Still Stalled

I kind of took a couple of weeks "off". What does that mean? I kept all my gym appointments (except for when I u-turned to the emergency room two weeks ago) but I have really spent very little time thinking or planning for any other exercise or food. It just seemed like too much work, with all else that is going on. I continued to weigh myself religiously, and I watched it bounce every day up and down and up and up. Dinner was thrown together from whatever ingredients were already at hand (we were consciously using up the freezer) and lunch was grabbed at work on the fly. Breakfast often skipped, or else a small hunk of cheese.  Lunch on the fly generally means the food bar, where I pay by the pound for steam table chinese food and salad. Snacks of nuts at work (already on hand) but jelly beans and cakes in the evening. Dinners leaning heavily towards pasta dishes.  Not tracking or counting. Carbs in the evening wreaking havoc on my insulin.

So I am roughly where I was a month ago, after wrestling a couple of pounds off, then putting them back on.

Now I have a new normal, with management of a third household added to my chores. My mother is counting on me for shopping, financial management, transportation and consultation. Some of this comes out of family time, some out of work time, and some out of personal time, which also includes sleep. But you know what? Right now, I'm relatively content. Maybe its just the endorphins from the gym earlier today, but I am somewhat serene.

Work is heavy, but I still love it, and some of the frantic-ness has ebbed. I've got some good and competent staff backing me up. Also, the government tends to bill itself as "family friendly" and will at least say the right things. I put the frantic demands in perspective while in the emergency room, and it feels manageable right now.

There are significant teen issues underway, and they come up and sandbag me when I'm looking the other way. But I feel our relationships are relatively sound so when not in the middle of tears or shouts, I have some degree of confidence we'll muddle on through.

And where I have stalled in my weight and body shape still feels so much better than where I was a year ago. Am I going to buckle down and get slimmer and stronger? I really really want to, but to do it means focusing and planning and working toward it. Never does it just happen. This weekend might be a time to get some things in place for the next couple of weeks. Time to turn my attention to the day and figure out where to go next.