I had a big startle when I stepped on the scale this morning. I felt basically ok about yesterday's eating, but then I saw a number on the scale this morning higher than any recent numbers. A number I haven't seen since my Second Big Loss, in the early days of this blog. I know, very strongly, that one day's number means absolutely nothing. However, my numbers have been high overall. I can't ignore the data. And I'm not immune to the impact of today's number.
So am I lying to myself about what I've been eating? Is it worse for me than I think? I have a pretty high opinion of my nutrition knowledge. But either I'm eating things that I mentally discount and ignore (eg, the cookies last night) or else I am wrong on the nature of the food I'm planning and deliberately choosing to eat. (I am trying hard to not include the possibility that suddenly my thyroid has gone haywire and so my physiology is to blame. Physiology is almost never the reason for a weight gain, and my annual checkups have never hinted at a thyroid problem before.) I woke up thirsty this morning and had several tumblers of water before stepping on the scale. But today's high number is not that different from the numbers I've seen every day. So it's real data.
I have been planning to focus on activity, on getting strong, and let eating go where it will. But it's clear to me right now that may not be the best strategy for me now. I do actually care about how I look. The number on the scale is related to how I look. I'm having some success at keeping my activity level up, and it feels good to do it. I am just at the tipping point of the virtuous spiral where expending effort to work out is truly making me stronger and giving me more energy to do more stuff. This has to stay my main focus. It is in my control, much more than what I weigh.
But what I eat is also in my control. Sometimes I feel powerless over what I eat, but I'm not. Yes, certain foods will stimulate my appetite to make it harder to resist more food (I'm looking at you, sugar demon). And yes, fatigue, and pain, and especially migraines make it even harder. But, I am a free agent, something of a badass, and I have a lot of experience and a lot of tools to figure out how to take back control.
The only way to clearly answer the question (in what way am I eating
many more calories than I think I am) is to track assiduously. I hate
tracking. I've tried several automated ways to track and all of them are
work. But if I care about this, I will do some work.
Whatever I've been doing isn't leading to the results I want. I'm going to spend some effort thinking about how to have better control of what I am eating.
2 comments:
Man, lots of unfairness going around. You lost your mom, you have had tremendous responsibility for arrangements, you wedged in an adventure while making progress on the detritus of a very interesting life, and you upped your exercise. It really seems like you should not have to go hard on the food.
But data. And letting a small lapse turn into a big lapse is something we all dread, and do not wish to afford. I typed cannot afford, then took it out. You could put on 30 lbs, nothing easier. I could do it in 6 weeks without even trying real hard. But what a cascade of crap that would turn out to be. Sigh.
Time to treat self to meal service? A little indulgence to go along with having to track? I am sorry, NaN, I would like this not to be a thing. I pet you. Hang in there.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Liz
I LOVE getting a pet from Liz!
Of course, when I weighed myself the next morning, the scale was more than FOUR pounds down from that peak! No wonder I was up peeing all night. But, it's part of a sad, persistent trend, so I'm not ignoring it.
Nan
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