Maryland continues to be clusterf*ck of chaos when it comes to vaccine distribution, but I am amazed at how much of a difference it feels to know that I finally caught and tamed my unicorn. Having the one-and-done Janssen vaccine means I'm not in limbo - I'm building antibodies as I write, and in two weeks I'll be - not invulnerable, certainly not, but much more protected.
To be honest, I never really thought I'd die of this virus. But I did assume I'd catch it, and be very very sick alone at home. It's that thought that made me scared. The last time I was very sick, I was very incompetent at taking care of myself. Drinking, eating, washing... all seemed beyond my reach - though only for about 48 hours. So when I did my big stock-up shopping as we hunkered down a year ago, I bought shelf-stable foods for WTSHTF, but I also bought many quick, easy, comfort foods - Trader Joe's chicken noodle soup, frozen dinners, my favorite ginger candies in five pound bags.
I spent my 65th birthday at home alone, with our first family zoom session. But as time went on, the certainty that we would ALL get sick started to wane. The solution, was of course, hunkering down, even more than masking up. So my horizons closed in.
Briefly, at the end of the summer through the holidays, my horizons expanded to encompass my boat partner and her family, DC, and some outdoor socializing with family and local friends. But as word of new variants came out, my horizons closed in again. I had fewer trips to local stores. I took fewer walks, always masked to the hilt. Even family and my boat partner were masked encounters.
Now, I can feel the possibilities opening up like a flower around me. I have vaccinated friends! I could travel to visit family! I can easily live within the current guidelines, and be glad for it. To be totally honest, I like hunkering down at home. The thought of going places fills me with anxiety - not Covid anxiety, just generalized anxiety. These past few months, there was no decision to be made, no need to build up my gumption to get out there. Now, I can work back up to it gradually.
