at home - how many more can my house hold? Once the answer would have been all of them - because I almost always have the radio going in my house - but now I tend to say, "Computer! Play NPR!" and it happens throughout the house at once. Piles of fabric, and curtains. Some of these things I will actually use, and now. At my house after my mother's memorial service, ice water was poured from "the Danish pitcher" - that was on my mother's kitchen counter since I can remember. But that is the exception, not the rule.


There are a few, small, valuable items and those are also a minor problem. There is no temptation to keep these things, but I can't just toss them. I got a great (and trustworthy) recommendation for an old-coin place - that'll be easy enough. Not sure about old jewelry. My mother's house was robbed - twice - in the 1980s, and so there isn't much jewelry left. But there is some, not appealing to me or the women in the family, but with small diamonds, and I'll have to figure this out. (Keep to be reset in the future as engagement rings? That's where my sister's and sister-in-law's rings come from.) Silver, pewter, brass items, of no utility but some beauty? My brother is taking the Wedgwood china - being Southern, they entertain and like to set a gracious table. But we agreed that if the kids want it in the future, they get it.

It's well understood that "brown furniture" is not generally wanted by today's youth. The appraiser told me it doesn't matter if it's old or not, it has little value despite its utility. My brother and I have houses filled with furniture. The kids aren't ready yet, though I was surprised they didn't reject the stuff out of hand. I keep eyeing what's here, because it's so good. No veneers here. My mother bought stuff at farm auctions in the midwest in the 1950s and 1960s and refinished it herself. This fairly simple style suits what is already in my house. Several small cherry tables, good as card tables, or in a kitchen? My brother and I will take the two smallest chests. All the new stuff, and one huge desk/china cabinet, have to go. But I keep re-arranging my house in my mind, getting rid of stuff, trying to see where I could fit it in. I'm pretty sure I'll rent a storage unit and it'll go in there for a defined time. (Did this get suggested at the recent blogger's bash? I know it wasn't my idea.) But anything I wouldn't consider giving house room to will get donated, if donation centers will take them.

There was a lot of paper, including photos. As of today, I have been through everything, and I now have 18 document boxes to store. Roughly a third are financial records, that can be pitched in few years without another need to review. I believe there is more there than I needed to keep, but too bad. There are bunches of boxes of photos and photo albums, for the storage unit. There are several boxes I labelled "personal", to be gone through more slowly. Yesterday, I found a collection of letters in their envelopes tied by a ribbon. I remembered this - when I was about ten years old my mother showed me the same collection and said they were the love letters my dad wrote her before they were married. (My dad? That silent guy?) There are other things, like marriage certificates. At any rate, I erred on the side of keeping things, because once things are gone they are gone forever. At a minimum, I want to read through things myself. Maybe there is a scanning or archiving project in the future, but for now it's simple preservation for later review.

Where I'm having the hardest problem is with unexpected sentimentality. My mother's clothes. I don't need them, I don't even really like much of them, but I find myself reluctant to let some of them go. The only things that may fit are nice sweaters and jackets, and I don't think I need any of those. I've stopped working, and I don't have much occasion to dress above a hoody. I like hoodies. I've been dressing like a 12-year-old boy since I was a 12-year-old girl, and I don't see stopping now. 

And small things. That have no use and require dusting. Many cool, cute, small things. Everywhere I look, there they are. My brother and sister-in-law, and the kids, have been through and picked out things and some have made their way already to my house. I won't do the ebay thing, and I don't want to store things and start rotating them. I am reluctant to even store them "temporarily" in the storage unit I'm planning to have. I guess I'll leave this to last. Suggestions welcome.

At some point, I'll hire help, but I haven't done it yet. My sister-in-law searched all the clothing drawers and found things squirreled away, valuable things and sentimental papers. So now I'm confident the clothing drawers can be dealt with by someone else. I filled my car with paper to be recycled and took it to the dump myself yesterday. I can get a trash container delivered up here and make one pass to get rid of the bigger crap. I can hire someone to pack and ship things to my brother. I can hire them to pack the storage unit with the furniture and boxes we are keeping. I can use them for donations, as well, but I feel like they won't truly use due diligence. Sigh. I'll keep plugging away.

Friday, October 25, 2019

Adventure Travel

The Pride of Baltimore II,
under full canvas 10/23/2019
Since retiring, I'm way too much of a homebody. I need to get moving. Because I don't have an automatic vacation travel companion in the form of a spouse, I am inclined to sign up for organized trips. I'm fine with just going on my own - for a couple of days. After that, my introverted self is weary of the huge effort it takes to engage alone with strangers in a strange environment. A few weeks ago I lined up a few trips, and the first one is just over and I'm nearly recovered. And it was very nearly perfect!

I have sailed on the Pride of Baltimore II before, almost exactly five years ago. I wrote about it, too, here. That trip I did with my sailing partner. This one I did alone. But it certainly helped my confidence to have experience, so some idea of what to expect on board. The Pride II is an all-wood re-creation of a privateer that was hugely successful against British shipping in the war of 1812. It is widely acknowledged as one of the prettiest sailing vessels, and fastest, and most maneuverable, ever built.

Last week was the Great Chesapeake Bay Schooner race, and this saw Pride II and a couple of dozen other schooners, all different shapes and sizes and vintages, whiz down the bay from Annapolis to Norfolk. The Pride II won, of course. They had a couple of days planned layover in Norfolk, and then new crew, including me, were scheduled to board for the return trip to Baltimore Sunday night.

I took a pre-dawn Uber on Saturday to catch the train down to Norfolk, arriving mid-day in the port town. The train was fine, relatively comfortable, for what was a five hour trip. I mostly listened to a book through headphones, got up to walk the length of the quiet car once an hour, and ate the food I'd brought along. Amtrak dropped me off by the minor league ball park in Norfolk, and I hefted my backpack and duffle and trudged up to my hotel. It was a beautiful day in Norfolk, sunny and in the 70's. I dropped off my bags, and explored the small downtown. Walking around is my favorite thing, and so I followed the waterfront, scouted out where Pride II was moored, and saw what there was to see. I stopped at a small restaurant and ate a lamb kebab and salad outside, as much to rest my feet as to eat. More walking, then into the big hotel to check out the rooftop bar I had spotted earlier. Impossible to sit in the packed outside, but with the wall open to the outdoors, the bar was very pleasant. I had a beer, chatted with the bartender, and looked at the people. My phone was out for a while, but I was very conscious of not wanting to be in my own bubble, but to push myself to be out in the world.

Very tired,  I went back to the hotel, sat down for a while, planning what the next day would be like. Done with being out in the world, I ordered on-line for pickup from a nearby barbecue restaurant just after dark. Safely back in my comfy room, I ate a lovely hot sandwich and resumed watching a series on Netflix I had downloaded to the ipad the night before.

Sunday dawned with a huge rainstorm. I couldn't board the Pride II until 7 pm, so I needed to amuse myself all day. I had found on Tripadvisor the "best" place for breakfast, just a couple blocks from the hotel, and was there by 8 am (I woke with no alarm) and joined the Norfolk fire department there for what was indeed a great full breakfast. When I was done eating, it was still pouring, but it was quite warm, so I took the long way back to the hotel. The rain had been forecast, and not much was open on Sunday morning, so my game plan I made was to hang in the hotel room as late as possible - I negotiated a 2 pm checkout. That gave me a chance to take a long hot shower, dry my clothes wet from breakfast (with the hair dryer!) and read some more. Just before 2 I dropped my bags at the front desk and headed out for more Norfolk touring.

It was still raining, so I headed to the nautical museum. It was ok, not great, but it was dry and had plenty of places to sit down. By the time I left just before its closing, it had mostly stopped raining. I went back to the rooftop bar, (now all closed up from the weather) and had a beer and some fish tacos for dinner. The timing was about perfect afterwards for picking up my bags from my hotel and heading to my ship.
The dock in Norfolk

The six "guest crew", including me, all boarded about the same time. We had a basic orientation, and learned that in the morning the ship would be doing an educational sail with school kids, and we wouldn't head north until later. Timing was still up in the air due to weather considerations. After hanging out in the ship's saloon for a while, I bundled myself into my bunk and fell asleep early.

As advertised, the next morning we took on a couple dozen eighth graders and some teachers and did a little turn around the harbor. The crew had set up four different "stations" on the boat and groups of the kids moved between them. There were lessons on the importance of maritime transportation in the early development of the country, some of the dynamics of why the war of 1812 was fought, a chance to practice loading and firing the cannon, and the physics of sailing - how could we move towards the wind?  Guess which education station was the most popular? (Duh, the cannon.)

After lunch we finally had a real introduction to the crew and ship. The captain has, in his words, "been involved with this project for forty years", but the rest of the crew were in their 20s and 30s, except for the cook who was a guy about my age. There were three tall bros with beards and man-buns that I couldn't tell apart, three tattooed and pierced women, and the other guys all had shaved heads. All of the crew had been on other tall ships - the Pride II is considered something special, and has the luxury of picking who they want. Most of the guest crew were close to me in age and with some sailing experience, but my roommate was a young woman who had never been aboard any kind of a sailboat before. She had an enormous enthusiasm for naval history, and had read all of the same historical fiction books I have.
I'm pretty sure the smile never left my face.

Because of weather, we cast off from Norfolk at 3 am. It was all hands to see us off, and we started to raise the sails as soon as we could. Around 5 am some folks went below, but it was my watch until 8 am so I got to see the sun rise while at the wheel, before being dismissed below. A hearty breakfast was followed by a nap. Then all hands back on deck to raise more sails - including some that hadn't been used in a couple of years! The captain had planned things well - the Tuesday weather window he picked had us galloping up the bay at a rapid clip throughout the daylight hours. It was dry, and warm enough to peel down to just a sweatshirt layer.

Some of my work.
As guest crew, we couldn't do that much. There was a lot of pulling on lines, but we always had to have them put in our hands because we certainly couldn't figure out which one when on our own. Also a lot of coiling of lines. This is not to make things look pretty, but so they will run smoothly when needed. The sails are very heavy. There is mechanical advantage with pullies dividing the load, but no powered winches to do the actual pulling. I felt proud that I started to figure out the commands and which line did what, but I never ventured to touch anything without being told.

Moving fast!
Just before dark, we lowered sails (it took a solid two hours of hard work) and we put the ship in order to steam through the rainy and cold night. My watch was again 4 - 8, but "pm" this time, and I got thoroughly soaked but not cold as it got dark. The last hour of the watch was almost entirely standing around in the pitch-dark pouring rain with a nearly total inability to see anything at all. But I wasn't cold, so all was ok.

I was happy to change into dry clothes, eat a satisfying dinner, and retire to my bunk for another sleep before being called at 3 am for docking in Baltimore. Finally, all snug in her berth in the industrial part of the port, I took another quick snooze before breakfast. I caught a ride to the train station with one of the crew, and home via metro and bus. And another nap.

This trip was in some ways a test run for a bigger, more ambitious sailing trip I've signed up for. Next July, I'm going to spend a week on a tall ship in Iceland! I consider myself right now in fairly poor physical condition, and yet I was able to climb up and down the many ladders, twist through companionways, haul on ropes, and sleep in a hard bunk. (None of the guest crew, including me, went aloft this trip. My feet were firmly planted on the solid wood deck the whole time.) I've made notes of what pieces of my gear needs to be replaced (my waterproof jacket is not waterproof anymore, after a mere 15 years) and also what worked well, and what I didn't have that would be handy. Most of all, I want to get to be stronger and have better endurance. I really fell deeply asleep when I had the opportunity, and without that I would have been in even rougher shape. As it was, I felt pretty good, and not seasick at all. This is a great motivator for me to get out there and exercise. Stamina, strength, and flexibility take work, but they are what I need to have a really great time. This was one night in a hotel, and three on board, and I've had two 10-hour sleeps since getting home. I might have slowed way down if the cruise had gone on much longer. I think stamina can be built up, and I need to get more ambitious in working on this.

Thursday, October 3, 2019

Grief

I was working on a cocky post about getting my mojo back, when as often happens life kicked me in the stomach. I needed to weigh in on the Episcopal memorial service for my mother, and in deference to my own and my family's lack of religion, I went looking for poems to use in the bulletin/handout, and as possible readings during the service. I have a kick-ass electronic filing system I could tell you about if you were interested. I looked up "poetry" and "grief" and my goodness, I had a lot of stuff there. Some of it is from when my sister died, and other items I have run across since. I hadn't remembered it all, but emotions came flooding back. I took the time to wallow. Here for your reading pleasure are some of the items.


Remember by Christina Rosetti
 
Remember me when I am gone away,
         Gone far away into the silent land;
         When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
         You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
         Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
         And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
         For if the darkness and corruption leave
         A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
         Than that you should remember and be sad.


Wave of sorrow
Do not drown me now.
I see the island
Still ahead somehow.
I see the island
And its sands are fair.
Wave of sorrow
Take me there.

-Langston Hughes
 
 
Dirge Without Music 

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind;
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and laurel they go: but I am not resigned.
Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains--but the best is lost.
The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love--
They are gone. They have gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.
Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind:
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.
 
Edna St. Vincent Millay
 
 
The Flower
 
How Fresh, O Lord, how sweet and clean
Are thy returns! ev'n as the flowers in spring;
To which, besides their own demean,
The late-past frosts tributes of pleasure bring.
Grief melts away
Like snow in May,
As if there were no such cold thing.
Who would have thought my shrivel'd heart
Could have recover'd greennesse? It was gone
Quite under ground; as flowers depart
To see their mother-root, when they have blown;
Where they together
All the hard weather,
Dead to the world, keep house unknown.
 
George Herbert 


i carry your heart with me
by e. e. cummings
 
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go, my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
                                                        i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)
 
 
Subtle but Resilient

All of life is interconnected and ongoing. There is no death to the spirit of those I love. As I mourn the physical passing of my beloved, I open to meet her anew in an ongoing spiritual connection. Subtle but resilient, our relationship goes forward. As I open my heart to continued connection, I encounter the spark of intuition, the lamp of guidance which signals the shared ongoing path. Those who leave me do so only in body. The physical vehicle falls away but the beloved spirit continues to live and even to prosper. Ours is a journey of shared hearts. Death is a passageway, not an ending. As I open my heart to continued connection, my beloved is carried forward by my love.

Today, I am brave enough to open to continued connection. I am alert to small signs and signals which speak to me of my beloveds' ongoing presence.
 
Julia Cameron