Lack of Structure

I've always been an employee, and I've liked it that way. I have a schedule, and someone to assign me work. OK, I'm a boss, there aren't people telling me every minute of every day what to do, but there is a clear external structure, deadlines, drivers, to my day.  Also, incidental social engagement every day with dozens of people.

Now, I've got less structure and less social interaction. Since I constantly joke that my ideal job is as a lighthouse keeper (socially useful but I get to be alone) it's interesting to see how I'm dealing with this. The fact we can't plan for the long-term makes it different than it would be if I were a free-lancer, stay-at-home mother, or retired. Still, I've not had this lack of structure since ... time off from college? Most summers I both attended summer sessions and worked, but I had "between" intervals, Christmas vacation, etc..  A couple of weeks at a time, maybe, which is longer than this four-week-day interval has been.  So far.

So far, I'm dedicated to enjoying this time and not dwelling on the reasons for it or the consequences that will inevitably follow, personal and political. But it's easy to just piddle away a day, it seems.  I still have to juggle the balance between self and family and friends.  How did I ever find time to go to work?

Since the clear answer to "why don't you exercise more?" is lack of time and energy, getting out and being active has to be a current priority for me. Add to that the pressure that we're having what the radio called "August in October" and the urgency around getting outdoors and active is high. But spending more time with my girl is also a high priority. And now I'm stacking up the expectations about home improvement and gardening projects as well, which has the added bonus of being around my ailing dog, who almost certainly won't be around much longer.  And I miss being with people, and I'm learning to schedule dates (with a caveat about maybe pulling the plug if things turn around in the larger world).

All of which is an excuse for why I had no structured exercise yesterday. I started my home improvement project (deep cleaning and making over a room with a new big screen tv, acquired before the present unpleasantness) while still in my pajamas. I drove my girl to school, something I enjoy because she talks then. I blew off the bike ride, kind of thinking I would work it in, but knowing full well it was rapidly getting too hot.  I planned to walk to my lunch date, but as I got engrossed in my ever-expanding project, I decided instead to load the car with cable boxes to be returned, drive to lunch, and chain that more distant errand afterwards. Lunch was terrific, and two hours long. A retired friend gave me pointers on how to be retired.  I got my errand done, got the dog to a downhearted vet appointment, ferried my girl (and my younger boy, home for the weekend) around town, and kept up work on the project. I got to a successful stopping point around 11 pm, and realized I forgot to eat dinner, so I heated up some leftovers and finally went to bed.

So this morning, up and onto the bike -- after futzing with the tv. How easy to be sucked into the vortex for half an hour at a time. I didn't get on the bike until 9 am, when I was up at 6 to take care of my dog.

Now, things to do. Errands to run. People to see. Excelsior.