Apparently I CAN'T Get Away With It

Tough week.  I really strayed this week. There are a million excuses, but it doesn't change the fact I strayed far from my course.

How tough was it?  How far did I stray? My friend Kim has a blog to track all of her eating and exercise, called "Can I Get Away With This?".  My current answer, for me, would be "no". It doesn't work to stray this far.

Monday was the gym at 6 am, a background press briefing, a working session on some tough numbers (my staff and I developed them, I presented them, they bring unwelcome news), a meeting where I presented an unpopular position from my boss to my peers, and then a run through of The Speech. Once a year, I give a speech at the Convention Center in a very big room to a very big audience (600+ people). Last year, I threw up all night the night before and wasn't done even as the speech needed to go on - so my second got his big break instead. This Monday, at the rehearsal, I stood at the podium and I don't know if it was nerves, a hot flash, the hot lights, or what, but before the speech was over I nearly swooned. I was gripping the podium and afraid I would fall. The sweat was pouring off me, and I was shivering. I couldn't let my second know how bad I felt. The minute I was done I climbed off the stage and sat down with my second to go through a few fine points, and stayed there for half an hour till I was ready to stand up again. I was determined I was going to do this, and under no circumstances get sick again. When I got home, the girl and I had a set-to, and I finally made beef stew for dinner and was able to go through the speech again in my mind, visualizing how I would deliver it, what I would wear, how I would gesture, the questions I would get. It was Valentine's Day, and there were home made cupcakes made from scratch in a unique recipe with wine in it, and with two shades of pink cream cheese icing in heart patterns. I had a mini cupcake - my first out and out sweet of the year, I think.

Tuesday was up at the crack of dawn, and The Speech. It was fine. The rest of the conference was fine. The rubber chicken lunch was one of the best of its type ever. Apple cake for lunch, and I didn't say "no", though I only had four forkfuls. That was four forkfuls I hadn't intended to eat, and another crumbling of the no sweets bar.I was "on" all day, hosting the event, talking to industry and press, careful of everything I could say. There was a buffet dinner that evening, and I gorged on lamb and shrimp and caesar salad. Club soda at the free bar. Then, as I was getting ready to go, I stood next to the dessert table and decided just one would be fine. One chocolate covered strawberry, one candied pecan square, one mini fruit tart, that is.

Wednesday was the gym and silence and a walk and just fine. But I was ready by dinner time to finish the wine left over from cupcake making on Monday. It was actually a terrific bottle and more than one glass was involved. The first alcohol of the year. Dinner was sausages on the grill, made into a big salad for me. I believe there was another mini cupcake in there as well. American Idol on the couch all evening.

Thursday was all day stuck in a windowless room facilitating a tough meeting between twenty people all with different agendas. Home early to spend two hours in the back yard doing Wednesday and Thursday's emails, about 200 for the two days. Shrimp for dinner (sauteed in olive oil with garlic, then sauced with purchased bruchetta). Another big salad for me, rice for the family. Split a pink frosted cupcake with my girl during American Idol.

Today, back in the office and catching up on a million loose ends. Not feeling quite so overwhelmed. No real walk at lunch, but I did get the Vespa started and used it in and out of work. Terrific smells everywhere, and music swelling and fading as I scooted along a commercial neighborhood thoroughfare for six miles of my commute. Everybody was out tonight. All the restaurants with doors and windows open to the good weather, pumping out smells and music. Me, totally brain dead, eating spaghetti sauce and splitting another cupcake with the girl in front of the tube.  Home to bed, but too restless to fall asleep, so writing instead.

Monday the scale showed my lowest weight in years. Today, four pounds higher than that. I could make it go back down, but not by adding cupcakes and wine to the tally every day. Certainly not at my current fairly low level of activity.  Good weather will help raise my activity level, but the only way to get a lot more in is to get the frantic pace at work down a notch. Not sure I'll get there any time soon, but at least no speeches for another year.  And a three-day weekend on the horizon! Hooray.

A walk or jog or bike ride each day of this weekend. I can do three. Worry about next week next week.