I've shown how very self-disciplined I can be, for at least a short period of time. But now, I want to figure out how to eat for the rest of my life, without having to be that disciplined all the time. The end of my Whole 30 coincided unattractively with several binges, coupled with two long road trips that disrupted my physical ability to control my diet. Without rules, and confronted with limited unattractive choices, I ate much more than I intended, and often regretted it even while still shoveling it in.
I've revisited a couple of resources I've used before, notably The Foodist, by Darya Rose. This is the basic approach I would love to be able to say works for me: eat only awesome things, when you want, and never feel guilty about the choices you make. So while also listening to The Willpower Instinct, I'm trying to implement several of the things that Foodists are supposed to do. This is about behaviors, not specifically about what foods to eat and what not to eat. I'm trying to figure out what works - where my definition of "working" is keeping my weight no higher (and ideally about 8 pounds lower) than it is right now, without making my whole life be about this.
One key to not having to have an iron will is to create habits so good things just happen without much conscious effort. To have habits, it helps to have a routine, and with my changed reality (no resident kids, but a declining mother and a second dog) I haven't yet built a good routine. So I'm trying to do both at once - build a routine that will automatically create space for the healthy habits.
Another thing I'm doing is trying to be mindful. Because I've tracked my food for years, I figured I probably have a somewhat higher than average awareness of what I eat because I so often track. However, apparently studies show chronic dieters have a wider discrepancy between what they think they eat and what they actually eat than non-dieters, for a couple of reasons. First is dieters continually have good intentions about what to eat, and recall afterwards more of the intention than the actuality. Second is large portions are harder to estimate by looking at them - everybody underestimates the amount of food in a large helping. I'm probably no better than average, after all.
But the way I'm trying to be mindful now is qualitatively different than tracking. I'm trying to pause before choosing food and serving portions. I'm trying to assess with a gut check if I really want something. Where I get in trouble is just automatically eating without that check. I'm trying very hard to slow down while I eat. I'm finally trying the "chew 20 times" approach to eating, and when I do it, I eat less and feel more satisfied. Consciously savoring the food while biting and chewing is integral to this - and that tilts in favor of trying for the really awesome foods.
This is really hard for me to do. I mostly eat alone, and I'm pretty good about eating at a table. But I almost always read when I'm eating, and that means I'm off in another world while I eat. When I'm with other people, I'm focused on them. So I've found myself reminding myself to slow down, chew, and don't load the fork until I've swallowed as I sit down and pick up the fork, and realizing after the last bite I didn't pay attention to a single forkful, just shoveled it in while reading or talking. So I have maybe a 25% record of being mindful while eating for at least a portion of a meal. It's a start - because I actually think this is an effective technique that will work for me. I'm just not sure I'm willing to give up a 40-year habit of reading while eating to get there.
The thinking before eating is easier, except when I get too hungry or tired and haven't made an easy plan of what to eat (or when my plan no longer appeals, or feels too hard). I learned during the Whole 30 that I can manage my mornings to actually cook and organize food for the day, but week day evenings remain a huge hurdle. Now that Sadie (dog #2) has joined the household, mornings are a bit more complicated because she takes more management than Rocky, and Rocky is now jealous of my spending time with Sadie and more insistent he gets his time. But I can get this back under control. I did learn very very clearly that the single best thing to make my mornings good is to ensure the coffee pot is set on auto the night before. I sit and drink coffee while reading the news on the ipad. Now I'm trying to limit the ipad time - I would love to read the New York Times cover-to-cover each morning, after checking email and facebook and a couple of blogs, but I'm not letting myself do that. Trying, anyway. It helps that I really don't want to read any election news.
Other techniques: Cook. That is the single biggest thing I can do. Cook from scratch, and prepare almost everything I eat myself. That was the habit made by doing the Whole 30, and I keep trying to keep it going. For most practical purposes, that means devoting most of a weekend day to the kitchen, and as the weather is approaching my favorite kind of days, this feels like not the best tradeoff.
One thing that stuck in my mind from The Willpower Instinct is how most people expect they will have more time, fewer distractions, fewer pop up problems at some mythical time in the future, usually about two weeks from now. As I drifted off from writing this, I thought of cooking today, my plans for doing more cooking just a couple of weeks from now when my immediate issues will have been put to bed, and I won't have to run out to take care of.... things, but will be able to stay home and just cook. Sigh. Knowing I've just fallen into a trap doesn't necessarily tell me how to get out of it. Probably the answer is "just do it now". Start today.
On that note, I think I'll stop blogging and go do something. But I'll be back, probably in about two weeks when things calm down around here....
