OOOEEE, Baby!

(Won't you let me take you on a sea cruise?)

What a ride!

Packing

This trip was hugely challenging for me. We experienced all four seasons in the course of our two weeks, and sea conditions ranging from a small gale to full calm. There was a great deal of pure sailing, with no engine needed from the mouth of the Chesapeake Bay to the mouth of Tampa Bay, about 1200 miles and eight days. We had truly excellent and thrilling sailing with favorable winds and huge distances in the beginning, and favorable but light winds and virtually just bobbing along slowly towards the destination at the end. So happy to have done this, and so happy to be home!

Bare poles, no sails yet

My boy drove me up to the ship, Pride of Baltimore II, at its maintenance berth in an industrial section of Baltimore Harbor, on Wednesday night, arriving just as it was getting dark. There was a gang plank, a lovely amenity rarely used, which helped get the carry-on-sized soft backpack and the under-seat-sized tote aboard easily. I was able to give my boy the nickel tour, but I was sad to see the boat was in considerable disarray, not yet ready for sea. That evening, I met my fellow guest crew, and we learned there would be commissioning chores for a couple of days, and we wouldn't actually set sail until Saturday. Most of my trips aboard the Pride have not left on time because they schedule more time than needed to get to destination in order to be able to optimize the weather window, so I wasn't too surprised. I considered taking a trip back home, but I decided to hang out and help with the boatkeeping chores.

Things were all ahoo,
SO MUCH to do!

The weather was seasonal for Baltimore in March, in the 50s or low 60s, and sunny (which makes a great difference!) Besides the regular crew that would be going with us, there were extra people from a rigging company, one that specializes in tall ships and older technologies. The Pride is a replica of an 1812 Baltimore-built privateer named the Chasseur, and she maintains a balance between authenticity, especially above deck in the sails and rigging, and modern safety and efficiency, especially below decks with two diesel engines, watertight compartments, and even a water-maker on board. Every year heavy maintenance is performed, rotating through various components. This year, they had completely disassembled the rigging that holds the masts and sails upright, so there was more to do than usual to get ready to go to sea. As a one-of-a-kind vessel, there were photographs and diagrams to consult, but also the memory of the senior Captain, who has been with the ship from the beginning. The majority of the crew were new to the ship, though not to tall ships - the Pride only hires experienced sailors. She is not a sail training ship (nor a passenger ship) but instead more of a "finishing school" for tall ship sailors. But because this was the beginning of the season, there was a lot of explaining and discussion going on. That was helpful to me, the novice.

Someone caught us backing out from the dock
I got this from Facebook

The couple of days we spent doing chores at the dock were relatively benign weather-wise. I had a day spent on a wooden raft floating around the ship in the very nasty Baltimore harbor water, sanding and painting the waterline. And another day inside the maintenance shop, with the second mate, sorting and inventorying all the many many large paper charts laid out all over the shop floor, figuring out which ones we needed to take along on this trip. Meanwhile, the crew and the professional rigging team were busy with the heavy work of bending on the sails and attaching all of the thousands of ropes that hold the wooden spars and the sails in place and are used to control them while underway.

New crew rehearsing raising the staysail

By Saturday, we had, as the Captain said, run out of excuses and were ready to leave. It was crisp and cold as we set off and motored out the Patapsco River and into the Chesapeake Bay. Sails went up - a conservative amount of sail area only, as winds were forecast to be somewhat unfavorable in direction and quite strong. We motor-sailed the 150 miles out of Chesapeake Bay. It stayed sunny, which helped enormously. We split into watches after the basic sail configuration was set, and I was able to go below.

Everyone was assigned to a five-person A, B, or C watch, except the Captain and the cook. I had the dreaded A watch! We were assigned to be on duty from 12-4 twice a day, am and pm. I had never had this watch before, and I knew it would be the most disruptive to my circadian rhythms, as I am definitely NOT a night owl. From 4-8 twice a day we were "off" which meant we'd only be called if the ship required extreme handling. But since breakfast was at 7:30 am and supper at 7:30 pm, that really only gave us three hours off-watch for dedicated sleeping. From 8-12 twice a day we were "stand-by", which meant we had to be ready to be on deck with a 5 minute call - ie, dressed for duty except for boots and raingear. We could sleep, as long as we were prepared to leap into action.

Looking like the Michelin Man!

The engines shut off while I was sleeping early Sunday morning, as we exited the Bay and encountered the winds and waves of the North Atlantic - during a cold snap! The winds were favorable, though strong, and the waves were up to 8-10 feet. We were rocking and rolling, not just from side to side, but also front to back in a corkscrewing motion. During the day, moving about above or below was exciting. At night, in our dark moonless no-urban-glow nights, it was daunting. We crossed the Gulf Stream twice, once to get east of it, and then again to get back towards Florida. That made for confused water as it flowed northward while the wind and our ship traveled south. 

Max layers, red nose!

So it was VERY cold and extremely arduous for the first several days. It was also exhilarating! The main cabin held the galley, with the cold-weather diesel stove running 24 hours a day. It kept the salon up to the high 50s, even as the outside temperatures dipped down into the 30s (with significant windchill). My cabin was off the main salon, and so benefited from the stove. I had packed a lot of warm clothes, and I wore them all - nearly all at once! Here are my max layers: minimalist sports bra and panties; medium-weight tight long johns covered by medium-weight fleece pants covered by rain pants; short-sleeve light-weight merino wool tshirt covered by medium-weight long-sleeved merino wool base layer covered by long-sleeved polyester thermal top covered by light-weight pullover fleece covered by heavy-weight fleece hoody covered by down puffy jacket covered by lightweight rain jacket. Also thick wool socks and sea boots. And a merino wool neck buff and merino wool watch cap, sometimes with two hoods up! And of course, gloves.

Typical angle of heel, but also bouncy!

On watch, there were some basic activities. Someone had to steer, of course, and that was something I could handle much of the time. However, in a lot of wind and sea, the forces on the wheel were simply too much for me, so in the early days I only took short stints. There was sail handling, very heavy work that usually (but not always) I didn't join in - they had enough skilled and strong hands to handle it. Every hour while under way, a boat check had to be performed. That involved checking the bilges, the lowest point of the boat, in each of five different compartments (that could be sealed from each other with watertight doors). Because the Pride is built of wood, it always leaks. The only question is how fast it is leaking, and whether that is a problem. So once an hour, we would climb down each of five ladders, grab the handily stowed flashlight, remove a hatch, and peer down into the depths. If there was a large amount of water, we would pump and record for how long the pumping took, in order to gauge trends. We would also visit the engine room, whether the engine was running or not, and record the figures on certain electrical and mechanical gauges on log sheets. This boat-check activity was one I could do in all but the bounciest nighttime conditions, and it was genuinely useful to the crew to have it taken care of. But most often, on watch, we all either leaned on the rail or sat on the cabin top, chatting. Without a lot of activity except that required to stay upright, it was cold!

My cabin. Lower bunk w/ my stuff

Off watch, at first, I hung out mostly horizontally in my cabin, either dozing or listening to books or podcasts I had downloaded. Many people were getting sick, and I couldn't read below (and it was too cold to sit on deck). I didn't want to take the seasickness meds because even the non-drowsy makes me drowsy. So I burned through three books in my ears. We were given sheets and two heavy wool blankets, but I stayed in my base layers for several days in a row. Retiring to my bunk in the middle of the night one night, I shivered in bed, deep rolling shivers I couldn't control. After some time, I would go to sleep, and wake up a couple of hours later all toasty and cozy in my bunk. Sadly, by then I usually had to get up to pee! For several days we were heeled over in such a way I had to use my clothes to barricade me and keep me from rolling out, but it did make it easier to get out.

Speeding south as the sun comes out!
We are off Daytona Beach here, but many miles out to sea
and it was still COLD!

Really, it was fun! And all the time, we were speeding along due south under pure sail - we knew it was going to get warm eventually.

A Year (+) of Intuitive Eating

(Note: to see this graph on a phone, turn horizontally.) This is my weight graph from 1988 to the present. The actual pound numbers are deliberately left off, but the horizontal grid lines are ten pounds apart. The blue horizontal line is my aspirational "goal weight" (to which I no longer aspire) and the red horizontal line is where my body seemed to have settled during late middle age, and where I'd be thrilled to get back to. See how my weight shot up faster than ever in 2022, when I first read "Intuitive Eating".

I first wrote about Intuitive Eating (The Thing) back in January a year ago. I revisited it later that month, and then, in May, wrote a "Fuck You, Intuitive Eating" post.  I had gained more than 15 pounds, and was was extremely annoyed with having done so. Never-the-less, I didn't reject everything the book, and the approach, had to say. I had made some changes, learned some things, and it has stuck with me.

I pretty much spent last year telling myself I was going to ignore my weight and focus on activity, as a way of being more fit and stronger, not as a way to lose weight. I've had some physical challenges, from my knees and my back and getting covid, so my progress is not what I'd like it to be. But I don’t want to ignore my weight any longer.

The Intuitive Eating principles are good, and there is nothing in them I will disagree with. To refresh memories, here they are: 

1. Reject the Diet Mentality
2. Honor Your Hunger
3. Make Peace with Food
4. Challenge the Food Police
5. Feel Your Fullness
6. Discover the Satisfaction Factor
7. Cope with Your Feelings Without Food
8. Respect Your Body
9. Exercise: Feel the Difference
10. Honor Your Health: Gentle Nutrition

But the implementation seems to wander into territories I do disagree with. I joined a Facebook group specifically aimed at beginners to IE, with moderators and others answering questions. There, IE seems to be based on these ideas:

1. Few people actually lose weight on diets.
2. Of those who do, almost all gain it all back, or more.
3. And so, don’t bother trying to lose weight. It won’t work.
4. All food is morally equivalent and emotionally equivalent.
5. Any restrictions on what you eat will inevitably lead to boomerang overeating. 
6. Eventually, if you just eat what you want, you will naturally eat well. (But not be skinny).
7. Weight cycling can be worse for health than being fat.
   
8. It's possible to be healthy and fat.
9. The medical system will blame ills to being fat rather than treating the actual illness.
10. Any suggestion that being fat is bad for you is fat shaming.
    

There is truth in all of these, but they are not irreversible laws of the universe. My own personal experience challenges the first two points: I lost over forty pounds twenty-five years ago, and yes, I gained it all back - this year - twenty-five years later! There is no question in my mind that my life has been better in many dimensions because of twenty-five years of weighing less. I could move better, wear nicer clothes, achieve more social and professional acceptance, all because of weighing less. Much of this is societal, not health, oriented, but hey, I live in this world and that stuff matters. Were my health outcomes better? I don't know - I have had back and knee problems, and migraines, all along these 25 years and I don't think it's all tied to when I weighed more.

One more point to rag on IE folks: all foods being morally and emotionally equivalent. Not ever going to happen. I know things about food, nutrition facts, yes, but also facts about their origin and their impact on the planet and things living on it. Also, I do have some decades of having memories tied up in foods. So not all equal, no way. This is where I got into some arguments with the folks on the IE forum. Some are intransigent on the topic "All food is processed, even if it's to pluck from a tree and brush it off before biting it. So there is nothing wrong with processed food." This is where the cult comes in. Can't argue with cult members.

So what have I learned from IE?

I deliberately sought out and ate foods that I have been avoiding, more or less, for the last twenty-five years. Specifically, bread and pasta. Sweets too, of course, but more so bread and pasta. And guess what?  I still could have a love affair with the white flour products. They still taste good, sometimes wonderful. But making them an everyday part of most meals does not feel good to me. They taste good, and my body feels fine right afterwards, but I am very aware there is a longer term reaction to them. They make me crazy and I want more and more. This is over the long term, hours and days. If I eat them daily, the urge to eat more and more stays permanently. So, surprise surprise, the way I ate twenty-five years ago, steering away from the bread and pasta, is the way I feel better. 

So here’s what I’m thinking. When I get a carb-type craving, I might go ahead and make pasta or bread, but I might also steer towards beans, peas, eggplants, other roasted veggies with a sauce... I can get the immediate soothing fullness from those foods and I'm more likely to skip the craziness later. This is a useful learning, and helps me avoid the rebound/rebellion effect from simply saying "I can't have them". But if I really want them, I can have them. I keep bread in the freezer and pasta in the cupboard. (As an aside, the jury is still out on oatmeal. I started making steel cut oats in the instant pot, and eating no more than half a cup with toppings for breakfast. Unlike most starches, it didn’t result in early insistent hunger pangs in just a couple of hours most days, instead carrying me to a late lunch if necessary. So I may keep oatmeal in the breakfast rotation for a while.)

The IE folks really want you to throw away your scale. Not going to happen. Not when I've got 25 years worth of daily data to look at! But my scale is wifi connected - every time I step on the scale it stores the data on the web. I covered up the number display with a post-it note, and I would go a while -weeks - before looking at the numbers to see where I am. That's how I know that I gained 15 pounds. I didn't look at the numbers often, but I was aware I was gaining. I just didn't care. Much. I cared (and still care) much more about clothes, those that grew tight and then stopped fitting at all. Sigh. Some of that is comfort, and some of it is looks. And some of it is being cheap and not wanting to buy new things when I liked the old clothes. I took the cover off my weight display and watched it every morning for a while, and then I decided I prefer to cover it up and instead think about my weight when I want to think about it, not routinely first thing every morning.  But I like knowing the data is there when I want to look at it.

The folks in the IE forum constantly remind us that IE is not the "hunger / fullness" diet. Too bad. I think understanding and acting on hunger and fullness are critical for me to be the healthiest I can be. I've been pretty internal lately about why I'm eating what I'm eating, when I eat it. I still have to fight the urge to always clean my plate, and I’m avoiding that issue by dishing out smaller portions with full understanding I’ll go get more if I feel like it. Sometimes I do, often I don’t.

One thing the IE folks get right is that it is OK to eat to soothe yourself. Feeling your emotions fully is important, but it's also ok to soothe yourself with comfort foods. And to avoid feeling deprived, to avoid the boomerang effect, go ahead and eat those things you are obsessing over. The basic premise, that eating Cheetos for dinner one night isn’t going to kill you and you shouldn’t feel pangs of guilt over it, is absolutely true. But Cheetos are a food that is specifically engineered to overcome the body’s wisdom (ie intuition) and so if they are a regular part of the meal rotation, simply tuning into your body to see if you want them is not going to give a good answer. It was in this Cheetos discussion that I decided I had to part company with the IE folks who keep saying all foods are equally good. No foods are inherently bad, but that doesn’t make them equal.

A word about sweets, candy, cookies, cakes. After I eat dinner, I want something sweet. There are some things that most days I can (and do) eat just a bit of and be done- Dove dark chocolates, Gin-gin ginger candies. Other things, cookies and cakes and ice cream, I’m going to want to eat a lot of. So I’m not banning anything, but for the time being I’m less likely to buy those other things and bring them home. I’ve found it relatively easy to pass them up at the store, or even in an unopened box at home. If I want them, I’ll eat them and that’s that. But I don’t want to munch casually and mindlessly, so I’ll make it just a bit more difficult to get them. If I could buy just a quarter cup of Jeni’s splendid double dark chocolate ice cream, I would, but sadly it comes in pints and I’m not tuned in enough to stop at a single small scoop from the larger container. Most days, anyway.

So that’s where I am. I am going to try to lose weight, by modifying what and how much I eat, though not drastically and not obsessively. And the focus on physical activity and trying to get strong remains more important to me than the weight.