Nan’s Not Quite Excellent Adventures

Spoiler: Nothing bad, and not much at all, happens in this post. It’s called an adventure only because all my other days are so dull. This has the tiniest frisson of danger, but unknowable how much or how it comes out.

The last time I left the house and went to a place of commerce was Wednesday, March 18, when I stocked up at Whole Foods and PetSmart. On Friday, March 27, I went to the marina to check on my boat. I wasn’t within six feet of anyone the whole time, except a rambunctious puppy. On the way home, I drove past Costco and Walmart and Lowes and Home Depot, but reluctantly decided not to stop at any of those places. I didn’t need anything. Just lusting after some things, especially plants. So  for three weeks the only breach in my bubble is seeing my niece. She has been in my house, though not within hugging distance (not me in hers, because it is not tightly bubbled). Oh yes, also the gas company guys were in the house last week. So not an intact bubble. I’ve had takeout delivered twice, but I consider that risk minimal.

Yesterday, Wednesday, I had enough cloth masks made to distribute to the family. I drove down to the  city and met my nephew and his girlfriend outside their apartment to make the handoff.

It was so weird being out! This was the first time I had been out of my neighborhood since the trip to the marina. Traffic was light. The first part of the trip is the same path I followed for twenty years to work. Since I’ve been bubbled, I feel like my life is not that different than it would be anyway. But it is. More than I realized, I stepped through the portal into this alternate reality we all live in now. My world has shrunk. I accept some of the premises under which we operate now, so that while watching Grey’s Anatomy I yelled at the TV to make them stop hugging patients and each other! Danger! Not Safe! So there I was, in a place familiar and yet not, because things are so different now. I am different. I wore one of my masks during my brief outdoor visit to hand off masks to my nephew. I drove home the long way, past my old office building (occupied because of operational necessity), a mostly deserted national mall, and through Rock Creek Park, admiring the blooming redbuds. My path took me through downtown Silver Spring, and I thought of stopping at a store, but I hadn’t brought gloves and hadn’t thought through my list. I was struck by the amount of roadwork underway - what a good idea, with good weather and light traffic. I was distressed to see that none of the road workers were wearing masks. When I got home, my mask went in the wash pile, but that was it, no other decontamination. Still, it was odd.

My plan for a while had been to go to the supermarket today - depending on the haul, perhaps Costco as well. They have old people’s early opening hours, so it did involve setting an alarm and heading out early. My struggle on whether to go went something like this:

“I don’t need anything. I have lots of food in the house.”
“But I don’t want to eat anything that’s already here. I want new! I want different!”
“So now I’m going to risk my life because I don’t want to make curry out of that sad old cauliflower?”
“I have my staples, sure. But I’ll really start feeling the pressure in another week, when I’m down to just beans and rice. And the easy-prep soups I got for if I get sick. What if, when I am truly out of food, either food is not available or I’m not able to go to the store by myself?”

It was that last argument that decided me. I feel good, now. Word in the neighborhood is that most things - especially fresh foods - are well stocked. Word also is that delivery is difficult - available delivery times are hard to get. Online ordering does not have real-time inventory, so things you think you are getting, even if a couple of days out, don’t actually show up in the bag. So, I made my list carefully last night, even plotted my course through the store to be as efficient as possible. (Fun aside: I confided my plan, including setting an alarm, to my girl. She said, “but how can you use the old people’s hours?”. I think she was genuinely surprised to realize I qualified!)

Up and out early this morning, 7:05, with clean cotton mask and clean cotton gloves. I carefully put my credit card in an easily reached pocket, and left the purse in the car, so it wouldn’t be “exposed”. Whole Foods opened at 7 to old people, and I was about a dozen people back from the front of the line, as they metered how many could be in at once. About five minutes wait, with everyone I could see in a mask or bandana - mostly what look like disposable surgical masks. The store line monitor asked a couple of very grey and old-looking folks in front of me for their IDs, giving me a moment’s panic (purse back in the car). But, it was a joke, to keep things light.

But I couldn’t be light. I thought, Soviet Russia. The opening scene from that movie where Robin Williams is Russian and later defects, in Bloomingdale’s. But first, he is queuing for toilet paper. I looked at the older (than me) folks and thought, Did you ever think this would happen here?  While standing there, I looked at my list and rehearsed my planned path through the store.

Once in, the very first thing I did was toss a bag of avocados into the cart. Not on my list. I like avocados, but a whole bag? Things got partly back on track, as I checked things off. Cabbage. Lettuce. Carrots - not on the list, but they keep well, what a good idea. Oh, lemons will be useful. No, I don’t have a plan involving them, but they keep well in the fridge. There was an awkward dance through the store, as some people were very conscious of keeping distance, standing back and waiting before moving to a shelf. Others were in their own mental bubble, and just moved right along, stepping in front of and close to others. I ended up with a full basket (including some gelato, not part of the original plan). I got most things on my list, and not too much that wasn’t on my list. The only real shortage I noticed was in the frozen food department - few, if any, frozen vegetables. I was able to be third in line to check out, not much of a wait. I had my own bags, so they wouldn’t do the bagging (which decreased by one the number of people touching my stuff).

When I was done, I went to the hardware store right there (same parking lot). They had plants! Sitting out front, calling to me! In the past, I have scorned to buy plants from them, because they are not well tended. But I couldn’t help myself. I got some stuff, also picked up some paper yardwaste bags (always useful), and didn’t really venture any further inside.

By then, it was 8:05. The Costco old peoples’ hours start at 8, and I decided not to go. The fact is, the main thing I want from Costco is Aidell’s Chicken and Apple Sausages, a staple in my household for twenty years. If I went, I would get other stuff, especially coffee beans. But, there are other sources for coffee beans, and I also have two small unopened cans of ground Folgers I rescued from my mother’s apartment for emergencies. I was certain there would be a wait to get into Costco, and I couldn’t let the gelato melt. I’ve seen the sausages sometimes at my Giant, so I went there.

The only thing I was planning to get were the sausages, which they didn’t have. But the first thing I saw when I went in was asparagus, so I got that. Then, disappointed by no sausages, I wandered a bit. I ended up buying a fairly large collection of fancy cookies, including Oreos with dark chocolate (flavored) filling. I also saw, in the aisle where they stock the Hispanic brands (a perk of my neighborhood, big demand), packages of dried beans, labeled “small red”, “white”, and “pink”. Charmed, I bought one of each. I also saw all-purpose flour, which the neighborhood chat had indicated was in short supply. I don’t bake a lot, but I have stress-baked a couple of times in the last couple of weeks, and I knew I didn’t have much flour left. My thought process on the beans and flour was along the lines of “what if there is scarcity later? I’ll regret not buying when I had the chance.”

I think I am a bit of a hoarder, and also a bit of a miser. I want to know I have plenty - that’s the hoarding. Traditionally, I leave the best stuff to last, and sometimes that means I don’t get to the best stuff before it goes bad - that is miserly. As I try to manage my perishables and my pantry, I’m consciously trying to eat the stuff that will go bad first. But I’m also trying to buy and eat stuff I normally like. Dried beans and baking are slightly off my path. But they will keep, and should true scarcity strike, I’ll be glad to have them in reserve.

When I got home, I realized how nuts trying to be sanitary will quickly make me. I used hand sanitizer in the car when I took the gloves off, and wiped down the steering wheel and door handle. Then, I used my clean and bare hands to pick up the mask and gloves and shove them in a pocket for bringing in the house. Huh. I brought all my bags into the kitchen with bare hands, though I had worn gloves to put them in car. I had a cleaning cloth I soaked in hot soapy water, and with that and bare hands I gave a less-than-thorough swipe to packaging as I put stuff away in the fridge and freezer and cupboards. I put the mask and gloves into a bowl with a capful of Woolite and hot water, and swished them around with bare hands, feeling better about my hands. I swiped the doorknobs. I washed my credit card! Then I stripped, tossed all my clothes into the laundry, and took a shower. I realized as I took my eyeglasses off for the shower that they were also a potential harbor for a virus, so they got washed too. After the shower, I wrung out the mask and gloves, and put them in the hot sunshine outside to dry. (Except as I wrote this, a clap of thunder alerted me to the shower that just started, brief interruption to get stuff in!)

I am certain there is cross-contamination going on. I can’t maintain surgical cleanliness. I discussed with my kids, that not every exposure results in infection. Also “viral load” is a thing, so more exposure, and how much one is exposed to, are factors in the probability of getting sick. But this is making me nuts. I think for the next while, I’ll just stay the fuck home.