The Numbers

Today I saw a new number on the scale! I have been working hard on exercise, but have been much more casual in my eating. The result has been bouncing around the same three pound range for more than a month. But today was a new number, and 2.5 pounds from yesterday's reading on the scale.

This is why I weigh myself every day. I do bounce around, depending on water more than anything. Many factors can affect water retention - salt, sleep, hormones. I consider my weight to be the average from all the weights in a calendar week, and that has not varied by more than a half pound in more than a month.

But the first appearance of a new weight is testament my weight is still on a downward trend, albeit a slow one. Hooray!

I won't see much progress for the next two weeks of work and vacation but at least I seem to be doing slightly better at maintaining. When I'm back and school routine settles down, I'll challenge myself to make some more real progress.

- iPhone uPdate

Liking the Work

I'm not doing so great on the eating front right now, but I'm really liking getting strong. And I am getting strong. Thursday and Friday I walked and wanted to jog, wanted the release that comes from really pushing myself and breathing hard. Saturday I worked out with a trainer I hadn't seen in while and he complemented me on the progress I've made. (This was authentic - he had to up all the weights and settings from where he thought they should be.)  After the workout, I did an interval jog/walk on the treadmill for a long time, rocking out to a genius mix from iTunes, and getting the heart and lungs working flat out. Without the music, it wouldn't have happened at all, much less at the intensity I was able to keep up. I was almost reluctant to stop (went ten minutes longer than planned) but the press of the day was on me.

Here's a beautiful thing: I was done with the gym and workout before 10 am, but I kept busy all day. I parked once and walked to the farmers market and Whole Foods. I did housework and walked between houses with the dogs. I went shopping (I hate shopping) for four hours in three different shopping plazas and nine different stores and bought back-to-school somethings for everyone, and I didn't run out of energy until the very end.  I feel like I have a cold or allergies, sore throat and achy, but I've kept on my feet and moving all yesterday and today. How nice to feel like I want to move!  How nice to feel that I can move!

Now if I can just get that ice cream habit under control....

Wild and Wonderful

I love this place! It is built as a rustic set of lodges and classrooms and trails. It's in the classic American rustic mode, and the lounge of my lodge was decorated with this:

I set the alarm for before 6 am (after all, I do that to go to the gym) and actually got out there by 6:15 - about a quarter hour before sunrise. I wandered around, going down to the Potomac River shore and back up again. Then, more purposefully, off on one of the cross country trails.

Again, I was motivated to jog from time to time, but not for long and not very fast. I didn't know exactly where I was going, but I had my trusty iphone app to map my track and get me back to the end. I try very hard not to retrace my steps, though, and so I tried to find a loop. I was not completely successful, as this map will show:  Nan's walk today

I got back to the room a bit later than planned, and luckily was in low maintenance mode to get showered, packed, and out of the room. Off to my meeting, smelling like a rose.

I was promised breakfast on the program. I did secure a half cup of coffee before heading outside- each building has a lounge with a coffee maker. I swear I smelled bacon as I trekked past the dining hall. I got some more coffee as I returned to my room after more than an hour of outdoor exercise. I was hungry! I checked out of my room and headed to my meeting. With anticipation, I rounded a corner to get a look at the buffet. SHOCK! Coffee cake, doughnuts, fruit-infused yogurt and juice.

Nothing I can eat. I looked longingly at the cinnamon swirl coffee cake. Just one piece will have no more calories than the single egg and slice of bacon I wanted. But I know the carbs are never just one. I would end up back again and again. (I confess to a second cookie yesterday). Too dangerous. I have plans for the day. But I've been out working! I'm starving! I need this! Dagnab it, I deserve it!

Now is when the tools and training kick in. I am not starving. I'm quite well fed, and literally weeks away from starving. Yes, my stomach is growling. But it is not an emergency. I'll just have another cup of coffee and more water, and look forward to lunch. It's Ramadan. Millions of people are going all day without eating- I've just got four hours to go.

I'll also make a point of issuing a critique. Cheese. Hard boiled eggs. Something not filled with sugar. They need better choices.

I kept thinking of a food reward for my good work. Wrong thought. The physical activity is fun. I did it because I wanted to. It is it's own reward. It was a treat.

So I'm fine, but the stomach is growling and I'm tapping this out instead of fully focussing on my meeting.
(later)
I lived till lunch, and filled my plate a bit too full, but the world is back in balance.

Conferences: The Anti-Exercise

I'm off in the woods of West Virginia with 200 of my colleagues. It's a gorgeous place, but a conference often ends up with 10 or 12 hours in a small crowded space, food brought in, no chance to move.  This one is no exception. All of the "free" time is spent with side meetings, getting things done fairly efficiently, but in that same small space. I handled the buffet ok - no ravioli or cannoli, though a small chocolate chip cookie captured me in the late afternoon doldrums.

When I finally broke free, I had exactly one hour before mandatory dinner. I finally found my room, through on some workout clothes and running shoes, and headed outdoors.  I found a marked path in the woods, and found my walk turning into a jog. 

How about that?  I originally wanted a walk, but when faced with an open path (and all alone, no colleagues in sight), it turns out what I really wanted was to up the intensity, breathe hard, and push myself. The terrain was rough, and at times under the trees was dark, so I walked more than I jogged. But I really really enjoyed breathing hard, pounding away, not thinking of anything but keeping one foot in front of another. And trying not to get lost in the woods.

I just had time to dash back into my room, splash myself under the shower, and don the work clothes again to go see the folks. I treated myself to a small beer, and then sadly ate all my dessert. Then back to my room for two hours of editing documents and sending emails (no cell coverage here, just a wire in the wall, so not so much multi-tasking during the day.) I'm setting the alarm for up early tomorrow to hit the trails again. Hooray for wanting to run!  When we finish up here, I intend to cross the river and go for a hike, perhaps at Antietam Battlefield, perhaps at Harper's Ferry. Yay for a couple of hours to get tired!

Marking Time

Not such a great week. Felt like I have been marking time on the diet. Feel like the summer is over, and what have I got to show for it?

Rain, floods, and power outages all week. Mildew in the basement and the dryer broke. Packing up my boy to go away to college. Took my mother to the airport for her cruise around Great Britain. Kids relatively talkative. Enjoyed their summer.

Work very very busy. Good stuff. Want to spend more time there, because I am making a difference. But I can't. Want to spend more time home with the kids. Short days in the office. Schlepping the computer and papers home every night. Even if its only 45 minutes, very productive. Time to find a new way to balance.

But skipping several gym workouts due to work priorities. Nowhere near the intensity of last weekend. Just lay around like a lump. (Not true! Errands and chores.) Had both ice cream AND beer today. Really good bread for breakfast yesterday; ruined the whole day's eating. Wanted to carb out constantly, fighting cravings all day.

The new balance has to include more time for exercise. Gym at work or gym near home? I won't do more personal training - I mean not more sessions per week. I desperately want to keep up those very expensive three sessions a week, at least through Christmas. But those three sessions are about strength and conditioning. I need more intense aerobic exercise.

Times to work in more intense exercise? Before work, during work, after work, later in the evening? Squeezing the time out of my office time just feels wrong. I work relatively short days. If I succeed in hiring an after-school helper, I might be able to make them longer days some days. The gym at work is very convenient , very cheap, and very well equipped. However, it is packed at lunch, so I need to go off peak. That makes it even harder to squeeze out a time. Could I go in early on days I don't have training? I think I need that extra hours sleep the other days. Could I go after work some days? Right now, I have to run home to start supper and see the kids.  Could I go to a commercial gym nearby after supper? Yes, with a membership. But it would cut into evenings with the kids, and likely make it hard to get to sleep.  Could I get back on my NerdicTrak? Or get a different machine for at home? Both are possibilities, but venture into the need to clean out the basement and make it less damp.

Auugghh!! I want to do it all. I want to cram more into every day. I sure wish I needed less sleep and could just keep moving.  Moving forward. Not marking time.

At least, let me plan for this week. I've got lunches for the next two days, fancy salads from Trader Joe's. I've got cottage cheese laid in, and cans of selzer for that afternoon slump. I have to give a big talk Tuesday afternoon - I'll just get to writing it tomorrow. Later in the week is a conference with an overnight. A long solo drive (hooray! I've got the books loaded up on the ipod) followed by sitting in a meeting room with probably no natural light. Hopefully there will be time for walking - I hear the location (in Shepherdstown on the cliffs overlooking the Potomac) is spectacular.  I'll be working out Tuesday morning and Saturday morning. Friday when we are done with the conference, I should plan a hike along the C&O canal, or the Antietam battlefields, before heading home. (Pack sturdy walking shoes.)

The Annual BLT Feast

Sunday morning I woke with a sense of purpose. It was time for the annual BLT gorging event!  I started the BLT feast fest a few years ago, when I started growing heirloom variety tasty big tomatoes. I focused on the details: bread, bacon, lettuce, and mayonnaise, as well as the tomatoes, and it is worth building a day around it.

Variety of tomatoes from my garden in 2008

I do not buy supermarket tomatoes. There is no point. I know what tomatoes taste like and it's not that. I have often grown tomatoes, in Michigan and Ohio, and Illinois, and now here in Maryland. I've had sometimes spectacular success.  I've even had too many to deal with and ended up composting half rotted ones when I didn't make sauce in time.  I've also had crop failures. When I've not had a real vegetable garden, I've never-the-less had a tomato plant or two.  This year, I decided against even that. (The fields are lying fallow to get rid of the persistent fungus.) I know at the two terrific farmer's markets nearby I'd be able to get a wide variety of really good fruit just when I want them.

I awoke with the plan pretty well worked out in my head already. First, too much time in the car the day before resolved me to do the purchasing via Vespa. It also helps with any parking problems. So I needed a small backpack and one canvas shopping bag.  First, to farmer's market for bread and tomatoes. Then, drop stuff at home and go in the opposite direction for bacon and lettuce (no good local lettuce this time of year). Then, everything to the kids house, where they would share at least parts of my feast.

Waterpenny Farm, at Takoma Park farmer's market, has the widest selection of heirloom tomatoes of any place I've ever shopped. I've grown fond of the large pink and purple tomatoes. The first one I ever had I raised myself from seed:  Pruden's Purple. It changed the way I think about tomatoes. I have not had as much success with that variety since the first time - around here, I get maybe four or five tomatoes all season off one plant. The more common varieties that are similar - Brandywine, Mortgage Lifter, Cherokee Purple - apparently behave better around here. I couldn't limit myself to just one variety, however. I ended up with eight dollars worth of tomatoes, pink and purple and orange and red and yellow. All big ones, good for sandwiches.

Then, the bread. I love bread. I eat very little bread. I don't actually think bread is very good for us - I think grain products are not natural for our digestive systems. I think human health problems began with the domestication of grass and the beginnings of grain based agriculture. (Also writing, commerce, civilization and government.) For my perfect BLT, I take a holiday from low carb. I need the perfect bread. But I've never settled on the perfect bread. Basically, I'm torn between sweet and savory. My BLT bread also has to be substantial enough not to melt when the juicy tomato is placed on it and then bitten off. (I had a brief excursion into english muffins for the BLTs a few years ago. They do ok, they've got substance and taste, but there is so much more out there to try.)  A couple of stalls down from the tomatoes, I got two loaves of bread - a raisin nut bread and a rustic rosemary bread, both already sliced.

Then, the bacon. I learned to go for the extra-thick bacon from naturally raised formerly happy pigs. I cook a whole package, because dealing with and disposing of the splattering fat is messy and annoying, and I only want to do it once. Any leftovers (when there are leftovers) becomes my homemade 10-seconds-in-the-microwave convenience food.

Lastly, BLT season does not coincide with the best of the local lettuce season. One can always get out of season lettuce these days. I haven't found the perfect match for my perfect sandwich yet. I often like the red-tinged loose-leaf heads, but this year I opted for a hydroponic butter lettuce head.  The leaves were actually thick and provided a satisfying crunch, but were light on flavor.

While I have made my own delicious mayonnaise, this year I just used the Hellman's in the fridge. My mother says to put mayo on both sides to insulate the bread from the tomato moisture. Instead, I put lettuce leaves on both sides of the tomato.

Altogether, the first half of my Sunday was all around BLT for lunch. I had two sandwiches, one on each kind of bread, very lightly toasted. The kids had bacon and bread (except for my oldest, who has discovered vegetables and fresh flavors). No bacon was left over. I found it exquisitely satisfying, just the right amount, and was extra active after the sun went down to compensate slightly.  But truly, I'm not concerned about the calories, just the goodness. I didn't go too far - I didn't eat a whole pound of bacon by myself. It was more about the tomatoes, and the bread was also there to set them off.

A Fitness Fool!

I achieved my new high for calories in a day yesterday! And, I'm not even totally collapsed today. I think a secret to actually losing and keeping off the weight, and maintaining fitness, is the sustained, day-after-day effort. But, with that nod to sense, on to my single-minded focus of yesterday.

It started with the gym. I intended to get to the gym early to get my treadmill run in early, but these things don't always work out. Instead, I did some required chores around the house, with several up-and-down stairs to start to wake up my body. I got to the gym only a little bit early and found it not yet open! This is more of a "studio" - they only train up to three people at a time, so the trainers only show up when there is business. My appointment was the first of the day, so there was no reason for it to be open.

The day was not yet hot, so I set off briskly walking around the block in order to at least get moving. By the time I had completed the circle, the building was opened and I got a few minutes running in before my extraordinarily vigorous session with the trainer. Not only was a working various muscle groups to failure, I was doing so at a vigorous pace and often while standing on something shaky to have to simultaneously focus on balance. Then back on the treadmill with the iPod to run and rock out for another half hour before heading off for my sailing rendezvous.

Sailing is not generally an enormous amount of exercise. There is bustling around the boat to get things ready, to get out and raise the sails. But the kind of big boat sailing I do, in no particular hurry and often with no particular destination, once the sails are up, there isn't that much physical activity until its time to bundle everything back up again. Yesterday was no exception - not a lot of wind, so we just kind of hung out in the cockpit, under the shade of the bimini, talking away, drinking lots of water, and occasionally pushing or pulling on something.

When we got back and had the boat buttoned up, I went for my paddle. As it often does, the breeze came up after we were done sailing for the day (drat) and so I paddled vigorously into the wind to begin. In my little kayak, and the busy creek I paddle in, it pays to stick close to the shore and not venture out into the busy fairways. I kept my right hand to the shore, and followed the indentations and shoreline up past people's houses and docks, through three separate branches of the creek. I had the iPod in its waterproof case and kept up a steady rhythm with my paddle. It was clear and the sun was moving towards a low angle casting a yellowish light over everything. Not many people were out in their waterfront yards, though it was too early to see by lights if the houses were occupied. There was one skiff with two young boys in it, buzzing with their small outboard around the same branches I was and waving with big grins every time they passed me. (The age to operate a motorboat is 12 in Maryland - I'm guessing they had just made the cut this summer so it was still new and exciting to them.)

After following all of the tributaries to their sources, inspecting all the houses and boats as I passed, I headed up the eastern shore of the open creek towards the mouth into the Bay.  There was still a lot of traffic out - including a water skier behind a jetski. I cut across the main channel at a narrow point to minimize my exposure. The waves from the wakes were bigger than I have seen in my recreational kayak and I wasn't sure how it would do, but we seemed to bob fairly well without feeling like I was going to overbalance.

I was out for about an hour and half, paddling the whole time. My arms were tired, but not so much the rest of me, so I noodled on where to take a walk. I had brought my good walking shoes because there is a lovely park near my creek, but it was too close to dark for that to be really viable. If I went straight home, it would be pitch dark when I got there. I decided on the giant outlet mall that lies halfway between my boat and my house - it would have the added advantage of maybe being able to take care of a couple of errands, besides being an ok place to walk inside after dark (with air conditioning!).  

So that was my last stop. First I picked up some bedding for my college-bound kid and dropped it into the car. Then I just walked and walked. The place is enormous! It is a temple to consumerism as entertainment. For a brief time in my youth, a trip to the mall was an entertaining diversion in itself. Now, I avoid these places except when I have a specific mission to accomplish.  Between shopping and walking, I was there for nearly two hours, and I think a lot of that was just walking around the giant circle inside (with stores on both sides, movie theatres, and jousting on the premises. Since I had not had dinner, I stopped and got a decent hot dog in the food court. The stores were just closing up as I left.

On the drive home, I grew obsessed with ICE CREAM! Surely I deserved some after such an active day. I debated my delectable home-made and hand-dipped choices, but because it was late and I was tired, I just stopped at my supermarket as I passed it. They still have many lovely choices, and I drooled over the super-premium pints and quarts, thinking about the hot fudge sauce I have in my fridge. I ended up trading down to the individual serving one-dollar containers, concerned about portion control. I got two complementary flavors, and told myself I could have them both if I wanted. But by the time I had unpacked the car and sat down to eat, I could barely stay awake through one container.

I didn't check my magic device until this morning. But it is really good news:

BodyMedia FIT data for August 7, 2010 

Calories Burned - 3196 | Calories Consumed - 1240 | Total Activity - 4:31 | Moderate Activity - 4:04 | Vigorous Activity - 0:27 | Steps Taken - 15931 | Sleep Duration - 6:26 | Lying Down - 8:12 | Sleep Efficiency - 78%

Very nearly 3200 calories in the one day!  The next highest totals I've had were 2800, 2700, and 2600 - one day at those totals each. I mostly average around 2100.  So this was a big day.

Off to keep moving!

Big Plans for the Weekend

I've thought of a strategy to go for a new record in calorie burning tomorrow - but I'm already on the verge of blowing it by staying up too late. We'll see. A run BEFORE the training session; sailing; walking; kayaking at night. Doable? maybe. Only by running away and abandoning the family, of course. I'll keep you posted.

What Do I Want To Look Like?

This is a tough one. I have my well-thought out reasons for why I want to lose weight and get in shape. Several of them are about my appearance - I don't want someone's first thought on meeting me to be "what a fat slob!". But what do I want to look like? I do not have a picture of myself in my head looking the way I want to look.

I've become obsessive about looking at folks on the street, trying to find someone shaped as I want to be shaped. It's not so easy.  To start with, I've realized what might be realistic for me to achieve in the way of appearance. I'll never be tall and willowy. Anyone I see with that ballet dancer silhouette is out of consideration with no more than a wistful sigh. Even if not tall, there are plenty of women that are purely thin, and that I will never be, nor do I really wish to be. I want muscles. I'm not, shall we say, bodacious on top, so busty women are not in consideration for Nan's future body double. Neither am I an apple, so those with round centers are out of the running.  And sadly, I'm not going to get younger, despite the rejuvenating powers of exercise, so the young 'uns are rejected quickly in my crowd scans.  But neither do I want to be seen as old, especially right off the bat, so those hunched and dwindling slow movers are crossed out.

That leaves me searching for middle aged, short, mildly pear-shaped (or proportional), women. moving briskly and with good posture, to be my aspirational models.  Not so many, at least in this town. But Monday, driving in, I finally saw someone and I thought, "I'd be very happy to look like that!"  It was just a brief glimpse of a woman jogger with long gray hair in a pony tail, moving in the same direction as me. I caught just a glimpse of her face in the mirror as I went past.  That's what I want - strong and sure, moving with purpose. And without the huge hips I still have.

I've wanted to have a mental picture of myself as I would want to look for a long while. I've been spending a lot of time reading other folks' blogs, and I'm struck by how often some of these weight loss masters are photographing themselves. I don't like most pictures of myself, but I need to ground my sense of what I'd like to look like in the reality of what I actually look like now.  One of my favorite bloggers, Bitch Cakes, obsessively takes pictures of herself, including one in the Grand Central Station ladies' room every single day. Another, Fat Girl vs. World, posted some awesomely honest photos of herself pointing out where she needs improvements.  So here goes:

Trying to take a photo in the mirror with the iPhone. I got some practicing to do, to figure out how to do this better. But, I got several compliments yesterday and today as I work dresses to work instead of my normal slacks and T.

Here's the thought I want to end on tonight. It's a quote from Fat Girl vs. World:

I don't think I ever want someone to see the future, skinny, healthy me walking down the street and think anything other than "Holy crap, she really puts in a lot of thought and work into keeping herself healthy."  I don't want anyone to assume that my current, work-in-progress body is a result of me being anything less than diligent. 


(read the whole post here.)