Anchors

High pressure beautiful day after the storm...

HMS Surprise. Sorry for the labored language, I'm under the spell
of all 20 books in the Patrick O'Brian series.

Make and mend day aboard the old barky. Rigging, decks and below are all ahoo from the recent tossing and turning. A falling glass indicates more rough weather on the way, but today is blessed with a gentle breeze. Equipment and clothes are strewn about, drying and ready to be inspected and mended before stowing. Shift from hot weather towards cold; things will be re-stowed in new places for the new conditions. Grateful for the opportunity to make things right before the breeze picks up again.

I've been thinking a lot about anchors. Twice this year, the engine failed on my boat, and I was immensely grateful for the literal security of the anchor holding us secure. But there are many metaphorical anchors in my life, and not all are so useful.

Sunday's slow run

Rocky, The Very Hungry Labrador, is a fabulous walking dog, but he is a real drag to go running with. I'm trying to build mileage, both running and walking, getting ready for the 10K Across the Bridge next month. Yesterday, I wanted to run, and was looking forward to pushing myself. But the day was so very fabulous I couldn't leave him behind shut in the house. I didn't regret it, even though after two miles he was done. He wouldn't move beyond his steady trot, except sometimes when I dangled a treat just beyond his nose. Just like towing a sea anchor the whole way. So I got most of the distance but not the extra conditioning that would come from pushing. But Rocky got to go swimming in the Chesapeake, so it was totally worth it.

I've also been trying to meditate more often. Less often than once a day, for less than fifteen minutes at a pop, the breath serves as my anchor. It is refreshing, even when I'm exhausted. I can almost always still my mind to do five minutes of silent meditation - in my car while waiting for my girl, in my office after lunch, snatches of time stolen from other "shoulds". Longer, requires guided meditations. Of course, there is an app for that.  It works for me.  I also will just stop for a few deep breaths and it helps, throughout the day.  It doesn't fix everything, but it makes me feel better.

Boy Nbr 1 was ringbearer at their first commitment
ceremony, 17 years ago, before their first child.

I worry I'm anchored too much in the past. Mindfulness calms me, and I can be in my individual moment, but I need to be present for others. I need to know what I have right now, what to do right now, and what we're looking forward to in the future. I attended a party on Friday out of state, old friends we haven't seen for a while. (A gay couple who were in Peace Corps with my sister, finally able to be legally hitched.) For us, it was a nostalgia trip. But for them, it was all about the happy present and hopeful future. Most of their friends have children about the same age, and so adolescents and pre-teens swarmed the food and dominated the dancing. It was a fun time, but it made me think.

My girl has a tough road ahead. I need to see her for herself, as herself, speaking for herself, not through a lens filled with all my issues from an imperfect life. I need to let go the anchor of the past, and head out with the tides and the breeze, dealing with what is there and coming up, not what should have been.