Time Never Asks What Becomes of Us

I really think we have a limited amount of processing power and bandwidth for everything we do. Life is not a zero-sum game; we can do lots of things to expand overall. But there are limits to how far we can stretch, and eventually we just have to start making trade offs as opposed to simply doing more.

This is what I was thinking about during today's 5k run and run/walk on the treadmill. I kept trying to get the analogy, the metaphor, the image, to describe what I'm feeling. I'm bouncing between the three areas of work, family, and self, without enough time for all. My mind held, for a while, a visual image of circular type of pong, with me as the cursor bouncing and banging on three big multicolored circular wedges. But in each of these three area, there are several sub areas. The family has bunches of people- 3 kids, my brother in law, increasingly my mother is more dependent, the extended family and the coming trip to a wedding - and they all want a piece of me. And I want a piece of them. Me, I need time for exercise, for routine health care, for financial planning, for home maintenance, for non-family social connections. And work---- yikes, it's as busy as its ever been.

The pat phrase is, "Nobody on their deathbed wishes they had spent more time at work.". I don't know how I'll feel at the end of my life, but I sure wish I could spend more time at work now. But I can't. Not without sacrificing even more of the family and self wedges of my pie. I like my work a lot. I think I'm doing good stuff that matters. There are a number of people who work for me who count on me to do things that make their work life better and more satisfying. Sometimes, I lose myself in a work task, and I get the "flow" feeling that comes from total immersion in a very satisfying experience. So I wish I could do more to keep up with the mountains of things that need to be done.

A woman who worked for me in the 1980s came on board originally because I would hire her into a professional job on a part time basis. When her son grew older, she wanted to move to full-time work. "Are you ready to handle five days a week?" I tactlessly asked. "Five days of work was never the problem", she said gently, "it was having only two days to do everything else". Yeah. If only we could stretch more days into the week.

So I'm trying to do it all and more and more things are getting crammed into a stretchable space. But stress feelings are nearly off the scale. But that's where the running comes in.

It's still really hard to get started. But this morning, it was nearly magic when I did. I was on a tight deadline. I'll already spent more time on personal things than I had planned, and family time was coming up. But by golly I was going to get a run in. With adrenaline already coursing through my veins, the first several minutes of the run were terrific. Every footfall was pushing me forward to a better place. And for hours afterward- even till now- the buzz from endorphins or whatever it is makes me happy and satisfied.

So I'm trying to figure out how to get more of this buzz. Besides, I'm not where I wanted to be in terms of pace or endurance. The only arena with give is work, and the only time to give up is in the morning. So this week, I'm going to try to get in more running time, and the front end of my work day will just have to give a little. Lunch time workouts are too easy to defer. I'm not sure about after work on the mall, though I'm still thinking about it.

Let's see how it goes.