Stuck

I've been stuck forever. Maybe I should call it maintenance.

This graph shows 2011 and 2012. The center is 150 pounds, and the red lines show the band from 148 to 152.  I hit 152 pounds on the way down on January 11, 2011, and 150 on February 5. Since then, my body has really settled in at that weight.

First, the perspective. I started this blog, and this weight loss cycle, in January 2010.  My peak was TWENTY-EIGHT POUNDS higher than the 150 plateau. Look at this:

So this is the good news, and it is really good news.  The weight I've been for the past two years is less than the weight I was for a good part of the last twenty-nine years I've been keeping track. I don't hate the way I look, and my wardrobe has also been able to stabilize. I take pleasure in shopping and looking in the mirror. This is the good news - but perhaps being content has caused me to lose motivation to do more.

Look at these patterns again:

There are some conclusions to be gained by studying these patterns, especially when I go back and look at food diaries, etc.

The set point seems to work both up and down - I can lose weight, but it pops back on again. But I can indulge and drift and eat more and exercise less, and the weight only slowly adds up. When I start paying attention, a small amount of weight comes off easily and quickly.


What this looks like to me is I can only lose weight (or start losing weight, at least) by a blitz.  Without a blitz, my weight will gradually drift upwards.  What is a "blitz"?  It is tracking, and cutting back seriously to stay within the limits. And it is exercising.  But I've fallen off the wagon after a couple of weeks of blitz, and inexorably the weight starts to creep back up.

So do I want to pay attention enough to do a blitz? Right now, as we embark on the dark dreary eating season?  When I've not been seriously unhappy about how I look?

This is a question I'm not sure I can answer easily or at once. It will take time to decide, and time to prove it. But drifting upwards without making a decision would be REALLY stupid.  And the fact is I have been feeling very bad recently. Work stress and teen stress is taking a major toll on me. I can't separate out the bad way my body and mind feel as being caused by stress, or by the relatively unhealthy way I've been eating and not exercising. Because of some extraordinary stresses, I've been indulging myself with silly sweets and carbs, and with passing up the need to move. But I need to understand that these things are not indulgences - they are not taking care of myself, they are only making things worse.

If I know its going to be a stressful day at work, I need to understand that it will be better if I get some exercise in first, and better still if I eat well and deliciously.

Today, a sunny warm day, I went for a beginner's interval walk/run. I'm about to head to the grocery store, and I want to make healthy choices for the coming week.  I'm not prepared to take a vow yet, but I am willing to make some baby steps towards getting things back under control.

I am clear on this - I want to at a minimum maintain in this range.  I am NOT going to drift back up. I am NOT.

Let me close with a link to Jeanette Fulda, a blogger I follow who is often an inspiration.  I echo the sentiments in this post of hers:  Thanks for Sticking Around.