Rubber Floor

I've got the opposite of a glass ceiling - I've got the rubber floor to my weight I keep bouncing off of.  I'm wrestling with real life issues, but determined to keep on track with this. I'm tracking my food almost every day - but the days I don't are the ones that derail my eating. I'm really closing in on what I can eat - and how much I have to move - to keep going down. Right now, I think it would be worth it to continue.

I counsel others that being fit is so much more important than what you weigh or how you look.  But me, I'm focused on the weight as well. And clearly looks.

My pattern of the past four years continues, but I'm struggling very hard to not repeat it again. Already, I'm at least prolonging the cycle for how long it takes me to regain those same 5-10 pounds.  Now, we head into the eating season, which starts with Halloween and goes all the way to New Year's. There are sad anniversaries in here, but being sad doesn't mean I have to eat. There are other things I can do to indulge myself.

My goal is to reverse the trend of the last two weeks, beat my pattern of the last four years, and lower my average weight by two pounds by New Year's.  Stay tuned.

Yes, I'm Making Progress

Here are updated graphs. Weight down - lowest in almost exactly two years! Activity up - even before this gift of time. But I'd better get moving now - we're burning daylight.

Lack of Structure

I've always been an employee, and I've liked it that way. I have a schedule, and someone to assign me work. OK, I'm a boss, there aren't people telling me every minute of every day what to do, but there is a clear external structure, deadlines, drivers, to my day.  Also, incidental social engagement every day with dozens of people.

Now, I've got less structure and less social interaction. Since I constantly joke that my ideal job is as a lighthouse keeper (socially useful but I get to be alone) it's interesting to see how I'm dealing with this. The fact we can't plan for the long-term makes it different than it would be if I were a free-lancer, stay-at-home mother, or retired. Still, I've not had this lack of structure since ... time off from college? Most summers I both attended summer sessions and worked, but I had "between" intervals, Christmas vacation, etc..  A couple of weeks at a time, maybe, which is longer than this four-week-day interval has been.  So far.

So far, I'm dedicated to enjoying this time and not dwelling on the reasons for it or the consequences that will inevitably follow, personal and political. But it's easy to just piddle away a day, it seems.  I still have to juggle the balance between self and family and friends.  How did I ever find time to go to work?

Since the clear answer to "why don't you exercise more?" is lack of time and energy, getting out and being active has to be a current priority for me. Add to that the pressure that we're having what the radio called "August in October" and the urgency around getting outdoors and active is high. But spending more time with my girl is also a high priority. And now I'm stacking up the expectations about home improvement and gardening projects as well, which has the added bonus of being around my ailing dog, who almost certainly won't be around much longer.  And I miss being with people, and I'm learning to schedule dates (with a caveat about maybe pulling the plug if things turn around in the larger world).

All of which is an excuse for why I had no structured exercise yesterday. I started my home improvement project (deep cleaning and making over a room with a new big screen tv, acquired before the present unpleasantness) while still in my pajamas. I drove my girl to school, something I enjoy because she talks then. I blew off the bike ride, kind of thinking I would work it in, but knowing full well it was rapidly getting too hot.  I planned to walk to my lunch date, but as I got engrossed in my ever-expanding project, I decided instead to load the car with cable boxes to be returned, drive to lunch, and chain that more distant errand afterwards. Lunch was terrific, and two hours long. A retired friend gave me pointers on how to be retired.  I got my errand done, got the dog to a downhearted vet appointment, ferried my girl (and my younger boy, home for the weekend) around town, and kept up work on the project. I got to a successful stopping point around 11 pm, and realized I forgot to eat dinner, so I heated up some leftovers and finally went to bed.

So this morning, up and onto the bike -- after futzing with the tv. How easy to be sucked into the vortex for half an hour at a time. I didn't get on the bike until 9 am, when I was up at 6 to take care of my dog.

Now, things to do. Errands to run. People to see. Excelsior.

More Time, Less Money

I decided to do a little tumblr blog of this time.

Time and Money

These two valuable commodities have just flipped in their relative abundance in my life. I have been a wage slave since I graduated from college in 1975. Even when I went back to grad school, I worked a full schedule and supported myself. Since I finished my MBA and got my professional track job, I have had more money than I needed. Now, I face uncertainty, though I am very far away from any crisis, it is much on my mind. The prudent thing to do is hunker down financially, batten the hatches, and be prepared for a long siege. Even though it might end by tomorrow.

But TIME!!!! How very sweet this is. I have never not worked. Not even maternity leave for me. Weekends, of course, precious by their very limited nature, generally jam packed with chores, activities, and just needing to decompress and recharge for the week. Of course I've had vacations, generally leaving town for them. The casual day off to stay at home for specific chores or appointments. But now, unplanned and un scheduled time. Plenty of backed up chores to do, but I am determined to enjoy this time. Which doesn't mean no chores, because it drives me nuts to leave them undone. But what luxury, to wake up and decide how I'm going to spend my day, instead of having it all predetermined for me.

I think I'm going to think of this as a sort of rehearsal for retirement. Cut back on spending, but increase the exercise and social activities. The lack of control and anger about the circumstances could just overwhelm me if I let it. But I won't. You cannot control what happens to you,but you can control your response to it. I remember an extreme example from more than 30 years ago: the American embassy hostages in Iran were being interviewed by a news organization, and one of them said, "My mother will be upset because she will see I've lost weight. I've always been heavy, but this is one thing I can actually control so I've decided to do it." I am not comparing myself to them, god forbid, but I was so impressed with that it has stuck with me all these years. Find what you can do, and do it.

I bought a bike yesterday. I had already planned to buy one, it was "in the budget" so to speak, and this was the right time. More on that later. Things to do, places to go,people to see, exercises to be done.


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